Have you ever had to make a really important decision? I mean one of those life altering decisions where each option has its distinct benefits, while at the same time there could be some drastic problems if you do things wrong. How do you decide what you should do? What’s your process for discernment?

Ok so there isn’t really a one size fits all approach but here are a few things that I’ve found helpful in times when I’ve been faced with an important decision.

Prayer

If you’re not a praying type of person, then maybe you don’t agree here. But I believe that prayer is the most important thing we can do when it comes to making decisions. But what do we pray?

This is the part that’s a bit trickier. I’m the kind of person who likes to pray for a super tangible sign showing me to go one direction or another. You know something like: write it in the sky for me please. Or have someone I haven’t seen in a while, who knows nothing about the scenario come over and tell me to make a certain move. Unfortunately, however it doesn’t always end up quite that easy to decipher.

So my prayer has shifted over time to something a little less sky writing and more a confident heart or easy stomach. You see when we have life altering decisions to make that could impact many people, it has a tendency to sit heavy on us. I’m the kind of person who wears this like tension in my shoulders, a migraine, or even one of those uneasy upset stomach feelings.

When I pray through the discernment process, my prayer shifts toward a self awareness of what makes the uneasiness go away. What causes the headaches to be less intense? What releases the tension in the shoulders?

Talk to People

Now this one is a bit easier and harder at the same time because there are two main audiences we will want to make sure to include.

First you will talk and listen to the people who will be directly impacted by the decision. Ask questions. Listen to their concerns. Gather information from them about what they are feeling.

Then you should also talk to people not involved in the scenario. These need to be trusted people around you who won’t be directly impacted by the decision. These are your friends or family who will be able to stay unbiased through the discernment process. Ask their feedback on your feelings. Run scenarios past them and let them weigh in.

Ultimately you want to have help seeing this thing from a variety of angles. It’s easy to get lost in the weeds of the decision and totally miss something that is really important. This process helps you see more of the decision than you would have otherwise.

The Spouse

Admittedly, this one won’t be true for everyone because not everyone has a spouse. But if you share your life with a husband or wife, then you need to take a minute and listen to what they are hearing as well. One of the things we believe about marriage is that two people become one person in marriage. And that means, sometimes my wife is the ears and hears things I can’t. So when there’s a major decision to be made, take time to pause and listen to what God is saying to your spouse because it’s all too easy to hear only what you want to hear.

Scripture

Again, not everyone is a follower of Jesus. I get it. But I really think the Bible has something to say about many of the concerns and challenges we have in life. If we take time to dig around in the pages of the Bible, go back through some of the verse we learned as a child, or just open up and start reading we might just find some sort of answer nested in what’s there.

A word of caution here however, you can make the Bible say whatever you want it to say if you just pull a verse or word out of context. When you read something and it kind of strikes you in one direction or another, look around and see if you’re actually reading it in context.

Look, none of this is fool proof! I totally get that. But there is something to be said for each of these approaches. And if I’m being totally honest, you need more than one thing to help you make a big decision. I use all of these when I have a significant decision to make.

I hope this is helpful as you navigate what you’re supposed to do and how you’re supposed to do it. And there’s one final step. Move boldly and confidently no matter what you decide. You can’t second guess yourself because that can negatively impact you and the people around you. Walk forward with the confidence that you made the right decision. And remember, you can’t mess up more than God can fix.