So I think as parents we’ve all been there. Our child says or does something and we don’t know how to respond. They say whatever comes to their mind whenever they feel like it. They can’t sit still and are disruptive when we’re in groups of people. There’s a feeling of embarrassment when they just can’t seem to get it together. We wonder things like why won’t my child just sit still?

Well let’s look at the last line there to get started. Why won’t my child just sit still? You want to know the answer? Because they are a child! I know that sounds less than caring and possibly that I’m making fun but I’m not because I’ve been there too. But they are children and they have no idea how to sit still. We haven’t taught them that yet.

And for that massively disrupting behavior you fear your children are making, yeah it’s really not as disrupting as you likely believe. As a matter of fact, most of the distracting noise you hear isn’t really noticed by many others around you in large group settings.

Now I’m a pastor of a church, you know the place where people come and everyone sits as quietly as they can for a duration of time while the pastor talks. Yeah not the most conducive atmosphere for a child, especially your child who can’t sit still – right?! Actually wrong. Really you couldn’t be more wrong on that one. Church is the best place for you to take you child if you feel he is unruly or that she won’t sit quiet or he won’t listen or she can’t stop fidgeting.

Sure there are some of those people who are a bit on the judgmental side who take issue with any noise other than the noise they make. But by and large those gathered as the church have mostly been right where you are. They’ve had the nerves going crazy and the red face moments when their child made too much noise. Give yourself and your child some grace. Church is the place where you are surrounded by parents of all ages who can lend a helping hand if you need it.

Ok so enough commentary. Let’s get to a few tips and tricks learned by hard experience.

Set Expectations

I know that sounds a bit odd especially if you’re talking about a pretty young child or infant but setting expectations is really important. Set your own expectations and theirs! Set the expectation for yourself that you child is a child and will make some noise and that’s ok. For your child, set the expectation of what the situation you’re going into means. To use the church example from earlier, let them know that we’re going to sit and listen when we go in. We’re going to use our inside voice, and use yours when you tell them that.

Sit Close

I know this one runs completely contrary to how we normally think and act but if you sit closer to the front they can see what’s going on. And kids are curious little creatures. If they can’t see, then they’ll likely let you know by making too much noise. Sit in the front third of the room and when you sit down explain what you’re seeing.

Explain Things

Now’s the time to play a little game of I spy with your child. Tell them the colors you see and what might be different than the last time you were there. Point out people you know. What do the symbols mean? Why are they there? What’s about to happen? Who are some of the people around you? Something kind of key here is to introduce them to other people, which means you might have to arrive a little earlier so make sure you plan accordingly.

Keep Them Involved

Even from a young age involve your child in what’s goin on. Things like we’re going to sing a song now to let’s fold our hands to pray are great ways to let them be a part of the worship experience. I remember as a child my parents helping me follow along with the songs as we sang them out of the hymnal. These are all ways to help your child stay connected to the service and be more engaged.

Praise Them For Getting It Right

When the service is over and you are headed to your car, make sure to tell them how great they did. There is even a place for rewarding good behavior after successful trips out like this. Nothing huge or over the top but a stop at the local ice cream shop after 4 straight weeks or watching a new movie with the family or a new coloring book are some options. Pretty much anything that will let your child know that this is the right behavior and it is appreciated.

Grab And Go But Don’t Play

Ok so there will come a time when you have to practice what I call the grab and go technique. This is when the child becomes inconsolable or has a loud outburst that you just can’t get under control quickly. In this case you have to simply grab them and go out. The grab and go is important but what you do when you go out is equally important. It’s the tendency of many parents to go out and let them just play with toys or run around to get the wiggles out, but this sets a bad precedent actually. Your child is smarter than you realize and if when they don’t behave the way you expect they get to go out and play are you sending the right message? They’ll quickly learn that all I have to do to get out of this place is to act like a little terror and I get to go play! When you take them out, stand by the windows that let them see what’s going on. Keep the same expectations of quiet and calm as you did when they were sitting inside. Then when they calm down and the atmosphere allows it, bring them right back in.

I get it. None of this is easy. You’re going to have to work at it pretty hard. But it’s not impossible by any means. Parents across time and space have been doing this and fighting the same battle you’re fighting right now. Stick with it. If you need a hand, ask for some help from those around you who’ve been through this stage of parenting. You’ll be surprised at how much collective wisdom is out there!