I heard recently on a podcast about this idea of trust circles, and I have to say I was beyond intrigued. In these weird days in which we’re living trust is a commodity in short supply. I’ve wondered why it seems good friends are acting like they’ve never met at best and like they’re enemies at worst. The speaker on this podcast suggests that our trust circles are shrinking at alarming rates. Let me explain.

A trust circle is simply the circle of people who are around you that you’re close enough to that you feel you can share key life moments or struggles or even disagreements with them. With that understanding think about your life and the people around you. Who is in your trust circle?

One of the biggest challenges I see us facing currently is our rapidly shrinking circles of trust. Trust is built when we spend time with one another. Trust in built through close contact and in the context of a relationship. Trust is formed over time and in close proximity to those with whom we seek to build this bridge. Trust isn’t just haphazardly formed or thrown around willy nilly. It takes time and effort from two people to bridge a gap of uncertainty.

But now we don’t spend enough time near people to be able to build that trust with them anymore. We’re not allowed to be in close proximity. We’re not allowed to see people face to face or having intimate conversations without fears swirling around in our heads over illness or rules being followed. But not only that…

The way we see people is changing because we can only see them on small screens instead of face-to-face over coffee or supper or appetizers or drinks. The less time we spend with and near people the less trust we are able to have in them.

The bible tells us to not give up meeting together. Meeting together in the Bible meant face to face and in relational settings. This means the Bible even warns against too much distance for too long.

Now don’t go all conspiracy on me and hear something I’m not saying. It’s just a word of caution that we were built to live in relationship, close-intimate relationship. As a matter of fact the first not good thing to happen in the Bible was that man was alone, so what makes us think that’s any different today? The longer this relational (aka social) distancing is in place, the longer it goes before we can have a face to face, unobstructed conversation with our neighbors and friends the smaller our circles of trust will become.

Have you noticed your relational tolerance dropping? Have you seen tension in what used to be good friendships? Have you found yourself more easily focusing on the faults in others as opposed to your own part of the problem? These are all signs of a diminishing circle of trust, and it’s more dangerous than you can imagine!

The greatest challenge we face today is how to combat the decreasing level of trust in an age when the ability to sit down and have open conversations and disagreements has been taken away. Not convinced? Consider these questions:

Who in your life (not in your household) can you trust with your intimate secrets?

When someone acts in a way that disagrees with your personal philosophy what is your first reaction?

Are you able to trust someone enough to disagree with them or have you stooped to the level of disagreeing about someone?

Disagreeing with someone is about the issue. Disagreeing about someone is often attacking character. You see the issue we’re facing isn’t really about masks, genders, races or politics even though we like to say it is. The issue is one of trust. We don’t feel like we can trust anyone so that makes everyone the enemy.

I used to love sitting down with someone with whom I disagreed and talking with them about the disagreement. I used to love having debates, sometimes heated and voices raised debates over things that I felt strongly about. I used to love to do these things and then walk away as friends and congratulate one another on the accomplishments of our kids or invite one another over for a cookout on the patio. You see once upon a time a disagreement didn’t mean a broken relationship. But that doesn’t happen very often anymore.

It seems that now when we disagree about an issue, it becomes a character attack as opposed to a civil conversation about a difference of opinion. Of course there are outliers to this ideology. Some people still value relationships enough to disagree and still value the friendship that has been formed, but you my friend are the diamond in the rough in our culture.

I can’t say that I have any answers for this problem. It’s just an observation of the realties we are facing. Perhaps the challenge I leave you with today is to invest in relationships whenever and however possible. Call instead of text. Meet on a patio or on a walk instead of firing emails back and forth. Be cautious but don’t be isolated and distant. There is a way to make this work it just takes time and a little effort.

Are you willing to invest the time and effort it takes to reestablish your circles of trust and deepen your relationships? I sure hope so!