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Going After The Princess!

August 29, 2022 / / 0 Comments

For the past couple of weeks we’ve discussed the three things every man needs in life based on the book Wild at Heart. These three things are a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue. Today we’re going after the damsel in distress!

Ok ladies before we get started in know that sounds a little demeaning but give me a few seconds here and hopefully it makes some sense. Hopefully it’s not as bad as it comes across at first!

Men have this built in desire and need to pursue or rescue someone. There’s something built into the DNA of a man to go after the girl and make sure she has what she needs. It’s like a rescue. Sure there are times when the fine maiden might literally need to be rescued from something terrible, but the day to day parts of life aren’t quite like that. So what then?

I think some of the older movies where the princess is trapped and needs the knight to come in with shining armor to save her have kind of ruined our idea of rescuing the princess. It paints the female as incapable and weak. But that’s not what this is about at all actually.

The idea of rescuing the beauty is less about her inability than it is about his need for pursuit and a validation of his presence in the relationship. When a couple first starts dating they pursue each other. They text in the middle of the day and include those sappy hearts and loving phrases. They get all gushy and mushy in their pursuit. The pursuit is all about showing each other that they are present for the other person. They’re demonstrating their willingness to go the extra mile for the other person…aka rescue them.

This rescue isn’t from a burning building but from aloneness, boredom, fear. It’s a pursuit of someone who doesn’t necessarily need help but needs to know they’re cared for and loved. The man has a need to be able to pursue his beauty and rescue her.

Unfortunately however this isn’t alway able to happen. Some women don’t want to be rescued or give an air that they don’t need him to rescue them. Sometimes the woman is powerful and confident and successful and he’s…well not that way at all. An insecure man with a powerful and successful woman just won’t last at all. I’ve seen it all too many times. And gents I’m going to be honest with you here. It’s not her fault she’s successful and confident. It’s not her fault that you’re feeling inadequate. And for goodness sake bailing when you feel inadequate only proves that you’re probably right!

When we pursue the beauty or rescue her, we’re showing her that she’s a really important part of our day to day lives. We’re reminding her that since the time we said “I do” we haven’t changed our minds. The pursuit of the beauty isn’t easy, so don’t for a second think this whole relationship thing is a walk in the park. If you’re looking for easy then you’re really not looking for marriage or any relationship at all!

If you can walk from it with relative ease, then you weren’t in it for the right reasons in the first place. Men you need to pursue the beauty. Not because she can’t do it. Not because she needs you to pursue or save her from someone or something. But because deep inside of you there’s a longing for someone to pursue. Someone to love. Someone for whom you can care.

Ladies let him pursue you. Don’t shut him down or close him out. Maybe even let him win from time to time. And remember the way he pursues you might not be exactly how you want to be pursued, so give him a little grace and acknowledge how he’s rescuing and pursuing you. He’ll do this with love and affection, gifts and accessories to your life, working hard to provide for you and your hobbies, time with you, time with the kids, lending a hand around the house or at least offering to help even though you won’t let him, and so many more things that often go missed in the day to day events of life. This is all about rescuing and pursuing the beauty in his life.

Ladies be willing to be rescued (pursued) because you’ll both benefit from it! Men get out there and quit being lazy. Don’t run from a woman who’s hard to pursue or doesn’t seem to need rescued. You’ll both experience an amazing reward if you just pursue the one who God gave you to pursue.

Time For A Little Adventure

August 24, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I think everyone likes a little adventure in their life. Some of us like a little a more vigorous type of adventure while others like a more tamed down and subdued version of adventure. Ask any guy to recount some of their most vivid memories in life and they’ll likely tell you something about a trip or an adventure. Some of our greatest memories are of adventures we’ve taken.

Now adventure isn’t all high risk and death defying stunts. It’s not necessarily like getting trapped in a board game like Jumanji, or racing at high rates of speed around the Porsche driving school test track. Yeah I was able to do that in a previous life, as they say. But the point isn’t how fast I drove, even though I could tell you all about the feelings of racing around the track. I could tell you how it felt to hit each curve and how close it felt we were to each other on the straight aways. The point is there was a sense of adventure that was born into my spirit as I was racing around the hot pavement!

Adventure is born into the souls of all people to be certain, but men have a need for adventure. In his book, Wild At Heart, John Eldredge talks about three things every man needs. We need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue (or rescue). We hit on the battle fighting part of the equation here.

The adventure is part of our need to live out story. So much of life has become so tame that it loses its sense of fun. It’s almost boring some days when there’s no adventure. What things do you remember most? What was the adventure? What was the cause of the excitement?

I can remember the time someone broke into my parents’ home when I was there with a few of my siblings. I can tell you the details of the whole experience! I can tell you what it was like driving the youth around on scavenger hunts for our annual Christmas party at church. I can tell you about repelling off a tower and riding horses around Mad River. I don’t have the greatest memory necessarily. The only reason I remember these is because they were adventures to me.

You want to kill the spirit of a man? Make him sit behind a desk all his life and give him no adventure! Chain him to a 9-5 with no hobbies and he’ll wither away to a puddle of preteen boyhood.

Men it’s time to capture the adventure in life again. It’s ok to take some risks, but be wise about it. Look at the countless places in the Bible where God calls men to follow him. He will generally take them on an adventure. Through the wilderness. Up a mountain. Across a sea. On a boat ride in a storm. Why did he do it this way? Because he knows the soul of a man, what makes a man’s heart beat.

Our culture is beating the adventure out of men. We’re trying to tame the wild heart of a man. And it shows! Our culture is suffering because of it. Our world needs wild men to stand up and do the fighting adventurous pursuing and protecting thing that makes us who we are! Instead we’re cultivating a generation of boys who run from problems, are afraid to step out in fear of offending someone, and frankly can’t stand up for and protect the women and children in their lives because they’re too weak to handle a challenge.

Now some of you are going to get all upset that I’m coming down on men. And you know what, that’s ok. I have a plaque in my office that reads I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. While this is not intended to intentionally piss anyone off, I know that some will not like it. I’m pretty sure the people of Jesus’ day didn’t like it when he called them nicely painted caskets – all pretty on the outside but dead as a doornail on the inside. That wasn’t polite and it sure did piss them off! They ended up killing Jesus for it.

But, like Jesus here, I’m not trying to be offensive. There is a masculinity issue in our culture and we’re all a bit to blame. Men are blamed for being too hard, abrupt, manly. We tell our boys to focus, calm down, quit with the jitters, don’t get all excited when things go wrong. Why? Isn’t that part of our natural response? Don’t you think there might be something beneficial in that kind of response?

Every man needs an adventure! And no! Video games are not the same thing! We need a purpose and some form of excitement in life. When we don’t have an adventure to live out, we fall into bad habits and do things that just aren’t right.

So men find that adventure. Set out on the adventure of a lifetime. It’s called manhood and brother – it’s a thrilling ride!

Time to Fight!

August 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

In my previous post, I referred to a book that basically addressed the three things every man needs in his life. We called those a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. These ideas come from the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. If you have a guy in your life, whether husband – boyfriend – child or dad, I do recommend this book. If you’re raising daughters, I still recommend this book so they know what a man looks like in a world filled with boys.

The first thing a man needs in his life is a battle to fight. I know that sounds a tad morbid and maybe a little pushing the envelop too much but I definitely agree with this in my own life! Just look at how we live or lives as men. We love to fight. Not fist fight or beat someone up or shoot someone. I don’t mean we’re all evil villains or anything like that. But something happens in a man when a fight presents itself.

Again, before we get too far into this, remember this is not a gender bashing seminar. I’m not talking men over women or anything like that. This is just a way to look at the men in your life and understand a little about what makes us tick. There’s a companion to this book which I’ll be reading next and I’ll give a similar summary for women. This is not saying that women can’t fight or don’t have a fight instinct. I know plenty of women that seem to enjoy a good fight from time to time. But the inner workings of a man need a fight.

So it’s time for war then right?

Not so fast. That’s not exactly what we’re talking about with fight. The idea of a battle to fight is embedded in most every video game boys gravitate toward. It’s written on the hearts of the boys who all they want to do is join the military and defend (read fight for) their country. It’s written in the instincts of married men to defend and fight for their families.

There are some outliers here but at the heart of every man who desires to be a man is the need to fight for what is in their life. Fight for their wives and children. It’s why if someone breaks into our home in the middle of the night, we jump to see what’s going on instead of throw our wives out in front of us. It’s the fight instinct that is built into men.

I believe that’s part of how God designed us and if we’re not living up to this instinct and fighting for our families, then we’ve abandoned God’s design for our lives. Essentially we’re not really men anymore.

This fight instinct is what drives most men to work harder. It’s what makes them want to beat the car beside them off the line at a red light as if they were in a drag race. It’s what makes their heart race and blood pressure swell when they see someone in danger.

There’s one drawback however. Most of the time the man inside is a bit of a pansy. And by that I mean most of the time men pick the easier battle to fight and run from the one that takes more time and effort and energy. This is why some guys fall for porn or extra-marital affairs. It’s because they don’t have the guts to fight hard enough. Being married isn’t easy. Not sure who ever convinced you it would be, but it isn’t. Two different lives are blended as one. That doesn’t sound easy to me at all! But it’s not just marriage. It’s virtually everywhere in life. Doing what’s right is generally the harder task. Dieting isn’t easy. Eating healthy isn’t easy. Exercise isn’t easy. Creating a healthy mental routine isn’t easy. But it’s all necessary!

So what then?

Whether you’re a guy or you have one in your life who you call husband or son, there are some things you might want to consider.

  1. Don’t try to tame the wild heart. All too often we tell our sons to be more gentle or to calm down or don’t get so worked up. Sorry but no. That’s just not going to cut it. Men need to be able to be wild at heart as the book title demonstrates. We need to be able to swell up and fight when the time is right. Don’t make tame what God created wild.
  2. Learn to redirect. The issue with most boys is that they don’t know how to direct their excitement or passion. Their instinct to fight hasn’t been honed yet so most boys don’t know how to fight appropriately given the circumstances. Teach your sons not to calm down but how and when to be excited. Show them what it means to be controlled even in the throws of a battle. Teach them what it means to fight for what is worth fighting for and not fall for the lies that will end up leaving you empty when pursued.
  3. Be present. We’ll get to this one later but the best thing for a boy becoming a man is to have a dad who’s present fighting for them and their mom. Boys learn from their dads by what they say and what they do. So dads set the right example. It’s far too easy to run to our work, hobbies, other interests. When you’re home, then be home. Don’t take your parental task lightly.

So it’s time to fight and I mean really fight for the things and people in our lives we care about. If it’s hard, don’t back down. If things get challenging and we think it should be easier, don’t take the easy way out and run. Don’t give up just because you’re having a hard day, month, year or even decade. Be a man and fight. Do the hard work. Put in the hard time. Fight because that’s what you were made for! Anything else is giving in to the wimp that Satan wants you to be.

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