Have you ever received one of those calls in the middle of the night? You’re sound asleep and the phone rings and startles you to a half awake state? You know in your heart that nothing good happens at 2 o’clock in the morning! And yet there you are, half awake and listening to the voice on the other end of the line.
Sometimes that news is nothing. A wrong number. Someone living on a different continent forgot what time it was in your neck of the woods (yep that one actually happened not too long ago.)
But then there are those times when the phone rings and it’s not what you want to hear. How do you react when crisis hits home? What do you do when you get unexpected news?
I’ll be honest I’m the fix it guy. I like to come up with answers or create plans for how to move forward. I have a tendency to try to cut off problems before they become huge obstacles. But that doesn’t always work.
Some things in life are outside of our control. There are some things we just can’t do on our own. I don’t like those things. I don’t like to sit back and feel like I’m doing nothing.
I’m going to be honest with you here and even a tad vulnerable. If someone looked at my life, they’d likely think I’ve got it pretty easy. And for the most part they are right. I have a great family. Loving wife. Children who are phenomenal examples of people of God. A wonderful home. A terrific place of employment. A church family that would rival any other church throughout history. Like many people around I have a lot going for me.
But the me that everyone sees is the me that I want them to see. I know that sounds a little evil sounding but we all do it. We put a smile on our face when we have bad news. We will often bury the hurts and pains of the losses we’ve faced so we can get the job done. This is the way I get through life’s challenges. For right or for wrong, this is my standard operating procedure.
When people I thought were friends turned to selfish motives and abandoned their position in life, I bit my tongue, smiled and walked on. When I lost three grandparents in 18 months, very few people know what I was feeling. When I was in the midst of challenges and minor conflicts with people close to me, I didn’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it.
But the way I do things doesn’t work for everyone. As a matter of fact, that way doesn’t work for most people. None of these moments that I described above are a crisis in and of themselves. Each of them add a little pressure. Each of them brings a little more weight. Each of them mount on the previous and have the potential to really get heavy. How do you deal with the pressures and crises in life?
Now before someone goes all “see a counselor” on me, let me tell you that I have people around me to talk to. I don’t bottle things up forever. I need to internally process these kinds of things. I hit the gym. I might even go for a run (and I don’t like to run just fyi). I take my dog out for a walk. Mow my lawn. Work in my garden. Walk around my property. These are ways I deal with the crap life throws at me. Eventually, I’ll loop someone in. Eventually, when the emotional storm settles a little, I’ll open up and share what’s on my heart.
The point of this post is that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to clench your fist and want to yell at God. It’s ok to curl up in a ball and ask why me. It’s ok to be broken for a moment. But it’s not ok to feel broken, carry the burdens of life around you and do it all alone. Eventually, you need to lean on someone. Eventually you need to talk to someone. If you don’t…you’ll hurt people close to you. You’ll isolate yourself from people who care about you. You might even end up losing friends when you try to carry the weight of the world by yourself, because you’ll end up taking it out on the people who are trying to care for you.
How do you react when crisis strikes? Break but don’t stay broken. Cry but don’t sit in tears alone. Worry but don’t let that worry overwhelm you. Surround yourself with people who can help you.
