living for eternity today

Tag: relationship

Forgiveness

A super powerful word in the life of the Christian and a word we all should know very well is where we’ll focus today.

Forgiveness.

To forgive doesn’t mean you have to say it’s ok. As a matter of fact, when you forgive someone, you’re saying it’s not ok but you’re willing to not hold it against the relationship. It means that you’re willing to move past the moment, hurt, wrong so that you can heal. Admittedly, forgiveness requires some form of acknowledgment of wrong. Without any form of acknowledgment, it’s hard to offer forgiveness. In church-world, we call that confession. Confessing or admitting the wrong we did is the first step in this process.

There’s a lesson we’ve taught our children about forgiveness that I believe is important for just about everyone. I’ve taught it to every church I’ve served. Forgiveness must flow freely. When someone apologizes or says they’re sorry, the thing you should work toward immediately is forgiveness. It’s good for the person who apologized but it’s also good for you.

When we forgive someone, we free ourselves of the burden of that pain. When we get to a place of forgiveness we are able to bring healing. But all too often forgiveness is withheld. Maybe it’s withheld accidentally because we don’t think it’s really all that important. Let me assure you, it is very important. When someone apologizes or admits a wrong, the one thing they need is forgiveness. Unfortunately, there are times when withholding forgiveness isn’t unintentional. Sometimes it’s done on purpose.

We hold forgiveness to make sure the other person is really sorry. Or maybe to teach them a lesson. We withhold forgiveness because they really hurt us and it just seems right to make them suffer. We refuse to offer those three simple words I forgive you because we’re still hurt. But forgiveness doesn’t mean we’re not hurt. It means we forgive them. It means we’re willing to work on the relationship, through the struggle, even in the painful moments.

Forgiveness is massively important. And to think anything less is likely a reason why forgiveness isn’t a free flowing concept in our lives today.

I’m sure glad Jesus didn’t handle forgiveness with me the same way we handle it with those around us. I’m sure glad he didn’t wait until I had the right heart or asked the right way, or you fill in the blank, before he offered me forgiveness. The beauty of who Jesus is and who he calls us to be is freely forgiven and forgiving people.

The Bible says that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. This is what makes forgiveness so amazing! It was ours long before we deserved it (not that we even deserve it now). It was earned for us before we asked for it. A plan was set in motion to forgive me and you before we even committed the wrong.

We read that when we come to God and ask for forgiveness, he grants it. Fully. Freely. Forever. Every single time. He removes those wrongs as far as the east is from the west as the Psalmist tells us. There are countless ways we see the Bible tell us about forgiveness, but all of them have the same message. We confess. He forgives. It’s the easiest formula out there.

So from whom do you need to hear those words? And perhaps a better question is who do you need to say them to?

Forgiveness is earned but not by you or me. It was earned by Jesus. And it’s his forgiveness that gives us a model for ours.

Healthy Relationships

There’s a rhythm that needs to be established in the relationships we hold. There needs to be boundaries and some freedoms at the same time. But it seems in out culture today we’ve lost something important in our relationships. We’ve lost the depth in our relationships. We’ve become shallow.

We’re culture that wants our friends as long as they tell us what we want to hear, do what we want them to do, and go where we want them to go. And if we don’t get our way, then we run away or dismiss that person altogether. It’s a shame that we’ve fallen prey to the division that is happening in our world. And the worst part of this is that it’s happening in the church too, with people who claim to follow the ways of Jesus. Well that’s not Jesus’ way.

Relationships that can’t endure the hard moments demonstrate a lack of depth. Whether it’s a friendship or a dating relationship or neighbors or even a marriage, there needs to be a willingness to have hard conversations. Part of the issue we’re facing in our shallow lives today is that we can’t have hard conversations. We’d rather run than do something hard. But running has never been the plan God had for us. Running isolates and causes us to be alone.

We need to suck it up and do the hard things in life and have those hard conversations instead of cowering, running, or dismissing people with different views than we have.

Something that’s become extremely common in our lives especially as of late is isolation has become the normal. Whether it’s for health purposes or just our inability to deal with challenging circumstances, people are running away from everything and everyone that is important to them and isolating themselves. The Bible is clear that isolation is not a good thing! Not by any means is it good for a longterm strategy for life.

Sure we can back away to gather ourselves before we say something off color. We can take a little time out, so to speak, to gather our thoughts and heal a bit. But isolation is a longterm kind of thing. This is not God’s design. And frankly it is not healthy at all!

This week we talked about isolation, friendships, and how healthy relationships are critical to how we live out our faith. Some things to wrestle with as you consider your relationships.

Are you distancing yourself from someone in your life just because you don’t see things eye to eye? How can you move past that disagreement? What part of the disagreement is on you?

You see when we can claim a piece of the pie of our relationship breakdowns, we have a harder time blaming the other person. The point is that it takes two to have a problem. What part of the problem do you need to own up to?

Three Directions That Matter

I’ve been spending a lot of time considering relationships lately. There are so many key relationships that we need to tend in our lives. We need to maintain healthy relationships in so many areas of life. From family to friends to co-works to neighbors balancing all of them and figuring out how to keep all these relationships going can be challenging. But what if we can categorize things into groupings that allow us to see our relationships from a different light.

I’ve been considering my relationships as focusing on three different areas or in three different directions. These directions are up, in and out.

Up

The relationship that fits in this category is the relationship we have with God. This is a super important relationship. We need to spend intentional time focusing on and growing in our relationship with God. It’s done through time in worship, Bible study and prayer to name just a few. This relationship is critical to say the very least. It’s important because it sets up how we view the other relationships in our lives. If this relationship is not in focus, then the other two categories will not be in focus either.

In

There’s a distinction in our world between people who are in and those who are out. This generally means that one group, the in group, believes what you believe and see life how you see life. While the out group is not seeing life how you see life and does not believe what and how you believe. We’ll use this category the same way. Those who fall in our in group are those who see, think, believe and even act like we do. They generally are people who are believers as well. They have an up relationship with God. They talk about that relationship and share very similar values that you share. Growing relationships in this category is critical.

This is like building your family. You are surrounding yourself with people who are of a similar mindset. It’s the whole strength in numbers or brotherhood in suffering mentality. When you’re surrounded by men and women who see life through a similar set of lenses as you see life, you’ll find comfort in rough times and power in good times.

Out

The final category of relationships are those who don’t see life the same way. And to be totally honest this set of relationships is extremely important just like the other two. Think of it as a triangle. You need all three sides and all three angles to make a proper triangle. Well to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle, you need all three types of relationships. The people who find their way into this category are those who don’t see life the same way you see life. But just because you don’t agree on the best color of carpet or the best sports team, doesn’t mean you can’t still engage in dialogue and have a healthy relationship. These are neighbors and coworkers, teammates and classmates.

We don’t share everything with these people but we do share some overlap in our interests and hobbies and extracurriculars. These people are everywhere and we need to invest some healthy time in these kinds of friendships and relationships.

The key for all of this is to balance the three. If we are too heavy on any one side of this triangle the whole thing gets wonky. We’ll spend some time over the next few weeks looking at lopsided relational triangles. But for now, here’s a little more explanation of the three sides and how we live them out.

Sorry That Relationship Is Here To Stay

Whether you like it or not you can’t undo a relationship. I mean seriously, your parents will always be your parents. Your children will always be your children. You don’t generally get to choose your family members and those strong relationships while sometimes strained, don’t break.

That’s the same with our relationship with God. Whether you believe it or not, God is the source of your life. Believing it won’t make it true. Not believing it won’t make it untrue. Relationships don’t rely on proximity or belief. They are about position. Your relationship is an outcome of your position to someone else.

The bible talks about two things with great depth. One is relationships and we pretty much get how that works. But the other we get a little confused about. It’s called fellowship. The long and short of fellowship is about our proximity to someone not our position before them.

Fellowship is what happens when we share life with someone else. The bible uses the idea of fellowship to refer to a shared life in Christ. The proximity we share with one another isn’t based on agreeing on everything. Rather it’s based on the closeness we experience when we each draw near to Christ.

You see I am my parents’ son. And nothing including distance can change that fact at all. But what can change is how I share life with them. If I live close, I can be there on weekends and we can enjoy time together in a variety of ways. But if I were to move farther away and live hours away or across the country, I would still be their son without question. What does change though is how we communicate and how we share life. We can’t share life face to face but we do through phone and email and text and FaceTime and all those cool technological marvels.

The same is true with one another and with Christ. We are to draw near to Christ and inso doing we will draw near to one another. The focal point of our relationship isn’t our wants or theirs it’s who is Christ and who am I in light of his grace. When we see ourselves and one another through the focal point of the cross, then we can draw near to those and fellowship with those far away from us regardless of space and time.

Check out the talk I gave on the difference between relationship and fellowship below.

What’s The Point?

There are some days when you just get to the end of the day and you wonder what was the point of this day anyway? I mean what’s the point of a day spent getting nothing on your calendar knocked off? Or what about the task list that is ever growing and seemingly never getting something taken off the list? Are days when you don’t get anything done really a wasted day?

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You Set A Table

Green and pink wedding table set

Man sometimes I’m just hungry. Not the hungry that you get when you want a snack, but the kind of hungry that if you don’t eat you get cranky. I get hungry for a delicious and juicy hand-pressed hamburger. I also love a good homemade, grilled pizza. I’ve been known to eat a good steak. Well, if you really must know, I just kind of like food. Not sure about you but just writing this is making me a bit hungry. Continue reading

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