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Tag: personality

An 8 In A World of 9s.

Ok so the title here might seem a tad weird. If you don’t know things about personality profiles and especially the enneagram, then this title won’t make sense. Here’s a quick 30,000 foot view of what these numbers are about.

The enneagram system has broken a personality into nine different types. Each of these types means something different. There are types ranging from reformer, to achiever, to challenger and peacemaker.

The personality type associated with the number nine is the peacemaker. This person is fairly easy going, receptive, agreeable, reassuring, and many other things like these. I am not a nine.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t be agreeable. It just means that gaining consensus isn’t the most important thing to me. I’m an eight, which is the challenger. This means that I tend to challenge the status quo. I am willing to try to new things and tackle obstacles without a fully thought out plan.

Now to make matters a tad more interesting, I also have tendencies toward the number three which is the achiever. I get things done. I have a tendency to like to succeed and win while doing it. This combination of a 3 and an 8 has been so lovingly called the bull in the china shop.

Really and truly this person, aka me, is the kind of person who sees something that needs done and makes sure it gets done. Sometimes we get things done with the help of others. Sometimes we do it in spite of others. Sometimes we get things done by plowing over others.

I’m not defending this by any means! I’m just telling you how it often plays out for me.

You see the problem with being an eight/three kind of person is the world isn’t really full of this kind of personality. There are definitely some people out there like me, but if I’m being honest I’m very glad we’re not the majority!

I know this is who I am which is why I surround myself with the people I generally surround myself with people who are not 8/3 kind of people. I generally will find nines, lots and lots of nines, to help me out. I even tend to hire people who are nines. The other personality numbers are important for sure but something I feel the need for in my circle is to surround myself with nines – peacemakers.

Now personally profiling is something that I find super interesting! It helps me know how to talk to someone and how they respond to leadership. It helps get people involved and keep them moving.

Knowing your personality helps you see how you respond when stress hits or when life gets upside-down. For me, and 8/3 kind of person who acts like a bull in a china shop, when stress bombards me I tend to double down and push harder. I can get a little edgy and sometimes a bit hard to be around.

Again, this is not an excuse! I know this about myself which is why I try to curb this part of me. Some days I’m way better at this than others.

Why do I share this?

Being self aware is a tremendous character trait to possess. If you’re not self aware, you can steam roll people and not know it. You can blow up and have no idea why. I’m not perfect at this by any means. That’s not the point here. I am however working on this part of my character.

The more I know me, the more likely I am to be able to curb the outbursts. It’s like Bruce Banner from the Marvel world. Banner is the one that becomes the Hulk, the big green monster. When he becomes more self aware he can stay out of situations that cause him to get angry, thus becoming the green monster with unimaginable strength.

When we can harness our strengths and tame our weaknesses we can become a ton more effective in life and leadership. So what are you? An 8? Maybe a 4? You might even be one of those 9s I was referring to in this post. Whatever you are know yourself and how you react in stress situations, and you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish and how much better life can be for those around you!

Theme Song

Before we dig into this one, I know some are not going to like some of what’s in here. And that’s ok. Not trying to please everyone. Actually I’m not the people pleasing type, but that’s probably a post for a different time.

Ok so I’ve heard people talk about having a word or theme for their year or even a theme song for their life. Most of these are either one of those relationally sappy songs about how their life is defined by love and all the things. Or they have one of those Don’t Worry Be Happy kind of songs where everything is going to be just fine no matter what life throws at you. The kind of song that has your backside in the sand drinking mimosas on the beach. That’s not my gig either for two reasons. I don’t really like the beach and not 100% sure I even care for mimosas!

Still others might be the drink your life away kind of person and have a theme song like Whiskey Glasses. Now I have nothing against a good glass of whiskey. I’ve been known to have a good pour of bourbon as many close to me know. But to have a theme song about grabbing a drink of something strong to help lessen the pain isn’t my style either.

Admittedly, I’m not normally a theme song for my life kind of guy, but if I were I think I have the song. At least the song that seems to hit right now. And this is where some of you are not going to be super excited, but hang with me.

A couple of months ago, my daughter played a song for me off her Apple Music Playlist. It’s something she heard from a friend at school. And the title of the song is likely why someone shared it with her, and why she shared it with me. The song is titled Soldier, and it’s by the artist Tom MacDonald. The idea of a song titled soldier was appealing to her since her older brother is currently deployed halfway around the world in the US Army.

I had never heard of this artist before so I listened…closely. The song was a bit driving in parts and a bit dark in others. But something about the song resonated with me. No I’ve never been a soldier. I don’t run around with two guns loaded. I don’t see myself as the one knocking down doors taking out my opponent. But the chorus of the song kind of hooked me.

I won’t give up, I won’t turn around, Tell them if I ain’t enough, Let ’em shoot me down. And my whole life I ran from the fight, ’cause my whole life I lost every time, but I won’t give up, I ain’t backin’ down.

Ok before someone goes all he needs a therapist on me, give me a minute to explain why this hits so hard. If you know me, you know that I don’t normally give up the ghost very easily. But what you don’t know is that didn’t used to be how I was. Ask anyone who knew me growing up and you’ll find out I was backward, awkward, and super shy. I wouldn’t stand up for myself, much less anyone else. I would shy away from conflict. I was the flight kid in the fight or flight example.

But one day something in me snapped. I don’t know exactly what happened or even when specifically it occurred, but I realized that I wasn’t going to lose every time anymore. And I doubled down on myself. I worked harder. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched people better than me. I asked questions. I shadowed people who had skills I wanted. I started working out. I didn’t take no for an answer.

Now – that’s really who I am. It’s the drive that moves me some days. It’s what gets me out of bed at 4am to hit the gym. It’s what led me to be able to bench press 350lbs when I only weighed 155. It’s what has me getting more done before noon than many people get done in a whole day. This is most definitely not a patting myself on the back moment either. I know that this drive has its downside. Sure I can get stuff done. I can accomplish a task. Sure I don’t give up when things get rough and can shoulder a pretty decent workload. But it comes at a cost.

That whole won’t back down, won’t turn around, won’t give up mentality has a consequence and it’s in the middle of the chorus. let ’em shoot me down. Yep some people don’t like that drive. Some people feel threatened when I bulldoze through a room to get a job done. This drive has cost me. It’s cost me sleep for sure. But it’s also cost some close friendships.

There’s no easy way to really say this, so I won’t beat around the bush. When there’s a job to get done, I have a tendency to get the job done. I don’t wait for everyone to get onboard. I have run over people (not literally mind you) in an emotional sense. I’ve walked right past people who wanted to talk to me, but I was too laser focused on the job to even realize it. I didn’t ignore them knowingly. I just flew past them on my way to get accomplish a task.

Let ’em shoot me down. It sure doesn’t sound very “nice” does it? But to be certain, when you know who you are and are fairly confident in the person you’ve been called to be, someone is going to try to shoot you down. Most of the time though, the shot comes from behind your back.

I won’t give up. I ain’t backin’ down. That’s pretty much how I roll these days. If the reason is compelling enough and the payoff is right, I’ll run through a wall. Another way to see this is in light of those personality profiles. I’ll hit that one more after the first of the year. If you haven’t already guessed, I’m a D on the Disc Inventory. I’m an 8 on the enneagram. And I bet you’ll never guess what I am on the Myer’s Briggs Inventory.

To bring this to a close, you don’t have to choose a theme song for the year. But if you did, what would yours be? And why?

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