living for eternity today

Tag: Patience

Finger Pointing

Do you remember that childish thing we did? You know when someone did something wrong, how we’d all make sounds of shock while pointing our finger at the wrong doer? We’d make sure the proper person in authority would know that she did it or he’s the guilty one. How annoying was that! I’m sure glad we stopped doing that. Or did we?

As annoying as that is and as almost embarrassing at it is to think about now, I’m starting to see a resurgence of this very way of handling problems. We might not point fingers and bemoan the situation with groans and other unintelligent sounds. But we do tend to throw some blame around.

There’s a tendency in our lives to publicly shame someone or belittle them when we don’t like how they’ve handled a situation. And honestly it makes us no better than those annoying turds we were growing up. It’s immature and quite frankly is counterproductive.

Have we become so focused on what others are doing wrong that we’ve forgotten what we’re called to do?

Let’s get this straight. This doesn’t mean we don’t call wrong – wrong! Actually just the opposite. It means that we call it wrong in the moment. NOT in friend groups or behind someone’s back. We don’t belittle someone who didn’t act or react how we would have liked. And for crying out loud, settling a dispute on social media just doesn’t work. So don’t even try that one.

There’s wisdom in the idea of getting our own house in order instead of tearing someone else’s house down. We’ve become a culture rich on tearing people down. Or at best just deleting them from our lives altogether. From blocking phone numbers to unfriending someone on social media, we can all but erase someone from existence with the click of a button. And it’s just like that childish game of tattle tale. Pointing our fingers at someone and trying to show the world how awful he is or how terrible of a person she is.

How about we try something new? Mind your own business. I mean seriously. How about instead of trying to undermine someone else and make their lives a living hell, we take a minute to focus on how we need a little grace shown to us? Let’s try to see what areas of life we’re not living 100% perfectly. Sure have your one on one conversations. Tell someone the honest truth, even if it hurts. Even if it means running the risk of losing something or someone special. But don’t get your panties in a bunch playing the finger pointing game.

The presence of social media and text messaging has raised a great crop of keyboard warriors who can sit with you face to face and seemingly have nothing bad to say. Then the moment they find their security behind a keyboard they can blast you to kingdom come. Or spread weird rumors about you that couldn’t be any less true.

If we were to realize who we are as individuals and what we’re called to do, then perhaps the shortcomings of others wouldn’t really be as bothersome. Maybe if we were as dedicated to our role in society as we are to someone else’s downfall in it, we could look beyond a slip of the tongue or meet a wrong doing with grace. The very same grace we ourselves expect when we mess up.

So in short perhaps we should get our own stuff together before we try dragging someone else’s name through the mud.

When Silence No Longer Works

Sometimes I have a really hard time biting my tongue, but if I’m being honest – saying nothing is most of the time a much better option! When we get all worked up and angry about something or when something strikes that one nerve and we just explode – yeah that’s not a good thing. So practice restraint. Measure your words and be very calculated on what/when you speak.

However, there is a time when silence just won’t do the trick any longer. But when is that and what do you do? Here are a few scenarios when we just need to break the silence:

When someone continually makes the same mistake, it’s beneficial to point things out so they can grow and learn from that mistake. Just be careful you don’t come across as condescending or judgmental. Offer a loving word of encouragement to lead them in a different direction.

When you’re being attacked and you feel threatened, you must say something. Either say something to the person who’s doing the attacking or in some cases, if it’s gone too far or your life is in jeopardy, then you need to say something to an authority figure. This is one of those times when speaking up is absolutely critical!

When your morals are being compromised by those around you, and you don’t feel comfortable in the given situation, you should speak up. This one gets a little trickier because not everyone has the same moral standards that you have. When your morals are being put to the test, how strongly do you hold to them? When you speak up in this area, a word of caution. Don’t be a judgmental jerk. Just because they are your morals and convictions, doesn’t mean they are everyone else’s!

When your life is being threatened, you need to open your mouth. Ok so this should be obvious but perhaps we need a little reminder. No one under any circumstances should do anything that directly impacts your safety. If this is the case, seek help immediately! But please note: directly impacts. You very well might be in situations where someone else’s beliefs or views might allow them to do things that aren’t exactly the safest. Just because you don’t feel it to be safe doesn’t mean that you will be directly impacted. An example here is speeding. Pretty much everyone does it. Doesn’t make it right. It can potentially cause an accident leading to someone’s injury but that’s not necessarily a direct impact to you, after all you’ve done similarly! If you feel the need to say something to someone about how their actions might potentially cause harm to you or someone else, understand that if it’s not a clear and direct threat that can be proven you might not get very far in your argument.

When, after a time of deliberation, research and conversation, you realize your personal convictions are being compromised and the greater good is being challenged. This is again a slippery slope. We are emotional beings living in emotionally charged times, so proceed with caution. Don’t go off half cracked here. That will only do more harm than good. If you are in this situation, do your research. Not surface level and not just one sided. Look into the opposition’s point of view. Try to see things from their side. Understand that your convictions and beliefs aren’t everyone’s convictions and beliefs. So when you speak for your convictions you will contradict someone else who is likely just as convicted as you in the opposite direction.

The long and short is that there will be times when just sitting quiet is best. But there will also be times when you just can’t be silent any longer. When those moments arise, be educated, be humble, be consistent (make sure your words and your actions line up), and be understanding that not everyone will see it your way. We can do a lot of healing if we learn to have good healthy debates again! You have your point of view and that’s great! Just be ok with the fact that I have mine as well.

Be well friends and treat the other person with respect.

While I Wait

I’m not a very patient person. One time I made the mistake of praying for patience! Let’s just say don’t do that! God’s not in the business of giving patience. He teaches it! But that’s a post for another day. When we focus on the waiting, it feels like forever! Maybe you’re waiting on the promotion at work? Maybe you’re waiting on the forever someone to enter your life to be your spouse? Maybe you’re waiting on a clear bill of health? Or just an answer to a problem? What do you do while you wait?

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