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Tag: offended

Now That’s Offensive

June 1, 2023 / / 0 Comments

The word offensive is one of my least favorite words these days. I don’t mean the offensive line in football either. I’m talking about using the word to describe how something that someone does has made us feel. It’s saying things like:

I’m offended…That’s offensive…

I believe our capacity for being offended has grown exponentially! It’s almost as if we live in a society that thrives on being offended. You stand up for what you think is right, someone is offended. You just voice your opinion, someone gets offended. You tell a friend that something isn’t quite right about their actions, yep someone gets offended!

The greater our capacity for offense becomes, the lower we value our relationships. I’ve lost more than one friend in recent years because they took offense by something they didn’t want to hear. This goes for churched people, not churched people, old people, young people, people on either side of the political aisle. We are living in a culture that is trying to thrive on being offended. But there’s a better way…a much better way.

We need a capacity to forgive that’s greater than our capacity for offense.

If you constantly find yourself getting all bent out of shape over the smallest things, then maybe you need to work on your capacity for forgiveness. Now I know that I’m a church guy and forgiveness is part of our vocabulary but everyone is capable of forgiving. But forgiving isn’t saying that everything is ok or it’s no big deal. Forgiveness is not giving the other person the control over your emotions or thoughts. It’s actually the exact opposite of being offended. When we’re offended, we’re letting someone else control our thoughts and emotional response.

As believers in Jesus, we need to really ask ourselves the hard question. Is our capacity for offense greater than our capacity for forgiveness? If the answer here is yes then we have a gigantic problem! The problem is that we’re not living in the sweet spot of our identity. As Christians our identity is found in the fact that we are forgiven people.

The more we understand our own forgiveness, the more we’ll be able to offer that same forgiveness to those around us. It’s ok to not like what someone else says, but you can’t let that change how you see them. It’s ok to get angry when someone does something that hurts you. But it’s not ok to just cancel them from your life because you’re not strong enough to handle a hard conversation.

If we don’t expand our capacity for forgiveness, we’ll live in a constant state of offense. And that is not a healthy or happy place to live.

To Be Forgiven Is To Forgive

November 3, 2021 / / 0 Comments

We’re doing a really cool thing at the church I serve called The Forgiving Challenge. It’s cool because it’s super simple. It’s cool because it’s outlined well and yet remains flexible to be applied to our context. It’s cool because it’s resulting in some fun stories and new relationships across the members of the church.

The idea is simple. Forgiven people forgive people. The more you realize your own need for forgiveness, the more likely you’ll be to offer that to someone else. If you’re holding a grudge or some bitterness in your heart towards someone, then you’re starving yourself of realizing the full benefit of forgiveness.

This week we spent time with the word forgive. We talked about its definition according to culture and how that is only half the picture. We discussed what forgiveness costs us and what it cost Jesus on our behalf.

Think of it this way, for you to forgive someone of a hurt they did to you, you’ll need to let a part of you die. The part of you that’s all twisted with anger and hurt needs to be let go. In our time in church we looked at the things that remind us of our sin aren’t there to make us relive our sin but to relieve us of its weight.

Take time considering those people in your life against whom you might be holding a grudge or with whom you might be holding bitterness in your heart. Sacrifice a piece of yourself by going out of your way to forgive, not necessarily because they are worth forgiving but because you didn’t earn your forgiveness. So if you’ve been forgiven and didn’t earn it, you should probably give that same forgiveness to those around you (even if they didn’t earn it in your eyes).

A Culture Lusting To Be Offended

November 2, 2021 / / 0 Comments

It should be no secret that being offended is almost like a new drug in our culture. I don’t really understand it. I mean I get a nice cold beverage on a hot summer day. I can even see someone grabbing a scratch off ticket just out of curiosity if they might win a few dollars. But I’ve never understood some of the other addictions in the world. I know being addicted is an illness and it’s not something you can just get over on your own either. It takes work and help…lots of help.

But there’s a newish trend in our culture right now that has elevated a new addiction above some of the bigger more glamorous ones. It’s the addiction to being offended. I see this all the time. From friends to neighbors to family members, people just have a new desire to be upset.

Now when it comes to being offended there are two sides. There’s the one who is offended and the person who gave the offense. So who’s at fault? Something to remember that is challenging in the moment.

Just because you take offense does not mean it was given.

I know that sounds like an oxymoron but think about it. Have you ever had someone talk to you and you just got all bent out of shape because of some external circumstance that had little to nothing to do with the person who was talking to you? This is that very thing. When you’re offended here are some keys to dealing with that feeling of offense.

What do I know about the person?

One idea to consider when dealing with an offense is to evaluate the relationship you have with the individual or group of people. How well do you know them? Is the way you’re taking this event consistent with how they have treated you in the past? Could they be dealing with something of which you’re unaware?

What’s going on in my heart?

Another thing to consider is yourself. You see a lot of the time when we are offended we are struggling with something of our own and it’s just easier to emotionally throw up on someone else than deal with our own heart. So before you let someone’s words or actions cause you to say/do something you can’t take back, make sure you do a little introspection. What are you going through? What is eating at your heart? What emotion are you struggling with that you haven’t fully addressed?

Is what I heard actually what was said?

This is a hard one, probably the hardest one of all. It’s super easy to infuse our own thoughts and concerns and emotions into someone else’s communication with us. It’s super hard to objectively step back and offer an honest assessment of a situation at which we might be at fault. This is why I have made it a practice to follow most of my harder conversations by writing a verbatim, or as close as possible to a word for word account of what was said as I am able. Remove all emotion. I don’t write down tone of voice or body language just the words that were actually said as close to verbatim as I possibly can get. This has helped me numerous times diffuse my own offense addiction. When I can re-read what was actually said it forces me to remove my preconceived ideas and disconnect my emotion from the situation.

The long and short is simple. Just because you feel offended does NOT mean someone offended you. Perhaps their words were heard in a way that wasn’t what you had hoped to hear. Perhaps what you heard wasn’t actually said. Or perhaps there’s more to the story that you can’t see because you’re just too close. No matter. If an offense is made either by someone else or by you, seek restoration quickly because the longer you go having been offended the more it will eventually effect your other relationships as well.

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