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Tag: love (Page 2 of 8)

Finger Pointing

September 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Do you remember that childish thing we did? You know when someone did something wrong, how we’d all make sounds of shock while pointing our finger at the wrong doer? We’d make sure the proper person in authority would know that she did it or he’s the guilty one. How annoying was that! I’m sure glad we stopped doing that. Or did we?

As annoying as that is and as almost embarrassing at it is to think about now, I’m starting to see a resurgence of this very way of handling problems. We might not point fingers and bemoan the situation with groans and other unintelligent sounds. But we do tend to throw some blame around.

There’s a tendency in our lives to publicly shame someone or belittle them when we don’t like how they’ve handled a situation. And honestly it makes us no better than those annoying turds we were growing up. It’s immature and quite frankly is counterproductive.

Have we become so focused on what others are doing wrong that we’ve forgotten what we’re called to do?

Let’s get this straight. This doesn’t mean we don’t call wrong – wrong! Actually just the opposite. It means that we call it wrong in the moment. NOT in friend groups or behind someone’s back. We don’t belittle someone who didn’t act or react how we would have liked. And for crying out loud, settling a dispute on social media just doesn’t work. So don’t even try that one.

There’s wisdom in the idea of getting our own house in order instead of tearing someone else’s house down. We’ve become a culture rich on tearing people down. Or at best just deleting them from our lives altogether. From blocking phone numbers to unfriending someone on social media, we can all but erase someone from existence with the click of a button. And it’s just like that childish game of tattle tale. Pointing our fingers at someone and trying to show the world how awful he is or how terrible of a person she is.

How about we try something new? Mind your own business. I mean seriously. How about instead of trying to undermine someone else and make their lives a living hell, we take a minute to focus on how we need a little grace shown to us? Let’s try to see what areas of life we’re not living 100% perfectly. Sure have your one on one conversations. Tell someone the honest truth, even if it hurts. Even if it means running the risk of losing something or someone special. But don’t get your panties in a bunch playing the finger pointing game.

The presence of social media and text messaging has raised a great crop of keyboard warriors who can sit with you face to face and seemingly have nothing bad to say. Then the moment they find their security behind a keyboard they can blast you to kingdom come. Or spread weird rumors about you that couldn’t be any less true.

If we were to realize who we are as individuals and what we’re called to do, then perhaps the shortcomings of others wouldn’t really be as bothersome. Maybe if we were as dedicated to our role in society as we are to someone else’s downfall in it, we could look beyond a slip of the tongue or meet a wrong doing with grace. The very same grace we ourselves expect when we mess up.

So in short perhaps we should get our own stuff together before we try dragging someone else’s name through the mud.

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

August 30, 2022 / / 0 Comments

The life of the person who claims to follow Jesus should be encompassed by love. Instead we make it about rules, attendance, offerings, and so many other secondary items that are important but not the main thing. Throughout the Bible, we’re told to love. We’re called to love God and love neighbor. So if we’re called to love so often, why do we instead focus so heavily on rules and even in some cases uniformity?

To put it short, it’s way easier. It’s far less messy to just attend, give offerings, and make everyone follow a set pattern for worship than it is to actually practice love for one another. Loving someone isn’t something that’s emotion charged rather it’s relationally bound. We have weakened love to something we can fall into and out of like it’s a boat on the water. We throw love away when it’s challenging and walk away when we just don’t want to put in the hard effort. But love is relationally bound. That means if we’re going to love someone, we’re not there just for the feels. We’re in it because of a bond we have with the other person.

This love is so much more broad than a marriage relationship, but most certainly applies there. The love talked about in the Bible is about all relationships for those who claim to be in Christ. It’s about the marriages, friendship, brotherhoods, coworkers, neighbors, workout partners, colleagues…all of them!

Throughout the book of Hebrews we’re brought face to face with men and women who lived their lives by faith in God. They believed that God was there for them and that he had their best interests at heart. They also lived knowing that the struggles and pains we face in life were there to help us grow in the discipline of following in faith. The men and women of God in Hebrews 11 remind us that even though life was hard and often nearly impossible, they relied on the work that God said he would do for, in and through them.

As the book of Hebrews closes, we see one more phase of the faith life of God’s followers. It’s what faith does to us as we live it out. We’ll call this one through faith. As we navigated through faith, we see that being in Christ means we love those around us. We’re kind to those not like us. We go out of our way to make sure people are connected not just to one another but also to the wonders of the love of God.

What’s love got to do with the life of the Christian? Well for many, unfortunately not all that much. But according to the teaching of the Bible it should be everything! Everything we do should be done out of love for God and love for our neighbor. We don’t love those around us because they’re worthy of our love but because Jesus is worthy of our loving them. It’s a really cool cycle if you think about it. God loves us when we’re unlovable, so that we can love those around us who are essentially unlovable as well.

If you’re into listen to people talk about things like this or watch a message on this very idea, check out the video below. If not, then go love someone because God is worth the love you share with them.

Going After The Princess!

August 29, 2022 / / 0 Comments

For the past couple of weeks we’ve discussed the three things every man needs in life based on the book Wild at Heart. These three things are a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue. Today we’re going after the damsel in distress!

Ok ladies before we get started in know that sounds a little demeaning but give me a few seconds here and hopefully it makes some sense. Hopefully it’s not as bad as it comes across at first!

Men have this built in desire and need to pursue or rescue someone. There’s something built into the DNA of a man to go after the girl and make sure she has what she needs. It’s like a rescue. Sure there are times when the fine maiden might literally need to be rescued from something terrible, but the day to day parts of life aren’t quite like that. So what then?

I think some of the older movies where the princess is trapped and needs the knight to come in with shining armor to save her have kind of ruined our idea of rescuing the princess. It paints the female as incapable and weak. But that’s not what this is about at all actually.

The idea of rescuing the beauty is less about her inability than it is about his need for pursuit and a validation of his presence in the relationship. When a couple first starts dating they pursue each other. They text in the middle of the day and include those sappy hearts and loving phrases. They get all gushy and mushy in their pursuit. The pursuit is all about showing each other that they are present for the other person. They’re demonstrating their willingness to go the extra mile for the other person…aka rescue them.

This rescue isn’t from a burning building but from aloneness, boredom, fear. It’s a pursuit of someone who doesn’t necessarily need help but needs to know they’re cared for and loved. The man has a need to be able to pursue his beauty and rescue her.

Unfortunately however this isn’t alway able to happen. Some women don’t want to be rescued or give an air that they don’t need him to rescue them. Sometimes the woman is powerful and confident and successful and he’s…well not that way at all. An insecure man with a powerful and successful woman just won’t last at all. I’ve seen it all too many times. And gents I’m going to be honest with you here. It’s not her fault she’s successful and confident. It’s not her fault that you’re feeling inadequate. And for goodness sake bailing when you feel inadequate only proves that you’re probably right!

When we pursue the beauty or rescue her, we’re showing her that she’s a really important part of our day to day lives. We’re reminding her that since the time we said “I do” we haven’t changed our minds. The pursuit of the beauty isn’t easy, so don’t for a second think this whole relationship thing is a walk in the park. If you’re looking for easy then you’re really not looking for marriage or any relationship at all!

If you can walk from it with relative ease, then you weren’t in it for the right reasons in the first place. Men you need to pursue the beauty. Not because she can’t do it. Not because she needs you to pursue or save her from someone or something. But because deep inside of you there’s a longing for someone to pursue. Someone to love. Someone for whom you can care.

Ladies let him pursue you. Don’t shut him down or close him out. Maybe even let him win from time to time. And remember the way he pursues you might not be exactly how you want to be pursued, so give him a little grace and acknowledge how he’s rescuing and pursuing you. He’ll do this with love and affection, gifts and accessories to your life, working hard to provide for you and your hobbies, time with you, time with the kids, lending a hand around the house or at least offering to help even though you won’t let him, and so many more things that often go missed in the day to day events of life. This is all about rescuing and pursuing the beauty in his life.

Ladies be willing to be rescued (pursued) because you’ll both benefit from it! Men get out there and quit being lazy. Don’t run from a woman who’s hard to pursue or doesn’t seem to need rescued. You’ll both experience an amazing reward if you just pursue the one who God gave you to pursue.

Would The REAL Men Please Stand Up

June 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’m going to not apologize for what follows. I’m not going to apologize because this is my honest assessment of where we are in our world. I’m not going to apologize because I have the right to my opinion just like you have the right to yours. If you don’t agree, that’s totally fine. You’re welcome to form your opinions or reach out to have a robust conversation with me about my personal beliefs and thoughts.

Let’s set the stage. I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world: men and women. These are, in my mind, determined by the genetic make up of the individual. So for all of you science loving people out there, we’ll let science take the driver’s seat on this one. Males have a unique make up of genetic material, namely an “x” and a “y” chromosome that determine the male genetic make up. The female, on the other hand, is made up from two “x” chromosomes. There are many more things that go into the differences between males and females, not to mention the basic plumbing matters, but we’ll let you figure those out in your health classes.

So if there are two genders, namely male and female, how are these two genders to operate in an advanced society like the one in which we live?

This post will deal with the male gender and how we, as men, are to live in the world today. We’ll address the ladies in an upcoming post. So would the real men please stand up!

There are three basic stages of what it means to be a person of the male gender in this world. We’ll call them male-hood, boy-hood and man-hood. Let’s start with male-hood.

The first stage of being someone of this particular gender is really nothing we do. It’s something that is determined for us before we’re even born. It’s the genetic make up of the individual in their mother’s womb. This is the whole “XY” thing I referred to earlier. It deals with the plumbing and all the reproductive details that make a male able to provide the necessary contribution to pregnancy. So male hood isn’t something you do, it’s a marker of who you are as a…dude!

The second stage we’ll call boy-hood. This one is the fun stage for many of us. It deals with the boys and their toys mentality. It’s when we can take anything and make it into a battle field or construction site or weapon. It’s about making noises with our cars and jet engine sounds to match our GI Joe sets. Boy-hood is marked by selfishness however. Most of the time, as boys, we are solely focused on what we want. We want our toys. We want our food at a certain time. We want our new gadgets, new cars, new anything really. We want the biggest, loudest, flashiest things in life. We want the broken things that we can fix to give us a sense of accomplishment. Boys have little to no regard for responsibility. We live at home with no real cares in this world. Boy-hood isn’t marked by age alone because to be quite frank – I know many boys in the world today who happen to be of the age that they should be men but they care too much for themselves to really be called men.

The third stage here is what we call man-hood. This is when a boy realizes that life doesn’t revolve around him. It’s when he begins to put the needs of others before his own. It’s when he realizes that his girlfriend, or wife, is of greater importance than his car, job, home or hobbies. Being a man means we have to be willing to lose a toy or two if it means protecting and providing for those around us.

You see the problem as I see it is that men stopped caring about being men. Many men have become boys again and left their children and wives to handle what they were meant to handle. Men have stopped taking the lead in society, schools and politics. We’ve let the masses tell us what to do. We’ve forced our wives to deal with matters they are fully capable of dealing with but that they shouldn’t have to mess with at all! Ladies this is not a knock on you. You can do anything. I firmly believe that! But I also personally believe that men, if they’re really men and not boys dressing up as men, should be willing to do everything possible to make your lives easier.

In short men we are the reason our society is where it is. We are the reason chaos has enveloped our world. We’re to blame because we stopped standing up for what’s right. We stopped taking responsibility for our actions. We let the world tell us who we could be and what we were allowed to say. Men it’s time to stand up. Hold a door for a lady, not because she can’t hold it herself but because you value that woman as a part of society that deserves to have a door held for her. Men be willing to give up a little something to let those around you know they are valued and loved and cared for in this world. It’s your job and mine to do the hard things so those around us can thrive. Enough of this merely surviving life crap. It’s time to make sure those around us thrive in life, and it starts by putting our childish ways behind us and being the men we were called to be.

Man up guys! Now is the time.

It’s Time To Be Bold!

May 9, 2022 / / 0 Comments
ready, set . . . audacious. | essence7 wellness, LLC

There’s a phrase that is quoted in a variety of circles that says go big or go home. I personally like that statement…a lot! It’s a phrase that reminds us that sometimes we need to be willing to take a bold step before we can see any forward progress. There is a time to be passive and lay back a bit, but there’s also a time when we need to take risks and do the unthinkable, bold things in life.

I know what some of you are thinking, but what if I mess up or fail? But my reply would be, what if you don’t!?

So often in life we have the chance to make big, bold, audacious moves but we don’t for fear of what others will think of us or fear that we’ll mess up. But sometimes we have to just step out and do the crazy things in life.

I read a book recently titled Love Does, by author Bob Goff. The premise of the book is simple actually. Basically he says in a much more eloquent way that talk is cheap and we need to back up our caring for one another with actions not just words.

One of the stories he shares about how love often leads us to do big, crazy and off the wall things was about a young man who wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. The long story made short is that this young man approached Goff and asked to use his patio, boat, kitchen and backyard all in an effort to wow his soon to be fiancee. That’s bold, big, and audacious!

We don’t have to go out of our way to use someone else’s property to ask someone out on a date but there are ways that we can step out and be a little audacious ourselves.

Living with an audacious love for the people around us means we put their needs before our wants.

Notice what I said there. Their needs before our wants. This doesn’t mean we go without food or water or the necessities in life. It just means if you know someone else is in need, that you can do without the new car if it means you can help someone in need. You can exchange the $5 coffee for a bag of grounds and make your own.

Along these same lines, we could really use to think a little less of ourselves. If you’re going through life hoping to be recognized by everyone, then you could probably use to be knocked down a tad. An audacious and bold life isn’t one that is found on neon signs but in simple acts of service.

Finally, doing something to make someone else’s life easier even if it makes yours a little harder is living this big, bold, audacious kind of way.

In all these things you need to know your boundaries and limits. Don’t over extend yourself. Don’t let yourself be used. But genuinely put someone else’s needs before your wants and do it with joy. You won’t regret it!

A Gift From My Children

February 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Every year, as they were growing up, my children would give me something just from them for Christmas or my birthday. These gifts ranged from socks to ties to little things to put on my desk in my office or even a tool they wanted to learn how to use. Each of them were uniquely special gifts, but each of those gifts had something in common.

When I opened these gifts in front of them, my children smiled with anticipation as they eagerly awaited my reaction. To them it was the perfect gift. To them it was something special and reminded them of me and hopefully would remind me of them. I actually still have most of the things they’ve given me through the years.

But each of those gifts were purchased the same way. Until my children were old enough to have a job and earn their own money, those gifts were purchased with my money! I know that some of these gifts were my children’s idea, but many of them were actually something my wife told them I would like. She took them to the store. She told them that daddy would like this item. She put our bank card in the card reader. She purchased them with money that we made from our jobs.

My kids then took those gifts and gave them to me as if they bought them! The audacity. The guts. How could they possibly claim that these gifts are from them when it’s obvious they didn’t buy them or even really pick them out?

Ok so I’m not really upset about this. Just using it as an illustration. It’s kind of like C.S. Lewis in his work Mere Christianity where he describes our lives in Christ. We approach God often times giving him a gift of some sort and claiming it’s from us. I mean we do this with our time and talents and even our finances. We come into worship or volunteerism and think in our minds that somehow we’re giving him something great. We put our offering in the basket thing on a Sunday and act as if we just did God a favor.

It’s like my kids giving me a gift that was purchased with my own money! Everything we have in life is a gift from God. Our time is already His. Our possessions wouldn’t be in our possession if He didn’t give them to us in some fashion. Our abilities that we use to serve others aren’t really ours. He gave us those abilities when He knit us together in our mother’s womb.

You see I love each and every one of those gifts from my kids. Not because they bought it with their own money because they didn’t. I love those gifts because of the excitement I saw in their eyes when they gave. I love those gifts because they represent my children’s love for me. The same is true with our lives given back to God. The amount isn’t the point. The style or type of gift isn’t the point. It’s the joy in our hearts and the excitement over the giving that’s the meaningful part of giving.

So give the gifts. Do it with joy. Don’t hold back. Even if you’re giving with someone else’s money. It’s more about the heart and why you’re giving than how much you give (and this isn’t just about material things either, it’s also about your time and energy and even how you invest in relationships).

Grace Upon Grace

February 1, 2022 / / 0 Comments
Bear One Another's Burdens - Verse Meaning Explained

I get to see all sorts of things in my line of work. Many people joke around about me only working an hour on a Sunday and the rest of the week goof off with video games or who knows what. To be totally honest, there are things that come across my desk as a pastor that I really wish I didn’t have to manage. But there are other parts of my day that make me just pause and realize how amazing some of the people who surround me truly are.

The situations that blindside us and pretty much throw us into a tailspin are the things no one wants to deal with. We run from them. We fight to get out of them. We try to make our way through them. But really we just want these unknown and unsolicited crappy days to just go away. Whether they are relationship meltdowns, financial crises, disturbing health news or family drama, we will have to come to grips with some level of all of these things throughout our lives. How we make it through some of these truly life changing moments often is determined by who we let into our circle.

One of the most blessed parts of my job is to be someone who is trusted to be part of someone’s circle. I get the honor of being the person who’s there when good times happen. I get to hear the good news of a baby born or a guy “popping the question.” I get to see the smiles and endless grins on the faces of those who are filled with the joy of living.

But I’m also honored to be invited into some of the darkest and scariest moments of people’s lives. I am called on when a loved one is ill, hospitalized or tragically dies. I’m there when a child needs medical attention. I’m invited into the circle when families are in turmoil and trust within friendships becomes broken. I get to be present when tears flow and hearts are broken and fear overwhelms.

I write these things not to pat myself on the back but to remind you that you are vastly important to me. No matter what level of connection I’ve had in your life, believe me when I say that walking with you through good or bad times is an absolute honor. It’s something I do not take lightly.

As I write this some of you are filled with joy while others are barely able to breathe under the pressures of life. No matter which end of that spectrum you may be on, know that I or someone like me is just a call away. We do have limitations and boundaries but in general we are here.

It is in these moments, entering someone’s story especially a story of crisis that I witness some of the most amazing displays of grace that one could ever imagine. It is in the moments when life is unraveling at a pace that is dizzying, that we get to witness someone’s true character. It’s not when life is easy that the real person shines forward. It’s when they are stressed beyond belief, broken seemingly beyond repair, weak beyond imagination that someone reveals who they truly are at their core.

I have recently come to realize that the strongest people in the world are not necessarily in a uniform, at the gym or wearing a cape. They are simple, ordinary people who put their feet on the floor in the morning when they’d rather stay in bed. They move forward when it would be way easier to fall backward. They stand when the world says to sit down. They remain silent when every ounce of their anger says to speak. They’re the people who demonstrate grace in ways that I didn’t know were humanly possible.

To the many people who’ve been a part of why circle and invited me to be a part of your story over the past several decades, thank you for showing me what grace looks like in so many ways. Thank you for being the evidence of grace upon grace in even the least graceful of circumstances. Thank you for the trust you’ve shown. Thank you for showing me what the love of Jesus looks like today.

No Greater Love

July 16, 2021 / / 0 Comments
No Greater Love - Bethel Baptist Church

There’s a Bible verse that talks about the greatest love being one that’s willing to self-sacrifice for the sake of others. This verse obviously talks about Jesus and his sacrificial love for us. But I really think that we can sometimes see a closely linked version of this love in our worldly relationships as well.

What does it mean to lay down one’s life for his friends?

The bible verse states that greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. This is found in John 15:13 for those of you who’d like to look at the context. In its context and admittedly the intended meaning this passage is stating that Jesus is the perfect example of God’s love for humanity. He would literally lay down his life, give it up, trade it so that we would experience a secure future. That’s love.

But could there be something more to it? Can you demonstrate this same kind of lay down your life kind of love without dying? I believe it is possible and providing this love hurts just as bad.

Take for instance there’s something you want to do, probably more than anything. You’ve dreamed of this since you were a child. The time never seems right so you keep pushing it back but never stop thinking about it. Then one day the cards line up so that you can move toward that dream. One step after another it seems like this might be your chance. Your life’s dream is less fuzzy than ever. You can almost touch it, it’s so close to becoming reality.

But one day you receive news that causes you to pause. You could move forward with your dream and potentially cause confusion and turmoil in relationships around you. Or you could give up your dream to better serve your friends.

Great love doesn’t just mean dying physically, but sometimes it entails dying to yourself and your passions. It means sacrificing your wants and dreams and even your happiness so that someone else’s life isn’t impacted.

The greatest love was demonstrated when Jesus gave up his whole life for us. When we give up a piece of ourselves for someone else, we demonstrate that same kind of love to the world around us. Be the love you wish someone showed to you. And if someone loves you like this, recognize it for what it is.

So do you really love me?

April 29, 2021 / / 0 Comments

There’s a thing going around these days when some people like to tell other people how to love properly. It’s a pretty touchy subject actually. It’s been around for quite some time but has gotten worse through the challenges we’ve faced in 2020 and now into 2021.

The thrust of this kind of thinking is basically saying that one set of actions has to be done to actually demonstrate love for someone else. When actually we’re saying that set of actions would make me feel more comfortable. Some in our world are trying to make everyone express their kindness in the same way. But that’s just not how it works.

There’s a book titled the 5 Love Languages and it’s a pretty good book. Granted its primary focus is on marriage relationships but there’s a crossover in application to all relationships. We have to be aware not only of how we receive love but also how someone else, the recipient of our love, receives it best.

There’s nothing more frustrating than going out of your way to show someone you love them only for them to totally miss it. I mean if you’re the gift giving type and the person you’re trying to love could care less about gifts, then your efforts will fail to communicate what you’re trying to say.

The problem with saying you have to do this or that particular thing to demonstrate love for another person is that you are only taking into account how you prefer to show love for someone else and NOT how they receive it. There are some people who are totally different than you. Some people don’t see the world the same way you do. When you aren’t willing to show them love in the way they best can receive it then you’re really not loving them. You’re trying to force them to be like you.

I get it. This isn’t easy. As a matter of fact it’s freaking hard sometimes. But if you love someone you really don’t care how hard it is. You’ll go out of your way to love them, not how you want to love them or how you’d like to be shown love, but how they best see love.

Do some investigative work. Find out how that other person in your life receives love and show them in their language not in your own. It will make a massive difference.

Do you really know what love means?

April 21, 2021 / / 0 Comments

One of my least favorite words in teh human language is the word love. I can’t stand it. People throw it around like it’s just another word. We say we love our spouse then we love pizza and then we love our truck or sports team or friend. But do we really love those things? Is it love or like?

The cool thing about other languages is that they have multiple words that can be used in place of love that help you better understand what someone is talking about. This week I talked about the different words for love. We discussed family or relational love, intimate love, friend love, and a love we all want to have but honestly can’t and that’s unconditional or limitless love.

Now before I send you off to check out the talk on the different kinds of love it’s important to understand why this was our focus. You see there are some who will make you question love. In our relationships people tend to say one thing and do a different thing which makes love go out of focus to put it mildly.

But there are some churches and chruch traditions that will call into question God’s love for you based on what’s happening in the world, how good or not good of a person you are, or how you practice your Jesus life by going to church and stuff like that. So let me be very clear –

If you are part of a church tradition that causes you to question God’s love for you, then you are not in a Biblical church.

There’s no more simple way to put it. God is the one who loves you unconditionally. God is the one who cares for you without boundaries. His love is not based on your love for him or your practicing your faith life. God doesn’t need you to be a good person for him to love you. He just does. You can believe it or not but that doesn’t change his love either. This is so very important and foundational to our understanding of who God is and how we live our lives. Check out the video below.

Or here’s just the audio.

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