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Tag: leadership (Page 8 of 17)

What’s It Gonna Take?

April 3, 2024 / / 0 Comments

As I get older I start to think about the world differently. Some of you are chuckling at that statement. A handful of you are likely rolling your eyes saying what do you mean start to get older you’re already old! While others of you are thinking, just wait til he is my age and then he’ll really start to think about life! Either way this isn’t really about my age but about life perspective.

You see your maturity and perspective is not determined by your age. In life you’ll likely meet the 50 year old who acts like they’re 18. Then turn the corner to find the 13 year old who seems to have their life together far more than most 60 year olds. Trust me I’ve seen both!

The reason here is about perspective. It’s about the things in life that kind of sink into the noggin a bit and make you pause, even if for only a few minutes.

I think much of our lives can be summarized by the motto taken for granted. Really think about the things you do and say and even believe. How much of it do you really give a second thought? And how much is kind of second nature?

You get up in the morning shower, get dressed, and make your coffee. You walk your dog and get your morning chores finished before leaving for work. How much of that did you just do on autopilot? But what if the power is out? Yeah you’ll quickly think about that morning coffee and shower a little differently.

Maybe you walk on a treadmill or jog around your neighborhood or even lift weights. How much of that do you actually think about? Probably not much. When we do something enough times, we just kind of go into autopilot and don’t give life much thought. But add in a small injury and every move gives you pause.

Life can be like that sometimes. We need to have the regular flow of our lives interrupted in order to really see things, even the things right in front of us.

So the question we ask today is What’s it going to take? What’s it going to take to make you take your health seriously? For me it was a ridiculously high cholesterol reading. What’s it going to take to make you adjust your workouts to something more in line with your fitness goals? For me it was a dislocated shoulder. What’s it going to take for you to take your finances seriously? What about your marriage and parenting? Or what about your faith?

The more years I have behind me in this life, the more I realize I’ve probably taken a few things for granted. There have been some moments I needed that proverbial wake up call to shake the cobwebs loose so I can see just how important things are in life. What’s it going to take for you? Don’t wait til you get smacked upside the head with one of those 2x4s of life. Slow down and take seriously the things in your life. You won’t regret it. I can guarantee this one.

An 8 In A World of 9s.

March 20, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Ok so the title here might seem a tad weird. If you don’t know things about personality profiles and especially the enneagram, then this title won’t make sense. Here’s a quick 30,000 foot view of what these numbers are about.

The enneagram system has broken a personality into nine different types. Each of these types means something different. There are types ranging from reformer, to achiever, to challenger and peacemaker.

The personality type associated with the number nine is the peacemaker. This person is fairly easy going, receptive, agreeable, reassuring, and many other things like these. I am not a nine.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t be agreeable. It just means that gaining consensus isn’t the most important thing to me. I’m an eight, which is the challenger. This means that I tend to challenge the status quo. I am willing to try to new things and tackle obstacles without a fully thought out plan.

Now to make matters a tad more interesting, I also have tendencies toward the number three which is the achiever. I get things done. I have a tendency to like to succeed and win while doing it. This combination of a 3 and an 8 has been so lovingly called the bull in the china shop.

Really and truly this person, aka me, is the kind of person who sees something that needs done and makes sure it gets done. Sometimes we get things done with the help of others. Sometimes we do it in spite of others. Sometimes we get things done by plowing over others.

I’m not defending this by any means! I’m just telling you how it often plays out for me.

You see the problem with being an eight/three kind of person is the world isn’t really full of this kind of personality. There are definitely some people out there like me, but if I’m being honest I’m very glad we’re not the majority!

I know this is who I am which is why I surround myself with the people I generally surround myself with people who are not 8/3 kind of people. I generally will find nines, lots and lots of nines, to help me out. I even tend to hire people who are nines. The other personality numbers are important for sure but something I feel the need for in my circle is to surround myself with nines – peacemakers.

Now personally profiling is something that I find super interesting! It helps me know how to talk to someone and how they respond to leadership. It helps get people involved and keep them moving.

Knowing your personality helps you see how you respond when stress hits or when life gets upside-down. For me, and 8/3 kind of person who acts like a bull in a china shop, when stress bombards me I tend to double down and push harder. I can get a little edgy and sometimes a bit hard to be around.

Again, this is not an excuse! I know this about myself which is why I try to curb this part of me. Some days I’m way better at this than others.

Why do I share this?

Being self aware is a tremendous character trait to possess. If you’re not self aware, you can steam roll people and not know it. You can blow up and have no idea why. I’m not perfect at this by any means. That’s not the point here. I am however working on this part of my character.

The more I know me, the more likely I am to be able to curb the outbursts. It’s like Bruce Banner from the Marvel world. Banner is the one that becomes the Hulk, the big green monster. When he becomes more self aware he can stay out of situations that cause him to get angry, thus becoming the green monster with unimaginable strength.

When we can harness our strengths and tame our weaknesses we can become a ton more effective in life and leadership. So what are you? An 8? Maybe a 4? You might even be one of those 9s I was referring to in this post. Whatever you are know yourself and how you react in stress situations, and you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish and how much better life can be for those around you!

Focus

March 12, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I recently went to the eye doctor and rediscovered something I’ve known for a while. Yes I have decent eye sight and no I don’t need glasses. He told me two things that weren’t really new but were reminders for me.

The first thing he told me was that my right eye is near-sighted which means I have a harder time seeing things farther away. And while that sounds like a problem, and it would be if I didn’t have my left eye. You see my left eye has just the opposite issue. It’s far sighted which means it sees better farther away. This means, according to my eye doctor, that I have the best possible scenario for someone who’s either near or far sighted. Because I’m both! I told him I’ve always been a bit of an over achiever.

That was met with a slight eye roll and sympathetic laughter.

The second issue he mentioned with regard to my eyes wasn’t about how they can see near or far. The issued I’ve had since I was at least in grade school is that my eyes naturally see wider than narrow. That means when you hold a book and your eyes focus on that book at a normal arm’s length, my eyes have to strain to turn inward to see that book. It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s just a fact that my eyes’ natural center is much farther out than a normal person.

These two conditions combined mean that I have to focus on focusing. Most people don’t have to think about their line of sight or how to focus on a book up close or poster farther away. Not so with me. I have to force my eyes to lock in on a book when I’m hold in it up close. Then I have to make sure I let my left eye focus on objects farther away while I let righty handle that stuff up close.

Ok long intro here I know but stick with me. Focus is a huge thing for many of us. Not as much eye focus as mental focus. Ever have one of those moments when you have to force yourself to tune everything out? Studying for a test and there’s noise from your little brother filling your room? Trying to read a book and the television is on in the background because your spouse isn’t the book worm that you are?

Focus is essential and in a digital world that focus often gets even more challenging. I’ve been on zoom calls when my dog decided that was the perfect time to get the zoomies. If you’re not a dog person, that’s what we call it when the dog takes off running around for no apparent reason and can’t be stopped until she’s totally worn out. Yeah that’s a fun one!

But it’s not just outside noises that cause us to lose focus. We get distracted by the noises filling our heads. Ha that sounds funny. I don’t mean hearing voices, although maybe??? But more the laundry list of things that need done filtering through your mind when you’re trying to do something else.

I find myself doing this probably more than I’d like to admit. Sitting down to read my bible in the morning and my calendar or to do list start yelling at me. Take time to pray for those people in my life who are struggling or celebrating and yep you guessed it. I get distracted by my stomach growling, wondering if I locked my car in the parking lot, realizing I’m getting hungry, wondering if my family will make it to work or school safely. You know all the things that pull my focus away from what I’m trying to do!

Here’s the deal. There are tools that can help you with focus. I had to have glasses that acted like prisms to kind of spread the words on a book outward so my eyes didn’t have to work as hard. Then my eyes learned to adjust so that now I don’t need that anymore.

With practice and an intentional focus on focus, you’ll be able to cut through the clutter of life and see the most important things going on in the moment. So if you struggle with focus like I do, then try this.

  • Give the distraction room for a second. The more you fight the distraction the more distracting it will be. Give it room in your mind for a second to see if it needs your attention or if it can wait.
  • Write it down. After giving it a little breathing room, if you decide your invading thought is valid and needs attention just jot it down on a piece of paper or in the notes app on your phone.
  • Then leave it alone! Refocusing after a foreign invader comes in and derails your meditation can be challenging. After you write it down set the paper or phone aside and try to pick back up.
  • Breathe. Yep you need to do it anyway so why not let your breathing help bring you back to the moment right before you went all ADHD. Take a breath. Calm yourself. Let the distraction just kind of fade into oblivion. I find it helpful to really hone in on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Getting full, deep breaths can be super helpful.

Whatever works for you is the process you should really try. But you’re not allowed to say I can’t focus. You just need to focus on getting focused. The more practice you have focusing through distractions the easier it will be to stay focused when those distractions creep in.

The Art of Getting Stuff Done Without Doing Stuff

March 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Delegation is a word that often evokes mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s the secret sauce to productivity, allowing you to conquer Mount Everest without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, it can feel like entrusting your precious project to a group of monkeys with MacBooks. But there can be a middle ground here. Delegation doesn’t have to be a daunting task. In fact, it can be one of your greatest tools if approached with the right mindset.

The Circus of Delegation

Imagine for a minute that you’re the ringmaster of a circus, juggling flaming swords, I mean tasks, while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. Meanwhile, your team is a group of acrobats waiting for their turn to dazzle the audience. Delegation is essentially directing each act to ensure a spectacular performance, without setting the whole circus tent ablaze.

Could you imagine a circus where the ring master did all of the stunts himself? Could you imagine what it would be like if she rode in on the white horse while juggling, then turned to tame the lion. Jumped up on the trapeze. Did a few flips and twirls. Then made the elephants dance. All the while being dressed as a clown and ends the show by climbing into a way too small car!

When we don’t delegate, it’s like we’re doing that very thing. It’s like we’re trying to run the whole circus. Life isn’t like a one man band kind of show however. For the circus of life to be best lived out, we need to bring others along for the ride.

Delegation isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about knowing what you can give to someone else to do. It’s about being able to wisely determine what only you can do and what someone else can do better.

A philosophy that I learned a long time ago is to only do what only you can do. And no I don’t do this perfectly at all. But delegation can only happen after you determine what role you have to play in something and what roles you can hand off to someone else who is just as, if not more, capable than you!

All too often delegation is about getting rid of the things we simply hate doing. While this is a very tempting practice, it’s not really the point of delegation. The point of delegation is to off load the things that aren’t necessary for you to do but still need to get done.

A good example of this is in my role as a pastor there are some administrative support functions that need to happen. We have bulletins that need printed and presentations that need built. I don’t mind doing those at all. Actually sometimes doing those is a mind numbing exercise that I would love to do! But it’s not the best use of my time or energy, so that’s where my ever faithful and truly competent secretary enters. Bailey takes all those logistical, detailed parts and pieces and turns them into reality so that I can be freed up to do things that just aren’t in her wheel house. Pretty sure she wouldn’t want to prep a message or get in front of people to speak.

Delegation is an art form, a delicate dance between trust and guidance. Embrace it for the benefits it brings, and suddenly, your workload becomes a circus act worth applauding. Remember, delegation isn’t about shirking responsibilities; it’s about orchestrating a symphony of skills to create something greater than the sum of its parts.

So, put on your ringmaster hat, release the clowns from their car, and watch as your team (either staff or volunteers) transforms into a well-oiled machine. Soon you just might have the greatest show on earth as well.

Turbulence

March 7, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I’m not a person who flies a lot. Ok I do what I can to not have to fly. Every once in a while the destination is too far away or the timing isn’t quite right for me to drive somewhere. In these moments I have to break down and sit in a metal tube going 600mph at 37,000 feet in the air. As a matter of fact, that’s my current situation as I write this. 

When things are going well, you don’t really think about the flight. A little extra noise. A little pressure in the ears. Pop on a movie or open a book and time flies by.

I had my standard cranberry juice in front of me. A small pack of graham crackers as my in flight snack. And then it happened. 

The captain came over the speaker and announced we were moving into some bumpy air space and he needed to have the flight attendants take their seats. He then said “Ladies and gentlemen it’s going to get bumpy for the remainder of our flight so stay seated with your seat belts fastened.” 

Turbulence is the official name for that bumpy air space. And man did we find some!

The plane was shaking just about every which way you could imagine. I even had to stop typing because I couldn’t hold my iPad securely anymore. But in the end, we made it to the ground safely. Back wheels touched. Front wheels touched and before we knew it we were taxiing to the gate. 

But in the midst of the turbulence we couldn’t see the gate. We didn’t know where the airport was. We had to trust the pilot and his instruments to get us to our destination and on the ground safely. 

Life is full of turbulent moments. Things don’t always go quite as expected. We hit bumps in life and wonder if we’re going to make it to our destination. The turbulence we experience in life comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be emotional turbulence. You know the kind of broken emotional state that happens when a relationship falls apart right in front of your eyes and you can’t do anything about it. Or there’s the physical turbulence that occurs when you or someone you love is diagnosed with a life threatening illness. There’s mental turbulence that comes in the form of depression and anxiety and overwhelming stress.  There’s occupational turbulence when your boss is a real tool. And there’s more but you get the idea.

Turbulence can be found in our lives often without our even looking for it. So how do we get through it? 

Just like the pilot on my flight relied on the trusted instrumentation that has brought him through countless bumpy air space moments, we can rely on that which is trust in our own lives. For followers of Jesus, our trusted instrumentation isn’t a computer system or even some great training. It’s the truth of Scripture and the person of Jesus. 

When we let ourselves be led by Jesus, following the guidelines found in his word, we rely on the most trusted instrumentation system around. Even though we might not know how it all will end, we can trust the proven nature of God’s provision to bring us through the turbulence of life safely. 

So buckle up friends, we’re likely in for a bumpy ride. But rest assured the pilot knows what he’s doing.

Discipline

March 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

This week’s word of the day is discipline. Now there are two ways to look at discipline. There’s a negative connotation that says if we step out of line we’ll be met with discipline or punishment. Then there’s the positive spin on the word that indicates hard work, persistence, and dedication.

I’m going to focus on the second one for now. The positive use of the word discipline isn’t always seen positively by some however. I really think a lack of discipline is causing some major issues in our culture today. From diet and exercise to school attendance and productivity at work to parenting to grades in school and even performance in sports – discipline is essential. Unfortunately, in many cases discipline is seemingly lacking.

If you look at some of the GOATs in life (greatest of all time) regardless of their field, you’ll notice that they pretty much have one thing in common. They were disciplined. They didn’t let a failure or misstep prevent them from continuing. They knew what needed done and they did it. Even when they didn’t feel like it.

Discipline is the ability to intentionally and carefully control the way you work, live or behave especially in an effort to achieve goals.

Being disciplined really isn’t hard. It just takes, well discipline. I know. You’re not supposed to use the word in its definition! But what other word should we use? It takes work. It takes dedication. It takes tenacity. It takes intentionality. It takes the ability to push through hardships to get the job done.

A lack of discipline is why many have already abandoned their New Year’s resolutions. Lack of discipline is a major reason people can’t stick with a diet. It’s why gyms are already less full than they were just a few short weeks ago. A lack of discipline is why we give up on things or bale when life gets hard.

What is an area of your life that needs a little discipline? What’s an area where you need to put in a little extra work?

To make it a tad easier pick an area where you are passionate. Find an area of your life that needs to change. Make sure you care about this area of your life. Make sure accomplishing it is something that will bring joy and excitement to your life. It will be hard to get yourself moving if you don’t really care about accomplishing this task.

Then when you make strides toward accomplishing it, find ways to reward yourself. If you’re not a naturally disciplined person, then you might need to bribe yourself to becoming disciplined. At this point, do what it takes to get yourself moving. Just take sure your reward is something that makes sense for your goal. So don’t reward yourself with chocolate cake when you’re on a diet goal.

Celebrate small wins. Keep focused on the end result. You’ll get there. Just keep going even if you have to force yourself for a while.

Can Suffering Be Good?

March 4, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So there’s a passage in the Bible that is a bit odd for many of us. It’s found in Romans 5 where Paul says that we rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us. The ending seems mostly ok. Most people can agree with the character and hope bit, but it’s the starting point that’s questionable for many people.

Rejoice in our sufferings? What’s that about? Who does that?

Ok for starters we have to make sure we get the preposition right. It’s rejoice IN our sufferings. It’s not that we’re supposed to rejoice FOR our sufferings. There’s a pretty big distinction here.

Paul is not some masochist or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Paul is really wanting anyone to have to suffer necessarily, let alone do it with a smile on their face. Instead, he’s saying that even in the midst of some less than desirable circumstances we should be able to find joy. We should be able to live with a different kind of perspective on life.

The second part of this that’s key is the word rejoice. Note that he doesn’t say be happy. Because that would be just weird. Happy for suffering? No that’s not going to happen. Happiness at its core has the right set of happenings that allow us to be happy. You can see it in the root word: happy…happenings.

So what is this bible verse trying to tell us?

The long and short is that suffering is going to happen in life. With that in mind we can react one of two ways. We can let suffering crush us and totally derail our lives, or we can look to the greater purpose in our suffering to see what God might be up to. What does he want us to learn?

You see the sufferings, or afflictions of life are often there for a purpose. Sometimes the sufferings are the direct result of something we’ve done. Kind of like a consequence for bad behavior. But other times the afflictions are there to help us see something differently. Still other times a moment of suffering is kind of like pruning a rose bush. If you don’t prune the dead flowers off a rose bush, you won’t have many roses. But if you trim the dead blooms off at just the right place and at just the right time, you can double the amount of blooms you have!

The same is true for afflictions in life. Sometimes those afflictions are moments of pruning. God is cutting back the dead parts of our lives to allow us to produce more fruit, to draw us closer to him, to help us see just how much he can provide for us even when life is really hard.

And I know it sucks! Pruning isn’t supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to make us happy. Remember it’s the whole idea of cutting something away. No one wants to have things cut away from them. It’s painful! But at times, it’s necessary.

Paul isn’t saying to smile through the pain. He’s not saying that if you just follow Jesus, the hurt won’t be as bad. No that’s bad theology! Paul is saying find joy in Jesus even when the world around you sucks. Know that Jesus is still God and is still in control even when nothing in life seems to be going right. Rejoice in life even through the horrible moments of fear and anxiety because you can trust that God knows far more about the scenario you’re going through than even you do.

Suffering may not be good in the moment but in the end, you just might be able to find God working something pretty powerful out of a moment of suffering.

Robust Dialogue

March 1, 2024 / / 1 Comment

The phrase Robust Dialogue became an easy favorite of mine in 2020 and 2021. I liked this phrase so much because this was something we didn’t have the chance to engage in nearly as much as we should! Robust dialogue is that conversation style that allows two differing opinions to sit down and talk through something. The goal of robust dialogue is not to convince. It’s to leave with a greater respect for a differing point of view.

Unfortunately this isn’t really a staple in our culture. We can barely get people to sit and talk face to face anymore much less engage in anything resembling robust dialogue!

But why can’t we do it? Why have we abandoned this heavy and rich conversation style?

I really think it has everything to do with being offended. No, I don’t mean that we don’t want to give offense toward anyone. We don’t want to have hard conversations because we don’t want to be offended.

Look I get it. Being offended by someone hurts. When someone doesn’t see your point of view it can be hurtful if you think you have something to prove. But the point of robust dialogue isn’t about proving anything. It’s about explaining how you see life. It’s your personal view of a situation or scenario.

Through the years of 2020 and 2021 we weren’t really given a lot of opportunity to speak what we believed because it seemed as if everything was offensive to someone. I really believe that we created more trouble than really existed simply because we wanted to offend people and see how they reacted.

Robust dialogue can be a tremendous type of conversation! I’m not the kind of guy who is afraid of conflict, but I don’t seek it out either. I don’t always go around stirring the pot just to get people all angry. But if someone comes to me with a different view of life, you better believe I’m going to voice my thoughts.

In those challenging years during the pandemic, I got a visit from a friend almost weekly. We didn’t see things the same way on a lot of issues. Every time we got into a conversation, the topic of something we disagreed upon came up. In the end, we would shake hands, or do the whole awkward elbow bump for a while, and leave as friends.

Robust dialogue didn’t kill a friendship. It actually forged it into something a bit stronger. I have some amazing respect for people who have strong values and stick to them. I value people who believe in something enough they want to share it with everyone, but have courtesy enough to let other people have a differing mindset.

I’m not saying to go pick a fight, but have the courage in your opinion to be able to talk about it with people who disagree with you. Don’t do it to change their mind. Do it to strengthen the friendship you have. If you really are friends, you can handle seeing something differently. If you can’t handle a disagreement, then you probably weren’t as good of friends as you thought in the first place.

Now don’t read that as a just get over it kind of statement if you happen to be offended. Offense takes time to process. The point here is to be ok with seeing ideas from two differing sides. We need to be ok with having conversations, rooting for different teams, voting on different sides of the aisle, going to different churches (or not even going) and still being able to talk to one another.

Iron is hardened in fire. Robust dialogue can be the fire that forges relationships when it’s handled with care.

Leadership

February 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

To be totally transparent, there’s really nothing new or earth shattering that can be said about leadership. It’s probably already been said by someone, somewhere. But I recently heard something on a podcast I was listening to that made me pause for a minute. Here was the definition of leadership they used.

Leadership is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.

Wow I love that definition and I hate that definition at the same time. I don’t like it for obvious reasons. I don’t like to disappoint people. No one does really. I’m typically the bull in a china shop who is willing to try new things to accomplish new results. I don’t cling to the way we’ve always done it forever, especially if that way is no longer yielding results. But I still don’t like to disappoint people.

That said, I do love this definition because it describes the life of leadership so very well. The longer you’ve been in leadership the longer you’ll realize that some people will just flat be disappointed with you. More than that however, some people will take that disappointment one step further and sabotage the work you’re doing. I’ll unpack that later.

Why are people so easily disappointed? It really comes down to comfort. We don’t like things to change from the status quo so we experience friction when things start to change. Friction is uncomfortable and that is disappointing to us.

It disappoints us when someone sits in our chair in church. We get disappointed when the style changes from something we’re used to…to something we’re less familiar with. We are disappointed when the leader doesn’t take our suggestion exactly the way we proposed it. I could spend the rest of this post listing out ways people get disappointed but that would benefit no one!

Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading. That means you have to know the things that are important to them and the things that they could care less about. How well you know the people you’re leading will help you know who to disappoint and who not to disappoint as often. But if you’re a leader, then you’re going to disappoint everyone at some point.

Back to knowing your people. Not everyone you lead thinks, acts, believes or finds important the same things. Knowing what makes them tick will help you know who to bring into which team and at what stage in their life. Timing is key to minimizing disappointment.

Some of you might be scratching your heads still over the idea of sabotage. When disappointment persists there will be sabotage. Now I don’t mean that they’ll plant explosives in your car or intentionally derail the thing you’re doing and make you look like a fool publicly. Although with some people I wouldn’t rule out that second one! Sabotage often has a more subtle approach. And every leader has experienced sabotage at some point.

Often sabotage looks more like digging in heels to stop progress. Sabotage is when a person is more attracted to the status quo than the transformational change being implemented. Sabotage will sometimes look like bickering and fighting. It will look like division. Sometimes it even looks like abandoning the organization, the leader, or even a friendship for something better.

I’m not going to go airing dirty laundry here but I’ve experienced my fair share of sabotage moments. People who claim to be friends but when they don’t get what they want just bail on you. That sucks if I’m able to be blunt, and since this is my blog I can be blunt.

Part of leadership is being prepared to be sabotaged. Unfortunately we don’t prepare people to be treated like this. We tend to paint rosy pictures of beautiful landscapes where everyone gets along nicely. I don’t know what world those people are living in but it sure isn’t the world I live in!

Look I’m not saying that sabotage is evil perpetrated against you. It’s not some evil plot by bad people. Actually it’s simply the normal reaction of people who get overwhelmed by their own anxiety. Disappointment and sabotage happen. There’s nothing you’re going to do to stop either one of them. But you can change how you react to them. And that’s how leaders are formed.

Another Perspective

February 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. You have illness after illness and people around you are always healthy.

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, or anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. No one posts the bad stuff. Perfectly posed. Lighting is staged. Tummy sucked in. Standing on a box to look taller because everyone knows you’re short (ok maybe that would be me if I actually cared enough to post pictures of myself!) I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, try asking what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for, working toward, and expecting for years, your time is coming.

Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time. Maybe your time is coming.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier, but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming, things tend to look different.

Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from scarcity to abundance.

It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

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