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Tag: leadership (Page 7 of 16)

Focus

March 12, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I recently went to the eye doctor and rediscovered something I’ve known for a while. Yes I have decent eye sight and no I don’t need glasses. He told me two things that weren’t really new but were reminders for me.

The first thing he told me was that my right eye is near-sighted which means I have a harder time seeing things farther away. And while that sounds like a problem, and it would be if I didn’t have my left eye. You see my left eye has just the opposite issue. It’s far sighted which means it sees better farther away. This means, according to my eye doctor, that I have the best possible scenario for someone who’s either near or far sighted. Because I’m both! I told him I’ve always been a bit of an over achiever.

That was met with a slight eye roll and sympathetic laughter.

The second issue he mentioned with regard to my eyes wasn’t about how they can see near or far. The issued I’ve had since I was at least in grade school is that my eyes naturally see wider than narrow. That means when you hold a book and your eyes focus on that book at a normal arm’s length, my eyes have to strain to turn inward to see that book. It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s just a fact that my eyes’ natural center is much farther out than a normal person.

These two conditions combined mean that I have to focus on focusing. Most people don’t have to think about their line of sight or how to focus on a book up close or poster farther away. Not so with me. I have to force my eyes to lock in on a book when I’m hold in it up close. Then I have to make sure I let my left eye focus on objects farther away while I let righty handle that stuff up close.

Ok long intro here I know but stick with me. Focus is a huge thing for many of us. Not as much eye focus as mental focus. Ever have one of those moments when you have to force yourself to tune everything out? Studying for a test and there’s noise from your little brother filling your room? Trying to read a book and the television is on in the background because your spouse isn’t the book worm that you are?

Focus is essential and in a digital world that focus often gets even more challenging. I’ve been on zoom calls when my dog decided that was the perfect time to get the zoomies. If you’re not a dog person, that’s what we call it when the dog takes off running around for no apparent reason and can’t be stopped until she’s totally worn out. Yeah that’s a fun one!

But it’s not just outside noises that cause us to lose focus. We get distracted by the noises filling our heads. Ha that sounds funny. I don’t mean hearing voices, although maybe??? But more the laundry list of things that need done filtering through your mind when you’re trying to do something else.

I find myself doing this probably more than I’d like to admit. Sitting down to read my bible in the morning and my calendar or to do list start yelling at me. Take time to pray for those people in my life who are struggling or celebrating and yep you guessed it. I get distracted by my stomach growling, wondering if I locked my car in the parking lot, realizing I’m getting hungry, wondering if my family will make it to work or school safely. You know all the things that pull my focus away from what I’m trying to do!

Here’s the deal. There are tools that can help you with focus. I had to have glasses that acted like prisms to kind of spread the words on a book outward so my eyes didn’t have to work as hard. Then my eyes learned to adjust so that now I don’t need that anymore.

With practice and an intentional focus on focus, you’ll be able to cut through the clutter of life and see the most important things going on in the moment. So if you struggle with focus like I do, then try this.

  • Give the distraction room for a second. The more you fight the distraction the more distracting it will be. Give it room in your mind for a second to see if it needs your attention or if it can wait.
  • Write it down. After giving it a little breathing room, if you decide your invading thought is valid and needs attention just jot it down on a piece of paper or in the notes app on your phone.
  • Then leave it alone! Refocusing after a foreign invader comes in and derails your meditation can be challenging. After you write it down set the paper or phone aside and try to pick back up.
  • Breathe. Yep you need to do it anyway so why not let your breathing help bring you back to the moment right before you went all ADHD. Take a breath. Calm yourself. Let the distraction just kind of fade into oblivion. I find it helpful to really hone in on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Getting full, deep breaths can be super helpful.

Whatever works for you is the process you should really try. But you’re not allowed to say I can’t focus. You just need to focus on getting focused. The more practice you have focusing through distractions the easier it will be to stay focused when those distractions creep in.

The Art of Getting Stuff Done Without Doing Stuff

March 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Delegation is a word that often evokes mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s the secret sauce to productivity, allowing you to conquer Mount Everest without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, it can feel like entrusting your precious project to a group of monkeys with MacBooks. But there can be a middle ground here. Delegation doesn’t have to be a daunting task. In fact, it can be one of your greatest tools if approached with the right mindset.

The Circus of Delegation

Imagine for a minute that you’re the ringmaster of a circus, juggling flaming swords, I mean tasks, while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. Meanwhile, your team is a group of acrobats waiting for their turn to dazzle the audience. Delegation is essentially directing each act to ensure a spectacular performance, without setting the whole circus tent ablaze.

Could you imagine a circus where the ring master did all of the stunts himself? Could you imagine what it would be like if she rode in on the white horse while juggling, then turned to tame the lion. Jumped up on the trapeze. Did a few flips and twirls. Then made the elephants dance. All the while being dressed as a clown and ends the show by climbing into a way too small car!

When we don’t delegate, it’s like we’re doing that very thing. It’s like we’re trying to run the whole circus. Life isn’t like a one man band kind of show however. For the circus of life to be best lived out, we need to bring others along for the ride.

Delegation isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about knowing what you can give to someone else to do. It’s about being able to wisely determine what only you can do and what someone else can do better.

A philosophy that I learned a long time ago is to only do what only you can do. And no I don’t do this perfectly at all. But delegation can only happen after you determine what role you have to play in something and what roles you can hand off to someone else who is just as, if not more, capable than you!

All too often delegation is about getting rid of the things we simply hate doing. While this is a very tempting practice, it’s not really the point of delegation. The point of delegation is to off load the things that aren’t necessary for you to do but still need to get done.

A good example of this is in my role as a pastor there are some administrative support functions that need to happen. We have bulletins that need printed and presentations that need built. I don’t mind doing those at all. Actually sometimes doing those is a mind numbing exercise that I would love to do! But it’s not the best use of my time or energy, so that’s where my ever faithful and truly competent secretary enters. Bailey takes all those logistical, detailed parts and pieces and turns them into reality so that I can be freed up to do things that just aren’t in her wheel house. Pretty sure she wouldn’t want to prep a message or get in front of people to speak.

Delegation is an art form, a delicate dance between trust and guidance. Embrace it for the benefits it brings, and suddenly, your workload becomes a circus act worth applauding. Remember, delegation isn’t about shirking responsibilities; it’s about orchestrating a symphony of skills to create something greater than the sum of its parts.

So, put on your ringmaster hat, release the clowns from their car, and watch as your team (either staff or volunteers) transforms into a well-oiled machine. Soon you just might have the greatest show on earth as well.

Turbulence

March 7, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I’m not a person who flies a lot. Ok I do what I can to not have to fly. Every once in a while the destination is too far away or the timing isn’t quite right for me to drive somewhere. In these moments I have to break down and sit in a metal tube going 600mph at 37,000 feet in the air. As a matter of fact, that’s my current situation as I write this. 

When things are going well, you don’t really think about the flight. A little extra noise. A little pressure in the ears. Pop on a movie or open a book and time flies by.

I had my standard cranberry juice in front of me. A small pack of graham crackers as my in flight snack. And then it happened. 

The captain came over the speaker and announced we were moving into some bumpy air space and he needed to have the flight attendants take their seats. He then said “Ladies and gentlemen it’s going to get bumpy for the remainder of our flight so stay seated with your seat belts fastened.” 

Turbulence is the official name for that bumpy air space. And man did we find some!

The plane was shaking just about every which way you could imagine. I even had to stop typing because I couldn’t hold my iPad securely anymore. But in the end, we made it to the ground safely. Back wheels touched. Front wheels touched and before we knew it we were taxiing to the gate. 

But in the midst of the turbulence we couldn’t see the gate. We didn’t know where the airport was. We had to trust the pilot and his instruments to get us to our destination and on the ground safely. 

Life is full of turbulent moments. Things don’t always go quite as expected. We hit bumps in life and wonder if we’re going to make it to our destination. The turbulence we experience in life comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be emotional turbulence. You know the kind of broken emotional state that happens when a relationship falls apart right in front of your eyes and you can’t do anything about it. Or there’s the physical turbulence that occurs when you or someone you love is diagnosed with a life threatening illness. There’s mental turbulence that comes in the form of depression and anxiety and overwhelming stress.  There’s occupational turbulence when your boss is a real tool. And there’s more but you get the idea.

Turbulence can be found in our lives often without our even looking for it. So how do we get through it? 

Just like the pilot on my flight relied on the trusted instrumentation that has brought him through countless bumpy air space moments, we can rely on that which is trust in our own lives. For followers of Jesus, our trusted instrumentation isn’t a computer system or even some great training. It’s the truth of Scripture and the person of Jesus. 

When we let ourselves be led by Jesus, following the guidelines found in his word, we rely on the most trusted instrumentation system around. Even though we might not know how it all will end, we can trust the proven nature of God’s provision to bring us through the turbulence of life safely. 

So buckle up friends, we’re likely in for a bumpy ride. But rest assured the pilot knows what he’s doing.

Discipline

March 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

This week’s word of the day is discipline. Now there are two ways to look at discipline. There’s a negative connotation that says if we step out of line we’ll be met with discipline or punishment. Then there’s the positive spin on the word that indicates hard work, persistence, and dedication.

I’m going to focus on the second one for now. The positive use of the word discipline isn’t always seen positively by some however. I really think a lack of discipline is causing some major issues in our culture today. From diet and exercise to school attendance and productivity at work to parenting to grades in school and even performance in sports – discipline is essential. Unfortunately, in many cases discipline is seemingly lacking.

If you look at some of the GOATs in life (greatest of all time) regardless of their field, you’ll notice that they pretty much have one thing in common. They were disciplined. They didn’t let a failure or misstep prevent them from continuing. They knew what needed done and they did it. Even when they didn’t feel like it.

Discipline is the ability to intentionally and carefully control the way you work, live or behave especially in an effort to achieve goals.

Being disciplined really isn’t hard. It just takes, well discipline. I know. You’re not supposed to use the word in its definition! But what other word should we use? It takes work. It takes dedication. It takes tenacity. It takes intentionality. It takes the ability to push through hardships to get the job done.

A lack of discipline is why many have already abandoned their New Year’s resolutions. Lack of discipline is a major reason people can’t stick with a diet. It’s why gyms are already less full than they were just a few short weeks ago. A lack of discipline is why we give up on things or bale when life gets hard.

What is an area of your life that needs a little discipline? What’s an area where you need to put in a little extra work?

To make it a tad easier pick an area where you are passionate. Find an area of your life that needs to change. Make sure you care about this area of your life. Make sure accomplishing it is something that will bring joy and excitement to your life. It will be hard to get yourself moving if you don’t really care about accomplishing this task.

Then when you make strides toward accomplishing it, find ways to reward yourself. If you’re not a naturally disciplined person, then you might need to bribe yourself to becoming disciplined. At this point, do what it takes to get yourself moving. Just take sure your reward is something that makes sense for your goal. So don’t reward yourself with chocolate cake when you’re on a diet goal.

Celebrate small wins. Keep focused on the end result. You’ll get there. Just keep going even if you have to force yourself for a while.

Can Suffering Be Good?

March 4, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So there’s a passage in the Bible that is a bit odd for many of us. It’s found in Romans 5 where Paul says that we rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us. The ending seems mostly ok. Most people can agree with the character and hope bit, but it’s the starting point that’s questionable for many people.

Rejoice in our sufferings? What’s that about? Who does that?

Ok for starters we have to make sure we get the preposition right. It’s rejoice IN our sufferings. It’s not that we’re supposed to rejoice FOR our sufferings. There’s a pretty big distinction here.

Paul is not some masochist or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Paul is really wanting anyone to have to suffer necessarily, let alone do it with a smile on their face. Instead, he’s saying that even in the midst of some less than desirable circumstances we should be able to find joy. We should be able to live with a different kind of perspective on life.

The second part of this that’s key is the word rejoice. Note that he doesn’t say be happy. Because that would be just weird. Happy for suffering? No that’s not going to happen. Happiness at its core has the right set of happenings that allow us to be happy. You can see it in the root word: happy…happenings.

So what is this bible verse trying to tell us?

The long and short is that suffering is going to happen in life. With that in mind we can react one of two ways. We can let suffering crush us and totally derail our lives, or we can look to the greater purpose in our suffering to see what God might be up to. What does he want us to learn?

You see the sufferings, or afflictions of life are often there for a purpose. Sometimes the sufferings are the direct result of something we’ve done. Kind of like a consequence for bad behavior. But other times the afflictions are there to help us see something differently. Still other times a moment of suffering is kind of like pruning a rose bush. If you don’t prune the dead flowers off a rose bush, you won’t have many roses. But if you trim the dead blooms off at just the right place and at just the right time, you can double the amount of blooms you have!

The same is true for afflictions in life. Sometimes those afflictions are moments of pruning. God is cutting back the dead parts of our lives to allow us to produce more fruit, to draw us closer to him, to help us see just how much he can provide for us even when life is really hard.

And I know it sucks! Pruning isn’t supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to make us happy. Remember it’s the whole idea of cutting something away. No one wants to have things cut away from them. It’s painful! But at times, it’s necessary.

Paul isn’t saying to smile through the pain. He’s not saying that if you just follow Jesus, the hurt won’t be as bad. No that’s bad theology! Paul is saying find joy in Jesus even when the world around you sucks. Know that Jesus is still God and is still in control even when nothing in life seems to be going right. Rejoice in life even through the horrible moments of fear and anxiety because you can trust that God knows far more about the scenario you’re going through than even you do.

Suffering may not be good in the moment but in the end, you just might be able to find God working something pretty powerful out of a moment of suffering.

Robust Dialogue

March 1, 2024 / / 1 Comment

The phrase Robust Dialogue became an easy favorite of mine in 2020 and 2021. I liked this phrase so much because this was something we didn’t have the chance to engage in nearly as much as we should! Robust dialogue is that conversation style that allows two differing opinions to sit down and talk through something. The goal of robust dialogue is not to convince. It’s to leave with a greater respect for a differing point of view.

Unfortunately this isn’t really a staple in our culture. We can barely get people to sit and talk face to face anymore much less engage in anything resembling robust dialogue!

But why can’t we do it? Why have we abandoned this heavy and rich conversation style?

I really think it has everything to do with being offended. No, I don’t mean that we don’t want to give offense toward anyone. We don’t want to have hard conversations because we don’t want to be offended.

Look I get it. Being offended by someone hurts. When someone doesn’t see your point of view it can be hurtful if you think you have something to prove. But the point of robust dialogue isn’t about proving anything. It’s about explaining how you see life. It’s your personal view of a situation or scenario.

Through the years of 2020 and 2021 we weren’t really given a lot of opportunity to speak what we believed because it seemed as if everything was offensive to someone. I really believe that we created more trouble than really existed simply because we wanted to offend people and see how they reacted.

Robust dialogue can be a tremendous type of conversation! I’m not the kind of guy who is afraid of conflict, but I don’t seek it out either. I don’t always go around stirring the pot just to get people all angry. But if someone comes to me with a different view of life, you better believe I’m going to voice my thoughts.

In those challenging years during the pandemic, I got a visit from a friend almost weekly. We didn’t see things the same way on a lot of issues. Every time we got into a conversation, the topic of something we disagreed upon came up. In the end, we would shake hands, or do the whole awkward elbow bump for a while, and leave as friends.

Robust dialogue didn’t kill a friendship. It actually forged it into something a bit stronger. I have some amazing respect for people who have strong values and stick to them. I value people who believe in something enough they want to share it with everyone, but have courtesy enough to let other people have a differing mindset.

I’m not saying to go pick a fight, but have the courage in your opinion to be able to talk about it with people who disagree with you. Don’t do it to change their mind. Do it to strengthen the friendship you have. If you really are friends, you can handle seeing something differently. If you can’t handle a disagreement, then you probably weren’t as good of friends as you thought in the first place.

Now don’t read that as a just get over it kind of statement if you happen to be offended. Offense takes time to process. The point here is to be ok with seeing ideas from two differing sides. We need to be ok with having conversations, rooting for different teams, voting on different sides of the aisle, going to different churches (or not even going) and still being able to talk to one another.

Iron is hardened in fire. Robust dialogue can be the fire that forges relationships when it’s handled with care.

Leadership

February 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

To be totally transparent, there’s really nothing new or earth shattering that can be said about leadership. It’s probably already been said by someone, somewhere. But I recently heard something on a podcast I was listening to that made me pause for a minute. Here was the definition of leadership they used.

Leadership is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.

Wow I love that definition and I hate that definition at the same time. I don’t like it for obvious reasons. I don’t like to disappoint people. No one does really. I’m typically the bull in a china shop who is willing to try new things to accomplish new results. I don’t cling to the way we’ve always done it forever, especially if that way is no longer yielding results. But I still don’t like to disappoint people.

That said, I do love this definition because it describes the life of leadership so very well. The longer you’ve been in leadership the longer you’ll realize that some people will just flat be disappointed with you. More than that however, some people will take that disappointment one step further and sabotage the work you’re doing. I’ll unpack that later.

Why are people so easily disappointed? It really comes down to comfort. We don’t like things to change from the status quo so we experience friction when things start to change. Friction is uncomfortable and that is disappointing to us.

It disappoints us when someone sits in our chair in church. We get disappointed when the style changes from something we’re used to…to something we’re less familiar with. We are disappointed when the leader doesn’t take our suggestion exactly the way we proposed it. I could spend the rest of this post listing out ways people get disappointed but that would benefit no one!

Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading. That means you have to know the things that are important to them and the things that they could care less about. How well you know the people you’re leading will help you know who to disappoint and who not to disappoint as often. But if you’re a leader, then you’re going to disappoint everyone at some point.

Back to knowing your people. Not everyone you lead thinks, acts, believes or finds important the same things. Knowing what makes them tick will help you know who to bring into which team and at what stage in their life. Timing is key to minimizing disappointment.

Some of you might be scratching your heads still over the idea of sabotage. When disappointment persists there will be sabotage. Now I don’t mean that they’ll plant explosives in your car or intentionally derail the thing you’re doing and make you look like a fool publicly. Although with some people I wouldn’t rule out that second one! Sabotage often has a more subtle approach. And every leader has experienced sabotage at some point.

Often sabotage looks more like digging in heels to stop progress. Sabotage is when a person is more attracted to the status quo than the transformational change being implemented. Sabotage will sometimes look like bickering and fighting. It will look like division. Sometimes it even looks like abandoning the organization, the leader, or even a friendship for something better.

I’m not going to go airing dirty laundry here but I’ve experienced my fair share of sabotage moments. People who claim to be friends but when they don’t get what they want just bail on you. That sucks if I’m able to be blunt, and since this is my blog I can be blunt.

Part of leadership is being prepared to be sabotaged. Unfortunately we don’t prepare people to be treated like this. We tend to paint rosy pictures of beautiful landscapes where everyone gets along nicely. I don’t know what world those people are living in but it sure isn’t the world I live in!

Look I’m not saying that sabotage is evil perpetrated against you. It’s not some evil plot by bad people. Actually it’s simply the normal reaction of people who get overwhelmed by their own anxiety. Disappointment and sabotage happen. There’s nothing you’re going to do to stop either one of them. But you can change how you react to them. And that’s how leaders are formed.

Another Perspective

February 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. You have illness after illness and people around you are always healthy.

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, or anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. No one posts the bad stuff. Perfectly posed. Lighting is staged. Tummy sucked in. Standing on a box to look taller because everyone knows you’re short (ok maybe that would be me if I actually cared enough to post pictures of myself!) I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, try asking what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for, working toward, and expecting for years, your time is coming.

Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time. Maybe your time is coming.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier, but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming, things tend to look different.

Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from scarcity to abundance.

It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

Stages of Faith

January 26, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Now admittedly the title of this post will likely mean some won’t even read it. Maybe you’re not a person with a church home and think there’s no way this will mean anything to you. Well if you’re still here, I’d like you to just keep going because while this is going to reference faith in God, there are some transferrable elements here to any belief structure.

There’s a book titled The Critical Journey where you can get more details on these stages. I’ll do my best to offer a very high level summary of my findings on these stages and how they apply to our lives today.

Submission

The book calls the first stage Recognition of God, but I want to go with a slightly different name. The idea is that in this stage you recognize you’re not in control of your life. There’s something or someone out there who’s guiding your life through. Some call it the universe which to me is a tad sci-fi. I call it God, and the way he does it is through the work of what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit.

In the first stage, we surrender or submit our lives to God. We acknowledge there are things we don’t know and things we can’t control. We recognize that God ultimately has our best interests at heart. We still live our lives. Not much externally will change here but inside there’s at least an acknowledgment that something is different.

Learning

The second stage is called Life of Discipleship and focuses on the growth of learning that takes place. As we have this recognition that God exists and is untimely for us, we then turn to learning more about who he is and how he functions. The Bible calls this discipleship, which is what the book uses as well.

The idea here is that the ways of God start to become more ingrained in who you are and how you live. The character is God is something you look for around you. Your learning is sinking in and shaping how you see the world around you. The transition to the next step then becomes easy the more you learn.

Achievement

The third stage of faith is when the submission and learning become doing. This is the Productive Life stage. There are things on the outside that start to change a little. We shift our time around to be in worship on Sundays. We set aside some of our household budget to give to the local church. We try to cuss less. You know all those things that happen when you’re not living your life just please yourself.

This stage is marked by outward expressions of our faith. We’re definitely not there yet as the saying goes, but we’re letting the learning start to chisel away the rough edges of our lives.

Reflection

There’s generally a time when we’ve done a lot of learning and started to become more active at church when we feel a need for something more. This is the Inward Journey stage.

Here we spend time meditating, praying, reflecting and wanting more than just surface level stuff. Sunday morning worship is great but we long for something more. We recognize that we need to take the Sunday morning event and move it into our relationships and darkest corners of our lives. There’s generally time spent in counseling to help dig deep into our inner lives to see what really makes us tick and how this whole faith thing will make a difference beyond an hour a week.

Journey

Sometime during the reflection stage and before we get to the Outward Journey stage we’re going to hit a wall. This is the place where the chaos of life hits us square between the eyes. It generally happens with a conflict or significant loss. The wall is found in an unexpected divorce, job loss, major conflict with friends. It happens when life is upside down and inside out. As we navigate the wall in front of us, the reflection stage will either loop us back to the beginning or propel us on a journey of outward expression of faith.

This fifth stage is all about living out in a very intentional way the elements of our faith that are critical. For Christians, this is changing the motivations of hearts to love. We often will continue to do what we’ve been doing, but now it’s for a different reason. Our motives become pure in light of the inner faith journey we’ve been through. We’re not perfected in love and we still struggle, but the fifth stage is really all about intentionally walking in the faith we claim.

Love

The sixth and final stage the book proposes is really living a life of love. That phrase is a bit sappy sounding but it’s not really all touchy feely, crying and hugging kind of love. The highest level of faith development is when the love for Christ and love for neighbor propel all of what we say and do.

Of course there will still be hiccups along the way. Of course we’ll falter and even fail in this process. The overarching idea however is that we have arrived at a place where the message of God’s love and mercy has been so internalized and applied to our relationships and struggles that it just oozes out of us everywhere we go.

Unfortunately, many people or perhaps even most people never make it past stage three. They get stuck in the achievements of faith section. They volunteer at church and show up for worship. They sing or perform or help on teams, but their level of faith is never really internalized or lived out in real time.

There will be some who make it to stage four but this and the wall associated with it normally serves as a strong roadblock to going further. Perhaps knowing the stages will be helpful in progressing through the cycle. Maybe if we know there can be more than just knowing God and his teachings then we’ll long to find a way to do that and it will shape how we live.

Wherever you are on the cycle, there’s always room to grow and mature. There’s always another step in the journey. Where are you?

Cynicism

January 24, 2024 / / 0 Comments

For starters this is one of those words the never looks right to me when I type it. It seems all weird and no spelling actually feels right. So I have to rely on the cool squiggly red line underneath to help me out.

Cynicism is a pretty dangerous thing. To be cynical is to doubt the reality of something. Here are a few different ways to look at cynicism.

One definition correlates cynicism with skepticism. The idea that someone is always up to something contrary to what they say. Someone with ulterior motives would be another way to put it.

In a book titled A Praying Life the author says that cynicism is to be distant, leading to a creeping deadness that destroys the spirit. The book goes on to say that cynicism leaves us doubting and unable to dream. The idea here is that when we become cynical to life, we shut down our hearts and kind of just go through the motions unable to see the reality that’s right in front of us.

C.S. Lewis says that cynicism is seeing through something. He then goes on to say, You cannot go on ‘seeing through’ things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too? It is no use trying to ‘see through’ first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see.

Do you get what C.S. Lewis is saying here? He’s essentially saying where does cynicism end. When you try to see through one thing only to find yourself trying to see through the next and the next as well, you see nothing. Eventually, everything is something else and you don’t know what’s real and what’s false.

This word cynicism comes out of a study of Isaiah 29 as I prepare for a bible study I’m leading. While he doesn’t use the word specifically, this is what he’s talking about. He’s talking about dullness or dryness of faith and life. Isaiah is basically telling the people that they’ve been so cynical of the things of faith that now they don’t even see what God is up to because they’re essentially looking through it.

If we take the word cynical as our word of the day this week, we need to wrestle with where it’s found its way into our daily lives. Where have you been overly cynical? Where has cynicism made life around you so transparent that you can’t even see what’s right there in front of you?

Is it your job? Making you think that nothing you can do is good enough for your boss. Perhaps it’s in your marriage? He’ll never really love me the way I need to be loved. She’ll never trust me again. Maybe it’s in your other relationships? Everyone’s out to get me. No one trusts me. I’m not worth anything. What about your worship? Just going through the motions without a second thought. Your heart isn’t really in it so you’re just faking it til you make it.

Whatever area your cynicism has crept in, you need to deal with it. And there are two things needed to deal with cynicism in life: truth and direction. Both are necessary but we can’t have the direction without first seeing the truth.

Cynicism is like a pair of glasses that cause us to look through the moment at the intentions. And if we’re being honest, the intentions we see aren’t the real intentions but rather ones our cynical minds have made up. This is because cynicism brings a disconnect between our head and our heart.

When we are submerged in the truth of a given scenario, it’s like someone takes those crazy x-ray glasses off. Now instead of seeing assumed motives, we’re able to see the words on the page. We’re able to hear the real voice on the other end of the phone. We’re able to see the actions for what they really are and not for something we formulated in our heads. The only way to do this is to remove the glasses by putting on new glasses of the truth.

Like a bad prescription changes how we see the world around us, so also a cynical lens negatively impacts how we see life. The lenses of truth are put back on when we surround ourselves with people who have the truth. We need to be able to listen to hard things. Be challenged. We need to be honest with ourselves and those around us. And when we do, the truth will shift our eyesight from seeing through something to seeing something through it.

After we change out our glasses to ones filled with truth, we need to look in the direction the truth is pointing us. Now that we’re able to see a little more clearly, we can see what’s in front of us and what’s on the other side of the window C.S. Lewis referred to in his quote.

As we navigate the challenge of cynicism in our lives, we are forced to deal with our own demons. Cynicism isn’t someone else’s problem. You can’t call out cynicism in someone else. You have to see it in you. Take an honest look. Where have you been cynical? What truth have you missed by looking through it to see something that isn’t even there? What direction are you supposed to be going that you didn’t even know existed because you looked through the road map by your cynical thinking?

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