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Tag: leadership (Page 7 of 15)

Robust Dialogue

March 1, 2024 / / 1 Comment

The phrase Robust Dialogue became an easy favorite of mine in 2020 and 2021. I liked this phrase so much because this was something we didn’t have the chance to engage in nearly as much as we should! Robust dialogue is that conversation style that allows two differing opinions to sit down and talk through something. The goal of robust dialogue is not to convince. It’s to leave with a greater respect for a differing point of view.

Unfortunately this isn’t really a staple in our culture. We can barely get people to sit and talk face to face anymore much less engage in anything resembling robust dialogue!

But why can’t we do it? Why have we abandoned this heavy and rich conversation style?

I really think it has everything to do with being offended. No, I don’t mean that we don’t want to give offense toward anyone. We don’t want to have hard conversations because we don’t want to be offended.

Look I get it. Being offended by someone hurts. When someone doesn’t see your point of view it can be hurtful if you think you have something to prove. But the point of robust dialogue isn’t about proving anything. It’s about explaining how you see life. It’s your personal view of a situation or scenario.

Through the years of 2020 and 2021 we weren’t really given a lot of opportunity to speak what we believed because it seemed as if everything was offensive to someone. I really believe that we created more trouble than really existed simply because we wanted to offend people and see how they reacted.

Robust dialogue can be a tremendous type of conversation! I’m not the kind of guy who is afraid of conflict, but I don’t seek it out either. I don’t always go around stirring the pot just to get people all angry. But if someone comes to me with a different view of life, you better believe I’m going to voice my thoughts.

In those challenging years during the pandemic, I got a visit from a friend almost weekly. We didn’t see things the same way on a lot of issues. Every time we got into a conversation, the topic of something we disagreed upon came up. In the end, we would shake hands, or do the whole awkward elbow bump for a while, and leave as friends.

Robust dialogue didn’t kill a friendship. It actually forged it into something a bit stronger. I have some amazing respect for people who have strong values and stick to them. I value people who believe in something enough they want to share it with everyone, but have courtesy enough to let other people have a differing mindset.

I’m not saying to go pick a fight, but have the courage in your opinion to be able to talk about it with people who disagree with you. Don’t do it to change their mind. Do it to strengthen the friendship you have. If you really are friends, you can handle seeing something differently. If you can’t handle a disagreement, then you probably weren’t as good of friends as you thought in the first place.

Now don’t read that as a just get over it kind of statement if you happen to be offended. Offense takes time to process. The point here is to be ok with seeing ideas from two differing sides. We need to be ok with having conversations, rooting for different teams, voting on different sides of the aisle, going to different churches (or not even going) and still being able to talk to one another.

Iron is hardened in fire. Robust dialogue can be the fire that forges relationships when it’s handled with care.

Leadership

February 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

To be totally transparent, there’s really nothing new or earth shattering that can be said about leadership. It’s probably already been said by someone, somewhere. But I recently heard something on a podcast I was listening to that made me pause for a minute. Here was the definition of leadership they used.

Leadership is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.

Wow I love that definition and I hate that definition at the same time. I don’t like it for obvious reasons. I don’t like to disappoint people. No one does really. I’m typically the bull in a china shop who is willing to try new things to accomplish new results. I don’t cling to the way we’ve always done it forever, especially if that way is no longer yielding results. But I still don’t like to disappoint people.

That said, I do love this definition because it describes the life of leadership so very well. The longer you’ve been in leadership the longer you’ll realize that some people will just flat be disappointed with you. More than that however, some people will take that disappointment one step further and sabotage the work you’re doing. I’ll unpack that later.

Why are people so easily disappointed? It really comes down to comfort. We don’t like things to change from the status quo so we experience friction when things start to change. Friction is uncomfortable and that is disappointing to us.

It disappoints us when someone sits in our chair in church. We get disappointed when the style changes from something we’re used to…to something we’re less familiar with. We are disappointed when the leader doesn’t take our suggestion exactly the way we proposed it. I could spend the rest of this post listing out ways people get disappointed but that would benefit no one!

Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading. That means you have to know the things that are important to them and the things that they could care less about. How well you know the people you’re leading will help you know who to disappoint and who not to disappoint as often. But if you’re a leader, then you’re going to disappoint everyone at some point.

Back to knowing your people. Not everyone you lead thinks, acts, believes or finds important the same things. Knowing what makes them tick will help you know who to bring into which team and at what stage in their life. Timing is key to minimizing disappointment.

Some of you might be scratching your heads still over the idea of sabotage. When disappointment persists there will be sabotage. Now I don’t mean that they’ll plant explosives in your car or intentionally derail the thing you’re doing and make you look like a fool publicly. Although with some people I wouldn’t rule out that second one! Sabotage often has a more subtle approach. And every leader has experienced sabotage at some point.

Often sabotage looks more like digging in heels to stop progress. Sabotage is when a person is more attracted to the status quo than the transformational change being implemented. Sabotage will sometimes look like bickering and fighting. It will look like division. Sometimes it even looks like abandoning the organization, the leader, or even a friendship for something better.

I’m not going to go airing dirty laundry here but I’ve experienced my fair share of sabotage moments. People who claim to be friends but when they don’t get what they want just bail on you. That sucks if I’m able to be blunt, and since this is my blog I can be blunt.

Part of leadership is being prepared to be sabotaged. Unfortunately we don’t prepare people to be treated like this. We tend to paint rosy pictures of beautiful landscapes where everyone gets along nicely. I don’t know what world those people are living in but it sure isn’t the world I live in!

Look I’m not saying that sabotage is evil perpetrated against you. It’s not some evil plot by bad people. Actually it’s simply the normal reaction of people who get overwhelmed by their own anxiety. Disappointment and sabotage happen. There’s nothing you’re going to do to stop either one of them. But you can change how you react to them. And that’s how leaders are formed.

Another Perspective

February 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. You have illness after illness and people around you are always healthy.

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, or anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. No one posts the bad stuff. Perfectly posed. Lighting is staged. Tummy sucked in. Standing on a box to look taller because everyone knows you’re short (ok maybe that would be me if I actually cared enough to post pictures of myself!) I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, try asking what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for, working toward, and expecting for years, your time is coming.

Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time. Maybe your time is coming.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier, but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming, things tend to look different.

Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from scarcity to abundance.

It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

Stages of Faith

January 26, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Now admittedly the title of this post will likely mean some won’t even read it. Maybe you’re not a person with a church home and think there’s no way this will mean anything to you. Well if you’re still here, I’d like you to just keep going because while this is going to reference faith in God, there are some transferrable elements here to any belief structure.

There’s a book titled The Critical Journey where you can get more details on these stages. I’ll do my best to offer a very high level summary of my findings on these stages and how they apply to our lives today.

Submission

The book calls the first stage Recognition of God, but I want to go with a slightly different name. The idea is that in this stage you recognize you’re not in control of your life. There’s something or someone out there who’s guiding your life through. Some call it the universe which to me is a tad sci-fi. I call it God, and the way he does it is through the work of what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit.

In the first stage, we surrender or submit our lives to God. We acknowledge there are things we don’t know and things we can’t control. We recognize that God ultimately has our best interests at heart. We still live our lives. Not much externally will change here but inside there’s at least an acknowledgment that something is different.

Learning

The second stage is called Life of Discipleship and focuses on the growth of learning that takes place. As we have this recognition that God exists and is untimely for us, we then turn to learning more about who he is and how he functions. The Bible calls this discipleship, which is what the book uses as well.

The idea here is that the ways of God start to become more ingrained in who you are and how you live. The character is God is something you look for around you. Your learning is sinking in and shaping how you see the world around you. The transition to the next step then becomes easy the more you learn.

Achievement

The third stage of faith is when the submission and learning become doing. This is the Productive Life stage. There are things on the outside that start to change a little. We shift our time around to be in worship on Sundays. We set aside some of our household budget to give to the local church. We try to cuss less. You know all those things that happen when you’re not living your life just please yourself.

This stage is marked by outward expressions of our faith. We’re definitely not there yet as the saying goes, but we’re letting the learning start to chisel away the rough edges of our lives.

Reflection

There’s generally a time when we’ve done a lot of learning and started to become more active at church when we feel a need for something more. This is the Inward Journey stage.

Here we spend time meditating, praying, reflecting and wanting more than just surface level stuff. Sunday morning worship is great but we long for something more. We recognize that we need to take the Sunday morning event and move it into our relationships and darkest corners of our lives. There’s generally time spent in counseling to help dig deep into our inner lives to see what really makes us tick and how this whole faith thing will make a difference beyond an hour a week.

Journey

Sometime during the reflection stage and before we get to the Outward Journey stage we’re going to hit a wall. This is the place where the chaos of life hits us square between the eyes. It generally happens with a conflict or significant loss. The wall is found in an unexpected divorce, job loss, major conflict with friends. It happens when life is upside down and inside out. As we navigate the wall in front of us, the reflection stage will either loop us back to the beginning or propel us on a journey of outward expression of faith.

This fifth stage is all about living out in a very intentional way the elements of our faith that are critical. For Christians, this is changing the motivations of hearts to love. We often will continue to do what we’ve been doing, but now it’s for a different reason. Our motives become pure in light of the inner faith journey we’ve been through. We’re not perfected in love and we still struggle, but the fifth stage is really all about intentionally walking in the faith we claim.

Love

The sixth and final stage the book proposes is really living a life of love. That phrase is a bit sappy sounding but it’s not really all touchy feely, crying and hugging kind of love. The highest level of faith development is when the love for Christ and love for neighbor propel all of what we say and do.

Of course there will still be hiccups along the way. Of course we’ll falter and even fail in this process. The overarching idea however is that we have arrived at a place where the message of God’s love and mercy has been so internalized and applied to our relationships and struggles that it just oozes out of us everywhere we go.

Unfortunately, many people or perhaps even most people never make it past stage three. They get stuck in the achievements of faith section. They volunteer at church and show up for worship. They sing or perform or help on teams, but their level of faith is never really internalized or lived out in real time.

There will be some who make it to stage four but this and the wall associated with it normally serves as a strong roadblock to going further. Perhaps knowing the stages will be helpful in progressing through the cycle. Maybe if we know there can be more than just knowing God and his teachings then we’ll long to find a way to do that and it will shape how we live.

Wherever you are on the cycle, there’s always room to grow and mature. There’s always another step in the journey. Where are you?

Cynicism

January 24, 2024 / / 0 Comments

For starters this is one of those words the never looks right to me when I type it. It seems all weird and no spelling actually feels right. So I have to rely on the cool squiggly red line underneath to help me out.

Cynicism is a pretty dangerous thing. To be cynical is to doubt the reality of something. Here are a few different ways to look at cynicism.

One definition correlates cynicism with skepticism. The idea that someone is always up to something contrary to what they say. Someone with ulterior motives would be another way to put it.

In a book titled A Praying Life the author says that cynicism is to be distant, leading to a creeping deadness that destroys the spirit. The book goes on to say that cynicism leaves us doubting and unable to dream. The idea here is that when we become cynical to life, we shut down our hearts and kind of just go through the motions unable to see the reality that’s right in front of us.

C.S. Lewis says that cynicism is seeing through something. He then goes on to say, You cannot go on ‘seeing through’ things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too? It is no use trying to ‘see through’ first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see.

Do you get what C.S. Lewis is saying here? He’s essentially saying where does cynicism end. When you try to see through one thing only to find yourself trying to see through the next and the next as well, you see nothing. Eventually, everything is something else and you don’t know what’s real and what’s false.

This word cynicism comes out of a study of Isaiah 29 as I prepare for a bible study I’m leading. While he doesn’t use the word specifically, this is what he’s talking about. He’s talking about dullness or dryness of faith and life. Isaiah is basically telling the people that they’ve been so cynical of the things of faith that now they don’t even see what God is up to because they’re essentially looking through it.

If we take the word cynical as our word of the day this week, we need to wrestle with where it’s found its way into our daily lives. Where have you been overly cynical? Where has cynicism made life around you so transparent that you can’t even see what’s right there in front of you?

Is it your job? Making you think that nothing you can do is good enough for your boss. Perhaps it’s in your marriage? He’ll never really love me the way I need to be loved. She’ll never trust me again. Maybe it’s in your other relationships? Everyone’s out to get me. No one trusts me. I’m not worth anything. What about your worship? Just going through the motions without a second thought. Your heart isn’t really in it so you’re just faking it til you make it.

Whatever area your cynicism has crept in, you need to deal with it. And there are two things needed to deal with cynicism in life: truth and direction. Both are necessary but we can’t have the direction without first seeing the truth.

Cynicism is like a pair of glasses that cause us to look through the moment at the intentions. And if we’re being honest, the intentions we see aren’t the real intentions but rather ones our cynical minds have made up. This is because cynicism brings a disconnect between our head and our heart.

When we are submerged in the truth of a given scenario, it’s like someone takes those crazy x-ray glasses off. Now instead of seeing assumed motives, we’re able to see the words on the page. We’re able to hear the real voice on the other end of the phone. We’re able to see the actions for what they really are and not for something we formulated in our heads. The only way to do this is to remove the glasses by putting on new glasses of the truth.

Like a bad prescription changes how we see the world around us, so also a cynical lens negatively impacts how we see life. The lenses of truth are put back on when we surround ourselves with people who have the truth. We need to be able to listen to hard things. Be challenged. We need to be honest with ourselves and those around us. And when we do, the truth will shift our eyesight from seeing through something to seeing something through it.

After we change out our glasses to ones filled with truth, we need to look in the direction the truth is pointing us. Now that we’re able to see a little more clearly, we can see what’s in front of us and what’s on the other side of the window C.S. Lewis referred to in his quote.

As we navigate the challenge of cynicism in our lives, we are forced to deal with our own demons. Cynicism isn’t someone else’s problem. You can’t call out cynicism in someone else. You have to see it in you. Take an honest look. Where have you been cynical? What truth have you missed by looking through it to see something that isn’t even there? What direction are you supposed to be going that you didn’t even know existed because you looked through the road map by your cynical thinking?

The Gambler

January 19, 2024 / / 0 Comments

We can find wisdom just about anywhere, if all we do is look with open ears and eyes. One of the places we can find some of those wisdom nuggets is in the lyrics to songs. Maybe some of the new songs have that wisdom but I’m an old guy with a limited bandwidth for music, so I don’t spend my time listening to much that is of the modern generation.

Some of the most memorable music in my life happened when I was a kid. I think this is true for most of us actually. Through most of my middle school years, I spent countless weeks every summer riding shotgun as my grandpa drove across the country. Indiana one week. New York the next. Texarkana for the periodic extra long trips.

There were a few songs that we’d play over and over again. The theme song to Smokey and the Bandit was a sure favorite as we went east bound and down, loaded up and truckin’. I still play that from time to time on long road trips!

Another was the song The Gambler by a music icon, Kenny Rogers. Now some of you are likely saying something about that being a country song and you’re not a country music kind of guy. And you’re right. I don’t listen to a lot of country music. But this one is a classic and it has some real wisdom. Take the chorus as an example.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done.

Yep I sang those lyrics in my head as I typed them. And if you didn’t you need to listen to the song! In all seriousness there’s wisdom in these lyrics that compare life to a poker game. You’re dealt a hand. You need to figure out how you’re going to play it, because everyone has to play the hand they’re dealt.

Some days when you’re playin’ the hand you’re dealt, it’s easy. You throw your cards and toss your chips. Money flows like water. But other days you need to hold those cards close to your chest. You don’t let people see what you have. You don’t flash your hand to anyone because you just don’t know what they’re going to do with the information you share.

Still other days, those cards you’re dealt are just no fun and frankly destructive. So in those life moments, you need to know it’s ok to fold. Stack your cards in a pile facedown. Push your chair away from that table and excuse yourself from those sitting around it.

Then there are days when you don’t really even have time to collect yourself that much. You just toss the cards on the table. Grab your chips. And run. As fast as you can you get the heck out of dodge.

The moral of the story here is be aware of the cards in your hand. Know the players at the table in your little poker game we call life. It’s ok to hold those cards close for a season. It’s ok to fold and walk away. It’s even ok to let go of those cards completely and never look back.

I’m not sure what season you’re in and whether it’s a warm summer evening or a cold winter morning, but the game goes on. So learn to play your cards. One day as you sit alone on the sideline of life, then you can take time to count the payoff. But for now – hold ’em, fold ’em, walk away or run. However you do it, you have to play the cards you’ve been dealt.

Needy?

January 12, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I learned a lesson when I was selling cars that I believe is transferrable to just about every other field. Never make a significant and permanent decision as a result of a huge need.

Ok so that’s a tad vague so let me put some skin on that skeleton. In the car sales world, the easiest person to sell a car to was the one who came in saying My car just died and if I don’t get something today, I won’t be able to make it to work tomorrow!

Yep that actually happened. More than once! You know what that does to the sales person? There is a huge flashing neon sign above that person indicating they are a for sure sale. And it meant they were no longer in a position to negotiate on price much at all because they needed to buy more than I needed to sell.

The transferrable principle I try to live by is to never make a decision, or hire someone, when you’re feeling desperate and needy. The more needy we are, the more likely we will choose someone for what they can do instead of for the character and skill set they bring to the table. And this can be very dangerous!

Imagine for a minute that you need to hire someone to fill a critical role in your organization. You just fired half of your sales team because they weren’t performing and now you need to bring on more sales reps to handle the traffic that you know will be coming. A critical role in your business was just vacated by someone who left for another company or was removed for unethical practices. This can even be the case with volunteer teams when we just look for warm bodies instead of people who epitomize the character and values of our organization.

When we make a massive decision, like bringing someone onto the team, in the midst of a tremendous sense of desperation, it almost always ends really…really badly!

A better approach that I’ve found works fairly well in both the nonprofit landscape and even in for profit entities with which I’ve worked is to fill the gap for an intentionally temporary season. This means you might hire a sales person for a 3 month probationary period. Bring in the interim CEO to manage your growing company. Appoint an interim to fill the position at your nonprofit or ministry team.

When we make these massive shifts out of a sense of desperation, we often are so clouded by the need that we can’t see the reality in front of us. If the rest of the team is strong, then even a critical loss can be managed for a short duration of time by the rest of your competent staff.

Take a breath. Slow down. Look for a potential short term solution to give yourself a little room to make a clear headed decision.

Change

January 10, 2024 / / 0 Comments

There are two kinds of people in the world, and the title of this post revealed both sides. When you think of changes to something about which you’re passionate, you either get super excited or fight it with all your might. Which are you?

Admittedly, there are some gradients here. Some are like I’m in! Let’s change it all! Others are willing to change even though they know it will hurt. Still others who are not resistant to change will tiptoe into it knowing it needs to happen but not be super excited about it.

What I think everyone needs to understand is that change is essential and it is everywhere. Change doesn’t really care of you want to do it or not. Change doesn’t mind if you hate it or love it. Change is just change.

We change our clothes everyday, some of us more than once a day. The seasons change, unless you live in Ohio and it’s pretty much always gray and gloomy this time of year. Trees change from bare in the winter to buds in spring to leaves in summer. Grass changes from lush and green in the spring to dormant in the summer to back to dormant again in the winter months again.

Change is everywhere!

Watching changes happen from one season to another or changing your clothes are super easy. But what about when, after you get married, your new spouse changes the way the budget has always been worked? Or what happens when she makes chili in a different way than your mom used to make it? Or what about someone proposing a change in how your church does worship? (you know the whole hymnal vs band debate that seems to be never ending)

The point is some changes are easier to manage than others. While change doesn’t always have to be bad but it is always disruptive to comfort. And therein lies the problem. We love our comforts in life. We love to have our set routines. And when someone disrupts our routine, all hell breaks loose. We don’t want anyone to mess with the way it’s always been done!

Change can sometimes feel like that whole ice bucket challenge that was social media popular. Except it’s like someone doing that to you when you’re enjoying a nice steaming hot shower. It is awful! It shocks the system because it takes you out of your comfort zone.

Since this week’s word is change, consider how you handle change. Consider what types of changes are hardest for you to manage.

Intentionality

January 3, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Accidents happen. I know that. Some accidents are pretty destructive. I remember getting a call one day that someone in my family was in an accident. I rushed to make sure everyone was ok. And sure enough all humans were fine, but the car…not so much. Accidents, in many cases, result in something getting broken, damaged, or disrupted.

But there are some things in life that are happy accidents. These are the kinds of things that happen accidentally and still end up leaving you better off than had they not happened. You leave late for work and end up just missing a crash at the end of your road. You drop something on the floor in your bedroom. And when you bend over to pick it up, you find the ring that you lost weeks ago.

Accidents come in all shapes and sizes. Some are good. Some not so good. And some downright terrible. But rarely does something get built by accident. Rarely do we make massive improvements without some form of a plan. Enter today’s word: intentionality.

Intentionality, by definition, means the fact or quality of being done on purpose or with intent.

That’s well and good but let’s simplify that a bit. Intentionality is doing something on purpose, in a manner that’s well thought out. Risks are calculated. Losses evaluated. Plan established. Steps mapped out. ON purpose. NOT on accident.

As we start a new year, many people are going to write some goals for 2024. Lose weight. Run longer distances. Save more money. Pay off debt. Eat healthier. Get an advanced degree. Graduate. Whatever the goal, or resolution, you’re not going to do this accidentally. You need some form of intentional plan to make it happen.

Let’s take lose weight as an example. You can’t just wake up one morning and say Today’s the day. I’m going to lose 25 pounds. Gain muscle mass. Lessen my waist size by 2 inches. Then expect the fat to magically melt away. You need some form of a plan and you have to be intentional about it!

You need to find a gym or get some workout gear. You need to dump the Doritos out and replace them with something that grows out of the ground, like celery. (By the way, just typing that sounds gross!) You need to get some workout clothes. Maybe talk to a friend who knows exercise or get a personal trainer or at least watch a YouTube video. You need to set an alarm to get up a little earlier. You should probably block off time on your calendar so nothing gets in the way. A menu plan should be created to make meal prepping a little easier. Packing up some healthy, grab and go kind of snacks will make this more of a reality as well.

You see it takes intentionality. You have to make a plan and set it in motion. Having a friend to hold you accountable is probably a really good idea. I know for myself, there are mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed to go workout. I mean I live 30 minutes from the gym. But I have a friend I meet there and I know if I don’t show up I leave him high and dry.

It’s not just with New Year’s resolutions though that we need to be intentional. It’s the same thing with our personal and professional development. Things don’t just happen accidentally. We need to be intentional.

As a pastor, I meet a lot of people who treat their faith like a happy accident waiting to happen. It’s like they think showing up for worship on a Sunday will get just enough Jesus on them to get them out of a bind. But that’s not how it works. You need to be intentional.

Story after story in the Bible shows us that our faith grows by being intentional. People have to take time to read what God says in the Bible before they can hear what he tells them in answers to prayers.

The same is true in leadership. We can’t lead accidentally. We need to be intentional. We need to make plans and do our best to stick to them, or communicate changes as they need to be made so people can keep following.

Intentionality is a massively powerful tool that everyone needs in their toolbox. You can’t oops I did it again your way through life. And yes that reference is for all of you pop music fans from the early 2000s.

The long and short here is take time to be intentional. Slow down. Map out the plan. Set some benchmarks. Bring in someone to hold you accountable. It may cost you some extra time, effort, or money now, but in the long run it will benefit you more than you can realize.

What Do You Do?

January 2, 2024 / / 2 Comments

This is one of my least favorite questions ever. Inevitably I get asked this question by someone I’ve recently met or with whom I’m just getting a relationship built. And as soon as this question is answered, the conversation stops. I mean the conversation stops as abruptly as a car hitting a brick wall.

Part of the reason is my title. Some people have the title of CEO and it sounds all spicy and cool. Others have Officer or Engineer or Lead something or another. But my title is scary for some people. What do you do? I’m a pastor.

Insert the sound of a car screeching its tires coming to a stop.

The next thing that happens is one of three options. The least likely is for the person to say something like Oh that’s super cool! I’ve always wanted to know a pastor. Admittedly, this one is so unlikely that it’s never actually happened! But I guess it always could?

The next potential reaction would be for the conversation to just stop and the person to act like I no longer exist. This has actually happened a couple of times. It’s almost as if we’re having a great conversation. They find out I’m a pastor, and then I disappear. It’s like I vanish from their midst and they go on to something else like I’ve been transported through some wormhole into a different dimension of time and space. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

The most common reaction I get is Oh wow I’m sorry! As weird as this sounds, it always gives me a chuckle. You’re sorry? Really? For what? It’s not like someone held a gun to my head and told me to be a pastor or else. Actually I had a few people who tried to convince me to do something different with my life. What this question actually means however is Oh crap! I’m so sorry! I know I said something that probably offended you and now you’re going to say some magical phrase that’s going to get me banished to hell forever. Or something close to that anyway.

I think the problem is that people, and by people I mean those not connected to a church and those connected to a church, really don’t know what it means for a person to be a pastor. I don’t intend for that to be demeaning toward people by any means. It’s just most people have a pretty limited view of what a pastor does.

I’m the backside of many of those must be nice to only work one day a week kind of jokes. And yes I do know they are joking. But I also think it does show that many people, again both inside and outside of the church, don’t really know what it is that I do.

What do you do? Ok so let’s hit the obvious. I preach and teach about the Bible on Sunday. That’s kind of the given part of this whole scenario. What most people don’t know however is how long it takes to get ready for a given Sunday. I mean when I stand up front on a Sunday without notes and no cool teleprompter, there are 20+ hours that go into making that a reality. I could skimp on that and lessen the teaching but if I do that I should be fired. Without a script or anything it may look like I’m just winging it, but there’s a lot that goes into those couple of hours on a Sunday.

Add to that, there’s preparing small group material, overseeing other staff members, being a volunteer coordinator for over 150 volunteers throughout the year, party planner for those who want fun events but don’t know how to plan them, ensure that all the wheels are greased and running smoothly. Oh then there’s visiting those who are in hospitals and shut ins. Being involved in the community enough that the community knows we exist and are here for them. Did I mention being somewhat accessible nearly 24-7?

What do you do? Well, I’ve canceled vacations because someone has been on their deathbed. I hear some of the most awful stories of brokenness imaginable. Stories I can’t share with anyone, even my wife, because part of being a pastor is confidentiality and trust. I have to watch people say and do some pretty dumb things and not react too harshly in the moment. (sometimes I’m better at this than others).

What do you do? I get up a 2am when you’re having the worst night of your life. I come to your bedside when you’re terrified. I’m the one standing in the room when your loved one is struggling with their final moments. I’m there to carry you when your marriage is shattered. I shift my schedule to meet with you because you have a day job and my schedule is more flexible. I stand in the room with the lifeless body until the coroner comes. I hold in my emotions so you feel free to unload yours.

What do you do? My favorite is when people tell me they’ve just finished a long 3 week stretch of working 60 hours a week. I mean that can be tiring I’m sure. If I were to log my hours, I’d say more than 3 out of every 4 weeks I’m logging about 60. From time preparing sermons to praying for you, from practicing to preaching, from creating programs to coming in to pinch hit when someone can’t show up, from teaching at least 2 different groups on 2 different topics per week to so many more things that you’re already bored reading this.

What do you do? I carry the spiritual, emotional and at times physical needs of over 250 people. I take it very seriously. If you know me, then you know what I do is give up myself for those +/-250 people. And lest you think this is me complaining, let me be very clear. I choose to do it again year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day.

Being a pastor isn’t just what I do. It’s who I am. It’s not just a job. It’s my very calling. This is what I’ve been made to be. I could do a million other things, but none of them are what God made me to do. What do I do? Well, simply put, I’m a pastor. More than a job, this is my life. And I’m so honored to be able to do all of it.

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