As we head to the end of another calendar year, it’s inevitable that some things in our lives must come to an end. Maybe it’s the New Year’s resolution we set for 2022 that you have one more week to fulfill. Maybe it’s a job you’ll be leaving. Maybe it’s a lot of things that you really don’t want to relive. However you slice it, 2022 is coming to an end in just under two weeks. And it’s time to start making plans to close this chapter. So what needs cleaned up in your life?
As I look back 2022 was a pretty good year. We bought a new house on over 12 acres. We got the puppy I’ve wanted for years. We added a pet bunny to the property. I’ve learned how to manage an in ground pool. Demolished a load wall and totally remodeled the kitchen. Welcomed many new faces to our worship family at the church I serve. Grown some great friendships. Been so blessed to have the Army son home several times this year while having the non-army son still living with us for a bit. Worked with some great people at the local church and the state version, aka the Ohio District. All in all it’s been a pretty good year. And none of this to talk about all the gains in my workouts and health through the year.
But as we close the door on this year there are some things that I won’t be taking with me. A few friendships that I thought were solid ended up being more toxic and one sided than healthy. Those will stay in 2022 and prior years. I’ll also be leaving my job with the Ohio District behind me. While this work was a passion of mine it just wasn’t a good fit. I don’t do well in micromanaged situations where there are high expectations but low authority. Just not a healthy recipe for success. So as this year ends, I walk away from the position for which I’m passionate in an effort to pursue other options that are more effective and efficient and that actually are getting positive work done.
A challenge when closing a year is to make sure you properly process the things you’re leaving behind and why you’re ditching them. For me it was simple, the things I’m leaving behind were draining me not filling me. Whether it’s the relationships that are toxic or the job that just doesn’t fit, you can’t stay in a situation that is killing you slowly. Ok so a little overdramatic I get it. But the longer you stay in a situation that is just bad, the lower you’ll be dragged down and the harder it will be to pull yourself out. So it’s ok to close a chapter.
Take some down time as you end this year and reflect on the good, bad and even the ugly. Be ok turning the page and ending a chapter. Be willing to stop one thing in an effort to start a new one. Be confident that leaving a bad situation where you’re being broken down is perfectly fine and actually a sign of maturity.
Happy final weeks of 2022 friends. It’s been a ride and I can’t wait to see what’s on the other side of the ball drop this year!
It’s super easy to measure the measurable. I mean seriously. Take a head count and you’re good to go right? Well, not so fast. There is likely a lot of information that you’re missing if you simply count butts in seats. Let me propose a better way.
Ok before we dive into this let me set the stage a little. Admittedly, this is written from the perspective of a pastor of a church. But I’ve lived in the real world as well so some of the principles here are transferrable to other trades. Actually, I believe most of this information is transferrable.
One of the easiest things to do to measure the growth of an organization is to ask for some statistical data. The simplest form of data is raw numbers about how many people show up to events, gatherings, come through the door, etc. This is what we’ll call attendance numbers. This is the primary lot of information that most church bodies like to gather for their churches. And as easy as it is to gather, the information is totally invalid. Actually, it’s often times misleading to be quite frank. Raw attendance shows one side of an equation that does not tell you about overall health. That’s where we’ll spend the rest of the time in this article – growth verses health. You can be big but weak and that’s no good!
There needs to be a metric that measures movement or progress from one area to the next. Something that drives to a deeper level of engagement or ownership in the life of the organization. Mere attendance shows a level of knowledge about the organization and that’s helpful to an extent but there’s no ownership involved at all.
A better way to measure the overall health and vibrancy of an organization is to move from singular attendance data to a cyclical view of engagement. In the church I serve, we use four key concepts that show levels of engagement ranging from observation to participation to involvement to ownership. The key is to get someone to move through this cycle to exhibit ownership of what they believe in. The same is true for other areas of life, not just church life.
Take my time in car sales as an example. Someone knows the dealership exists and they even drive through the lot on a day when the place is closed. That doesn’t do you any good. They move to participation in what you offer, meaning they end up buying the car. That’s great and it helps your bottom line, but if they never return you’re missing out. When they become involved in what the dealership offers they’ll bring their car back for service. That’s when they are actually buying into the culture of the organization and not just getting a product from you. Finally, the ultimate is when they become repeat and referrals to your dealership. That’s when they own it as their preferred place of business.
This metric of moving people through a cycle of deeper engagement in the life of the organization is critical to long term viability and sustainability of the organization. If you’d like to see how this can apply to your particular are of work, I’d be glad to assist. Specifically if you’re a church or church planter, applying this to your context is the world in which I live currently! The end goal is to move us to a place of thriving instead of merely surviving in life, business and ministry.
Do you remember that childish thing we did? You know when someone did something wrong, how we’d all make sounds of shock while pointing our finger at the wrong doer? We’d make sure the proper person in authority would know that she did it or he’s the guilty one. How annoying was that! I’m sure glad we stopped doing that. Or did we?
As annoying as that is and as almost embarrassing at it is to think about now, I’m starting to see a resurgence of this very way of handling problems. We might not point fingers and bemoan the situation with groans and other unintelligent sounds. But we do tend to throw some blame around.
There’s a tendency in our lives to publicly shame someone or belittle them when we don’t like how they’ve handled a situation. And honestly it makes us no better than those annoying turds we were growing up. It’s immature and quite frankly is counterproductive.
Have we become so focused on what others are doing wrong that we’ve forgotten what we’re called to do?
Let’s get this straight. This doesn’t mean we don’t call wrong – wrong! Actually just the opposite. It means that we call it wrong in the moment. NOT in friend groups or behind someone’s back. We don’t belittle someone who didn’t act or react how we would have liked. And for crying out loud, settling a dispute on social media just doesn’t work. So don’t even try that one.
There’s wisdom in the idea of getting our own house in order instead of tearing someone else’s house down. We’ve become a culture rich on tearing people down. Or at best just deleting them from our lives altogether. From blocking phone numbers to unfriending someone on social media, we can all but erase someone from existence with the click of a button. And it’s just like that childish game of tattle tale. Pointing our fingers at someone and trying to show the world how awful he is or how terrible of a person she is.
How about we try something new? Mind your own business. I mean seriously. How about instead of trying to undermine someone else and make their lives a living hell, we take a minute to focus on how we need a little grace shown to us? Let’s try to see what areas of life we’re not living 100% perfectly. Sure have your one on one conversations. Tell someone the honest truth, even if it hurts. Even if it means running the risk of losing something or someone special. But don’t get your panties in a bunch playing the finger pointing game.
The presence of social media and text messaging has raised a great crop of keyboard warriors who can sit with you face to face and seemingly have nothing bad to say. Then the moment they find their security behind a keyboard they can blast you to kingdom come. Or spread weird rumors about you that couldn’t be any less true.
If we were to realize who we are as individuals and what we’re called to do, then perhaps the shortcomings of others wouldn’t really be as bothersome. Maybe if we were as dedicated to our role in society as we are to someone else’s downfall in it, we could look beyond a slip of the tongue or meet a wrong doing with grace. The very same grace we ourselves expect when we mess up.
So in short perhaps we should get our own stuff together before we try dragging someone else’s name through the mud.
I think everyone likes a little adventure in their life. Some of us like a little a more vigorous type of adventure while others like a more tamed down and subdued version of adventure. Ask any guy to recount some of their most vivid memories in life and they’ll likely tell you something about a trip or an adventure. Some of our greatest memories are of adventures we’ve taken.
Now adventure isn’t all high risk and death defying stunts. It’s not necessarily like getting trapped in a board game like Jumanji, or racing at high rates of speed around the Porsche driving school test track. Yeah I was able to do that in a previous life, as they say. But the point isn’t how fast I drove, even though I could tell you all about the feelings of racing around the track. I could tell you how it felt to hit each curve and how close it felt we were to each other on the straight aways. The point is there was a sense of adventure that was born into my spirit as I was racing around the hot pavement!
Adventure is born into the souls of all people to be certain, but men have a need for adventure. In his book, Wild At Heart, John Eldredge talks about three things every man needs. We need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue (or rescue). We hit on the battle fighting part of the equation here.
The adventure is part of our need to live out story. So much of life has become so tame that it loses its sense of fun. It’s almost boring some days when there’s no adventure. What things do you remember most? What was the adventure? What was the cause of the excitement?
I can remember the time someone broke into my parents’ home when I was there with a few of my siblings. I can tell you the details of the whole experience! I can tell you what it was like driving the youth around on scavenger hunts for our annual Christmas party at church. I can tell you about repelling off a tower and riding horses around Mad River. I don’t have the greatest memory necessarily. The only reason I remember these is because they were adventures to me.
You want to kill the spirit of a man? Make him sit behind a desk all his life and give him no adventure! Chain him to a 9-5 with no hobbies and he’ll wither away to a puddle of preteen boyhood.
Men it’s time to capture the adventure in life again. It’s ok to take some risks, but be wise about it. Look at the countless places in the Bible where God calls men to follow him. He will generally take them on an adventure. Through the wilderness. Up a mountain. Across a sea. On a boat ride in a storm. Why did he do it this way? Because he knows the soul of a man, what makes a man’s heart beat.
Our culture is beating the adventure out of men. We’re trying to tame the wild heart of a man. And it shows! Our culture is suffering because of it. Our world needs wild men to stand up and do the fighting adventurous pursuing and protecting thing that makes us who we are! Instead we’re cultivating a generation of boys who run from problems, are afraid to step out in fear of offending someone, and frankly can’t stand up for and protect the women and children in their lives because they’re too weak to handle a challenge.
Now some of you are going to get all upset that I’m coming down on men. And you know what, that’s ok. I have a plaque in my office that reads I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. While this is not intended to intentionally piss anyone off, I know that some will not like it. I’m pretty sure the people of Jesus’ day didn’t like it when he called them nicely painted caskets – all pretty on the outside but dead as a doornail on the inside. That wasn’t polite and it sure did piss them off! They ended up killing Jesus for it.
But, like Jesus here, I’m not trying to be offensive. There is a masculinity issue in our culture and we’re all a bit to blame. Men are blamed for being too hard, abrupt, manly. We tell our boys to focus, calm down, quit with the jitters, don’t get all excited when things go wrong. Why? Isn’t that part of our natural response? Don’t you think there might be something beneficial in that kind of response?
Every man needs an adventure! And no! Video games are not the same thing! We need a purpose and some form of excitement in life. When we don’t have an adventure to live out, we fall into bad habits and do things that just aren’t right.
So men find that adventure. Set out on the adventure of a lifetime. It’s called manhood and brother – it’s a thrilling ride!
I still remember the day we sent my sons to stay with my in-laws over night. I wasn’t nervous about them going or worried I was going to miss them too much. I mean my in-laws did a pretty good job raising their three daughters. They would be just fine. But that’s what got me. Three daughters. My boys are not daughters. They are boys. And they were just at the age where they were really intrigued with playing with toys.
Whether it was racing toy cars around or building with blocks, they loved to make things work. It was just who they were. But they were going to a home that had only seen girls. All girls meant all girl toys. Now don’t get your panties in a bunch or anything. I wasn’t afraid if they played with a doll or something they’d somehow change identities. I just was a little concerned that they didn’t have anything to play with is all. But was I ever surprise…
Boys have something that is born into their DNA. As author John Eldredge explains in his book Wild At Heart, males have three things they need. They need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. No one has to teach a male child any of these things. They just kind of happen.
Battle to Fight
Ever wonder who came up with the ideas of hockey, football, even golf? They were dudes. They were men who needed to fight something, even if it was a tiny white ball in the middle of the grass. Getting out there and smacking a ball into oblivion somehow spoke to the battle sense of a man. You don’t have to teach a male child how to fight for what’s right. And you really shouldn’t try to teach them out of that fight instinct either!
The idea of having a battle to fight and having men willing to jump into that role has kept us in a safe place in the greatest country the world has ever seen. Men needing a battle to fight is what took one of my sons into service in the US Army. Needing a battle to fight is what saved that weekend at grandmas too.
You see when we picked them up, I was amazed at what I saw. Both of my boys were playing with Barbie dolls. But not exactly how one normally plays with dolls! They had them contorted in some way to make them look like guns. They, without any provocation or enticement from anyone, took the dolls and folded their arms as a handle. Then made the noises of guns. We didn’t have guns in the house at the time. We didn’t watch war movies or really much of anything but Veggie Tales in front of them. So where did they get it? A need for a battle to fight. It was born into them.
Adventure to Conquer
Eldredge says that men need more than just a good fight. They also need to find adventure in life. We’ll pick these apart a tad more in the next couple of weeks, but the gist is that men like to find new territory. Climb to new heights. Make things into an adventure. Just look at how boys play. They build forts. Have wars to fight. Even the video games that most guys grab are all about adventure and battle.
Beauty to Pursue
Ladies this one is for you. Men have an innate desire to fight for, protect and provide for the woman in their lives. Now as a guy, I can admit we don’t always do it correctly. But the idea is there. We want to provide for the family. We will do anything to protect our wife. We wouldn’t trade that for the world, well most of the time. Again, we’ll hit on how this goes awry in a future post.
There are some key things that make men who and what they are. These three ideas are some of the basic elements of what it mens to be a man. Please don’t read this as all men are like this, because there are some outliers. Also don’t read that no women have these same desires or abilities. The purpose here is to see how a man’s mind is wired. It’s a fundamental part of how we were built.
And, as a follower of Jesus, I think this is very much part of how God designed us to live in his image. But we can hit that topic another time. For now cherish the “man’ness” of that guy in your life. Don’t try to stifle what appears to be a violent streak when he talks about war or gathers his arsenal for the zombi apocalypse. Don’t get worried when he looks for adventure around every turn. And remember that his goal is to pursue the beauty in his life. Sometimes that doesn’t look how you might want it to but if he’s logging extra hours and making sure there’s cash in the bank to have that great vacation you’re wanting…yep that’s likely part of this pursuit.
All in all, men don’t need to be taught how to be men as long as there’s a strong male influence in their lives. So dads don’t slack on this one. It’s time to log off the computer for a bit, come in from the shop, set aside some real time to be with your family. Whether you’re a dad of boys or girls, they need to see what a real man is like around the house.
I was recently given a book titled Walk In My Combat Boots. It’s a collection of stories from men and women who have served in military service here in the United States. They are from all branches of the United States Military but they had a very common theme. Never give up.
No, they didn’t come right out and say that line. It’s not a quote from anything on the pages of this book, but each story contained a scenario that would have caused most humans at best to freeze in their tracks and give their calling a second thought. However on every page of this book are written the stories of the brave men and women who, even in the face of massive adversity and even probable death, didn’t want to throw in the towel. They wanted to get back to their job. They wanted to go back to the fight. They demanded to get back to their brothers and sisters in arms.
Now some of you are men and women who’ve served, so for you this is likely a part of your thought process still to this day. And for that service, I say thank you. I don’t know all you gave up, but as an Army dad I know in part what that sacrifice looks like in my own son.
But for the rest of us, who’ve never dawned the uniform from any branch of service, I think we’ve grown pretty weak. Ok not all of us but for sure a sweeping generalization that likely would hold water is that we’ve grown so used to our comforts that we’ve grown weak. Giving up is easier than persevering and we know it.
While it’s true that giving up is far easier than pushing through a problem, giving up will leave you empty and cost you far more than the struggle of persevering. The stories contained in this book deal with lost limbs and severely damaged nerves, emotionally torn men and women who should go home for rehab or sit on the sidelines and let someone else fight this one. But in every single account that was not the reaction of these brave men and women.
Put me back in coach! That’s essentially their call. They realized that giving up now would be giving up when they still have something left to offer.
I like to workout, that’s really no secret. And this theme of never give up has been one I’ve wrestled with over the years. Do I give up too soon? Do I have another set in me? Can I do that last pushup? It’s like the old children’s story The Little Engine That Could. When faced with an obstacle that seems insurmountable, what’s your go to mental state? Do you think you can? Or have you already defeated yourself before you even get started?
I think it was Eisenhower who is credit with the quote Whether think you can or you can’t either way you’re right. Ok so the quote is something along those lines. So often our attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy.
The short answer is to never give up. When you think you’re done, you likely have the capacity to do about 40% more. That means you’re quitting at just beyond half of your potential. Think about that the next time you’re ready to throw in the towel on mile 2 of a 5K run. That means you easily have the potential for that run and then some!
I understand that life is hard and that some situations are legit challenge. But throwing in the towel is not an option. Giving up is not the way to make it through.
Your challenge: do just one more. That’s it. Whatever you’re doing that makes you feel like you want to quit, go just one more. One more rep at the gym. One more mile on the treadmill. One more chapter in that book. Telling your child one more time the same exact thing. One more is all it takes to realize you have more in you than you gave yourself credit for all along.
Never give up! It’ll cost you far more if you give up than the pain of pushing through.
I’m one of those people who thinks in pictures. So you say cookie and I picture a homemade chocolate chip cookie. You say truck and I picture the truck I currently drive, no matter what exact truck you’re referring to! Knowing how my mind works, I thought I’d share some things to consider when we talk about discipleship and why we do it.
The image in my head…
I love football. Not the whole national, professional kind of football but what I consider the good old college kind of hard hitting, forcing the ball down the field kind of football. There are a few things about football that just about everyone knows. There are lines that mark what is in bounds and what is out of bounds. There is a goal line. There are hash marks to help position the ball on the field and to help each team know how far they need to go in order to move the sticks. This is what some people call getting a first down. If you’re not a football fan, I’m sorry this illustration will likely be lost on you.
How do we move the sticks in the Christian church? Now I’m not talking about the institutional church that revolves around a building with a steeple and an hour or so once a week. The church to which I’m referring consists of the people who together have one confession of faith. The church is less the thing we do and more the people we are. It is less a time or space and more an act of gathering and doing life together.
With this understanding of church, how do we move the sticks? How do we know when we’re doing what we’re called to do? The illustration of moving the sticks is about moving forward and going in the right direction. How do we know if the church is moving in the right direction? And making any kind of positive progress while doing it?
Simply put the church that moves in the right direction will be making disciples. They will have proper worship and will do the things that are marks of the church. But the forward momentum of the church isn’t measured in worship, attendance, giving, or many of the butts in the seats kind of measures we typically use. According to the Bible, the forward momentum of the church is measured by how disciples are made.
This is why discipleship is so very important in the life of the church. If churches are not making disciples, then they’re not doing the one thing Jesus told us to be doing. I think we stop making disciples because we have a hard time measuring what a disciple is. We don’t have a 12 step program for making disciples. So we tend to measure things that we can measure like worship attendance and how strictly one adheres to a set standard of tradition. But moving the sticks as a church, so to speak, happens when we help people move from mere observers in their faith lives to men and women who own their faith.
Moving the sticks for the church isn’t about growing a local church or even enlarging the church budget, but it’s about working with men and women who believe in Jesus. It’s about helping them see the depth and breadth and width of Jesus’ love for them in their everyday lives.
The end goal stays the same, living in eternity with Jesus. But the markers along the road as we get there are the making of disciples. We took time to define what a disciple is here. And how disciples gather here. One of the keys to achieving anything is knowing you’re on the right track. And that happens best by checking your progress against some form of measuring stick. As institutional churches live out their calling of teaching and preaching the truth of Jesus, administering the sacraments rightly and gathering for public worship that glorifies God, we are called to do something bigger and more impactful for the men and women who gather in our buildings.
Discipleship isn’t a fad or a good idea. It’s actually what God commanded in the Bible. Jesus even gives us a great picture of what discipleship looks like. Discipleship is not a program that we funnel everyone through. We’ll discuss the fallacy of discipleship funnel in a future post, but for now this is not a time to create a program or add a staff person. Discipleship is critical because it’s the way Jesus grew His ministry. It’s critical because He commanded it. It’s critical because it’s the way Jesus continues to bless highly.
Long and short, the best way to move the sticks and measure our advancement as churches in the world isn’t found in more people in worship or larger budgets or additional programs. The way we move the sticks is by making disciples who make disciples.
Growing up my dad used to tell me to close the door to the house when I walked out. He’d say things like “were you born in a barn?” Of course he knew I wasn’t because I’m pretty sure he was there when I was born! The point is the door can’t close itself. The same is true for many other things in our lives. They just don’t do their intended work without some form of help.
It’s the law of physics. You know the whole object in motion tends to stay in motion, object at rest tends to stay at rest concept. But that simple scientific law proves far beyond objects in motion or at rest. It can apply to some of the problems we face as a society today.
Now before you read any further understand very clearly that acts of violence perpetrated on innocent people are wrong. Harming innocent children is wrong. I do not and will not ever condone such behavior. That said we have to make sure we’re approaching things from the right angle. Give me a minute to explain.
Just like the door to my parent’s home didn’t close on its own and my car doesn’t drive itself and the refrigerator door won’t close itself and my new puppy won’t train herself, weapons used in acts of violence don’t work without an outside force acting upon it.
Now depending on which side of the issue you’re landing right now, you’re either thinking right so ban guns or whoa don’t you dare touch my rights to own a gun. And to be totally honest, I’m not interested in either one of those options. Banning guns just won’t work. Stronger laws unfortunately won’t work either. Don’t believe me? Just watch the next construction zone you pass through. Fines are doubled and enforcement is higher, yet people still break the rules. All the time! I’m guilty of it and I would venture to guess you are too.
We’ve banned some substances as illegal and they still find a way into the black market. Stealing is illegal and some people do it. Murder is against the law and yet people find a way to kill others. the point is that evil just always finds a way. Stronger laws won’t change that at all. As a matter of fact stronger laws make us want to break them even more!
I remember my grandma’s cookie jar. I never really cared about the cookies in the jar until she told me that it was too close to dinner time and I had to wait. That’s when I had the craving for a cookie! That’s when I found ways to sneak one of her soft batch cookies when she wasn’t looking. Laws don’t stop people doing wrong things.
Sure they are detergents. They might slow the process down but we can’t just slow down the process of violence. I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that if we taught men and women the simple facts of safety and sheer power that a weapon possesses. Teach them how to use it properly. Teach them the value of life for every single person on the planet. Teach them what it means to be kind and respectful. And I don’t mean one time when we’re 16 years old or when we become an adult (whatever that even means).
I’m talking ongoing conversations that value people. Not putting one people group down to make another feel better. But legit walking in our own lanes and valuing one another. If we would sink as much effort into raising our children to be kind and loving people as we do blaming corporations for someone doing something that’s already against the law, we might have a little traction to a better society.
In a recent comment from the White House a question was raised. I’m afraid it was rhetorical but I’m hoping someone actually takes the time to do the research and find an answer. The question basically asked why do these kinds of things happen in America more than any other country? Ok so there are likely a lot of answers that could be possible. But here are a few things I’d throw out there to consider.
What is the single parent rate in each of these other countries? Sorry ladies this is no way disrespectful to you or the role you have in raising children but look at the statistics in our own nation. The more absent the father is in the raising of the children the higher the likelihood of a child getting caught up in activity that is illegal. Just think how many of the mass acts of violence are done by women? Ever wonder why? Boys think they have to act big to be men when they don’t have a good, healthy role model for a father.
The second observation I have is with regard to training. So many other counties around the world have massive training for people to own, carry and keep any form of weapon. I wouldn’t stop at weapons either! As much of a pain in the butt as it would be, I think to get, keep and continue to use your Drivers’ License one should have to retest every 3-5 years. I know it would thoroughly suck, but you’re driving a vehicle that weight a few thousand pounds. Do you know how many people get in accidents every year because the person behind the wheel doesn’t function properly as a driver!?!
Finally, there are several countries that require some level of military service for citizens. I’m not talking mandatory draft for everyone but I really think if we had some level of safety training program in place for the men and women of our country it wouldn’t hurt one little bit! Learn basic self defense. Learn weapon safety. Learn how to work as a unit. Learn how to follow orders and listen to those in authority. There are a ton of things we could learn if we had a nation of citizens with some level of soldier training.
Look I know this isn’t a popular thought for anyone. But a reactive approach isn’t going to help anyone. None of the back and forth between sides of the aisle is going to bring any of these children back. Friends we are leaving our children with a mess. We can and must do better. That’s all there is to it. If you don’t agree with me, I respect that. You are entitled to your opinion. I just know there has to be a different way.
The people of this country are worth it. You are worth it. Our children are worth it.
There’s a phrase that is quoted in a variety of circles that says go big or go home. I personally like that statement…a lot! It’s a phrase that reminds us that sometimes we need to be willing to take a bold step before we can see any forward progress. There is a time to be passive and lay back a bit, but there’s also a time when we need to take risks and do the unthinkable, bold things in life.
I know what some of you are thinking, but what if I mess up or fail? But my reply would be, what if you don’t!?
So often in life we have the chance to make big, bold, audacious moves but we don’t for fear of what others will think of us or fear that we’ll mess up. But sometimes we have to just step out and do the crazy things in life.
I read a book recently titled Love Does, by author Bob Goff. The premise of the book is simple actually. Basically he says in a much more eloquent way that talk is cheap and we need to back up our caring for one another with actions not just words.
One of the stories he shares about how love often leads us to do big, crazy and off the wall things was about a young man who wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. The long story made short is that this young man approached Goff and asked to use his patio, boat, kitchen and backyard all in an effort to wow his soon to be fiancee. That’s bold, big, and audacious!
We don’t have to go out of our way to use someone else’s property to ask someone out on a date but there are ways that we can step out and be a little audacious ourselves.
Living with an audacious love for the people around us means we put their needs before our wants.
Notice what I said there. Their needs before our wants. This doesn’t mean we go without food or water or the necessities in life. It just means if you know someone else is in need, that you can do without the new car if it means you can help someone in need. You can exchange the $5 coffee for a bag of grounds and make your own.
Along these same lines, we could really use to think a little less of ourselves. If you’re going through life hoping to be recognized by everyone, then you could probably use to be knocked down a tad. An audacious and bold life isn’t one that is found on neon signs but in simple acts of service.
Finally, doing something to make someone else’s life easier even if it makes yours a little harder is living this big, bold, audacious kind of way.
In all these things you need to know your boundaries and limits. Don’t over extend yourself. Don’t let yourself be used. But genuinely put someone else’s needs before your wants and do it with joy. You won’t regret it!
No one likes to fail. Well, I’m pretty sure no one does, but I guess there could be that rogue person who just longs to fail at everything they do. Still failing isn’t really all that fun. But, oddly enough, I’m a huge advocate for teaching people how to fail because I firmly believe that failure is the best teacher.
In a former life I was a church planter. That pretty much is a person who desires to see a church started in a given area so they start it from just a seed of a few people. There’s no land, not much money, no formalized group of people, and often not even a building. The goal is over time to build a team to help you build relationships and start a church. Well, as I was building my team to start this would be church, one of the first questions I’d ask people was are you willing to fail.
If a person isn’t willing to fail then they’re sure to never succeed.
I firmly believe if we don’t have a willingness to fail, fear will creep in to the point where we won’t ever really accomplish the things we’re setting out to accomplish. In other words, fear of failing will seize us from taking the necessary risks needed to move forward. This is true on so many levels in our personal and professional lives.
If we are afraid of dropping a weight on ourselves while weight lifting, then we won’t stretch ourselves to lift heavy. If we’re unwilling to fail in a race then we won’t ever run. If we’re not willing to miss out on the promotion, then we likely won’t even apply for the job. There are so many places where failure is critical for success! I know that sounds like a contradiction but think about it.
Ever hear of WD-40? Most people know that it stands for Water Displacer. But the 40 is often lost. It represents the 40th try before getting it right. That means he failed 39 times before coming up with the product he was really trying to make. Thirty-nine failures? Most people would have given up after the third failed attempt. But 39?!?!
You see failure, while it doesn’t teach us the right answer, it always narrows down the field of possibilities. Every failure shows us what not to do. The issue is that most of us don’t research our failures closely enough to find out why they failed.
I have failed more times than I can even count! I know that each failure gets me closer to the real answer. Our system in life doesn’t really allow for failure in many places in life but I think a good leader will give his/her people the freedom to fail. When we teach people how to fail, we truly empower them to succeed.
One last illustration on failure. I can remember vividly learning how to ride a bicycle. I did the training wheel thing for a time but eventually I needed to learn how to balance without those extra (ugly) wheel additions. So my dad held my bike and ran with me as long as he could. But eventually he had to let go. In letting go he enabled me to fail. He was pretty sure that I’d fall but it was in falling off my bike that I learned how important balance really was. If I didn’t fall off my bike (read fail), then I would never have realized how important it is to not look behind you constantly to see if your dad is still holding the seat.
Failure is critical to any area of success. Until we’re able to embrace the failures in life, we’ll never experience the true success of which we’re capable.
