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Tag: discipleship (Page 11 of 23)

Just Too Much To Carry

November 16, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I almost dropped everything.

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are the ones who carry two bags of groceries in from the car, and then there’s me. I tend to load up the arms and carry as much in as I possibly can. Less trips and all. Plus it’s kind of a challenge sometimes.

But it’s not just with groceries. I do this pretty much every time I get out of the car to go into the office or when I get home. I load up with my backpack, gym bag, Yeti, water jug, and often a coat or something additional on the cold days. This doesn’t even account for finding a way to carry my lunch. And yeah you guessed it…I carry all of it at once.

Carrying these things isn’t really a huge issue. The problem arises when I try to open the door. If we had those cool automatically opening doors, this would be a breeze! But alas, I have to dig into my pocket to get my keys. Then turn the lock and open the door. All of this while my hands are loaded and everything is perfectly balance. My wife often jokes that I need a drink carrier to hold all of the beverages I carry around since there’s normally a protein shake and some pre workout somewhere in the mix as well.

When I get to the door I have two options. I can do the weird balancing act or I could put a few things down. Generally I do the funky balancing act, look like a fool and almost drop everything on the way in the door.

I think the church has done the same thing with people and how we teach salvation. For those that don’t know, salvation is that teaching in the Bible that our wrongs are covered and we’re set up for an eternal future with God in heaven. You see we load up all the extra stuff for people to carry before they truly understand salvation.

The Bible teaches that there’s only one way to heaven. His name is Jesus. Salvation comes through no one and nothing other than Jesus. That’s a very clear message we read on just about every page of the Bible. Yet I’m seeing so many churches talking about so many other things as if they are prerequisites for understanding Jesus.

It’s like we’re piling all the extra bags onto people’s backs making it hard to carry any of it. The Bible teaches that we shouldn’t make it hard for people to believe, but that’s exactly what we’re doing. We load up worship styles, version of the Bible, doctrines and teachings of our particular denomination, how we dress, how we talk, where we go and don’t go, should we make the sign of the cross or not. Man there’s a ton of baggage that we’ve attached to the whole Jesus is the only way to heaven truth.

I’m not saying that any of those conversations are bad. As a matter of fact many of those things are good in their own right. But we can’t treat them as if they are Jesus. We need to stop loading people up with all of this extra baggage before they even know Jesus.

I’m part of a church tradition that values its heritage and its position on many topics, what we call doctrines. And I’m seeing more and more pastors in my church body making people know all of these supporting truths with minimal focus on Jesus. Sure they teach that Jesus died and rose but there’s so much more to Jesus than that one piece of his life.

If you’re a follower of Jesus, perhaps it’s time to realize who Jesus really is. He was a person with some amazing characteristics. He was a man who really walked on the earth, who dealt with some pretty nasty stuff. There’s a lot we can learn from Jesus without heaping up all the extra baggage that we have come up with over time to differentiate us from the rest of the world.

When we load people up with all of these extra doctrines and focus on our churchy jargon it’s often at the expense of Jesus. It’s at the expense of people really learning to live like Jesus. Jesus teaches that his teaching is easy and his burden is light. He doesn’t load us up with all these theological terms and churchy ideas. The Bible gives us Jesus. That’s the one thing we need for heaven. If more followers of Jesus would worry as much about following Jesus as they do about their doctrines and confessional stance on everything, we just might realize that the world doesn’t have a problem with Jesus. They have a problem with how hard we make it to follow him.

Consider thinking through what bags you make people carry on their way into church. Rethink the loads you’re putting on the men and women who really want to know Jesus. If we’re not careful, they’re going to drop everything…including Jesus.

Context and Culture

November 2, 2023 / / 0 Comments

There’s something to be said about knowing your culture and context. Whether you’re in marketing, sales, public speaking, an author, a song writer, or even a pastor we need to know the culture and context into which we’re speaking.

For some these two words might seem the same but I see them as two sides of the same coin. Both are needed and both are important. Culture is who we are. It’s the systems and ideals with which we’ve been raised and that define our character and personhood. Context on the other hand is the lens through which everything we see is filtered. Our culture is more consistent than our context.

My family of origin and my current household structure are not likely to change a whole lot through the years (aside from the age of my children). But my context is all the other stuff like my neighborhood, financial status, job title, and all those things that can and often do change frequently.

If we don’t understand the culture and context of our audience, we’ll never speak in a way that they hear much less understand. I’m going to take this conversation to my context. I’m a pastor so this applies to me in a very specific way. I need to know how to contextualize the message I preach.

Now some out there will get all bent out of shape by hearing me say something about contextualizing the gospel. They likely think I’m talking about changing the gospel to meet the scenarios of the people around me. But they couldn’t be more wrong. As a matter of fact I don’t change the message, or in your case the product you sell. We do however need to change the way we communicate the value of that product or message.

Take my role again as an example. I need to be able to speak in a contextually applicable way. That is not making the gospel fit into the lives of my hearers by any means. The idea of contextualization of the gospel is about helping my hearers find the end of their current, and future, story in the gospel of Jesus. It’s about helping people see how their lives already are impacted by the message of the Bible.

If you’re in sales or marketing it’s the same thing. You’re not forcing your ideals, product or message onto someone else. Your goal is to help them see themselves and their problems being cared for by the message or product you provide. When I was in car sales I did this all the time. Someone would come with a problem. My car has a problem, doesn’t run, is old, needs replaced.

I didn’t have to convince them to buy the car. I just had to show them how the car I had on the lot actually was the answer to the problem they presented to me in the first place.

As pastors we tend to get stuck in a rut of Jesus loves me this I know, blah…blah…blah. Yes that message is really important and it’s very true! But it’s only part of the story. If we don’t contextualize the message in a culturally relevant way, then people aren’t going to be able to hear the message much less be impacted by it.

Take time to understand the culture around you and the context into which your message or product will be presented. You’ll be far more effective when you do.

Character > Competency

October 4, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Imagine that you have a job that really needs done. I mean really needs done. You have a deadline that is rapidly approaching. And your back is against the wall to get this thing completed. These are the scenarios when we are more likely to make a really bad decision, so here’s your caution.

The greater the emergency we face the more likely we are to choose someone for what they can do, not for who they are. Let that sink in for a second. It’s super easy to choose someone for their competency and capacity and ignore their character and integrity.

Character trumps competency any day of the week!

There’s a saying in leadership that goes something along the lines of you can never out lead your character. Man is that true or what! Have you ever seen this? Someone has all the right stuff to get the job done, but they’re a real selfish jerk. You do know that won’t end well right?

I remember when I was a car salesman. We had a great team, for the most part. There was that one sales person however that was really good at what they did, but they had some spots on their character that were pretty questionable. Now questionable character isn’t about being a good vs bad person. It’s about being immoral and selfish vs a kind team player. No matter how many cars this person sold, no one wanted to be around them. And they had fewer repeat and referral customers because this person was obviously in it for themselves and thought waaaay too much of themselves!

Character trumps competency any day of the week.

So when it comes to hiring or staffing for the next job or bringing on volunteers to help with that thing your nonprofit is doing, take a few extra minutes to look beyond a person’s capacity. Ask a few character questions to make sure they don’t burn the organization to the ground while they’re getting the job done.

Here are some of the quick character questions I use.

  • How well do I really know this person?
  • What do their friends/family say about them?
  • What are they really good at doing?
  • What are they really bad at doing?
  • Ask the person when’s the last time they failed, and how they reacted. This is less about competency and achievement. The purpose here is to determine if they are willing to admit mistakes and how well they recover from those mistakes. These are character issues.
  • What one word do others use to describe this person?

There are a ton more questions you can ask. I’d love to hear what character questions you find helpful in this process. By the way, these questions are good questions to use on yourself as well. Your character matters too!

The Same Team

October 3, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I’m a pretty big sports fan. I love college football. As a matter of fact I will do just about everything in my power to rearrange my life for 14 Saturdays a year just so I can watch what in my opinion is the best sport around. Now you don’t have to agree with me. But it’s not going to change my mind.

I really think we can learn a little from the sport of football. Life lessons. Business approaches. Relationship learnings. And I really think the church can take a lesson or two from the game of football as well.

It really hit me the other day when I was looking at the sideline. Why was the coach on the sidelines wearing that bright green shirt? Then another coach for the same team was wearing a bright blue one. These are not their colors. What’s the deal? Why not wear apparel for the team you’re coaching?!?! It seemed really absurd to me. Until I realized who they were and what role they had. Then it started to make a lot more sense!

You see one of the coaches on the sideline was one of the defensive coaches. He was letting the defense know how they should be lining up based on what the offense was showing. The one in blue? Yeah he had a different function. Not defense but his position on the team related to the offense.

They had to stand out so the men on the field could see them easily enough in the moment. They were on the same team, but they had different methods for achieving the same goal. They both wanted the team to win. They both wanted their team to score more points than the other team. One dealt with a really strong offensive strategy. For them it was all about scoring points. The defense however wasn’t as focused on scoring points. They just didn’t want the other team to score. While their tactics were different their end goal was the same.

Then it hit me. It’s the same way in the church. It’s not about offense and defense but different approaches to accomplish the same goal. What’s the goal of the church? According to the Bible the goal of the church should be to equip the saints for works of ministry and to disciple people through relationships built around God’s promises (baptism) and His commands (obedience).

Nothing in that tells us what color shirt to wear. As a matter of fact there is a ton of flexibility in developing relationships leading to discipleship. And just as much freedom in equipping the saints. As long as the end goal is the same – eternal life in Jesus. It’s about believing and living out the belief that Jesus is the only way to heaven.

He doesn’t tell us to wear special clothes when we preach or teach. He doesn’t tell us what songs are better than others. He doesn’t have a preferred musical styling. It’s almost like Jesus knew that one day we’d have a full team standing ready on the sidelines. It’s almost like Jesus had some kind of knowledge that helped him realize we don’t all learn the same way.

As big of a football fan as I am, I am a much larger fan of Jesus and the way he describes his church in the Bible. I’m not really a huge fan of how the church functions in the world all of the time today however. I’ve been on the receiving end of comments saying you’re not a real pastor because you don’t wear a robe. Or others have told me you’re not really teaching the Bible if your church is growing that fast. You mean that teaching the Bible is a deterrent for growing the local church?! Yikes! Pretty sure someone needs to read the bible a bit!

Look, I know that one size doesn’t fit all. And that’s the beauty of the church. Some of us are wearing the blue shirts of the offensive line coach. While others feel more comfortable in the stylings of the defending the ways we’ve done it approach. Both offense and defense are necessary for a football game! What’s it going to take for us to get this through our thick skulls?

It’s like this – Jesus is the only way to heaven. But my blue shirt or your green shirt are not the only way to Jesus. We’re on the same team, so for the sake of everything holy let’s act like it!

Respond Don’t React

September 27, 2023 / / 0 Comments

There’s a little known secret about me that is soon to not be so little known. I can’t stand it when someone slaps my back. Partially because it’s not the nicest feeling thing in the world and second because it triggers a reaction in my brain that isn’t healthy. You see when someone slaps my back (even as a nice gesture if that’s even possible) it makes my defense mechanisms of fight go into high alert.

It’s like a multi alarm fire going off in my brain. Someone slaps my back and then my body tenses up and all of the endorphins start moving around. My blood pressure rises. My face gets a little red and my muscles tighten up. Inherently my hands clench into fists and I have to put all of my energy into NOT letting my arms come out swinging.

I know it’s an overreaction. I know it’s not good, healthy, or even warranted. But it’s the reality. So please after reading this don’t be the person that tries it out. Just don’t be that person. Please.

I tell this little story because I want you to see how bad reactions can be. Sure some reactions can be good – lay my hand on a hot surface and my reaction is to remove it quickly. Not all reactions are bad but some are very bad and very destructive. Those are the reactions to which I’m referring in this post.

Do you know your back slap kind of reaction triggers? Maybe it’s a word someone says or a type of comment? Something the just triggers a massive fight or flight reaction from you.

The difference between a reaction and a response is time. That’s really all it is. A little bit of time separating their initial action and your way of answering back. If you answer quickly, chances are you’re on the fast track to a reaction. But if you allow the action to simmer for even a second or two, you are more likely to come back with a response that isn’t so harsh and punching someone because they slap your back.

I’ve had this happen in my life far too many times. Someone says something and my gut reaction is to talk. I react. And it rarely is helpful, beneficial or godly. And often a reaction will cause hurt, brokenness, and division in ways we could never predict.

In the heat of the moment it’s just not the right time to find your comeback. Think about it for a minute. Have a good thought out approach that is more likely to win the day than lashing out with your gut reaction.

I know some of you are probably saying hypocrite much. Look I already told you I’m not perfect at this thing. Just because I know the right way to handle things doesn’t mean that I do it right all the time (or even most of the time).

It’s really simple but simple doesn’t mean easy. Simple in that there are two really critical steps but hard because we’ve gotten so used to reacting that stopping to think isn’t our first choice.

The two simple steps are to know your triggers and create a better response. I know way too simple but it’s just that simple. Do you know your backslap moments? If so, what are some ways you can flip the script your brain tells you and instead of tensing up and wanting to pummel someone take a different approach?

Reactions are good in some scenarios. But know when a reaction is warranted and when a response is more appropriate. And don’t slap my back. It won’t end well for either of us.

What Don’t You Know?

September 20, 2023 / / 0 Comments

There’s an old saying you don’t know what you don’t know. And man is that ever true! I have to be honest there are likely more things that I miss in life than I even realize because I take so many things for granted!

Today I was setting out some logo apparel at the church I serve. Super nice gear if I do say so myself! But if it had been up to me, this never would have happened. I kind of got in a rut with the logo wear for church. It all kind of looked the same. Simple logo on the left chest. Short sleeve polo shirt. Maybe a zip up fleece but that’s about it.

One day a young lady at church pretty much told me I didn’t know what people really wanted. And I could not be happier! I have to say her eye was exactly what was needed. While I was a bit shocked when she said something, I couldn’t be happier that she did.

I got so close to the same old design stuff that I didn’t even realize that it wasn’t something that was of any interest to anyone other than me! I didn’t know what I didn’t know. But am I ever glad that I was able to hear this one!

What don’t you know? A good practice in life is to gather feedback from those around you about what they see and how they’re experiencing things. It’s super easy to get so wrapped up in life that you miss the trees for the sake of the forest.

It’s good to surround yourself with people whose opinions you value. There are three types of people I find helpful to have on a sounding board kind of team.

People beyond you. These are the people who’ve been there, done that. They can speak from experience. They can tell you what worked or didn’t work for them and even better why it did/didn’t worked. Regularly check with these one or two people you value to tell them what they see in you. This might be hard and it takes some vulnerability but it’s super essential!

People beside you. These are colleagues and friends, sometimes family as well. They are the ones who interact with you on a regular basis. Really important here, these are not direct reports. These are peers and people who spend a great deal of time walking alongside you. They know your habits and can spot when something is a bit off. They can often tell when you’re not acting like yourself, even when you can’t even tell it!

People behind you. These are the direct report kind of evaluations. These people see how you interact and often are the recipients of your off days more than anyone else. They can sense when you are not focusing on what matters or when you’re really in the zone. These types of conversations might be hard at first but in time you can build the relationship where they feel comfortable to honestly tell you what you’re not seeing.

You don’t know what you don’t know, so ask a bunch of questions. Invite feedback from people whose opinion you’ll actually listen to! And then listen to it. Adjust when you need to adjust. Give away permission and authority where you need to give it away. And you never know, you might end up with a pretty well designed hoodie out of it!

Unity vs Uniformity

September 19, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Do you know the difference between these two ideas? Unity vs uniformity? In some cases uniformity is desirable. But in most cases unity is preferred. Unfortunately however we tend to get them mixed up when things don’t go exactly how we want them to go.

Unity is having the same purpose or end goal. Unity is about going in the same overall direction and attempting to accomplish the same thing in the end. Unity however doesn’t mean that we all drive the same car or dress the same way or use the same route to get where we’re going. That’s uniformity.

Uniformity is when everything and everyone follows the exact set of standards. Think of the military as an example. They not only have the same objective but they look the same. Short hair, uniforms match, weaponry is the same and they walk the same and talk the same. Uniformity makes me think of the clones in Star Wars. You create one and then replicate it out so that all of them look, think, and behave the exact same.

Here’s the challenge though. As kind of ridiculous as it sounds to have a bunch of clones running around, it’s kind of how we act toward people who differ from us. If someone thinks differently or acts differently than we act or think, then our minds automatically go to asking why they aren’t more like us. It’s like we want a bunch of clones running around that behave just like us.

This week in the church I serve, we talked about this very idea. Unity is far more biblical than uniformity, yet in many church structures and denominations it seems that uniformity is what we’re after. Look I’m all for having systems and guidelines and organization and order, but I’m not at all interested in a world full of people just like me! That would not be a fun place at all (unless it was with drivers – then we could use a world of people that drive like me so I wouldn’t get frustrated when I’m trying to go somewhere!)

Seriously though, Paul talks in Romans about differences of opinion and practice. He’s talking about some of the structures of his day. He isn’t saying that the systems are bad. As a matter of fact they served a purpose in times in history. The problem is when we force those systems on people and make everyone function the same way.

Think of it in terms by a quote from a historical figure St. Augustine. He said In essentials – unity. In non-essentials – liberty. In all things – charity. If we would take this approach to how we manage life with one another, even in the church, we’d be living in a much better place.

The essential for the church is Jesus as the only way to heaven. There are others but we’ll stand on this one right now. To say that our expression of the faith is the only acceptable way to truly get to Jesus is a tad arrogant. Love and value one another for the differences they bring to your life. Stand firm on the nonnegotiable parts of life. As for the rest of life, give people the freedom to approach life from a little different perspective. It’s ok to challenge someone a little but to force uniformity is just flat wrong.

Unity is better than uniformity any day of the week.

Outreach Doesn’t Work

August 8, 2023 / / 0 Comments

If you’re a church going person then this will likely hit you hard. You probably won’t like these words. And there’s a chance you might be put off by some of what I’m about to say. That doesn’t change it from being true however.

Not liking getting a speeding ticket doesn’t make it so I don’t have to pay for it. It just means I don’t like the harsh realities that stand before me. Sometimes the truth hurts. And lest someone pull a Bible verse out of context speak the truth in love please read what that’s about. It has nothing to do with calling out a misinterpretation or a misunderstanding. Ok with that out of the way, here we go.

I’ve read far too many articles, social media posts, how to bloggers, podcasters and more on the topic of outreach. I’ve heard people ask for the best outreach strategies. Today I read a question about what are the most effective outreach strategies your churches have done.

Sorry friends you’re asking the wrong question because outreach won’t work.

I say this as a former mission and ministry coordinator. I was an outreach pastor. I do outreach events, although very limited few of them. I slowed that way down when I realized I had it backwards.

Outreach does not work!

Look think of it this way. Who is going to come to a church’s outreach event? I mean who attends your VBS? Easter Egg Hunt? Block party? Normally the ones that come are the ones that have a predisposition to the gospel. They’ve already heard the message. Will you get to connect with someone who doesn’t have a church home currently? Maybe? Possibly. But are they people who don’t know Jesus? Are they people who have limited knowledge of the workings of God in their lives? Probably not.

The people who come to church events, even the cool outreach ones, have some acceptance factors built in toward the church already. They’ve already been in a church before. You might be shuffling people around from one church to another. You might gain another face or two. But where are they coming from? Probably, if stats hold true they’re from another church down the road. The church that just got a new pastor or whose pastor isn’t cutting it for them anymore. That’s not the purpose of outreach.

Outreach doesn’t work because it’s not for the purpose we think it is.

Churches tend to want some silver bullet type of outreach strategy. We try to find the one thing that will work across all spectrums, races, economic levels, just simple and easy. Plug and play. Well that actually does exist but it takes work. It’s not quite easy but it’s actually pretty simple.

The best outreach you can do for your church is to not lower expectations. Don’t make it easier to just be a butt in a seat. Do you expect the people who call themselves members of the church to be involved in the life of the church beyond Sunday? Volunteerism? Ministry leadership? Actually doing something?

The Bible doesn’t tell us to be about outreach. It tells us to be about discipleship. If we’d focus on discipleship, you know equipping the saints for works of ministry and all that, then the outreach stuff would happen organically, naturally and constantly!

Please stop looking for the best outreach method when you’re not willing to sink the time and effort into raising up and equipping the men and women that you already have. What makes you think that God will send you new people if you’re not leading the ones you have (parable of talents anyone).

I’m not trying to be snarky and nasty or mean or rude. It’s just quit griping and complaining about how hard life and ministry are if you’re not going to double down on the talent God has given you. Don’t complain about something God never promised. Don’t focus on the things God never told you to make your main focus.

That’s it. Outreach does not work. But working on discipleship has tremendous impacts on outreach.

Changing Times

August 1, 2023 / / 0 Comments

The times we’re living right now are times many of us never thought we’d see. The speed of cultural shift is so drastic it’s almost dizzying! Look at how fast things have morphed in the past 3-5 years. Some blame the pandemic others blow the thing off like it never happened. I think a better assessment is that it happened, whether we like it or not, and that it accelerated our lives to a speed many of us are not comfortable with. It’s even been said that our society jumped forward about 10 years in the span of 2 years time.

Changing times are terrifying. We don’t like change often because we can’t control it. Something being out of control is not fun. I’m often branded a control freak. But that’s not totally accurate. I tend to embrace change pretty easily and change is out of control. I would say I have a need to be informed about what’s happening so I can be prepared to address challenges that arise. That’s not control it’s desiring information.

Recently the national version of the church body to which I belong made some pretty bold moves. And not bold in a good way necessarily. Honestly I think they’re bold in a way that shows some lack of faith and a bit of cowardice.

I know this is going to probably push someone’s buttons. While that is not the intent, if it does get people having a dialogue instead of unilaterally legislating how we handle change in the world then so be it. I’ll push away!

There are two matters that have really stood out to me as I’ve participated virtually in this conference: as a church body we really have a trust issue and control is pretty important.

There are a couple topics that make this super evident to me. One of which is the desire to focus on one method for raising up pastors in the church body. While I admittedly did not hear anyone say that only pastors going through a residential seminary training process are real and everyone else is fake or lesser, that sure seems to be the tenor of the conversation. I am willing to be wrong here.

The matter from my perspective is one of control. While I do believe it is important that anyone who is rightly called as a pastor within this church body know what we believe, teach and confess. And while I also know that it is important to have diligent study of the Bible and our confessional structure, I also believe wholeheartedly that there is more than one way to get that same result.

Just like I was able to participate in the conference virtually and virtual education methods are numerous and getting more user friendly, having a strong virtual element to the raising up of pastors would be fantastic. I have men in the congregation I serve who would make phenomenal pastors but they just can’t uproot their families or quit their jobs. So alas that’s one less pastoral candidate our church body has in circulation.

The unwillingness to release a little control over the structure of how things are taught (not what is taught but how and where) is really disheartening. I honestly am shocked when I see how the apostles led the churches in the book of Acts. They were uneducated men. They didn’t uproot their families to go off to an institution for a 4 year stint to learn something. They were able to learn while they lived their daily lives.

Are there some trade offs? Yes there are but doing the same thing the same way will not yield a higher result. It just won’t work that way. We should still cherish the traditional route to ministry that has served us well for many years! But releasing a little control back to the parish pastors and working alongside them to raise up and train men for works of ministry sounds kind of Book of Acts to me. Keep high standards. Work on curriculum or teaching points/methods. But leave the how and where to the local guys with regular checkins from the structures that already exist.

But then there’s the whole trust issue. Do we trust that the men in the field are going to steward their gifts properly? I think this is a huge struggle as well. I mean most of them were trained in the residential program that is being held up as the only way to do it. And yet we don’t seem to trust them to be able to teach other men to do the same job? Seems to show a lack of trust in our own teaching! One of the signs of a great teaching is that the student is able to teach the material to someone else.

Look I get it. None of this is going to be easy. But it doesn’t have to be impossible either. The tighter we hold to this method as the only method, the more we’re going to lose. But why is it so hard for us to let go a little?

Change is hard because it leaves things out of control for a period of time. I’m not one of those change everything just because we can kind of guys but we need to know what can change and what can’t change. Changing nothing is not an option. It just isn’t possible. If we can manage change well, we can better manage the chaos that’s so often associated with change.

I think a long and hard conversation needs to be had about where God wants his church to go. Not where we want it to stay. It’s time to make some bold moves for the sake of the kingdom. Repent where we’ve made mistakes. But keep moving and advancing the kingdom. It’s only then that we will see how weak hell’s gates truly are (as long as we’re sitting here those gates hold up pretty darn well).

The times are changing and while the message can’t change – the methods are going to have to change.

Parenting By Proxy

June 26, 2023 / / 0 Comments

How much time do we spend with our kiddos a day? How much time do you intentionally set aside to be home with them through a week? How about a year? What about through their growing up years? Who gets the most amount of time with our children in their day to day lives?

I would venture to say that if we’re being honest with ourselves many of us would answer that we don’t spend enough time with them and that someone else spends more time with them. Whether that’s a babysitter, teacher, school system, church – who knows pretty much anyone.

Now who’s responsible for making sure our children are raised properly? You know to be people of humility, integrity, faith, respect, kindness, generous, and all those cool attributes. I sure hope that you said that you as the parent are responsible for making sure that your child is raised properly!

Unfortunately there are far too many parents in the world today who are parenting by proxy. They’re letting someone else raise their kids. From assuming the schools are teaching everything they need to know to just letting the church teach them about faith matters to letting screens occupy them while we’re busy doing other things to letting the coach teach them about obedience – we have a tendency to pawn our parenting responsibilities off on someone else.

Now before those of you in two working household families get all bent here, I’m not saying that you have to homeschool your children. Not against it by any means but definitely not for everyone. I’m not saying you can’t have a job outside the home or both of you work. As a matter of fact there is something powerful that a child learns when they see mom and dad working and still engaged in their lives.

But I am saying that parenting is your responsibility not someone else’s! Here’s a quick example of what I’m trying to convey. I recently had a conversation with a group of people from a church. We were talking about the role of the pastor in the lives of the children in the church family. I want to be very clear. I am not a proxy parent for anyone’s kiddos. I’ve done enough damage as a less than perfect parent to my own three children. This church was saying that they want their pastor to be the one who is the primary teacher of faith to the children in the church.

Well, I don’t parent by proxy and I don’t think the pastor should be the faith builder in a child’s life. We’re to teach them but we’re not the one’s who are primarily responsible for the faith development of children. I also don’t think it’s the pastor’s job to do the whole catechism teaching bit for the youth of the church. I think if the pastor does his job rightly, then the parents will be the primary teachers of this to their children. Pastor should most certainly be involved and active and encouraging but the parent should be the primary discipler of the children.

This analogy is true for other areas like math and science and grammar and economics and you name it! The parent cannot shove the kids to someone or something else to teach them. That’s not parenting. All of these other things are assets and tools in the raising of children but they cannot replace what it means to be a loving and true parent.

Look teachers can only teach so much. Pastors can only reach so far. Coaches can be great role models but are limited. You are the parent. You can’t parent your kiddos if you’re never home. You can’t teach them the faith if you don’t open your mouth and teach them. No one is responsible for the development of your children but you. It’s time our culture stopped trying to parent by proxy.

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