living for eternity today

Tag: change (Page 1 of 3)

Hey Thanks!

A simple thought. An easy word really. But do we say it enough? Why is it so hard at times to say thanks?

Ok so it’s not that it’s hard to say, it’s that sometimes we forget to say it. At least that’s my biggest problem with today’s word. But did you know the more you say thanks, the harder it is to complain?

It’s a fact. You can’t be disgruntled about something and thankful at the same time. It’s like being blinded by light and in total darkness simultaneously. It just can’t happen!

Gratitude should probably be the word for today, but thanks is so much shorter of a word. A simple thank you can totally change someone’s day. And no I don’t just mean the person to whom you’re speaking either. I mean you. It can change your day.

Saying thank you over and over again for things will condition your brain to look for things for which you can be thankful. The more thankful you are the more you’ll say thank you and the more you’ll see things for which to be thankful. It’s like this crazy cycle of goodness!

Here’s a little secret as you try to implement this one in your life. You don’t always have to be overwhelmed with thanks to just say thank you. I’ve said thank you at times when I wasn’t really even sure that I was thankful. I did it because it felt like the right thing to do. I did it because I knew if I said thank you eventually my heart and head would catch up to my mouth. I don’t mean to be disingenuous by any means. But sometimes you have to say it out loud before you can feel it deep inside.

Today’s word comes with a challenge. What are some simple things that people do for you consistently that you could slow down long enough to thank them for today? Maybe it’s your spouse always making sure there’s food in the house – that should probably be one of mine. You know I can’t remember a time when I went to the pantry or the fridge and it was totally empty! And honestly I don’t know if I’ve ever said thanks to my wife for doing the whole people thing and going to the grocery. So here it is, in public for anyone who cares enough to read this, Thanks Dear for always making sure there’s food in the house!

Who will you thank today?

Change

There are two kinds of people in the world, and the title of this post revealed both sides. When you think of changes to something about which you’re passionate, you either get super excited or fight it with all your might. Which are you?

Admittedly, there are some gradients here. Some are like I’m in! Let’s change it all! Others are willing to change even though they know it will hurt. Still others who are not resistant to change will tiptoe into it knowing it needs to happen but not be super excited about it.

What I think everyone needs to understand is that change is essential and it is everywhere. Change doesn’t really care of you want to do it or not. Change doesn’t mind if you hate it or love it. Change is just change.

We change our clothes everyday, some of us more than once a day. The seasons change, unless you live in Ohio and it’s pretty much always gray and gloomy this time of year. Trees change from bare in the winter to buds in spring to leaves in summer. Grass changes from lush and green in the spring to dormant in the summer to back to dormant again in the winter months again.

Change is everywhere!

Watching changes happen from one season to another or changing your clothes are super easy. But what about when, after you get married, your new spouse changes the way the budget has always been worked? Or what happens when she makes chili in a different way than your mom used to make it? Or what about someone proposing a change in how your church does worship? (you know the whole hymnal vs band debate that seems to be never ending)

The point is some changes are easier to manage than others. While change doesn’t always have to be bad but it is always disruptive to comfort. And therein lies the problem. We love our comforts in life. We love to have our set routines. And when someone disrupts our routine, all hell breaks loose. We don’t want anyone to mess with the way it’s always been done!

Change can sometimes feel like that whole ice bucket challenge that was social media popular. Except it’s like someone doing that to you when you’re enjoying a nice steaming hot shower. It is awful! It shocks the system because it takes you out of your comfort zone.

Since this week’s word is change, consider how you handle change. Consider what types of changes are hardest for you to manage.

The Church And The Monkey Trap

Have you ever seen a video of a monkey trap? I was going to put a video on here but some of you might be offended by the content so I’ll just describe it to you. You’re welcome to go search for a video online, they’re pretty easy to find.

The idea is simple. The monkey gets trapped because it sees something it wants and won’t let go. Therefore trapping its hand in a jar. Historically there are cultures that have trapped monkeys in the wild. They would take a jar or a coconut and put a hole in it large enough for the monkey to put its hand inside. Inside the jar is something the monkey wants, often rice or another food substance they just simply can’t ignore.

The monkey puts his hand into the coconut and grasps the rice only to realize that he can’t get his hand out again. Mind you, the hole did not change size. The opening is the same size it was when the monkey put his hand in. The only difference is, now the monkey’s hand is closed around the rice. The hole is just large enough for the open hand to enter but too small for the closed fist to pull out.

I really think this is what we’re seeing in the institutional, denominational churches in North America. We are the monkey in the story. We live our lives and things are going well. As we look around, we see the values of society and culture shifting around us. Sometimes shifting faster than we can even define.

Add to the scenario that we see our numbers shrinking as churches are closing, pastors retiring, men not going into the ministry – it’s a situation that causes great fear and anxiety for some people. Enter church as monkey.

If we were to define the parts of this analogy to meet our current situation, we’d see the church is represented by the monkey. The rice inside is the way we’ve always done it. Really it’s anything that has become something we just can’t loosen our grip on (aside from the proper teaching of the Bible – really that’s the only non negotiable in the mix). And the jar is the culture war surrounding the church, the crisis of leadership in the church at large.

The church has its hand in the jar because that’s where we live. We have our churches embedded in communities and neighborhoods. Our hand is in the jar. It’s hidden in that jar and somewhat safe inside there. But we’re not called to hide in that place. We are to stand out and live differently, but how do we do that when culture shifts so fast?

When we feel threatened by the cultural shift around us, we clench our fist. In this case, we grasp whatever is known and comfortable. These things are actually, in and of themselves good and historically proven. For the church body to which I belong, that thing we are grasping is historicity, traditionalism, and structure. These are the rice in the coconut that we don’t know what to do with so we just cling to it more tightly.

The problem is the church is supposed to love God and love our neighbors, but we are not able to love our neighbor if our hand is stuck in the jar. The longer we hold so tightly to the things we have in the jar, the farther away from serving the culture we move. Now before you get all honked off here don’t hear what’s not being said. I’m not saying throw out the tradition and history. That’s absurd and will actually do more harm than good!

Know when the structures of the past will work and when they won’t. Understand that structures in the life of the church can’t be a one size fits all kind of deal. Every congregation is unique in its expression of faith because every community that it serves is unique. Forcing an historic structure, no matter how good and worthwhile in its day, to a thriving modern environment at best won’t always work. And at worst will hinder the expansion of the gospel in that context.

The solution? Let go a little.

If the monkey would loosen the grip on the rice, it would be able to get its hand out of the jar. When it releases the rice, it’s still a monkey. Letting go did not change the fact that it was a monkey. It just allowed that monkey to be free. Likewise if the church would loosen its grip on some of the things to which it clings, we could be released to do more ministry in our individual contexts. It won’t stop us from being the church anymore than releasing the rice changed the monkey from being a monkey. It won’t change us from being Lutheran either. It will simply make the church more able to pivot to meet the needs of the people in and outside of the church.

Look I get it. There’s comfort in the known things. There’s something cool about the liturgy and the formal structures of things. But to say that it’s the only way it can be done is bordering on being a pharisee, you know the very people that Jesus told were white washed tombs! I surely don’t want to be considered a pretty coffin – fancy on the outside and dead on the inside.

The church is a people gathered and on mission to make disciples. How, where, when we gather are not really things the Bible addresses. More than anything I want the message of the gospel to be spread to the ends of the earth. I want to see my friends and neighbors come to know and believe in Jesus. I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, but I also believe that this one structure of how we do church life isn’t the only way to Jesus. It’s good and meaningful but it isn’t the only way. If we loosen up a little while clinging tightly to the truths of the Bible, we just might see the gates of hell start to fall like Jesus promises to Peter.

In short monkeys, it’s time to let go of the rice so we can get our hand out of the jar.

Changing Times

The times we’re living right now are times many of us never thought we’d see. The speed of cultural shift is so drastic it’s almost dizzying! Look at how fast things have morphed in the past 3-5 years. Some blame the pandemic others blow the thing off like it never happened. I think a better assessment is that it happened, whether we like it or not, and that it accelerated our lives to a speed many of us are not comfortable with. It’s even been said that our society jumped forward about 10 years in the span of 2 years time.

Changing times are terrifying. We don’t like change often because we can’t control it. Something being out of control is not fun. I’m often branded a control freak. But that’s not totally accurate. I tend to embrace change pretty easily and change is out of control. I would say I have a need to be informed about what’s happening so I can be prepared to address challenges that arise. That’s not control it’s desiring information.

Recently the national version of the church body to which I belong made some pretty bold moves. And not bold in a good way necessarily. Honestly I think they’re bold in a way that shows some lack of faith and a bit of cowardice.

I know this is going to probably push someone’s buttons. While that is not the intent, if it does get people having a dialogue instead of unilaterally legislating how we handle change in the world then so be it. I’ll push away!

There are two matters that have really stood out to me as I’ve participated virtually in this conference: as a church body we really have a trust issue and control is pretty important.

There are a couple topics that make this super evident to me. One of which is the desire to focus on one method for raising up pastors in the church body. While I admittedly did not hear anyone say that only pastors going through a residential seminary training process are real and everyone else is fake or lesser, that sure seems to be the tenor of the conversation. I am willing to be wrong here.

The matter from my perspective is one of control. While I do believe it is important that anyone who is rightly called as a pastor within this church body know what we believe, teach and confess. And while I also know that it is important to have diligent study of the Bible and our confessional structure, I also believe wholeheartedly that there is more than one way to get that same result.

Just like I was able to participate in the conference virtually and virtual education methods are numerous and getting more user friendly, having a strong virtual element to the raising up of pastors would be fantastic. I have men in the congregation I serve who would make phenomenal pastors but they just can’t uproot their families or quit their jobs. So alas that’s one less pastoral candidate our church body has in circulation.

The unwillingness to release a little control over the structure of how things are taught (not what is taught but how and where) is really disheartening. I honestly am shocked when I see how the apostles led the churches in the book of Acts. They were uneducated men. They didn’t uproot their families to go off to an institution for a 4 year stint to learn something. They were able to learn while they lived their daily lives.

Are there some trade offs? Yes there are but doing the same thing the same way will not yield a higher result. It just won’t work that way. We should still cherish the traditional route to ministry that has served us well for many years! But releasing a little control back to the parish pastors and working alongside them to raise up and train men for works of ministry sounds kind of Book of Acts to me. Keep high standards. Work on curriculum or teaching points/methods. But leave the how and where to the local guys with regular checkins from the structures that already exist.

But then there’s the whole trust issue. Do we trust that the men in the field are going to steward their gifts properly? I think this is a huge struggle as well. I mean most of them were trained in the residential program that is being held up as the only way to do it. And yet we don’t seem to trust them to be able to teach other men to do the same job? Seems to show a lack of trust in our own teaching! One of the signs of a great teaching is that the student is able to teach the material to someone else.

Look I get it. None of this is going to be easy. But it doesn’t have to be impossible either. The tighter we hold to this method as the only method, the more we’re going to lose. But why is it so hard for us to let go a little?

Change is hard because it leaves things out of control for a period of time. I’m not one of those change everything just because we can kind of guys but we need to know what can change and what can’t change. Changing nothing is not an option. It just isn’t possible. If we can manage change well, we can better manage the chaos that’s so often associated with change.

I think a long and hard conversation needs to be had about where God wants his church to go. Not where we want it to stay. It’s time to make some bold moves for the sake of the kingdom. Repent where we’ve made mistakes. But keep moving and advancing the kingdom. It’s only then that we will see how weak hell’s gates truly are (as long as we’re sitting here those gates hold up pretty darn well).

The times are changing and while the message can’t change – the methods are going to have to change.

Mindset

There has been a lot of ink spilled in books and articles on the idea of changing your mindset. Some call it self help. Others call it mind over matter. Some think it’s the best advice ever while others think it’s all a bunch of hocus pocus superstition. But if you really take time to think about it, what you think about and how you think about it affects how you approach something.

There’s a quote attributed to Henry Ford that says whether you believe you can or you can’t, either way you’re right.

The idea here is that of a self promoting or defeating mindset. Yeah I know, sounds kind of wizardish at first. It sounds like saying if we think about something one way then it’s sure to happen that way? Kind of but not really.

Think about the last time you didn’t feel well. There are two ways to react when you’re not feeling 100%. No I’m not talking about death bed feeling bad. I’m referring to the crummy, I have a cold and don’t want to do anything kind of feeling. If you’ve ever had one of those feverish, tired, achy kind of moments, did you realize that the more you just laid around and thought about feeling crummy the worse you actually felt? Then when you had something to distract you and take your mind off of the crummy feeling, you almost felt normal for a moment? Yep that’s what Ford was getting at I think.

There is a really powerful thing that happens in our brain. When we don’t think we can do something and when that’s the focus of our attention, then we pretty much set ourselves up for failure.

I love to workout. I like to throw heavy weight around. So I’m not a big dude by any stretch and I’m not a powerlifter or anything like that. But once upon a time I maxed out my benchpress at 350lbs. And I remember the first time I tried it. I got all settled and grabbed the barbell then told myself there is no way you’re going to lift this. It is way too heavy. You weigh less than half this amount.

Guess what…I didn’t lift it. It was too heavy. The moral here is that we can convince ourselves that something is impossible or too much or too hard or whatever the case may be.

So what’s holding you back? What are you wanting to do that you just can’t accomplish? What is it that you have been dreading? If we follow the mindset shift analogy, then we can approach things a bit differently and actually make a real effort to get the job done. Be honest with yourself but don’t sell yourself short. Change your mindset and watch as the possibilities open up!

Change The World

That sounds like a huge task doesn’t it? I mean there’s no way we can possibly change the world. And if you’re thinking this way then you’re pretty much right. There’s no way that one person can change the entire course of life for everyone in their lifetime. I know that I can’t do it that’s for sure! But what if we tried this from a different angle?

I remember going with my mom to get her hair done when I was growing up. We had a friend who ran her own shop and mom would take me whenever she went. I would generally sit around and read the joke book she had. And yes she only had one. And yes I read the same jokes over and over every time I was there.

One of these jokes kind of speaks to this matter. It’s the old how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I know it’s lame. I get it! But think about it. If you try to eat an elephant, you’ll be so overwhelmed that you’ll quickly realize this is not possible to do. But if you take your time and over a long period of time slowly tackle the big project then it is possible. Small disclaimer – no elephants were harmed in the making of this blog post. So you animal rights activists out there it was just an illustration. Now back to our regularly scheduled post.

Take that imagery of slowly tackling a project over a long period of time and apply that to changing the world. It’s actually not as impossible as one might think. I know the world is far bigger than an elephant. And I know impacting every human on the planet still is an impossible task for a single person, but we’re still looking too big. Try this idea on for size.

A long time ago I heard someone say do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. I can’t remember where I was when I heard it but I know it’s not my phrase. The concept is pretty cool. I mean think about it. If I want to make the world a better place for all of humanity, that’s an impossible task. But I can make a difference impacting one person’s life for the better!

If we would just change our focus from the whole world to the ones in front of us daily, we might realize that by changing the world for one person we might actually be making a much larger difference. If you can positively impact one person’s life, and that person is changed by the difference you made to the point that they change someone else’s life then you’ve created a small wave. Then if you and the other person do the same for yet another, this small wave can turn into a tidal wave that can have implications that could drastically change the entire world.

So maybe you can’t bring about world peace or economic stability across the globe or anything like that. But you can bring peace into one person’s life. You might be able to help one person this Christmas be able to celebrate with their family. You might be able to do something for someone that will change the entire trajectory of their life and have the potential to impact more than just that one person.

Go ahead and try it. Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Don’t try to change everything for everyone in the world. But what about changing the world for one person and see where that gets you.

Is it time for a facelift?

There are things in our lives that we do over and over without much thought. They become so routine that they end up losing meaning over time. This happens in just about every area of life and every industry. The benefit of larger industries is that they typically will staff people to keep them forward thinking, but not always.

One of my many jobs was in the car sales world. That is an industry that has needed a facelift for along time in how business was done. When I entered the sales floor area, the strategy was sell a car. The approach was by any means necessary – ok within some realm of reason. Through my years in that world, we underwent an intention facelift to how we did what we did. Our what and why did not change, but our how needed to change with the times because we quickly realized the methods no longer were effective nor efficient to accomplish our purpose.

Another area that contains practices that need a bit of a facelift are found in the church. Now I’m not getting into a war on worship or bible version or preaching style but something hopefully a lot less controversial. I’m talking about small groups. I have a love-hate relationship with these little monsters.

Small groups are wonderful additions to the life of a church to be certain! But there is always a danger that they become stagnant, slow the mission, and even cause division.

A typical small group

The most typical way a small group happens in most churches today is that a group of people who believe the same thing gather together to have a bible study. They’ll ask some opening questions about life. But essentially it’s time to dive into the bible. They’ll close with a prayer and head home. Most of the small group is generally lead by one person, who normally is the who plays the role of host. But when the group heads home, there isn’t much left to do until they gather again in a week or potentially two.

An alternative to the normal

I’ve been told that I do things a little different and to me that’s just fine. The how isn’t (nor has it ever been) set in stone to my knowledge. The what and the why are significantly more rigid but the how in my understanding should be more flexible.

I have taken the approach with small groups that they can’t be just a small version of what we do on Sunday morning. I mean one person talks. The group listens. We sing. Pray. Then everyone goes home to consider what this means. Then come back next week. It can’t be a wash, rinse, and repeat scenario!

I believe there’s a new direction small groups need to take in our shifting cultural landscape. The approach is to give these groups a purpose beyond themselves. I challenge small groups to have four key components: Community, Prayer, Biblical Equipping, Mission. Each of these four keys is critical to keep the group from being a Jesus social club. And if you’ve never been in a small group that has these four elements, I’m just going to say you’re missing out.

Community isn’t really all that earth shattering. We were created to be in community. God was first disappointed that Adam was alone so he created a community for him. We are designed to live in community with one another. The way we express community in our small group is to eat a meal together. Each meal is designed to let all participants bring something to share. The point isn’t the food really. It’s the community that is established over the meal. We let our defenses down when we eat together. We ask questions and catch up on life. It’s a wonderful way to love our neighbors as ourselves as well, because as we share life together we learn how we can serve one another.

Prayer isn’t really just the whole before a meal and for the sick people kind of prayer. It’s a shared experience of worship. We share the praying responsibility. Each person adding to the prayer as they see fit. Prayer is a form of worship. This is the focus of this time of prayer to focus our lives around the provision and providence of God.

Biblical Equipping is like Bible study on steroids. It’s not just a quick this is what the Bible says kind of thing. It’s looking at a section of the bible and inviting everyone to be part of the discussion. What did you hear? What stands out at you? Where else have you heard this same things in the Bible? If we applied this what would be different? There are a ton of questions we can ask of any Bible section to let the text equip us for works of service and ministry. Which if you’re keeping score here is the task of the church! There is always an application, rubber meets the road kind of approach in the Biblical equipping portion.

Mission is where we rarely get in our typical small groups, but it is absolutely essential! Serve somewhere together. It’s super easy. We’ve cleaned up a neighborhood, prayer walked, folded bulletins at church, set up for an event, provided food to police and fire, adopted a family at Christmas time. The sky is the limit here. The idea is simple. Do something with the faith you claim to have in your Biblical Equipping portion.

The key to all of this is just because it worked 40 years ago doesn’t mean it will work today. Churches talk about reaching new people, well what a better way than through an intentional time of equipping one another for works of service using the Bible!

Just like the car dealership didn’t change its focus when we changed our sale process, so also the church doesn’t change its focus when we shift our how to a new approach. Still selling cars just in a different way. Still growing in Christ together just using a different approach.

Compounding Effort?

We’ve all at least heard of compounding interest. Maybe you don’t know what it means or how it works, but I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept. I’m not going to get into all the details on how compounding interest affects you, but the idea is that the interest on one day compounds or adds to the interest the next and so on. You financial people give me a little break here. That’s the best one liner description I could come up with!

So what about effort and what does compounding interest have to do with anything other than money?

Great! I’m so glad you asked! If you take the basics of compounding interest and apply that to other areas of life you’ll see that we can do a lot of great things if we just let all of the effort and ability we have work together. Let me explain using a little churchy terminology.

In the church world we have three T’s we talk about from time to time. They are time, talents, and treasures. Normally we will make it a point to talk about our time and how we use it. Then our talents or abilities and how we use those. And finally our treasures and how we spend, invest and give those away. But how often do we look at them on a compounding scale?

Think about it for a second. When we take our time and use it for one purpose. Then our talents for a different purpose. And finally our treasure to fund or support a similar yet different purpose, how much good can we actually do? It’s like helping 3 different groups a little when we could make a bigger impact if we compounded our effort.

Imagine instead seeing a specific ministry of the local church and diving into that ministry fully. I mean using your time, talent and treasures all in the same place. Not only do you give of your dollars to support that ministry, but you also volunteer serving others through that very same ministry. And to add to it, you have a unique (or not so unique but still needed) skill that you use in your volunteering to accomplish something in that very same ministry.

Essentially you just more than tripled your gift to that ministry! It’s like the difference between giving $50 to 3 organizations or giving $150 to one. Your gift makes a much larger impact when you compound it.

So whether you’re a church kind of person or not, consider how you can compound your effect. Think where you’re spending your time, ability and money. Are they all lined up in the same direction? How can you have a bigger impact by realigning your priorities?

In short layering our giving with our volunteering and the use of our skills can have an exponentially larger impact!

It’s Time To Be Bold!

ready, set . . . audacious. | essence7 wellness, LLC

There’s a phrase that is quoted in a variety of circles that says go big or go home. I personally like that statement…a lot! It’s a phrase that reminds us that sometimes we need to be willing to take a bold step before we can see any forward progress. There is a time to be passive and lay back a bit, but there’s also a time when we need to take risks and do the unthinkable, bold things in life.

I know what some of you are thinking, but what if I mess up or fail? But my reply would be, what if you don’t!?

So often in life we have the chance to make big, bold, audacious moves but we don’t for fear of what others will think of us or fear that we’ll mess up. But sometimes we have to just step out and do the crazy things in life.

I read a book recently titled Love Does, by author Bob Goff. The premise of the book is simple actually. Basically he says in a much more eloquent way that talk is cheap and we need to back up our caring for one another with actions not just words.

One of the stories he shares about how love often leads us to do big, crazy and off the wall things was about a young man who wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. The long story made short is that this young man approached Goff and asked to use his patio, boat, kitchen and backyard all in an effort to wow his soon to be fiancee. That’s bold, big, and audacious!

We don’t have to go out of our way to use someone else’s property to ask someone out on a date but there are ways that we can step out and be a little audacious ourselves.

Living with an audacious love for the people around us means we put their needs before our wants.

Notice what I said there. Their needs before our wants. This doesn’t mean we go without food or water or the necessities in life. It just means if you know someone else is in need, that you can do without the new car if it means you can help someone in need. You can exchange the $5 coffee for a bag of grounds and make your own.

Along these same lines, we could really use to think a little less of ourselves. If you’re going through life hoping to be recognized by everyone, then you could probably use to be knocked down a tad. An audacious and bold life isn’t one that is found on neon signs but in simple acts of service.

Finally, doing something to make someone else’s life easier even if it makes yours a little harder is living this big, bold, audacious kind of way.

In all these things you need to know your boundaries and limits. Don’t over extend yourself. Don’t let yourself be used. But genuinely put someone else’s needs before your wants and do it with joy. You won’t regret it!

A Fork In The Road

I’m not sure where the imagery actually came from. I don’t know who thought of likening a point in life where you have two compelling roads a fork in a road. It just gives me the image of a literal fork in a literal road. I feel like a kid watching the road runner cartoons when I think of this. The road is always colorful and windy and the fork is a huge metal fork that has plunged deep into the road obstructing the traffic flow.

How do you handle hard decisions?

In life we all have decisions. Actually we make decisions on the daily. What clothes do I wear? Which way do I go to get to work today? Freeway or back roads? I’m a backroads all the way kind of guy! Poptart or oatmeal for breakfast? Shower at night or in the morning? Hair up or hair down for those of you with enough hard to have to decide that one. The list goes on forever! Those are seemingly no brainer decisions. We make those decisions often without much thought at all.

But what about big choices? Life altering choices?

Take for instance, you have a job you enjoy. You love the work you do and the people with whom you work. You feel like this is a good fit. You’ve learned the ins and the outs of the position and things are getting done! Higher than average profit margins are being experienced. The business is growing in ways you couldn’t even imagine. But then out of nowhere you get word that another company is seeking your skills, talents and abilities. What do you do?

This is a pretty common thing these days. As a matter of fact, a friend just went through this same situation no too long ago. Both positions are good options. Both are in your wheelhouse. Both are places where you can make an impact. Both are jobs you can do well. Both are things you can see yourself doing. So…what do you do?

I’ll be honest, I am probably one the last people to give any advice on discernment. I typically have two approaches to big decisions, and they don’t go together at all. Sometimes when I have a decision to make I just jump right in. I make a move that feels most right and don’t often look back. I move into something with the confidence that either I made the right decision or that God will fix what I messed up. The other method is to second guess every step in the process. I play the “what if” game and wonder if God is in the current place or if God is in the new place.

So how do you decide? How do you know which way to go? How do you decide if you’re supposed to stay or if you’re supposed to go?

First of all pray. I know that sounds a tad cliche and we all say we’re going to pray but I mean really pray. You don’t have to get down on your hands and knees and close your eyes to pray either. You can pray while you’re at the coffee shop. You can pray at Home Depot while you’re walking around shopping. You can pray while you’re driving to or from work. You can pray while you’re pumping gas, and not just because prices are so high either! The point is to pray that God would guide your path and how you which way to go.

Second talk to people who you respect. Ask people their opinion. Ask them to share their honest feedback with you. But if you ask, you can’t disagree with them. You don’t have to take their advice but you can’t openly disagree with them. Ask them what they see in the situation. Ask them what they think you should do. Ask them to pray for you as well.

Included in this is talking to your family. Talk to your spouse, children, parents, siblings whoever is in your close inner circle – you need to talk to those people. God put them there for a reason, so use that relationship to help guide you.

And to make this simple, we’ll end with step three. Finally, just move. Realize that you can’t mess up God’s plan. You’re just not that good. You’re not strong enough, smart enough, powerful enough to be able to mess up what God has planned for you. Make your move with confidence and watch how God makes provision for you as you move. This move doesn’t have to be the day you get the job offer. It won’t happen right away, but eventually you have to move. Sooner rather than later you’ll have to move for your own sanity and others! And the benefits of the move won’t present themselves right away. Sometimes those blessings are months, even years in the future. But God will be in the change because you didn’t blindside him with your decision.

So there’s a fork in your road, what are you going to do with it?

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