Ok so hard truth we may not like to hear. Christians are really good at judging each other. I’m not talking about some polite “maybe you should rethink that” kind of critique. No, I’m talking about the deep-seated, “I’m holier than you” attitude that seeps into Christian relationships. That’s exactly what Paul was tackling in Romans 14:13-23, and let’s be real—it’s something we still wrestle with today.

The Judgement Trap

Paul opens this section with what some would call a mic drop: “Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another.” Bam! Paul doesn’t sugarcoat things at all does he. He knows that, left unchecked, we love to size up other people’s faith—what they eat, drink, or how they worship—and use that as a measuring stick for righteousness. Or perhaps a bludgeoning tool to beat our brother down. It’s like we’re always looking for an excuse to prove that we’re somehow “better” than the next believer.

But this attitude poisons our relationships. Paul tells us to knock it off. He flips the script and says, “Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” (v. 13). In other words, stop acting like your version of Christianity is the only one, and focus on helping each other grow in Christ. Jesus is the only way to the Father, but you and I are not the only way to Jesus!

When Freedom Hurts

I love the idea of freedom. It just feels good when my freedom lines up with my lifestyle and passion. Who doesn’t love the idea of being free in Christ? But here’s the kicker—Paul says that sometimes your freedom can hurt someone else. In verse 15, he writes, “If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love.” What? So my personal freedom can be a stumbling block for someone else’s faith?

Yup. And that stings because we hate the idea of limiting ourselves for someone else. But Paul isn’t just talking about food either—he’s using it as a metaphor for any area of Christian freedom. Maybe you feel free to have a drink, but you’ve got a friend who’s been sober for years. Your freedom to crack open a cold one could cause them to stumble. Is your personal liberty worth the damage to someone else’s faith? Paul says no, and I sure hope we all feel the same way!

Unity

So, what’s the big idea here? Unity. Romans 14:19 lays it out: “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Translation? Quit fighting over the small stuff and start building each other up.

Paul isn’t saying that we should all agree on everything. There’s space for disagreement and diversity in the body of Christ. But he is saying that we should stop letting minor differences tear us apart. When you prioritize peace and edification—building each other up—you create healthy, strong relationships that actually reflect the love of Jesus. That’s what people outside the church need to see.

Look at 1 Corinthians 8:9 for another way of hearing this: “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” It’s the same idea—your rights, while important, are secondary to the emotional and spiritual health of your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Love Not Legalism

Here’s where it gets fun. When you start living with this “building up” mentality, you’ll find that relationships within the church get a whole lot healthier. Instead of being caught up in judgment, you’re caught up in love. You’re not trying to out-Christian your neighbor; you’re trying to encourage them.

Paul encourages us in Romans 14:17 to focus on the important stuff: “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” The Christian life isn’t about following a rigid set of rules; it’s about living in joy, peace, and righteousness—and helping others do the same. When we embrace that, our relationships thrive.

Major in the Majors

At the end of the day, Paul’s message in Romans 14 is clear: stop nitpicking and start loving. Focus on what matters—righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Keep the main thing the main thing. It’s ok to let the little differences slide. You’ll find that when you do, you’ll build deeper, healthier relationships.

So, next time you’re tempted to judge someone else for how they practice their faith, ask yourself this: Is my goal to help them grow closer to Jesus? If it’s not my goal, it’s time to take a step back, check our pride, and focus on what really matters—love, peace, and mutual growth.

And remember: “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” (Romans 15:7). That’s the heart of healthy Christian relationships.