So Controlling!

There’s been an accusation levied against me quite frequently that shows how little people actually know me. I’ve been called a control freak. I assume it’s been done in a kind way. You know poking fun at my need to seemingly take control of everything.

I guess to an extent those people might be onto something, but those who think I have a control complex really don’t know me. There are some people who are fairly close to me who actually think this. And often I just allow the comments and let them slide off like they’re no big deal, because it’s not as true as they think. Unfortunately people form their opinions based on the portion of your life they choose to see.

In my case, I will generally take charge of a room when I walk in. I like to prepare for contingencies. I like to know what’s going on when I’m in a leadership role. I tell the truth even when it’s hard to hear. But the part that most people mistake for control is my desire for communication.

I’m a big stickler on communication. In a world that’s become super divided and pretty much all things virtual, face to face is the best kind of communication. There are nuances to things that need to be conveyed and it can only happen when we’re looking at one another in the eyes.

But it’s this desire to know what’s going on and to be kept fully informed that is misconstrued as control. If those people who accuse me of being a controlling person would simply go back and listen to the conversation over again, they’d likely hear me asking to be in the loop, to be informed. Rarely will I push to put a cold stop to something. Rarely will I bull something through an organization if the appropriate amount of communication and behind the scenes legwork hasn’t been done.

This came up recently at a bible study I was leading. It was interesting because the person made a comment about being in control and she baited me, in a good way. She knew that my desire wasn’t to control every scenario but to be in the know on the things I need to be in the know about. It’s really not that complicated if you think about it. If you’re having a discussion that will impact someone else’s life, faith, family, finances, friendship – then you probably should have the conversation with the person in the room.

The long and short is that I tend to spend a lot of time preparing for events which makes it seem, when they’re happening, like I’m controlling things. But if you knew the time that went into preparing for many of these moments, you’d realize that it’s a huge investment of time and effort that makes something a success. It’s not about control. It’s about making sure communication is happening so that everyone is on the same page.

Do I like to be in control of a situation? Sure I do. That’s one of the reasons I don’t really love flying or sailing on a cruise ship. I haven’t yet found a pilot or captain who’s willing to give me the controls. I also make a terrible copilot in a car. The pedals never work on my side of the car. But in most situations if the direction is clear and communication open and transparent I can go with the flow.

Part of the issue with my seemingly controlling demeanor is that I enter a situation willing to interject my opinion. And I don’t offer that opinion without giving it a quick once over to make sure it makes sense. There’s a big difference between knowing something and controlling something.

Go ahead and poke fun of me for being controlling. I can take it! Just know that what some people see as controlling is really more about communication and getting all the facts. Questioning something doesn’t always mean I’m trying to control it. Give me a little slack and you just might see the method behind the madness.