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Christ In Collard Greens

March 18, 2024 / / 1 Comment

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if I don’t have all the answers?

I just need another class or maybe I can read a book that will give me the 7 steps to do this.

Have you ever heard anyone say something like this? I’m a pastor and this is the typical response I get when we talk about sharing our faith. We think we need a class or a seminar or some sort of gathering where we get the how to’s of the whole matter.

But what if we’re making it way too hard? Ok that’s not really supposed to be a question. We ARE making it way too hard. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Here’s how I know.

This past Sunday I had the chance to go with some friends to a neighboring community. It was a region of our area that was hit with a devastating tornado. They had houses torn apart, swing sets moved from lawn to street, trampolines mangled around trees or at least what was left of them.

We left church on Sunday and went over to lend a hand. But the hand we lent them wasn’t in the form of chainsaws or tool belts. We didn’t move debris, although we were prepared for that. We really didn’t do anything. But we did everything.

Instead of wielding tools and work gloves, we picked up serving spoons and paper plates. We pulled into a driveway of someone we didn’t even know yet and set up a food station that would end up feeding well over 100 people. Some came in person, others sent one to pick up food for a work crew. What we did there was share Jesus but not in the way you might think.

We didn’t hand out promotional gear. We didn’t pass out tracts or pamphlets. We didn’t even use that super corny phrase just like the grace of God this food is free.

No preaching. No teaching. We didn’t even invite them to come to church. That wasn’t the point. Instead of giving them a well thought out 7 point teaching on the highlights of the gospel and what it means for them. We shook their hands. We gave them hugs. We listened to them share their stories. We let them just come and rest for a minute. We gave them Jesus. Jesus with skin on. Jesus that looked like you and me.

There he was right in the middle of the Mac n Cheese. The Messiah and his abundant love for mankind nestled in a pile of Mac n cheese. The Beautiful Savior in hearty stack of brisket. The Prince of Peace in a pulled pork sandwich. Christ in collard greens.

God’s miraculous love and abundant grace were embedded in the simple and mundane foods you can buy at a store. We didn’t overcomplicate the matter. Did these people hear the message of Jesus living, dying and rising? Nope they sure didn’t. Did they see an example of Jesus command to love your neighbor as yourself? You better darn well believe it.

Look here’s the deal. You can hold your evangelism training seminars and convocations to teach people how to share their faith. But really those aren’t necessary at all. If you know two things you can do this anywhere and everywhere you go without much preparation at all. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength – and love your neighbor as yourself.

You don’t need some curriculum out of a box or special speaker to come teach you how to do it. I even believe that doing any of these classes or books just makes it harder and is far more intimidating than Jesus intended it to be. Everyone can be his witness for sure but it really only takes a loving heart, hands willing to serve, genuine compassion for the people around you, and a sacrifice of your time. Let the Spirit do the rest. It’s not your job to much more than that.

Grab a plate of collard greens or pan of brownies. Pour a glass of wine or a couple ounces of bourbon. Light a fire in the pit. Tell a joke. Genuinely give a crap about the people around you. And you just might see how easily Jesus can be transferred to the people around you.

Collaboration

March 13, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Every week I try to pick a word that sums up something I’m working on or thinking about in my professional or personal life. This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of collaboration. A simple definition is the action of working together with someone to accomplish a task or product.

Unfortunately, collaboration isn’t always an easy task. We tend to like things our way. Especially those of us who are strong type A personalities and like to drive things forward, it’s hard to slow down to collaborate with others. Equally, there are some who feel they have something to prove. They want to make a name for themselves. They think their way is the best way and anyone who doesn’t do things their way isn’t worthy to be part of any collaborative efforts.

It’s so very unfortunate that collaborative efforts are lacking in so many industries. Whether we feel someone is always out to steal our stuff or like we have something to hide or to prove, thwarting collaboration is detrimental in so many areas.

As a pastor I see this far too often. Churches don’t collaborate on ministry related matters. Three churches in a given area each have a pastor and each have their own ministry and volunteer staff. While this is great, why can’t they work together? Can they share a single staff person among 3 congregations? Can one ministry be replicated in another location to maximize all the time and planning efforts it took?

So often we hide our gems and don’t let anyone see them or use them. We keep our staff close to the vest so no one takes them from us. We are afraid to do ministry in combined settings because we’re afraid the members of one church will like the other church better and we might end up losing them.

I’m sorry but this is kind of ridiculous and purely selfish. To think that I’m the only one who can do a certain thing or that the people at the church I serve can’t get served better by someone else is ludicrous. I don’t chase people. If someone doesn’t feel this is the right place to connect, then I’ll help you find a place that better suits you.

Collaboration in ministry should be the normal way of doing life, but it’s become the thing so many run away from at all costs. Let’s put our heads together and we might actually learn something!

Churches that are thriving can help churches that are declining. Declining churches can help thriving churches understand the dynamics of getting everyone moving in the same direction. We can all learn from one another if we just sideline our prideful motives and lean into the strengths of others.

Focus

March 12, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I recently went to the eye doctor and rediscovered something I’ve known for a while. Yes I have decent eye sight and no I don’t need glasses. He told me two things that weren’t really new but were reminders for me.

The first thing he told me was that my right eye is near-sighted which means I have a harder time seeing things farther away. And while that sounds like a problem, and it would be if I didn’t have my left eye. You see my left eye has just the opposite issue. It’s far sighted which means it sees better farther away. This means, according to my eye doctor, that I have the best possible scenario for someone who’s either near or far sighted. Because I’m both! I told him I’ve always been a bit of an over achiever.

That was met with a slight eye roll and sympathetic laughter.

The second issue he mentioned with regard to my eyes wasn’t about how they can see near or far. The issued I’ve had since I was at least in grade school is that my eyes naturally see wider than narrow. That means when you hold a book and your eyes focus on that book at a normal arm’s length, my eyes have to strain to turn inward to see that book. It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s just a fact that my eyes’ natural center is much farther out than a normal person.

These two conditions combined mean that I have to focus on focusing. Most people don’t have to think about their line of sight or how to focus on a book up close or poster farther away. Not so with me. I have to force my eyes to lock in on a book when I’m hold in it up close. Then I have to make sure I let my left eye focus on objects farther away while I let righty handle that stuff up close.

Ok long intro here I know but stick with me. Focus is a huge thing for many of us. Not as much eye focus as mental focus. Ever have one of those moments when you have to force yourself to tune everything out? Studying for a test and there’s noise from your little brother filling your room? Trying to read a book and the television is on in the background because your spouse isn’t the book worm that you are?

Focus is essential and in a digital world that focus often gets even more challenging. I’ve been on zoom calls when my dog decided that was the perfect time to get the zoomies. If you’re not a dog person, that’s what we call it when the dog takes off running around for no apparent reason and can’t be stopped until she’s totally worn out. Yeah that’s a fun one!

But it’s not just outside noises that cause us to lose focus. We get distracted by the noises filling our heads. Ha that sounds funny. I don’t mean hearing voices, although maybe??? But more the laundry list of things that need done filtering through your mind when you’re trying to do something else.

I find myself doing this probably more than I’d like to admit. Sitting down to read my bible in the morning and my calendar or to do list start yelling at me. Take time to pray for those people in my life who are struggling or celebrating and yep you guessed it. I get distracted by my stomach growling, wondering if I locked my car in the parking lot, realizing I’m getting hungry, wondering if my family will make it to work or school safely. You know all the things that pull my focus away from what I’m trying to do!

Here’s the deal. There are tools that can help you with focus. I had to have glasses that acted like prisms to kind of spread the words on a book outward so my eyes didn’t have to work as hard. Then my eyes learned to adjust so that now I don’t need that anymore.

With practice and an intentional focus on focus, you’ll be able to cut through the clutter of life and see the most important things going on in the moment. So if you struggle with focus like I do, then try this.

  • Give the distraction room for a second. The more you fight the distraction the more distracting it will be. Give it room in your mind for a second to see if it needs your attention or if it can wait.
  • Write it down. After giving it a little breathing room, if you decide your invading thought is valid and needs attention just jot it down on a piece of paper or in the notes app on your phone.
  • Then leave it alone! Refocusing after a foreign invader comes in and derails your meditation can be challenging. After you write it down set the paper or phone aside and try to pick back up.
  • Breathe. Yep you need to do it anyway so why not let your breathing help bring you back to the moment right before you went all ADHD. Take a breath. Calm yourself. Let the distraction just kind of fade into oblivion. I find it helpful to really hone in on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Getting full, deep breaths can be super helpful.

Whatever works for you is the process you should really try. But you’re not allowed to say I can’t focus. You just need to focus on getting focused. The more practice you have focusing through distractions the easier it will be to stay focused when those distractions creep in.

Two Faced

March 11, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Some people have a tendency to be one person in one group and a different person in another. It’s kind of hypocritical to be honest. But that’s not quite what we’re talking about here.

There’s a story in the Bible about a man named Adam. You might have heard of him from the story about creation in the book of Genesis. If you’re not familiar, he was the first person created in the Bible. He was also the first person to have a recorded mistaken written for the world to read. Well he and his wife, but there’s something about men in ancient culture that highlighted their actions.

But the story of Adam is one that actually lasts far past his recorded life in the Bible. He has an impact that actually reaches you and me to this day. That’s the point of a set of bible verses in the book of Romans chapter 5.

Adam ate a piece of fruit that he was told specifically by God not to eat. When he did that he started to see the world differently. He realized he was naked. He felt scared for the first time. He ran and hid from God in the garden. And as a direct result of his action, some animal had to die so he would have clothing. It was a pretty big deal actually.

But like I said, his actions have implications that go beyond just him. His actions affect you and me. They impact our actions, the actions of our children. The way we talk to one another. The way we see life. The way we react to stress and how we talk when we don’t get our way.

If you’ve ever driven a car that was out of alignment then you kind of have an idea what this looks like. A car out of alignment will pull in one direction or another. It makes it hard to stay on the road at times. This is kind of what happened when Adam did what he wasn’t supposed to do. His action has affected us so that we have a hard time staying on the straight and narrow road of life.

I mean think about it for a second. No one has to tell a child to talk back to their parents. No one has to teach them to say NO. No one has to give a class on disobedience. It’s like it comes naturally. We just get it. It’s part of our DNA. the Bible calls this type of reaction – sin. Sin is the act of missing the mark, doing what we know is wrong or not doing what we know is right.

Well this is just one face of humanity. God created Adam and set a perfect place for him to live but he didn’t follow the rules. Fast forward a few thousand years and turn the page to the New Testament and you’ll find Jesus. The bible calls Jesus the New Adam. It’s like the two faces of mankind.

If Adam is the disobedient and fallen face of mankind, then Jesus is the obedient and eternal face of man. What Adam did by blatantly disobeying God, Jesus essentially undid by fully obeying God even to the point of dying in our place.

The message of Romans 5 is that what Jesus did far surpassed the brokenness Adam caused. When Jesus, acting in full obedience and selflessness, willingly went to the cross he was renewing all of humanity. He didn’t do it just for Adam. He didn’t do it just for the disciples. He didn’t even do it just for you and me. He did it for all of humanity.

Now don’t hear what I’m not saying. That does not mean that everyone will be totally transformed and live this new kind of life. Actually some people will never want anything to do with Jesus. Some people just won’t care at all. The gift is there. It’s all been paid for but that doesn’t mean that everyone will be wiling to accept it.

That’s the story of the two faces of humanity. Everything needed to reverse what Adam did has already been done. It’s an amazing free gift of God’s grace. Now when we humbly rest in his finished work, we too receive that amazing gift of grace. It’s pretty much that easy!

The Art of Getting Stuff Done Without Doing Stuff

March 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Delegation is a word that often evokes mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s the secret sauce to productivity, allowing you to conquer Mount Everest without breaking a sweat. On the other hand, it can feel like entrusting your precious project to a group of monkeys with MacBooks. But there can be a middle ground here. Delegation doesn’t have to be a daunting task. In fact, it can be one of your greatest tools if approached with the right mindset.

The Circus of Delegation

Imagine for a minute that you’re the ringmaster of a circus, juggling flaming swords, I mean tasks, while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. Meanwhile, your team is a group of acrobats waiting for their turn to dazzle the audience. Delegation is essentially directing each act to ensure a spectacular performance, without setting the whole circus tent ablaze.

Could you imagine a circus where the ring master did all of the stunts himself? Could you imagine what it would be like if she rode in on the white horse while juggling, then turned to tame the lion. Jumped up on the trapeze. Did a few flips and twirls. Then made the elephants dance. All the while being dressed as a clown and ends the show by climbing into a way too small car!

When we don’t delegate, it’s like we’re doing that very thing. It’s like we’re trying to run the whole circus. Life isn’t like a one man band kind of show however. For the circus of life to be best lived out, we need to bring others along for the ride.

Delegation isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about knowing what you can give to someone else to do. It’s about being able to wisely determine what only you can do and what someone else can do better.

A philosophy that I learned a long time ago is to only do what only you can do. And no I don’t do this perfectly at all. But delegation can only happen after you determine what role you have to play in something and what roles you can hand off to someone else who is just as, if not more, capable than you!

All too often delegation is about getting rid of the things we simply hate doing. While this is a very tempting practice, it’s not really the point of delegation. The point of delegation is to off load the things that aren’t necessary for you to do but still need to get done.

A good example of this is in my role as a pastor there are some administrative support functions that need to happen. We have bulletins that need printed and presentations that need built. I don’t mind doing those at all. Actually sometimes doing those is a mind numbing exercise that I would love to do! But it’s not the best use of my time or energy, so that’s where my ever faithful and truly competent secretary enters. Bailey takes all those logistical, detailed parts and pieces and turns them into reality so that I can be freed up to do things that just aren’t in her wheel house. Pretty sure she wouldn’t want to prep a message or get in front of people to speak.

Delegation is an art form, a delicate dance between trust and guidance. Embrace it for the benefits it brings, and suddenly, your workload becomes a circus act worth applauding. Remember, delegation isn’t about shirking responsibilities; it’s about orchestrating a symphony of skills to create something greater than the sum of its parts.

So, put on your ringmaster hat, release the clowns from their car, and watch as your team (either staff or volunteers) transforms into a well-oiled machine. Soon you just might have the greatest show on earth as well.

Turbulence

March 7, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I’m not a person who flies a lot. Ok I do what I can to not have to fly. Every once in a while the destination is too far away or the timing isn’t quite right for me to drive somewhere. In these moments I have to break down and sit in a metal tube going 600mph at 37,000 feet in the air. As a matter of fact, that’s my current situation as I write this. 

When things are going well, you don’t really think about the flight. A little extra noise. A little pressure in the ears. Pop on a movie or open a book and time flies by.

I had my standard cranberry juice in front of me. A small pack of graham crackers as my in flight snack. And then it happened. 

The captain came over the speaker and announced we were moving into some bumpy air space and he needed to have the flight attendants take their seats. He then said “Ladies and gentlemen it’s going to get bumpy for the remainder of our flight so stay seated with your seat belts fastened.” 

Turbulence is the official name for that bumpy air space. And man did we find some!

The plane was shaking just about every which way you could imagine. I even had to stop typing because I couldn’t hold my iPad securely anymore. But in the end, we made it to the ground safely. Back wheels touched. Front wheels touched and before we knew it we were taxiing to the gate. 

But in the midst of the turbulence we couldn’t see the gate. We didn’t know where the airport was. We had to trust the pilot and his instruments to get us to our destination and on the ground safely. 

Life is full of turbulent moments. Things don’t always go quite as expected. We hit bumps in life and wonder if we’re going to make it to our destination. The turbulence we experience in life comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be emotional turbulence. You know the kind of broken emotional state that happens when a relationship falls apart right in front of your eyes and you can’t do anything about it. Or there’s the physical turbulence that occurs when you or someone you love is diagnosed with a life threatening illness. There’s mental turbulence that comes in the form of depression and anxiety and overwhelming stress.  There’s occupational turbulence when your boss is a real tool. And there’s more but you get the idea.

Turbulence can be found in our lives often without our even looking for it. So how do we get through it? 

Just like the pilot on my flight relied on the trusted instrumentation that has brought him through countless bumpy air space moments, we can rely on that which is trust in our own lives. For followers of Jesus, our trusted instrumentation isn’t a computer system or even some great training. It’s the truth of Scripture and the person of Jesus. 

When we let ourselves be led by Jesus, following the guidelines found in his word, we rely on the most trusted instrumentation system around. Even though we might not know how it all will end, we can trust the proven nature of God’s provision to bring us through the turbulence of life safely. 

So buckle up friends, we’re likely in for a bumpy ride. But rest assured the pilot knows what he’s doing.

Discipline

March 6, 2024 / / 1 Comment

This week’s word of the day is discipline. Now there are two ways to look at discipline. There’s a negative connotation that says if we step out of line we’ll be met with discipline or punishment. Then there’s the positive spin on the word that indicates hard work, persistence, and dedication.

I’m going to focus on the second one for now. The positive use of the word discipline isn’t always seen positively by some however. I really think a lack of discipline is causing some major issues in our culture today. From diet and exercise to school attendance and productivity at work to parenting to grades in school and even performance in sports – discipline is essential. Unfortunately, in many cases discipline is seemingly lacking.

If you look at some of the GOATs in life (greatest of all time) regardless of their field, you’ll notice that they pretty much have one thing in common. They were disciplined. They didn’t let a failure or misstep prevent them from continuing. They knew what needed done and they did it. Even when they didn’t feel like it.

Discipline is the ability to intentionally and carefully control the way you work, live or behave especially in an effort to achieve goals.

Being disciplined really isn’t hard. It just takes, well discipline. I know. You’re not supposed to use the word in its definition! But what other word should we use? It takes work. It takes dedication. It takes tenacity. It takes intentionality. It takes the ability to push through hardships to get the job done.

A lack of discipline is why many have already abandoned their New Year’s resolutions. Lack of discipline is a major reason people can’t stick with a diet. It’s why gyms are already less full than they were just a few short weeks ago. A lack of discipline is why we give up on things or bale when life gets hard.

What is an area of your life that needs a little discipline? What’s an area where you need to put in a little extra work?

To make it a tad easier pick an area where you are passionate. Find an area of your life that needs to change. Make sure you care about this area of your life. Make sure accomplishing it is something that will bring joy and excitement to your life. It will be hard to get yourself moving if you don’t really care about accomplishing this task.

Then when you make strides toward accomplishing it, find ways to reward yourself. If you’re not a naturally disciplined person, then you might need to bribe yourself to becoming disciplined. At this point, do what it takes to get yourself moving. Just take sure your reward is something that makes sense for your goal. So don’t reward yourself with chocolate cake when you’re on a diet goal.

Celebrate small wins. Keep focused on the end result. You’ll get there. Just keep going even if you have to force yourself for a while.

So Controlling!

March 5, 2024 / / 1 Comment

There’s been an accusation levied against me quite frequently that shows how little people actually know me. I’ve been called a control freak. I assume it’s been done in a kind way. You know poking fun at my need to seemingly take control of everything.

I guess to an extent those people might be onto something, but those who think I have a control complex really don’t know me. There are some people who are fairly close to me who actually think this. And often I just allow the comments and let them slide off like they’re no big deal, because it’s not as true as they think. Unfortunately people form their opinions based on the portion of your life they choose to see.

In my case, I will generally take charge of a room when I walk in. I like to prepare for contingencies. I like to know what’s going on when I’m in a leadership role. I tell the truth even when it’s hard to hear. But the part that most people mistake for control is my desire for communication.

I’m a big stickler on communication. In a world that’s become super divided and pretty much all things virtual, face to face is the best kind of communication. There are nuances to things that need to be conveyed and it can only happen when we’re looking at one another in the eyes.

But it’s this desire to know what’s going on and to be kept fully informed that is misconstrued as control. If those people who accuse me of being a controlling person would simply go back and listen to the conversation over again, they’d likely hear me asking to be in the loop, to be informed. Rarely will I push to put a cold stop to something. Rarely will I bull something through an organization if the appropriate amount of communication and behind the scenes legwork hasn’t been done.

This came up recently at a bible study I was leading. It was interesting because the person made a comment about being in control and she baited me, in a good way. She knew that my desire wasn’t to control every scenario but to be in the know on the things I need to be in the know about. It’s really not that complicated if you think about it. If you’re having a discussion that will impact someone else’s life, faith, family, finances, friendship – then you probably should have the conversation with the person in the room.

The long and short is that I tend to spend a lot of time preparing for events which makes it seem, when they’re happening, like I’m controlling things. But if you knew the time that went into preparing for many of these moments, you’d realize that it’s a huge investment of time and effort that makes something a success. It’s not about control. It’s about making sure communication is happening so that everyone is on the same page.

Do I like to be in control of a situation? Sure I do. That’s one of the reasons I don’t really love flying or sailing on a cruise ship. I haven’t yet found a pilot or captain who’s willing to give me the controls. I also make a terrible copilot in a car. The pedals never work on my side of the car. But in most situations if the direction is clear and communication open and transparent I can go with the flow.

Part of the issue with my seemingly controlling demeanor is that I enter a situation willing to interject my opinion. And I don’t offer that opinion without giving it a quick once over to make sure it makes sense. There’s a big difference between knowing something and controlling something.

Go ahead and poke fun of me for being controlling. I can take it! Just know that what some people see as controlling is really more about communication and getting all the facts. Questioning something doesn’t always mean I’m trying to control it. Give me a little slack and you just might see the method behind the madness.

Can Suffering Be Good?

March 4, 2024 / / 0 Comments

So there’s a passage in the Bible that is a bit odd for many of us. It’s found in Romans 5 where Paul says that we rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us. The ending seems mostly ok. Most people can agree with the character and hope bit, but it’s the starting point that’s questionable for many people.

Rejoice in our sufferings? What’s that about? Who does that?

Ok for starters we have to make sure we get the preposition right. It’s rejoice IN our sufferings. It’s not that we’re supposed to rejoice FOR our sufferings. There’s a pretty big distinction here.

Paul is not some masochist or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Paul is really wanting anyone to have to suffer necessarily, let alone do it with a smile on their face. Instead, he’s saying that even in the midst of some less than desirable circumstances we should be able to find joy. We should be able to live with a different kind of perspective on life.

The second part of this that’s key is the word rejoice. Note that he doesn’t say be happy. Because that would be just weird. Happy for suffering? No that’s not going to happen. Happiness at its core has the right set of happenings that allow us to be happy. You can see it in the root word: happy…happenings.

So what is this bible verse trying to tell us?

The long and short is that suffering is going to happen in life. With that in mind we can react one of two ways. We can let suffering crush us and totally derail our lives, or we can look to the greater purpose in our suffering to see what God might be up to. What does he want us to learn?

You see the sufferings, or afflictions of life are often there for a purpose. Sometimes the sufferings are the direct result of something we’ve done. Kind of like a consequence for bad behavior. But other times the afflictions are there to help us see something differently. Still other times a moment of suffering is kind of like pruning a rose bush. If you don’t prune the dead flowers off a rose bush, you won’t have many roses. But if you trim the dead blooms off at just the right place and at just the right time, you can double the amount of blooms you have!

The same is true for afflictions in life. Sometimes those afflictions are moments of pruning. God is cutting back the dead parts of our lives to allow us to produce more fruit, to draw us closer to him, to help us see just how much he can provide for us even when life is really hard.

And I know it sucks! Pruning isn’t supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to make us happy. Remember it’s the whole idea of cutting something away. No one wants to have things cut away from them. It’s painful! But at times, it’s necessary.

Paul isn’t saying to smile through the pain. He’s not saying that if you just follow Jesus, the hurt won’t be as bad. No that’s bad theology! Paul is saying find joy in Jesus even when the world around you sucks. Know that Jesus is still God and is still in control even when nothing in life seems to be going right. Rejoice in life even through the horrible moments of fear and anxiety because you can trust that God knows far more about the scenario you’re going through than even you do.

Suffering may not be good in the moment but in the end, you just might be able to find God working something pretty powerful out of a moment of suffering.

Robust Dialogue

March 1, 2024 / / 1 Comment

The phrase Robust Dialogue became an easy favorite of mine in 2020 and 2021. I liked this phrase so much because this was something we didn’t have the chance to engage in nearly as much as we should! Robust dialogue is that conversation style that allows two differing opinions to sit down and talk through something. The goal of robust dialogue is not to convince. It’s to leave with a greater respect for a differing point of view.

Unfortunately this isn’t really a staple in our culture. We can barely get people to sit and talk face to face anymore much less engage in anything resembling robust dialogue!

But why can’t we do it? Why have we abandoned this heavy and rich conversation style?

I really think it has everything to do with being offended. No, I don’t mean that we don’t want to give offense toward anyone. We don’t want to have hard conversations because we don’t want to be offended.

Look I get it. Being offended by someone hurts. When someone doesn’t see your point of view it can be hurtful if you think you have something to prove. But the point of robust dialogue isn’t about proving anything. It’s about explaining how you see life. It’s your personal view of a situation or scenario.

Through the years of 2020 and 2021 we weren’t really given a lot of opportunity to speak what we believed because it seemed as if everything was offensive to someone. I really believe that we created more trouble than really existed simply because we wanted to offend people and see how they reacted.

Robust dialogue can be a tremendous type of conversation! I’m not the kind of guy who is afraid of conflict, but I don’t seek it out either. I don’t always go around stirring the pot just to get people all angry. But if someone comes to me with a different view of life, you better believe I’m going to voice my thoughts.

In those challenging years during the pandemic, I got a visit from a friend almost weekly. We didn’t see things the same way on a lot of issues. Every time we got into a conversation, the topic of something we disagreed upon came up. In the end, we would shake hands, or do the whole awkward elbow bump for a while, and leave as friends.

Robust dialogue didn’t kill a friendship. It actually forged it into something a bit stronger. I have some amazing respect for people who have strong values and stick to them. I value people who believe in something enough they want to share it with everyone, but have courtesy enough to let other people have a differing mindset.

I’m not saying to go pick a fight, but have the courage in your opinion to be able to talk about it with people who disagree with you. Don’t do it to change their mind. Do it to strengthen the friendship you have. If you really are friends, you can handle seeing something differently. If you can’t handle a disagreement, then you probably weren’t as good of friends as you thought in the first place.

Now don’t read that as a just get over it kind of statement if you happen to be offended. Offense takes time to process. The point here is to be ok with seeing ideas from two differing sides. We need to be ok with having conversations, rooting for different teams, voting on different sides of the aisle, going to different churches (or not even going) and still being able to talk to one another.

Iron is hardened in fire. Robust dialogue can be the fire that forges relationships when it’s handled with care.

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