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Mission Driven Metrics

May 12, 2022 / / 0 Comments

For decades the church has done a relatively decent job at measuring the things that are measurable. Things like church attendance, Sunday School attendance, offerings are the typical measures for a local congregation. But is there a better metric? Is there a metric that better aligns with the present reality of the church life in which we currently exist?

To start with, I want to be clear, that measuring things like attendance and offerings is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact they give us a baseline view of the church. Is the church growing numerically? Are we slowly dying and need to figure out why? So by all means, measure these things. But don’t stop here. There is so much more that we need to be about as churches and this is just the surface.

Are we asking how people are sharing their faith?

Part of the life and ministry of any local church should be built around the idea of sharing stories of faith. If we’re not sharing our faith stories, then how will others know who we are and why we exist? One of the powerhouse metrics is the simple question: with whom have you shared your faith this week?

I know this question seems like an intangible type of metric. It doesn’t measure someone coming through your doors or giving to the mission of the congregation financially, but it measures how much someone buys into the mission by sharing it with someone else.

Do people live differently?

The bible teaches that a follower of Christ is one who is transformed by the renewing of our minds in Christ. This means that we need to look and act different than the world. So how are people in the local church context behaving differently? How are they showing signs of spiritual maturity? What are the men and women of the local church doing that demonstrate their close relationship with Jesus?

In the congregation I am honored to serve, we have a pathway or cycle that we use to measure this kind of life change. We call it our discipleship pathway. I’ve talked about this in other posts but here’s a quick 30,000 foot view of the way we measure and why it works for us. Quick note – do not just copy someone else’s activities or even metrics without knowing why they do it and why it works for them.

Our discipleship pathway is a circle that is constantly repeated and never ending. Kind of like a wheel on a bicycle that spins over and over and over. This is what we’re looking for in the life of followers of Jesus. The wheel has four key quadrants kind of like a pie. These quadrants are worship, grow, serve, and invite. And each of them represent a different way in which people engage in the life of the local church.

Worship is pretty much what you’d expect. It’s engaging in the Sunday morning (or whatever day you worship) experience. It’s going to worship, singing songs, hearing the message, being with others. These are lifelong followers of Jesus and those new to the faith. This number fluctuates based on time of year, cultural norms and key events in people’s lives. This is the attendance number that most churches measure. It’s a good number! But we can’t stop here.

We use the attendance or worship number as a baseline. You see when this number increases, the other numbers should increase in like manner, which brings me to the second stop in our Discipleship Pathway: grow.

Grow is representative of all the public gatherings of people around matters of faith. So for this number we watch Sunday morning Bible class, small groups, and any other gathering of people within the congregation. The point is when the worship numbers increase this number should rise at an equal rate. If these numbers don’t move together, then we have a spiritual health problem.

So measuring the measurables is really important! But we have to look at the whole picture. The point of discipleship is not just about worship. If, as pastors or church leaders, we only measure worship then we’re missing the boat of growing people in Christ. And we’re selling the Christian life drastically short. When I look out at the congregation on a Sunday, it is exciting to see new faces in worship. But even more exciting yet is when I see those same new faces join us for some Bible class or small group activity. Whether it’s an in-person gathering or a virtual one, welcoming new faces into more than just worship is critical to the overall health and vibrancy of a congregation.

Serve is exactly what is sounds like but maybe not where or how you’d think. The next step in the spiritual maturity and overall health of a congregation is breaking the 80/20 rule. I’m sure you’ve heard that in any organization, churches not excluded, 20% of the people do 80% of the work. Well this measure of health addresses this very problem. When a church is healthy and vibrant and the people of the church are spiritually growing and mature, there will be a plethora of servants available to pull off key tasks and start new ministries.

So how this works in our pathway of discipleship is pretty simple. Just like the grow quadrant, when worship increases and participation in grow activities increase those serving in a variety of places in the life of the church should increase at an equal rate. If people aren’t getting involved in acts of service inside the church structure, then you’re starting to notice signs of a consumer driven church and this is not healthy.

Invite is the old evangelism idea with a little twist. In traditional evangelism the idea is just getting someone to go to church. While this is not bad by any stretch of the imagination, it lacks personal relationship. And relationship is critical to what we’re called to be about as Christians. The point here is that we invite people to join us on the very same journey we’ve been on for a time.

When we invite people to come along with us, it keeps us accountable and shows that we have an ownership of the ministry to which we’ve become attached.

There’s no golden ticket on how to measure things in ministry. But the key is we can’t just stop at the easy stuff. Spiritual growth and discipleship are far more than Sunday morning worship. And our metrics need to be about more than butts in seats and bucks in the budget!

It’s Time To Be Bold!

May 9, 2022 / / 0 Comments
ready, set . . . audacious. | essence7 wellness, LLC

There’s a phrase that is quoted in a variety of circles that says go big or go home. I personally like that statement…a lot! It’s a phrase that reminds us that sometimes we need to be willing to take a bold step before we can see any forward progress. There is a time to be passive and lay back a bit, but there’s also a time when we need to take risks and do the unthinkable, bold things in life.

I know what some of you are thinking, but what if I mess up or fail? But my reply would be, what if you don’t!?

So often in life we have the chance to make big, bold, audacious moves but we don’t for fear of what others will think of us or fear that we’ll mess up. But sometimes we have to just step out and do the crazy things in life.

I read a book recently titled Love Does, by author Bob Goff. The premise of the book is simple actually. Basically he says in a much more eloquent way that talk is cheap and we need to back up our caring for one another with actions not just words.

One of the stories he shares about how love often leads us to do big, crazy and off the wall things was about a young man who wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. The long story made short is that this young man approached Goff and asked to use his patio, boat, kitchen and backyard all in an effort to wow his soon to be fiancee. That’s bold, big, and audacious!

We don’t have to go out of our way to use someone else’s property to ask someone out on a date but there are ways that we can step out and be a little audacious ourselves.

Living with an audacious love for the people around us means we put their needs before our wants.

Notice what I said there. Their needs before our wants. This doesn’t mean we go without food or water or the necessities in life. It just means if you know someone else is in need, that you can do without the new car if it means you can help someone in need. You can exchange the $5 coffee for a bag of grounds and make your own.

Along these same lines, we could really use to think a little less of ourselves. If you’re going through life hoping to be recognized by everyone, then you could probably use to be knocked down a tad. An audacious and bold life isn’t one that is found on neon signs but in simple acts of service.

Finally, doing something to make someone else’s life easier even if it makes yours a little harder is living this big, bold, audacious kind of way.

In all these things you need to know your boundaries and limits. Don’t over extend yourself. Don’t let yourself be used. But genuinely put someone else’s needs before your wants and do it with joy. You won’t regret it!

Learn To Fail

May 5, 2022 / / 0 Comments

No one likes to fail. Well, I’m pretty sure no one does, but I guess there could be that rogue person who just longs to fail at everything they do. Still failing isn’t really all that fun. But, oddly enough, I’m a huge advocate for teaching people how to fail because I firmly believe that failure is the best teacher.

In a former life I was a church planter. That pretty much is a person who desires to see a church started in a given area so they start it from just a seed of a few people. There’s no land, not much money, no formalized group of people, and often not even a building. The goal is over time to build a team to help you build relationships and start a church. Well, as I was building my team to start this would be church, one of the first questions I’d ask people was are you willing to fail.

If a person isn’t willing to fail then they’re sure to never succeed.

I firmly believe if we don’t have a willingness to fail, fear will creep in to the point where we won’t ever really accomplish the things we’re setting out to accomplish. In other words, fear of failing will seize us from taking the necessary risks needed to move forward. This is true on so many levels in our personal and professional lives.

If we are afraid of dropping a weight on ourselves while weight lifting, then we won’t stretch ourselves to lift heavy. If we’re unwilling to fail in a race then we won’t ever run. If we’re not willing to miss out on the promotion, then we likely won’t even apply for the job. There are so many places where failure is critical for success! I know that sounds like a contradiction but think about it.

Ever hear of WD-40? Most people know that it stands for Water Displacer. But the 40 is often lost. It represents the 40th try before getting it right. That means he failed 39 times before coming up with the product he was really trying to make. Thirty-nine failures? Most people would have given up after the third failed attempt. But 39?!?!

You see failure, while it doesn’t teach us the right answer, it always narrows down the field of possibilities. Every failure shows us what not to do. The issue is that most of us don’t research our failures closely enough to find out why they failed.

I have failed more times than I can even count! I know that each failure gets me closer to the real answer. Our system in life doesn’t really allow for failure in many places in life but I think a good leader will give his/her people the freedom to fail. When we teach people how to fail, we truly empower them to succeed.

One last illustration on failure. I can remember vividly learning how to ride a bicycle. I did the training wheel thing for a time but eventually I needed to learn how to balance without those extra (ugly) wheel additions. So my dad held my bike and ran with me as long as he could. But eventually he had to let go. In letting go he enabled me to fail. He was pretty sure that I’d fall but it was in falling off my bike that I learned how important balance really was. If I didn’t fall off my bike (read fail), then I would never have realized how important it is to not look behind you constantly to see if your dad is still holding the seat.

Failure is critical to any area of success. Until we’re able to embrace the failures in life, we’ll never experience the true success of which we’re capable.

Just Zip It

May 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been wrestling for a while this idea and after some time to let the idea simmer a bit, I decided it just has to be said. It’s simple really. The fact of the matter is that sometimes you don’t need to voice an opinion.

I’m not sure if you realized it or not but there are some pretty charged issues in our world right now. The political landscape is more polarized now than any time I can remember. People have opinions about everything right now! And worse yet, we all feel that our opinion has to be heard because it’s obviously the right one – or so we think.

I’m sitting back watching how many people I know handle some of the news hitting the air waves and I have to say that I’m disappointed and even appalled. We are so quick to offer our thoughts without really thinking through their implications. Yes I know, this is a post that will be shared on social media, so it kind of feels like I’m breaking my own rule here. But there’s no one sided opinion here. I’m just asking you to slow down. Before you hit send, post, or tweet, take a minute to just consider a few things.

Does this need to be said?

Most of the time the things that we offer don’t really need to be said. They are personal feelings that are more intended to harm someone else than build others up. You have the right to your opinion as much as the next person, but be careful that you don’t make it sound like yours is the only opinion that matters. Some things just don’t need to be said.

Is this meant to build up or tear down?

Far too much of what is going around right now in our world is not intended to do anyone any good at all. This is very unfortunate, but it’s true. There’s a saying from the movie Bambi where the little rabbit repeats what he heard from his mom. If you can’t say nothing nice, then don’t say nothing at all. I think we could all learn a lot from this little rabbit. If it’s meant to tear down, break someone apart, or do someone harm then just keep your mouth shut.

Hard truths spoken gently.

There will come a time when you have to speak a hard truth, but you better make sure you’re doing it right. Speak the truth in a way and at a time when it will do the most good. If the matter is private, then keep the conversation quiet. If the matter is public, then still keep the conversation between you and that person quiet. You don’t need to air your, or someone else’s dirty laundry in public. It just isn’t worth it. But when you speak the truth to someone, know that it will very possibly end in a broken friendship. No one likes to be shown errors no matter how much they need to be addressed. Just make sure that you’re having the conversation for the right reason.

Provide an alternative.

There will come a time when you need to take a stand. When that happens make sure you provide an alternative. Every hard decision and hard truth spoken will leave some carnage. And some people will be upset and angry, so one way to deflate and deescalate that problem is to make sure you account for the innocent parties left in the wake. Be kind. Look out for those that no one else is looking out for in the moment. And with more than just words provide for those in the weakest of circumstances.

There are more ways to handle the difficult kinds of situations, but these are just a few of the ways that I’ve found work best when wrestling with the should I say something question. And if you have to think twice about whether or not to post something on a social media platform, then you probably should just not do it. That little voice in your head that’s telling you to not do that is probably a good one to listen to in this moment.

Hope this serves you well and can help in how/when you communicate challenging things to people around you.

A Very Special Day

April 26, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Today is a very special day for about 80 men and their families. It’s a day when these 80 men will know where they are headed for the next phase of their lives. For some this next phase will last for decades, for others it will be a few very long years and for others it will be the only position they ever take in this field.

I remember this day very well. It was 20 years ago actually. I remember waiting in great anticipation over where I would end up. You see today is something called call day. It’s a churchy idea that really talks about where a pastor ends up. Under normal circumstances a church will seek a new pastor. They’ll look at information about the potential candidates, then interview and eventually extend a call.

The idea behind a call is that God, through the local church, is calling the man to come serve in a given location. The man receiving the call then prays about it and decides if he feels the same call from God. If so, then he makes the move. If not, then he stays put.

Well today there will be about 80 men and their families who will wait with baited breath for their loved one to receive his first position. Unlike the regular call that I described above, this one is an assignment. There’s not really the opportunity to prayerfully consider if this one is right for you. You take it and make the most of it.

Since many of the men and their families have no idea what’s coming I’d like to offer a few pieces of advice based on my 20 years of experience. Some of these aren’t just for you pastoral types too.

  1. It’s God’s will not your want. You may not get the placement you desire. You may not even be in the same ballpark as what you asked for, but God knows more than you. Just go with it.
  2. Make the most of it. So this should go without saying but there will be good and bad times in your first position. It’s up to you how you handle it.
  3. No matter how good, you will have rough times. Look you’re dealing with people, and you’re one of them. Some days will be the best of your life. Others…yeah not so much. There will be hardships so be prepared.
  4. You won’t be liked by everyone. This one will be hard for you people pleasers. There will be people in your life who say they are friends. They get close to you to get what they want and try to win influence. But when things get a little challenging or you challenge them by holding to your confession of faith (convictions), they’ll turn their backs on you and walk away. It’s ok you won’t always be liked and you have to be ok with that one.
  5. Over communicate. You can never communicate enough. You will get tired of saying the same things over and over, but when you’re tired say it at least 5 more times. Just because you understand it doesn’t mean anyone else does.
  6. Go slow. Ok for those of you type A personalities this one’s for you. You’ve been living in your head, wrestling with the ideas and plans for a while before they come out of your mouth. Give people time to catch up to you. Surround yourself with people who have the authority to push back a bit. You’ll thank me in a few years.
  7. You have to make a move. So for this of you who are terrified of us Type A personalities, this is for you. Some will be tempted to sit and wait for God to write something on the wall of your office or give you a divine revelation. Sorry sir but it doesn’t happen that way. The best way to learn if God is calling you in a direction is to take a few steps and see what you learn.
  8. Listen to your family. So for those of you who are married this one is critical. Your number one priority, after your faith, is your family. You are a husband and father before you are a pastor. (Before meaning in order of priority not chronology.) If you can’t serve your family well, you’ll never serve the church well.
  9. IT’S NOT YOUR CHURCH. Ok so I yelled at you a little but it was important. I can’t stand when I hear pastors call it “my church.” It’s not your church. You didn’t die for it. You didn’t call it into existence. It’s God’s church or the church God gave you the privilege of pastoring. This frees you to experience some grace. If it’s your church it rises and falls on you and brother you aren’t that good.
  10. Know your boundaries. Boundaries are critical. You need them all over the place. Set boundaries with your time. It’s ok to put family time in your calendar and tell members of the church that you’re busy or you have an appointment. Set boundaries with your finances. You are not going to balance the church budget with your offering or sacrificial salary cap. You work hard and it should be recognized. Set boundaries with relationships. Know your limits and surround yourself with people who will tell you when you’re pushing close to them.
  11. Know the primary call God has given you, and it might not be what you think it is. If you think your number one goal is to make Sunday morning happen, then you might be doing it wrong and in it for the wrong thing. Sunday worship is important for sure, but I don’t know of Jesus saying go make a good Sunday morning worship happen. He does give us other directions.
  12. Your example will be seen before your words heard. Brother if you tell the people you serve to do something that you aren’t doing, then it may be time to go flip burgers or something.
  13. Change is ok, even necessary, but know why before changing anything. I’m not afraid of change by any means, but I would encourage you to make sure you know why a change is needed before making it. And then communicate the heck out of it before you do it.
  14. Just because it worked for someone doesn’t mean it will work for you. You’ll meet others in the field who have experienced some pretty fantastic results with things they’re doing. You’ll be tempted to copy those same things. Don’t do that. Ask a few questions first to make sure you understand the situation and the actions because your context is likely very different than theirs.
  15. You’re not done learning. You just finished schooling and you’ve been through a lot. You might love school but you might be like me and hate it. Nothing personal to profs but I am not the greatest institutional learner. You need to be constantly learning. Read books. Have conversations with others who are ahead of you.
  16. Be discipled. There’s no simple or passive way to say this. You need to be discipled. You need to be following someone who’s ahead of you. Find someone you trust and from whom you can learn and spend intentional time with them regularly. This can be in person or using one of the joys of technology.
  17. Work from rest and rest from work. You undoubtedly know about the whole sabbath idea. Taking a day off to rest. But that isn’t how some of you are wired. The point is very simple know how you rest and do it regularly. Find ways to rest so you can be more effective at your work. And when you work find ways to rest to give yourself space to recharge.
  18. Your body is God’s temple keep it healthy. Get your rest. Workout. Eat right. These will benefit you greatly!
  19. Be flexible. You are soon going to be responsible for the souls of God’s people. Care for them well but in the process know that God might have plans that don’t match your gut reaction. Stay flexible.
  20. Love well. Finally it’s important to love people well. Loving means you are there for their biggest moments, good and bad. Be present with people. Turn off your phone and watch when you go to a visit. Hold the hand of the hospitalized when you pray with them. Serve others. Nothing is beneath you. Nothing is outside your job description.

That’s a list that is by no means comprehensive. Take them or leave them but they are learnings from an old guy with 20 years under his belt. Be blessed to be a blessing friends.

On A Mission

April 20, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever seen someone walk with authority? Or listen to someone talk with authority? It’s so cool to hear or see someone who owns their position in life. It’s like they are on a mission to accomplish something.

Most of my life is lived this way if I’m being honest. I generally walk and talk with conviction. I move a little faster than most, and I talk a little louder than many. Even if I’m unsure of something, I find it’s much better to boldly stand for what you’re doing than be all apologetic before you even speak. Then if I say or do something that’s not right, I’ll apologize but I’d much rather do that after I mess up than before I even have a chance to screw things up.

There’s a saying I grew up hearing that said if you’re going to sin, sin boldly. Now this statement in and of itself isn’t really all that helpful because it kind of sounds like we’re advocating doing the wrong things. The point isn’t to go out and do as much illegal activity as possible. It’s not even assuming that since you’re not perfect and going to mess up sooner or later that you may as well just excuse your bad behavior today. The saying is actually about confidence and conviction.

If you’re going to do something boldly it means you’re not going to just tip toe into it. It’s like the child at the swimming pool. Just jump in! I admire that about children actually. I love how they just jump in the pool. They don’t dangle their feet over the edge to get acclimated to the temperature of the water. No they jump in. Generally in a big splashy kind of way. Cannon balls. Bell flops. Just big old splash inducing jumps into the water.

But as we get older, we lose the courage to do this. We lose the adventure and wonder of jumping into the pool. But not just with jumping in the pool. We lose the courage in a lot of areas. We become toe dippers instead of belly floppers.

Sure there’s a time and a place for calculated risks and knowing your limits and all that. I totally understand being situationally cautious. But no every situation has to be fully mapped out before we begin to move. Not every situation needs a known ending before we take the first step.

I’d like to encourage you to take a step. Just one forward moving step. It might feel like you’re jumping into the deep end of the pool, but it’s one step. Move forward one little step and throw a little caution to the wind. Be confident in who you are and what you’re called to do. It’s not about being reckless. It’s about being confident and courageous and living like someone on a mission.

Are You Trapped?

April 15, 2022 / / 0 Comments

One of my biggest fears in life is being trapped and have no way out. I don’t like water because I’m a tad afraid of getting trapped below the water. I know it’s one of those irrational kind of fears, but it’s a real fear for me. I don’t care for enclosed spaces and the idea of suffocating freaks the heck out of me. I do not like to feel trapped.

But it’s not just trapped under water or in a small space that is an uncomfortable feeling for many people. The idea of being trapped in a decision or a job or a relationship or a guilty feeling or an addiction are less than appealing thoughts as well.

Imagine for a moment being held against your will. You’re forced to work and treated like something less than human. You aren’t praised for going above and beyond. You’re barely paid enough to live a decent life. You don’t make an honest wage. You’re tired. You’re scared. It’s just not a good place. The dark nights seem darker. The hot summer days feel scorchingly hot. The cold winter nights freeze you to the core. Trapped in this kind of life is a place no one wants to be.

Now imagine that into this trapped life comes someone you’ve never met. He comes in and in a powerful display of force suppresses your captor. He frees you. He takes your kidnapper and restrains him so that you can go free. But you have to make a decision.

Will you stay with your captor or will you go free?

This decision may seem like an easy one for you and me right now. It might seem like a no brainer. But it seems all too often that we tend to choose our captivity over our freedom. Even though it sucks being stuck in the bad moments and trapped in our guilt or addiction or depression, there’s something comforting about the familiar. We like to stay in situations that we know, even if they they’re bad situations.

What do you need to be freed from? What comfortable sucky situation do you keep going back to simply because it’s known to you?

We all do this, in probably more ways than we realize. But the truth of the matter is we need to be ok walking away from the things that trap us. We need to be willing to close doors that aren’t beneficial, healthy or profitable even if it means saying goodbye to someone or something that at one point was meaningful to us.

This will post on the Thursday before Easter. It’s a day that really celebrates freedom from things that trap us. The events of this day in history were a reminder to the people who follow Jesus to flee the things that trap and run toward the freeing presence of a relationship with Jesus. The bread and the wine are reminders of all that Jesus did to forgive us and set us free from the strongest captor we’ve ever encountered.

What holds you today? It’s time to let those things go and rest in the freedom that’s been won for you.

Things Aren’t Always As They Seem

April 11, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Growing up in the church world I was taught about good and bad, God and Satan, heaven and hell. We even had some of those not so greatly illustrated kids books about these topics. One image that always stuck out at me was the one of the devil, Satan. I don’t know about you but growing up I always thought of the devil as being red with horns and a pitchfork. I remember thinking why would anyone want to follow after something that told you it was going to hurt you? Why would anyone want that?

But over time I dug into the Bible for myself and started to realize that the kid’s version of these images wasn’t exactly correct. You see if they were, then very few people who really follow something like that. As a matter of fact, I started to realize that the devil’s goal might not be what I always thought it was either.

If you’re anything like me, you probably have had this notion that Satan wants us to worship him. Like he’s building a fan club or something. But what if that wasn’t his goal? What if his goal was much simpler than that? What if he didn’t care about our allegiance to him at all? What if I told you that we all have a little Satan worship in us?

Now for those of you died in the wool, church going types, you’re likely shaking your head thinking I’m off my rocker. And while I might be a little nutty, if you stick with me for a few minutes I’ll explain my thought process here. You see I don’t really think Satan cares who we follow or to whom we pledge our allegiance as long as it’s not Jesus. In other words, Satan is just trying to distract us from the only way to salvation. He hates all things Jesus so much that he’ll be glad if we follow anyone, anything as long as it’s not Jesus.

Still not convinced? Ok so think about the last time you sat down to read your bible or do a little quiet time in prayer. What happened? Did you get distracted? Did you think about the plans for the day? Or maybe where you want to go on vacation this summer? What about that noise you don’t remember hearing before that you just can’t seem to ignore? What about that funny feeling in your stomach? Are you hungry? Why are you so tired?

Am I onto something here? We sit down to do anything that draws our heart closer to Jesus and all hell breaks loose in our minds. We can’t stay focus for anything. And that’s just what Satan wants. He’s no idiot. Actually, he’s pretty darn smart. He knows that Jesus is the only way. He knows there’s no plan B when it comes to salvation. So all he has to do is to get us to look the other way. Anything else is fine as long as it’s not Jesus.

The goal then is to make us sit idly by and do nothing. He wants us to just let the world spin around us and keep us so focused on the pace of life, the hurry in our schedules, our wants, our desires, our passions, our…anything. As long as we’re not focused on Jesus. As long as we’re just sitting in neutral in life, Satan wins. Neutral is no good. Neutral means we’re not committed. Neutral makes us just as easily moved away from Jesus as toward him. The Bible even tells us to be hot for him or cold against him but none of this lukewarm, neutral, stuff. Neutral gets us in a really bad way in Christian life.

So the long and short is to make a decision right here, right now. Whom will you follow? Will it be Jesus? Or will it be anything else? There’s only one way and his name is Jesus. Nothing else will work. Nothing else will do. Nothing else will even come close.

I love the verse from Joshua 24 that says choose this day whom you will serve. How about it? Whom are you going to serve? God chose you in Jesus before the foundations of the world. Today he asks you to follow his lead and choose him.

It’s Time To Let Go

April 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever done one of those challenges where you held a glass of water (or other beverage) out in front of you to see how long you could hold it up? The challenge is actually kind of interesting. The glass is light so you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem. The glass, even when full, weighs hardly anything in the grand scheme of things you carry daily. So this can’t be hard right?

Well as you start out, it’s easy. The glass is just there. Then the task of holding it becomes a little annoying. How long can I actually do this? And eventually the shoulder starts to tremble and the water inside shakes a little. Then finally you just have to put the glass down because your arm can’t handle it anymore.

But why? Why did the glass get so heavy? You didn’t change its mass or weight. You didn’t hang anything extra off of your arm. It’s just there. A light weight glass with 8 ounces of water and somehow after a series of minutes, the glass got heavier and heavier even though it didn’t change at all.

I think we face our problems in life the same way. We hold them for far too long. I’m a pretty big advocate for making a decision and moving forward with it. I’m a big proponent of just ripping off the bandaid and dealing with things. But some people hold their decisions for far too long. When we have a decision to make and hold off on making it, bad things happen. We become someone we never wanted to be. We get feisty and anger easily. We soon realize the weight of the decision is becoming too heavy for us to carry, so we throw it at the people closest to us. It’s like the glass of water analogy. Even though the glass didn’t change size, shape, mass or weight it still became too heavy to hold.

The longer we hold our fears, anxieties, stresses, and even decisions the heavier they become. And eventually we’ll either drop them or hurt those around us when we throw things at them.

Look I know fears are real. I know anxiety is a true fact of life and many people have a hard time processing it. I know decisions have rippling effects far beyond what we might see in the moment. But holding them will only make things worse.

So find a friend. Seriously find a friend who will be there with you through the anxiety. Maybe someone can help you see the challenge from a different perspective. Maybe they can help you come up with some coping methods to get through the hard time you’re facing.

Imagine that same glass of water in your hand. This time when you’re holding it a friend comes up to put his hand underneath yours. All of a sudden the pressure of the glass no longer affects your arm. Immediately you have relief. The same is true with our stresses and fears and anxieties we hold onto in life. When we surround ourselves with people who are willing to challenge us and hold us accountable and help us when we struggle, we’ll realize we can carry the glass longer. We’ll even be able to set the glass down over time.

If you can’t set the glass down today, find a friend who you trust to help you hold the glass. I bet you’ll thank me for it.

It’s Not Your Time

April 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. 

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, no anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. And no one posts the bad stuff. I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, ask what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for and working toward and expecting for years, your time is coming. Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming approach, things tend to look different. Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from absence to abundance. It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

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