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A Culture Lusting To Be Offended

November 2, 2021 / / 0 Comments

It should be no secret that being offended is almost like a new drug in our culture. I don’t really understand it. I mean I get a nice cold beverage on a hot summer day. I can even see someone grabbing a scratch off ticket just out of curiosity if they might win a few dollars. But I’ve never understood some of the other addictions in the world. I know being addicted is an illness and it’s not something you can just get over on your own either. It takes work and help…lots of help.

But there’s a newish trend in our culture right now that has elevated a new addiction above some of the bigger more glamorous ones. It’s the addiction to being offended. I see this all the time. From friends to neighbors to family members, people just have a new desire to be upset.

Now when it comes to being offended there are two sides. There’s the one who is offended and the person who gave the offense. So who’s at fault? Something to remember that is challenging in the moment.

Just because you take offense does not mean it was given.

I know that sounds like an oxymoron but think about it. Have you ever had someone talk to you and you just got all bent out of shape because of some external circumstance that had little to nothing to do with the person who was talking to you? This is that very thing. When you’re offended here are some keys to dealing with that feeling of offense.

What do I know about the person?

One idea to consider when dealing with an offense is to evaluate the relationship you have with the individual or group of people. How well do you know them? Is the way you’re taking this event consistent with how they have treated you in the past? Could they be dealing with something of which you’re unaware?

What’s going on in my heart?

Another thing to consider is yourself. You see a lot of the time when we are offended we are struggling with something of our own and it’s just easier to emotionally throw up on someone else than deal with our own heart. So before you let someone’s words or actions cause you to say/do something you can’t take back, make sure you do a little introspection. What are you going through? What is eating at your heart? What emotion are you struggling with that you haven’t fully addressed?

Is what I heard actually what was said?

This is a hard one, probably the hardest one of all. It’s super easy to infuse our own thoughts and concerns and emotions into someone else’s communication with us. It’s super hard to objectively step back and offer an honest assessment of a situation at which we might be at fault. This is why I have made it a practice to follow most of my harder conversations by writing a verbatim, or as close as possible to a word for word account of what was said as I am able. Remove all emotion. I don’t write down tone of voice or body language just the words that were actually said as close to verbatim as I possibly can get. This has helped me numerous times diffuse my own offense addiction. When I can re-read what was actually said it forces me to remove my preconceived ideas and disconnect my emotion from the situation.

The long and short is simple. Just because you feel offended does NOT mean someone offended you. Perhaps their words were heard in a way that wasn’t what you had hoped to hear. Perhaps what you heard wasn’t actually said. Or perhaps there’s more to the story that you can’t see because you’re just too close. No matter. If an offense is made either by someone else or by you, seek restoration quickly because the longer you go having been offended the more it will eventually effect your other relationships as well.

Beyond Grateful

November 1, 2021 / / 0 Comments

It’s November and that brings a month of Thanksgiving but it also brings to a close the month known in church circles as Pastor Appreciation Month. And you all are great! You’ve done so many wonderful things to make me feel, well appreciated.

You’ve given cards and gift cards and goodies galore! I loved the little hand written notes. The cookies were delicious! And I so look forward to using the gift cards. Thank you all so very much!

But there’s something that I value even more than these items of your appreciation. I value so very highly how you’ve dug in deep these past 18 months. When life got challenging and when things didn’t go the way you wanted them to go, you still stepped in and grabbed the situation and got involved. Thank you!

You found the areas where your passion, values and skills lined up with the mission of the church and you volunteered by taking on a new position. You saw things that needed done and just did them without asking. Thank you!

But even more than all of these things is your participation in worship. You didn’t give up. You didn’t let the distance cause division. You truly demonstrated what it meant to be a church member. A church member is much like a family member. We expect them to do more than eat the food and sit on the couch. We expect our children to clean up their dishes and keep their rooms clean. We have expectations of them participating in gatherings and getting involved. The bible talks about the assembly of God’s people like that of a family or a body. We all have a part to play. So thank you for participating in the family!

You have made life and ministry such a joy even in the midst of a fairly chaotic and challenging time. Knowing that your family has your back means the world! Knowing that even when you get things wrong, you have people who love and care for you enough to stand by your side to help you see the wrong and the right is pretty amazing!

So as we begin this month of thankfulness know that I am starting this month thankful for you and the way you’ve stood on your confession of faith. I’m thankful for your partnership in the gospel. I’m thankful for the way you are willing to stand in the gaps and do uncomfortable things so that the world might know the love of Jesus. You are amazing! Keep it up family! There is a lot to be thankful for and some pretty amazing opportunities and challenges already lined up for 2022!

Identity & Action

October 27, 2021 / / 0 Comments

There are two things that are at odds in most of our lives. Who we are and what we do. Sometimes we let what we do define who we are. But then what happens when we fail? The goal of this post is to help you see past what you do to the reality of who you are.

When we look at our lives it’s easy to get a tad discouraged. There is always someone who is better than us. There is always someone who is faster than us or more efficient than we are at a given task. It doesn’t take much effort to find the shortcomings in our lives, and if our identity is determined by our action then we are in trouble!

However, if we step back from our actions for a moment and realize that our identity is found outside of our accomplishments and failures we will have a better grasp on what is most important. So in short…

Who you are is not determined by what you do but what you do determines who you are. Share on X

When we get our identity and our actions out of order, we quickly lose focus of that which is most important. In the church world, we like to use the word covenant to describe who we are in relation to God. He made a covenant with us that doesn’t rely on what we do but on who he is and what he does for us. It’s all about our identity. It means that who we are is determined apart from what we do. It’s this reality that gives us the title Child of God. It’s this reality that invites us into a deeper relationship with him. God’s covenant with us draws us into a place where his love and care transform who we are regardless of our past.

So if the identity part is determined by God then the action piece of our lives should be determined by our understanding of identity. We call that kingdom. It means that God has invited us into a relationship with him and given us a place in his kingdom. When we have a place in a ruling kingdom, it means we have authority and power and responsibility. This is no different in our relationship with God. He not only calls us children, but also freely gives us all of the resources that are at his disposal. So if he loves us before we do anything then why do we have to do anything?

You see we live out our identity through actions because his love for us doesn’t want us to stay in an ok state. He wants more for us than to survive. He wants us to thrive! This is why he calls us victorious. He gave us the victory over the less than stellar moments in our lives. When our identity is grounded in God’s love for us, then our actions will look like that new identity.

I know, we all mess up. We all fail. We all do things we will one day regret. Those moments are not defining moments. Let the grace of Christ define you. And let this new identity determine how you live.

Couch Cushion Confessions

October 26, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever done the terrifying task of moving furniture in your home? Ok so it’s not all that terrifying but it could be! Let me explain.

In our home, we most of the time eat in the kitchen but sometimes we’ll overflow into the living room. When we have more guests into our home than can fit around the table, we’ll generally spill over into the living room and use the couch. Or at night when we’re sitting down to watch tv sometimes we’ll grab a bowl of popcorn or other snack. And this very fact is what makes moving furniture a potentially dangerous, or at minimum humbling and embarrassing task.

The food that somehow miraculously misses our mouth hole tends to make its way into the crevasses in the couch. It lodges between the cushions and sometimes even bounces (or I’m convinced crawls) under the couch into the back most corner where it’s virtually unreachable.

We can vacuum the floors and even the couch but unless we remove the cushions and use the special tools on the vacuum, we’ll leave a lot of dirt and dust and food lodged under the cushions.

This is kind of like life in this world. As followers of Jesus, we have this thing called confession. And at its core, confession is like peeling back the couch cushions and revealing what’s underneath that we refused to deal with. Confession is coming to the harsh reality that something is a miss in our life and we need to have some help dealing with it.

Look I get it. No one likes to deal with the junk under the cushions. And if we’re being honest, most of the time no one can see what’s lurking in the hidden crevasses of our lives. But not dealing with these matters, doesn’t make them go away. It’s like Jesus’ words to the church leaders of his day that they were clean on the outside and dead on the inside. He called them whitewashed tombs. Nothing living exists in a tomb. It needs to be brought into the light to find life.

God loves you for who you are but loves you too much to leave you where you are. Share on X

Confession is coming to Jesus in the mess of our lives and letting him have his way with us. Here’s the deal you don’t need to have it all together to come to Jesus but when you do come to Jesus you better expect to end up being changed.

20/80 No More!

October 25, 2021 / / 1 Comment

It’s no secret that I’m a pastor. I serve in a medium sized church in a semi rural, becoming semi suburban part of central Ohio. Yeah I know that’s pretty vague but eh location really isn’t the point – the people are! I’ve done this whole ministry gig for going on 20 years now and there’s been a constant for me for my entire ministry career. It’s something referred to as the 20/80 rule. It says that 20% of the people do 80% of the work. And that normally holds true in churches to be sure, but also in other organizations and nonprofits as well. .

One of the things we’ve been called to do as pastors, and Christians for that matter, is to disciple people. Now discipleship is far more than just teaching someone the truths of Jesus. It’s about teaching those truths and leading them to obedience. You see, we’re called to raise people up and release them for ministry. We create programs where people get involved and learn and grow, but it’s so very hard to get many people to really connect beyond a Sunday morning worship time. But that has changed drastically in the past 12 months at this little miracle of a church in semi-rural central Ohio.

I really can’t put my finger on what happened or when it happened or why it happened but I can tell you that it happened!

As I look back on the past 7+ years of ministry life at Living Word, one thing has been evident – none of the good that’s happening is on me. I was able to step into a role where a very strong and very intentional Biblical foundation had been laid. My predecessor, Pastor Jim, took the utmost care to teach, lead and care for the people of this little church with everything he had. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it everyday til I die I am only as good as the great men upon whose shoulders I stand in ministry.

But I can’t just say “something happened” and leave it at that. There had to be a shift, a change or a strategy that has proven somewhat beneficial and led to this different approach to life inside this expression of the body of Christ. So here’s my feeble attempt at putting a finger on what precipitated this massive cultural shift.

Keep the main thing the main thing.

Again to Pastor Jim’s credit, the main thing was never in question. Neither he nor I are about the business of getting tangled in the weeds of politics, civic matters or worldly pursuits. Neither of us are/were perfect, so of course we slip but the focus – the thing that always matters and that we continue to come back to over and over again is the one thing that really matters – Jesus.

One thing that I firmly believe has led to this shift in participation and involvement is that we keep the goal clearly in front of people. We’re pressing in to what it means to be like Jesus. Our goal isn’t church growth or launching programs. Our goal is to help people see Jesus in the everyday moments of life and to walk with them along the path of being transformed into his image for the sake of others. And when we see it, we try to call it out or celebrate it (more on that one later).

A serious call to simple action

Another thing that has led to a greater involvement of those connected with Living Word is that we unapologetically keep the call to action in front of everyone. It’s taken a while for some to get it and we have to keep bringing it up from time to time but the call is serious. Without each of us living out the truths of Scripture, someone may never hear the goodness of God’s grace for them. The simple action part is essential as well. We’ve broken so many parts of ministry life into smaller chunks that are more manageable and don’t require lifelong commitments. It’s simple really. What can you do? What do you enjoy doing that can bring glory to God? How has God uniquely equipped you to fulfill the Great Commission? It’s really a matter of high exceptions, short term commitments, and helping people write their story of faith.

Celebrate Wins

If you do anything with a team of people you have to be sure to celebrate the victory of your team. Even if you just say thank you to those who went above and beyond to help pull off an event or a ministry program, just do something. Recognize the efforts of your team. The point is to build up momentum as you gather together for a common purpose.

Do NOT Lower the Bar

Finally the thing that I think really matters to the shift we’ve seen is to keep expectations high. We live in a society where we like to lower expectations to help people feel better about minimal accomplishments, but this is not the way of Jesus. So keep expectations high. Tell people what you want from them and for them. The point of being part of a church is to help, support, and provide for the group moving forward. Even the part of the worship service that recognizes new members joining a local church asks in part do you intend to support the work of the church with your time, talents and treasures? The idea is that church membership is like being part of a body. Each part needs to show up to do their part. No single part is not needed. No part is of lesser value. No part of the body or of the church can say they don’t need to pull their weight. Part of the secret that we’ve been able to tap into is that of continually seeking ways for all parts of the body to do something in the body. It’s part of our discipleship pathway to move worship attenders from observation to full on ownership of the mission of God in this place.

We’re all in it together so let’s join in to make the world recognize what and who the church is because without you it just won’t be the same!

Gentle Working Hands

October 19, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Neither of these hands are my hands, but they are special hands. Most hands are special to be honest, but these are extra special. These hands have crafted some delicious goodies over the past 93 years. They’ve stitched some creatively amazing quilts. They’ve cooked amazing meals. But probably most importantly they’ve remained open in a loving way that not many can rival. These hands are not mine. They are not yours. I’m not even related to these hands, but they treated me as if I was part of the family.

Today these hands are finally at rest. They do not move. They no longer cook. No more quilts will be stitched or cookies baked. These hands now rest. From over nine decades of work and countless thousands of meals served, these hands are finally able to stop.

These hands belong to a woman one knew as wife, three knew as mom, and countless knew as friend. They belong to my wife’s grandma. She’s not my grandma by birth, but she always treated me like I was one of her grandchildren. When my grandma passed away over 20 years ago having started making a quilt for my then fiancé and me. She never got a chance to finish it, but now in our home is a quilt lovingly crafted by the caring hands of my Grandma Elaine and my Great Ma.

You see friends the moral of this little fable is that we never know when life will come to a close. We might be like Great Ma and live 93 amazingly blessed and fruitful years. But we might be called from this earth far earlier. Leave nothing on the table. Use your hands to do good for those around you. Serve where you can serve even when you’re tired, even when you really don’t want to, even when someone isn’t one of “your people.”

The time will come for each of us when we will give an account for the way we used our hands. Our accounting will not matter for our salvation because that was won for us by Jesus’ hands. But did we love well? Did we serve well? Did others see Jesus in the way we used our hands?

I pray that you take this time to look at what your hands are telling those around you. When someone looks at your hands, do they see someone who loved and served and welcomed like Great Ma? If not, there’s no time like the present to start loving well.

You will be missed, but we do not mourn like others mourn. We mourn as those with hope. Rest in Jesus’ hands. Til we meet again Great-Ma, we love you!

A Tarnished Record

October 18, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Imagine for a second a beautiful bride slowly progressing down the aisle to meet her groom. Her hair is perfectly done up with curls that swirl down her head like waves rolling on the ocean coast. Her makeup is done to perfection. The bouquet is gently held in her hands. But the dress, it’s something to behold. It’s a crisp and clean white. Long to the ground. It’s cut straight to fit her well but modestly designed at the same time. The train of the dress glides across the floor as she makes her way to her groom.

Then out of no where in a sudden movement, a 4 year old boy darts from his chair to give the bride a hug. He reaches out and grabs her dress before anyone can catch him. This would be a cute and loving moment if he hadn’t been eating a cheese coated snack that left his hands more orange than a pumpkin. Those hands grabbed the front of the bride’s dress transforming the perfectly fitted, white wedding gown into a canvas for this little guys finger painting.

Could you imagine! Now that scenario never happened, at least not that I’m aware. But imagine the horror on the bride’s face or the embarrassment the child’s mother would feel. Consider how terrifyingly awful that moment would be for all involved.

And as awful as that moment is, we live in a very similar situation nearly every day. As Christians, we are called to live a life worthy of the calling of Christ. We’re called to a high standard. We are commanded to be perfect, just like Jesus was perfect. Just like that pretty white dress was perfect. But just like that imaginary story, we’ve trashed the perfection God gave us. He doesn’t lower the bar or excuse our behavior. He doesn’t say everything is ok. He doesn’t say Well, they’re just sinners so I shouldn’t expect anything more than this. No, God demands perfect.

This week we look at the bible word – sin. It’s a word that describes anything that misses the benchmark of perfect. It’s the word that shows what happens when we put our dirty, grimy, selfish finger prints all over the perfect image in which God created us.

Look, I get it, no one likes to be shown they are wrong. No one likes to admit they are wrong, to themselves much less to other people. As we consider the stains we’ve made on life, it’s important to admit our fallenness. It’s critical to lay our cards out on the table of life and be honest when our actions don’t match our confession.

And when we do, be ready for a truly amazing change to occur. Be ready for your life to completely change trajectory, because when we admit our sins we gain admission to God’s freedom. We’ll look more at the action of admitting or confessing our flaws next week but for now revel in the glory of forgiveness gained by Jesus on your behalf.

You Can’t Control How They See It

October 14, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Communication is a tough business. You can craft your message. You can select your words. You can work on inflection and delivery. If it’s printed material, you diligently work on type face and word spacing and all the cool graphic things. But there is a time when certain things are out of your control.

Some people are just going to look for any chance to roast you over what you said or how you said it. There are people in all of our lives who play the role of the eternal antagonist. They want nothing more than to stir the pot. While others have circumstances in their lives that act like those machines at the eye doctor that filter how we see what’s clearly right in front of us. When scenario “A” happens it changes how we see life in comparison to scenario “B.” So the point here is to not over worry about someone’s interpretation of something you did not communicate in the first place.

Acknowledging that some things eventually will be outside of your ability to control however does not give you the excuse to not do your due diligence. While certain things are out of our control, much of the art of communication is very much in our control. It is the responsibility of the communicator to, well communicate effectively and efficiently and eloquently.

I recently was sent an image of a church’s graphic material. It took about half a second for me to see that someone didn’t do their homework very well. While the message communicated was very much right on, there was an unintended snag in their communication. Whoever hung the banners below didn’t understand a cultural nuance in our society. Now I will warn you that if you are easily offended, then you will likely take offense at the image. I am using it as an example that sometimes innocent communication, when lazily put in front of an audience, can speak an unintentional message.

The image is telling us that this church values friends, teaching and worship. But if you look at the way they are set side by side, you’ll notice that the letters at the top are W.T.F.

That abbreviation is not exactly what this church was going for I am very certain. But when we fail to thoroughly look at our message we run the risk of doing exactly what happened here. We can communicate a message that is completely inappropriate without even knowing it. For those of you who don’t know what the three letters mean, you’re probably way better off! Let’s just say it’s not a message most churches would like hanging over their entry doors.

So what do we do with this? Simple, slow down. Get a second set of eyes or ears on the message you’re bringing. Whether it’s in a church or a small business or in front of massive crowds or even just a group of family and friends – what you say and how you say it communicates a lot about the care you give to your message.

Communication is totally out of your hands once it’s been received by someone else, so take your time to make sure what you’re about to say is what you really want to say.

I Am An Awful Person & So Are You

October 13, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Let’s be honest. We suck at life. I mean really. We go out of our way to prove ourselves right. We shut people out who disagree with us. We shut people down who do or say things that don’t line up with our views. When someone challenges us, we remove them from our circle of friends. We just flat suck at being human sometimes.

And to make matters worse – it’s not ok! No matter what someone tells you when you apologize, it is NOT ok! It never has been and never will be. If someone tells you they are sorry for doing something wrong or acting like a turd, don’t tell them it’s ok. They hurt you and hurting you isn’t ok.

A really big word in the life of the church is forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t an excuse to do bad again. Forgiveness is not the license to give yourself a pass on bad behavior just because you’re not perfect. Forgiveness is the removal of our wrongs. Forgiveness is the wiping clean of the slate of our lives.

This month we started a 40 Day Journey called the Forgiving Challenge. Throughout these 40 days we’ll discover what forgiveness is, why it’s important, what we need forgiveness for, and what we’re supposed to do now that we’ve been forgiven. But it all starts with an honest assessment…

I am an awful person.

You can’t say those words about other people. When you hear me say those words you’re welcome to agree but the Bible is clear that we can’t go poking at someone else’s issues before we deal with our own.

Our first stop in this 40 day journey is to take an honest look in the mirror and seriously recognize our flaws and failures. Where have you gone wrong? What have you done that has offended someone else? What have you neglected to do that you said you would do? How have you let others down? Just pause for a minute to recognize that you’re not perfect. We all know that we’re not perfect but unfortunately we often act like we are.

Below is the message that kicked off this 40 Day journey of recognizing and practicing forgiveness. We’d love for you to walk with us through this challenge to give up on the failures and embrace a life of forgiveness.

When Truth Challenges

October 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

As a product of the generation known as GenX, I know the struggles with absolute truth versus relative truth. The idea that what’s right for you isn’t right for me. And in some cases that’s right. There are somethings in life that are just not for everyone and that are very relative. But there are other things that are historically, across time and space to be considered truth. Some things are established as truth for the proper ordering of civilization and prosperity. Some things are intended to be in place for a very distinct purpose.

If you’ve ever studied economics or sociology you know that low income, high crime areas have something in common. Dads generally are no longer in the household picture. You see what happens when dads fail to live in their role is that families start to crumble. And when families crumble, communities crumble. And when communities crumble, so also to entire civilizations. As a matter of fact, I recently read that in ever civilization that at one time was thriving and now is a shadow of itself, the downfall started by the devaluing of the family structure.

In the video below, I address the family structure. Not mom, dad, two kids and a dog kind of family but the way God intended them to function. And whether you’re a believer in the whole Jesus thing or not, if you just look at history books, sociology studies, crime statistics and economics you’ll see evidence that backs this up. A proper understanding and valuing of family is the foundation of a thriving civilization and when we lose sight of this fundamental truth, we begin the degradation of not just family values but an entire culture.

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