For those of you who know me, the title to this post will seem a little odd for me. I’ve never been one to really move slowly in much of life. I drive fast, talk fast, eat fast, run fast. The issue is faster isn’t always better. Driving fast means I miss the scenery. Talking fast means some won’t get the whole story of what I’m trying to communicate. Eating fast means I set myself up for an upset stomach or I’m hungry in no time! Running fast might mean that I out run the guy behind me but it also means I don’t have the stamina to run for a very long time.
One of the books that has been pretty helpful in this idea of slowing down is one by John Make Comer titled The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. It’s a really good book. It hits right where it needs but is gentle where it can be. The idea is very simple.
Hurry is violence to the soul.
John Mark Comer
Now I know that sounds pretty intense but the context of that passage really sets the stage for what he means. The simple way of putting this is that we were designed to be able to run at a decent pace. Admittedly some of us can run through life moving quicker than others, but all of us have a limit. Hurry is pushing the limit to its end and then exceeding the boundaries doing harm to ourselves and others. Hurry doesn’t make us more effective. And to be honest, hurry doesn’t even let us get the task done faster (as odd as that sounds).
One of my favorite ideas that comes out of the book is actually a reference to a bible verse. Comer writes An easy life isn’t an option, an easy yoke is. That’s fairly profound but only if you know what a yoke is. A yoke was a tool used to keep an ox on task. It would rest on its shoulders and the load was tied to it. Then the ox would have to pull that load so the man wouldn’t have to pull it. Admittedly it was a great idea, but the purpose of this yoke was to load the ox to the max so you had to make fewer trips. And that’s what hurry does to us.
Jesus says in the New Testament that his yoke is easy and burden light. That means he’s not really all about heaping up load after load and making us move at a frantic pace. He’s designed the load specifically for what we’re able to handle, with his help. Don’t forget that last part!
But the problem is, we try to pursue and easy life instead of the easy burden Jesus promises and that’s where the wheels fall off. Pursuing an easy life will end up bringing a heavy burden. But pursuing an easy burden won’t necessarily result in an easy life all the time.
Running as fast as we can seems like the best way to get the task done. And sometimes you might be right. However, that’s not all the time. You have to use wisdom to be able to determine when is the right time and when is not the right time to put the pedal to the floor in life. I know that I’ve done this wrongly for years. And it’s likely done significant damage to my own body, not to mention several key relationships.
It’s never too late to slow down the pace of life. It’s never too late to literally hit the pause button and sit for a minute. It’s never too late to take a gentle and calming walk in the middle the day to take in the wonder of life around you. Since I moved to a house on just over 12 acres, I’ve added a lot to my plate. But oddly enough the pace has slowed a bit. I can sit outside and enjoy uninterrupted sunrises and sunsets. I can hear all the wildlife moving and talking around me. Most every night I’m blessed by a sky filled with stars.
Maybe you like to move fast, I do too. But you’ll never know what you’ve been missing with all that speed until you slow your pace (perhaps even literally) and see what’s been there the whole time.
Do you remember that childish thing we did? You know when someone did something wrong, how we’d all make sounds of shock while pointing our finger at the wrong doer? We’d make sure the proper person in authority would know that she did it or he’s the guilty one. How annoying was that! I’m sure glad we stopped doing that. Or did we?
As annoying as that is and as almost embarrassing at it is to think about now, I’m starting to see a resurgence of this very way of handling problems. We might not point fingers and bemoan the situation with groans and other unintelligent sounds. But we do tend to throw some blame around.
There’s a tendency in our lives to publicly shame someone or belittle them when we don’t like how they’ve handled a situation. And honestly it makes us no better than those annoying turds we were growing up. It’s immature and quite frankly is counterproductive.
Have we become so focused on what others are doing wrong that we’ve forgotten what we’re called to do?
Let’s get this straight. This doesn’t mean we don’t call wrong – wrong! Actually just the opposite. It means that we call it wrong in the moment. NOT in friend groups or behind someone’s back. We don’t belittle someone who didn’t act or react how we would have liked. And for crying out loud, settling a dispute on social media just doesn’t work. So don’t even try that one.
There’s wisdom in the idea of getting our own house in order instead of tearing someone else’s house down. We’ve become a culture rich on tearing people down. Or at best just deleting them from our lives altogether. From blocking phone numbers to unfriending someone on social media, we can all but erase someone from existence with the click of a button. And it’s just like that childish game of tattle tale. Pointing our fingers at someone and trying to show the world how awful he is or how terrible of a person she is.
How about we try something new? Mind your own business. I mean seriously. How about instead of trying to undermine someone else and make their lives a living hell, we take a minute to focus on how we need a little grace shown to us? Let’s try to see what areas of life we’re not living 100% perfectly. Sure have your one on one conversations. Tell someone the honest truth, even if it hurts. Even if it means running the risk of losing something or someone special. But don’t get your panties in a bunch playing the finger pointing game.
The presence of social media and text messaging has raised a great crop of keyboard warriors who can sit with you face to face and seemingly have nothing bad to say. Then the moment they find their security behind a keyboard they can blast you to kingdom come. Or spread weird rumors about you that couldn’t be any less true.
If we were to realize who we are as individuals and what we’re called to do, then perhaps the shortcomings of others wouldn’t really be as bothersome. Maybe if we were as dedicated to our role in society as we are to someone else’s downfall in it, we could look beyond a slip of the tongue or meet a wrong doing with grace. The very same grace we ourselves expect when we mess up.
So in short perhaps we should get our own stuff together before we try dragging someone else’s name through the mud.
Parenting is often like herding cats or trying to wrestle a greased pig. NO I’m not calling your child a household, wild or farm animal! But as a parent it’s easy to find yourself beating your head against a wall at times because you’re just not understanding your child’s needs, desires and heart.
I subscribe to several email newsletters and admittedly most of them are junk. But from time to time, I’ll come across a nugget that is worth sharing. Sometimes that nugget is simply forwarded to a friend or colleague, but today that nugget is the foundation of this brick wall message. Your child can be a brick wall at times. But what if I told you that there was a way to understand the way your child hears allowing you to better communicate with him or her?
The newsletter is from a group called Parent Cue. Some of there stuff is really helpful. As a matter of fact, we have a set of books from them on the shelves at the church I serve as pastor. They operate under the assumption that there are stages in a child’s life that they call phases. These phases are based on age and do make some assumptions but largely these hold true across the board.
Here’s a quick breakdown of the phases and a very brief summary on how to communicate in each phase. The goal is to help you stop hitting your head against the wall!
Preschool Phase
This phase is exactly what you’d expect – the time when your child is before or in preschool. The markers of this phase are all things learning. A child in this phase is learning what he or she can do. They’re testing the boundaries of who loves them, what love is and trying to figure out what happiness and sadness mean. Everything is new to them so be a place where they can come for safety. Help them feel loved and let them feel free to show who they are and be emotional. My favorite phrase suck it up buttercup won’t work well in this phase!
Look I get it. In this phase your child will make mountains out of every obstacle. They’ll cry when something doesn’t go their way. But be patient and understanding. Help them see that tears are ok, sadness has its place and frustration is at times appropriate. But help them navigate these feelings with words. Show them how to feel sad, happy, angry, worried with words instead of explosions of emotional hurricanes.
Elementary School Phase
Yep another easy one. Actually, these phases aren’t really rocket science in their naming. And most of us who’ve been parents for a while will see the communication strategies for each phase and think this is silly talk. But when you’re in the midst of a crying tantrum or exploding teenage emotion box you might not have access to reasonable communication. It’s best to have these on standby at all times.
The elementary school phase deals with our children as they navigate the challenges of growing up. They’ve learned a lot already and like little sponges will continue to develop and soak up everything around them for these years. But for these years you’ll need to know that approval and attention mean the world! Now the challenge is who will give them the attention they need.
At first you will be their hero, but quickly in this phase you’ll see that their peers and even their bullies will holder a louder voice in their lives than you do. Your child in this phase will start to compare herself to her friends. He’ll want everything his buddies have. When talking to your child in this phase, use a calm and quieter voice. Be on their level…literally. Don’t stand over them and talk down to them. Instead crouch down to talk to them at their eye level. Another really important part of this phase, that I am not great at by the way, is positive reinforcement. Praise them for getting things right. Remember a lot of what they’re doing is somewhat new to them. The world is a hard place so be the safe haven they need! Be your child’s biggest cheerleader and let them know it!
Middle School Phase
In middle school your child will become a bit of a stranger to you. A friend once said that it’s in the teenage years that it appears as of aliens have taken over our children’s bodies. If you’ve never had a middle schooler, you’re in for a treat! And I don’t mean that as bad as it probably sounds either. Parenting a middle schooler is going to be a challenge but not impossible by any means. It’s a largely rewarding experience actually.
A middle schooler is all about testing boundaries and bucking authority, and since you’ve been the number one authority in their lives until now you’re the one they’re disagreeing with the most. But it’s not just you they are questioning. As a matter of fact they are second guessing everything in their lives, including where and with whom they fit in.
In this phase your child will likely not be as talkative as she once was. He won’t tell you everything that’s going on in life. You might have to coax some thoughts and conversations out of your child in this phase. This is a great phase for mentors to be introduced into your child’s life. Surround them with people who will bring a good, and if you’re a follower of Jesus, godly voice. You want to give them space but also be the safe place for them as well.
High School Phase
By the time your child hits this phase you’re either ready to throw in the towel or throw a party for yourself that you made it, or maybe both depending on the day. Your high schooler will be exerting a ton of independence, and if not they need to be. You don’t want your child to grow into an adult who can’t adult without you around. Cherish all of the moments you have with your child because this phase quickly transitions to the most emotional phase of parenting.
Your child here is looking for purpose, direction and trying to answer the age old question what am I going to do with the rest of my life. Don’t add pressure in this one. Don’t make your child be the high school star you weren’t or follow in your all American jock footsteps. Your child is not a younger version of you. They are their own person. A young man or woman who will become something potentially far different than you. And that’s perfectly fine!
A huge shift has happened in your parenting from the preschool days to now. They once needed someone to trust, and while that’s still true, the most important thing for them at this phase is that you trust them. Show them that you trust them. They need to know that you’re listening and that in spite of their dumb choices and at times inappropriate actions you still love them.
You will want to remind your child in this phase that while they are soon to transition away from home living they always have a place to call home. This is hugely important. When my wife and I moved to a our new to us home, we decided on a home that had enough space that our children could come back anytime they wanted/needed.
Ok so these are four of the key phases that cover much of the life you’ll experience as a parent. As your child is now back in school and navigating the struggles of friends, teachers, classes, homework, college prep, potty training, throwing sand in the sandbox or being bullied in the halls – your child needs your unconditional love, endless support, and verbal accolades. You only get one shot at this. Don’t miss even one opportunity to love on your child. They fly the nest before you even realize it.
I can be a bit of a critic from time to time when it comes to the church. It’s not that I like to point out the wrong things or that I think the church is doing everything wrong. It’s kind of like working out. If we’re going to do it, we better do it right or else we’ll either hurt ourselves or someone else in the process. I think a lot of what happens in the church at its worst is hurting the view of the church in the world, it’s neglecting the community into which the church has been placed or at best it’s just a colossal waste of time.
There’s a word that is used in church settings a lot that is so misunderstood and misapplied. It’s the word discipleship or disciple. It is so aggravating when we, as church people, spin that word as if it’s something the pastor alone does or something that happens in a corporate worship service. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Now before you get all freaked out, listen to what I’m actually saying. Discipleship is NOT about going to worship, but a disciple should desire to be part of a worshiping community and participate in the worship life of a local group, often called a church or congregation. And here’s where some of you are going to disagree with me, but I don’t even think discipleship can happen in the context of a large group gathering like a worship service. It has to be in smaller settings, after all this is even how Jesus himself did it. He constantly went away with the 12 or sat with his inner 3. He didn’t spend significant time in the thousands or even hundreds, but he got down into the dark corners of the individual lives. This is discipleship at its core.
I guess it really depends on what your view of discipleship is but from my perspective discipleship is about being transformed into the image of Christ for the sake of others. And if I’m being totally honest, I don’t see a ton of life transformation happening in the lives of those are involved sitting in the pews in public worship service on Sunday mornings. It happens as they engage in bible study, small groups, service to the community, fellowship activities, and faith sharing. The key to discipleship from a biblical perspective is to prepare one another for works of service in the kingdom of God.
Think about it for a minute. How do you disciple someone? Better yet who is the last person you discipled who started discipling someone else? I think for so many in the church today we’ve painted the picture of just bring them to church and pastor will disciple them. This goes directly against what Paul teaches. We’re to equip the saints for works of service not make them rely on the pastor to get the job done.
In my own ministry I’ve fallen into the trap of letting people rely on me to do all the work. It’s exhausting to say the very least. But when we put in the extra effort of making disciples and raising up leaders today, it will free us for a more powerful and effective ministry down the road. I guess what I’m trying to say in a shorter version is that it’s time to stop enabling church people to think the pastor is the one responsible for their faith.
Instead we need to encourage, equip, empower and release people to grow in faith within the community of believers. Encourage them to gather as pairs, triads, small groups, cell groups, home groups, community groups – whatever you call them! The follower of God cannot do the work of God in isolation from the people of God. That’s just not how it works.
So whether you’re a pastor or a church member or a person who’s just trying to find their way in what it means to believe in Jesus. Don’t go it alone. Don’t rely on a pastor to have all the answers. Gather with a few other people who can challenge you. From whom you can learn and grow. Who will help you see where you’re living in congruity with your words and where you’re living in a way inconsistent with what you say. Find people who’s opinions encourage you and at the same time people who are willing to challenge you. This, at its heart, is what the process of discipleship looks like as long as all of it is done with growing in Christ at its core.
There’s no silver bullet. No perfect way prescribed by the bible for how to do much of this. Just best practices of those who’ve gone before us who’ve done it far better than we are today in times that were far more challenging than we’re facing right now. So maybe it’s not that we’re doing it the wrong way but that there might be a better way after all.
There’s nothing like a good story! If you get the right story, it can suck you in and almost pull you through it. All good stories have a few things in common. They have relatable characters, a good plot, generally there’s some good tension that needs to be worked out, and in most cases good stories have some form of a happy ending or at least a good resolution.
So what’s your favorite story? Why is it your favorite? Do these common ideas for good stories apply to your favorite story?
As I see it there’s a pretty straightforward way defining a story. Here’s my definition: a story is the life or adventure of a character who wants something and is willing to overcome challenge(s) to get it.
I think our lives are a lot like story as well. So often we get bored with our lives. We get bored with our relationships or with our jobs or with our hobbies. Why? I think it’s because we have lost the art of story in our day to day lives. We’ve stopped seeing the plot of our lives develop and our character progress through the narrative of life.
Think about your life as a story for a minute. You are the main character. There are protagonists (those are the good guys) and there are antagonists (those are the bad ones). Some of the bad guys are really bad and some of the good guys are, well nominally good at best and eventually prove to be not in your corner the way you thought.
Our lives have some form of adventure as well, even if it’s not climbing mountains or repelling off of buildings or saving the world. We can have adventure in driving to work or walking the dog or making dinner. There is adventure in just about every aspect of our lives if we just open our eyes to see it.
Our life has a plot as well. Although admittedly this one is an area of our lives that we don’t focus on nearly enough. What’s the plot of your life story? Do you even know what you’re about or why you’re here? This is your plot. The why behind the what of your day to day life. Without a plot we grow tired and wear out quickly. We burn out. We give up. We walk away. Not knowing our plot or having the wrong plot, i.e. life story, is what causes us to drift and lose focus on important relationships or even lose our jobs. The lack of plot, in my mind, is a huge factor in much of the depression we see in our world and honestly a significant factor in divorces, college drop outs and the inability to hold a steady carrier.
Think about marriage for a second. Marriage has a plot. But for many couples with children, those kiddos are the plot of their life. This is why so many couples have trouble when they become empty nesters. The kids were the plot to their story, and with no children around they seemingly have no plot. So little marriage tip – your children are not the point of your marriage. A product of it to be certain but they are not the point of it. The sooner you figure that one out the healthier your marriage will actually be.
Our faith lives are the same way. If our lives as followers of Jesus are only about the Sunday morning church attendance gig, then we’re doing it wrong. Then we’re going to burn out on “doing church.” We’re going to wander to the next church around the corner when this one doesn’t give us what we want. And quick hint…that new church won’t cut it forever either. That is until you figure out your story. Faith is about far more than going to church or giving an offering or singing a song or which book we use in worship. Faith is about story. It’s about your story and God’s story colliding in a fantastic adventure.
A life of faith is the adventure of a character who’s willing to overcome adversity to achieve something. This was what drove Jesus to do what he did for us. This is what took him to the cross and out of the grave. It was the story of salvation. Our story isn’t one of salvation. It’s the story of discipleship. This is what Jesus told us to do and what we’re supposed to be about daily.
Living a life of faith is about growing in our love for Jesus. It’s realizing every day just how loved we are by the one who created all things. It’s the story of loving one another and serving one another and being with one another. It’s about letting the image of Christ come to light in all we do.
So I guess now is the best time to start living that story!
If you’ve never listened to jazz music then you’re really missing out. Jazz music isn’t like other forms of music. It’s almost like Jazz music is alive. It’s not bound to a piece of paper. Jazz just has a life of its own.
I remember going to my first jazz club. I was in college, so trying new things was the norm. We left well after dinner time and took the drive into downtown Detroit. It was a neighborhood I probably wouldn’t have normally entered, primarily because it had a bad reputation and I had no real need to go that far into Detroit. But one of my friends was going to play that night so a few of us agreed and off we went. And am I ever glad I went!
Part of my excitement for going was because I’m a trumpet player. Not a great one but I still dabble around with it from time to time. I play music, like the stuff on a piece of paper, with notes that go up and down. It makes sense. There’s a rhythm that’s been predetermined for you. There are a series of notes that rise and fall. There are volume markers to show you when to get louder and when to get softer. These things are there to make sure everyone plays the exact same thing. But that’s not how jazz works. Jazz musicians don’t need this kind of sheet music.
That night that’s exactly what struck me. There wasn’t a sheet of music anywhere in the club. The drummer set a simple rhythmic beat. Discussed a pattern for how they’d approach the piece. Determined the key. Had a few comments about style and flow of the song they were about to play. Then they took off! And man was it the coolest sound I’ve ever heard! It was such a cool jazz sound that it made the room feel like I was floating down a crystal blue river. The whole room was blue like jazz.
Ok so I know this is a weird transition but there’s also a book with the same title as the feeling in that room. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. And I totally get it, if you haven’t read the book, you’ll think this is a weird name for a book. But the story behind the title is pretty amazing. I’ll do my best to summarize the title and its meaning here along with a quote or two from it that struck me as really good.
The title of the book really reflects what I was experiencing in the club that night. The air was a little foggy with cigarette smoke. I could taste the air. The lights were so dim it was almost dark. The atmosphere, while dark just felt wide open. You could see everyone in the room because there were no walls or dividers to separate you from the other patrons. We were there from all walks of life. Race didn’t matter. Gender didn’t matter. Economic status didn’t matter. Everything just fit in that one context on that one night.
It’s kind of like the way faith is supposed to be. No sheet music to tell you exactly what note to play. There’s a key in which we operate. There’s a rhythm that we match, a rhythm that’s not our own. There’s a smooth, almost silky feel to the way this life is supposed to be lived. Blue Like Jazz captures the openness of that club where we can see one another from all angles. That’s the way life in the kingdom is supposed to be. No hiding behind our embarrassment. No fear of judgement. No manmade divisions meant to break one another down.
One of the things Miller says in the book really caught my attention. If you try hard enough, you can get the things you want most in life. But you better be careful because the things you want most in life just might kill you in the end.
There’s immense freedom in the movement of jazz music. Without sheet music you can go where the beat takes you. You just have to listen to the right beat. In this quote, the author is reminding us that just because we have the freedom to play the notes we desire, it doesn’t mean it’s right or beneficial to play them. Some notes don’t match the song at all.
Faith is so often like this. We embed our ideology into the text of the Bible. We make it say something it never was intended to say. We infuse our wishes and personal lives into the words on the page that was never there to start with. But this is not the way it’s supposed to be. This is not how it’s supposed to be done.
We too can experience a faith that’s Blue Like Jazz if we take our beat from the rhythm of God’s Word. Then all we have to do is play the song using the notes he’s given us, following the patterns and flow embedded in our soul by the Spirit.
Kick back. Take it all in for a minute. I hope you can see and experience a faith that’s a little bit blue like jazz.
The life of the person who claims to follow Jesus should be encompassed by love. Instead we make it about rules, attendance, offerings, and so many other secondary items that are important but not the main thing. Throughout the Bible, we’re told to love. We’re called to love God and love neighbor. So if we’re called to love so often, why do we instead focus so heavily on rules and even in some cases uniformity?
To put it short, it’s way easier. It’s far less messy to just attend, give offerings, and make everyone follow a set pattern for worship than it is to actually practice love for one another. Loving someone isn’t something that’s emotion charged rather it’s relationally bound. We have weakened love to something we can fall into and out of like it’s a boat on the water. We throw love away when it’s challenging and walk away when we just don’t want to put in the hard effort. But love is relationally bound. That means if we’re going to love someone, we’re not there just for the feels. We’re in it because of a bond we have with the other person.
This love is so much more broad than a marriage relationship, but most certainly applies there. The love talked about in the Bible is about all relationships for those who claim to be in Christ. It’s about the marriages, friendship, brotherhoods, coworkers, neighbors, workout partners, colleagues…all of them!
Throughout the book of Hebrews we’re brought face to face with men and women who lived their lives by faith in God. They believed that God was there for them and that he had their best interests at heart. They also lived knowing that the struggles and pains we face in life were there to help us grow in the discipline of following in faith. The men and women of God in Hebrews 11 remind us that even though life was hard and often nearly impossible, they relied on the work that God said he would do for, in and through them.
As the book of Hebrews closes, we see one more phase of the faith life of God’s followers. It’s what faith does to us as we live it out. We’ll call this one through faith. As we navigated through faith, we see that being in Christ means we love those around us. We’re kind to those not like us. We go out of our way to make sure people are connected not just to one another but also to the wonders of the love of God.
What’s love got to do with the life of the Christian? Well for many, unfortunately not all that much. But according to the teaching of the Bible it should be everything! Everything we do should be done out of love for God and love for our neighbor. We don’t love those around us because they’re worthy of our love but because Jesus is worthy of our loving them. It’s a really cool cycle if you think about it. God loves us when we’re unlovable, so that we can love those around us who are essentially unlovable as well.
If you’re into listen to people talk about things like this or watch a message on this very idea, check out the video below. If not, then go love someone because God is worth the love you share with them.
For the past couple of weeks we’ve discussed the three things every man needs in life based on the book Wild at Heart. These three things are a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue. Today we’re going after the damsel in distress!
Ok ladies before we get started in know that sounds a little demeaning but give me a few seconds here and hopefully it makes some sense. Hopefully it’s not as bad as it comes across at first!
Men have this built in desire and need to pursue or rescue someone. There’s something built into the DNA of a man to go after the girl and make sure she has what she needs. It’s like a rescue. Sure there are times when the fine maiden might literally need to be rescued from something terrible, but the day to day parts of life aren’t quite like that. So what then?
I think some of the older movies where the princess is trapped and needs the knight to come in with shining armor to save her have kind of ruined our idea of rescuing the princess. It paints the female as incapable and weak. But that’s not what this is about at all actually.
The idea of rescuing the beauty is less about her inability than it is about his need for pursuit and a validation of his presence in the relationship. When a couple first starts dating they pursue each other. They text in the middle of the day and include those sappy hearts and loving phrases. They get all gushy and mushy in their pursuit. The pursuit is all about showing each other that they are present for the other person. They’re demonstrating their willingness to go the extra mile for the other person…aka rescue them.
This rescue isn’t from a burning building but from aloneness, boredom, fear. It’s a pursuit of someone who doesn’t necessarily need help but needs to know they’re cared for and loved. The man has a need to be able to pursue his beauty and rescue her.
Unfortunately however this isn’t alway able to happen. Some women don’t want to be rescued or give an air that they don’t need him to rescue them. Sometimes the woman is powerful and confident and successful and he’s…well not that way at all. An insecure man with a powerful and successful woman just won’t last at all. I’ve seen it all too many times. And gents I’m going to be honest with you here. It’s not her fault she’s successful and confident. It’s not her fault that you’re feeling inadequate. And for goodness sake bailing when you feel inadequate only proves that you’re probably right!
When we pursue the beauty or rescue her, we’re showing her that she’s a really important part of our day to day lives. We’re reminding her that since the time we said “I do” we haven’t changed our minds. The pursuit of the beauty isn’t easy, so don’t for a second think this whole relationship thing is a walk in the park. If you’re looking for easy then you’re really not looking for marriage or any relationship at all!
If you can walk from it with relative ease, then you weren’t in it for the right reasons in the first place. Men you need to pursue the beauty. Not because she can’t do it. Not because she needs you to pursue or save her from someone or something. But because deep inside of you there’s a longing for someone to pursue. Someone to love. Someone for whom you can care.
Ladies let him pursue you. Don’t shut him down or close him out. Maybe even let him win from time to time. And remember the way he pursues you might not be exactly how you want to be pursued, so give him a little grace and acknowledge how he’s rescuing and pursuing you. He’ll do this with love and affection, gifts and accessories to your life, working hard to provide for you and your hobbies, time with you, time with the kids, lending a hand around the house or at least offering to help even though you won’t let him, and so many more things that often go missed in the day to day events of life. This is all about rescuing and pursuing the beauty in his life.
Ladies be willing to be rescued (pursued) because you’ll both benefit from it! Men get out there and quit being lazy. Don’t run from a woman who’s hard to pursue or doesn’t seem to need rescued. You’ll both experience an amazing reward if you just pursue the one who God gave you to pursue.
Doing the wrong thing for the right reason is still wrong. I know that this is not necessarily a popular opinion but it’s the truth. You can’t just throw away the right thing and do wrong because it’s not working for you in the moment. You can’t just do what you want even when the situation dictates otherwise.
I’ve been involved in a number of situations where one has to play a challenging game of teeter totter. But it shouldn’t be that difficult. When we truly understand right and wrong. When we truly value the power of truth, none of this should be an issue. The challenging part happens when we throw truth out the window and make everything in our day to day subjective. I’m sorry but you don’t have the right to change truth.
Look I get it. We all want to be in control from time to time, but you can’t throw the God card. It doesn’t work like that. You don’t have to believe in God to still value truth. And I hate to break it to you, but you cannot change truth. No matter how much you want to or how much you don’t like it, truth is truth whether you agree with it or not.
Think of it this way. I know it’s fairly simplistic and you might not think it applies in every situation but honestly if you really think about it changing truth is like changing something as simple as 1+1. Just because I don’t like the number 2 or don’t want the equation to equal 2 doesn’t give me the right to change the outcome of that formula. I mean I can’t say 1+1=4 and be anywhere near right. No matter how much I try to weasel my way around making it sound like the right answer. It never will be right.
The same is the case for altering standards of truth to fit your desires in the moment. You just can’t do that. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. Calling one the other doesn’t change reality at all!
So do the right thing. Whether you want to or not. Right will always be right even if everyone around you doesn’t like to hear it. It sure seems holding to the truth is no longer fashionable. You might lose out on a few things by holding to what’s right. But I am pretty sure that what you get by clinging to truth will be far better than anything (or anyone) you lose who can’t handle hearing the truth called out to them.
So when is it time to fight? When you’re fighting for truth not how you feel. When you’re fighting for something that surpasses your personal desire in the moment. Fight for the truth and you’ll always come out on top in the end (not always in the middle but in the end you will).
I think everyone likes a little adventure in their life. Some of us like a little a more vigorous type of adventure while others like a more tamed down and subdued version of adventure. Ask any guy to recount some of their most vivid memories in life and they’ll likely tell you something about a trip or an adventure. Some of our greatest memories are of adventures we’ve taken.
Now adventure isn’t all high risk and death defying stunts. It’s not necessarily like getting trapped in a board game like Jumanji, or racing at high rates of speed around the Porsche driving school test track. Yeah I was able to do that in a previous life, as they say. But the point isn’t how fast I drove, even though I could tell you all about the feelings of racing around the track. I could tell you how it felt to hit each curve and how close it felt we were to each other on the straight aways. The point is there was a sense of adventure that was born into my spirit as I was racing around the hot pavement!
Adventure is born into the souls of all people to be certain, but men have a need for adventure. In his book, Wild At Heart, John Eldredge talks about three things every man needs. We need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue (or rescue). We hit on the battle fighting part of the equation here.
The adventure is part of our need to live out story. So much of life has become so tame that it loses its sense of fun. It’s almost boring some days when there’s no adventure. What things do you remember most? What was the adventure? What was the cause of the excitement?
I can remember the time someone broke into my parents’ home when I was there with a few of my siblings. I can tell you the details of the whole experience! I can tell you what it was like driving the youth around on scavenger hunts for our annual Christmas party at church. I can tell you about repelling off a tower and riding horses around Mad River. I don’t have the greatest memory necessarily. The only reason I remember these is because they were adventures to me.
You want to kill the spirit of a man? Make him sit behind a desk all his life and give him no adventure! Chain him to a 9-5 with no hobbies and he’ll wither away to a puddle of preteen boyhood.
Men it’s time to capture the adventure in life again. It’s ok to take some risks, but be wise about it. Look at the countless places in the Bible where God calls men to follow him. He will generally take them on an adventure. Through the wilderness. Up a mountain. Across a sea. On a boat ride in a storm. Why did he do it this way? Because he knows the soul of a man, what makes a man’s heart beat.
Our culture is beating the adventure out of men. We’re trying to tame the wild heart of a man. And it shows! Our culture is suffering because of it. Our world needs wild men to stand up and do the fighting adventurous pursuing and protecting thing that makes us who we are! Instead we’re cultivating a generation of boys who run from problems, are afraid to step out in fear of offending someone, and frankly can’t stand up for and protect the women and children in their lives because they’re too weak to handle a challenge.
Now some of you are going to get all upset that I’m coming down on men. And you know what, that’s ok. I have a plaque in my office that reads I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. While this is not intended to intentionally piss anyone off, I know that some will not like it. I’m pretty sure the people of Jesus’ day didn’t like it when he called them nicely painted caskets – all pretty on the outside but dead as a doornail on the inside. That wasn’t polite and it sure did piss them off! They ended up killing Jesus for it.
But, like Jesus here, I’m not trying to be offensive. There is a masculinity issue in our culture and we’re all a bit to blame. Men are blamed for being too hard, abrupt, manly. We tell our boys to focus, calm down, quit with the jitters, don’t get all excited when things go wrong. Why? Isn’t that part of our natural response? Don’t you think there might be something beneficial in that kind of response?
Every man needs an adventure! And no! Video games are not the same thing! We need a purpose and some form of excitement in life. When we don’t have an adventure to live out, we fall into bad habits and do things that just aren’t right.
So men find that adventure. Set out on the adventure of a lifetime. It’s called manhood and brother – it’s a thrilling ride!
