I remember the movie from when I was growing up. I’ve probably only seen it once but the premise or maybe just the title is something that I think about off and on. Actually as I write this, I just finished a quick conversation with my wife about the whole 9-5 idea.
Some days I’m jealous of the times I had a regular job. A job that I could arrive at one bell and leave at the other. A job where I swiped my badge and logged my hours and left. A job where the job stayed in the building. A job that didn’t wake me up at night. A job that didn’t make my stomach turn because of how people act. A job where the harder I worked and the more I accomplished the clearer the lines for advancement. A job where hard work counted for something.
Some days I wonder what it would be like to be in a job where people didn’t criticize me for getting a new car. Where people didn’t think I was paid too much all because my family can travel to Disney (even though my wife is a travel advisor and that’s part of her job, not to mention the offsets she’s received as part of her stellar work). I wonder what it’s like to be able to buy a new pair of shoes or sport coat and not have people think I am squandering my wealth.
If I’m being honest some days I kind of wish my life fit that category. But then there are other days.
The days when I get to hold your baby as I sprinkle some water on his forehead and remind him that he’s been marked by Christ the crucified. Or I get to sit by the recliner of your grandma as she struggles for her final breath. I get to hold your head as you throw up because of the horrendous life change that was just forced upon you and you don’t know what to do next. Or I get to watch as you trust me to teach your child about how important faith is to them as they grow and mature.
The past 12 months have been some of the most challenging of my ministry and many people probably have no clue. From losing people for whom I cared deeply to people I thought were friends stop acting like friends to a few other situations that are more private than public. Let’s just say the struggle has been real.
I know some of you are going to read this and get all wigged out. But please don’t do that. Don’t read anything into what’s here. By now you should know that I’m kind of shoot straight kind of guy. Rarely do you have to read between the lines with what I’m saying. So just in case you’re having a hard time here you go.
Over the past couple of years I have definitely thought about what the future looks like. I’ve wondered if it wasn’t time to move back to a 9-5 kind of situation. I’ve contemplated if I’ve outlasted my usefulness in ministry. And just so you know I’m not alone in this, there are some startling stats about how many pastors have struggled with this over the past few years, like over 60% of us have considered leaving the ministry!
But when things start to go off the rails and my head and heart begin to hemorrhage these feelings of doubt, someone shoots me a text or calls me to offer a word of encouragement. Maybe I get to baptize a child. Or I hear why your son or daughter wants to be confirmed. I get to hold the hand of your dying loved one. I get to reassure you of the power of the resurrection even over your darkest grief. The doubt subsides and the reality peaks back through.
Now here’s where I need you to listen. I’m not saying that my occupation is better or worse than anyone else’s. I don’t write this to try to glorify myself over you or falsely lower myself in a backwards pride moment. I put this here because someday I’m going to need to come back and read it. Some day, when the dust settles I’ll be able to look here and be reminded of just how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many wonderful people.
As I close this post out I’m reminded of a quote that’s been rattling around in my nearly empty noggin. In preparation for a recent message I was reminded that the thing you value most will determine your value. There are times when I let my value be driven by the way others respond, or don’t respond to me.
Let’s make sure today isn’t one of those days.
Thank you for being open and honest. But please know that I don’t care what you spend your money on. It is your money to do with as you choose. I’m so sorry if there have been those who have made negative comments. Personally, I hope you can set a schedule that suits your family. Lutheran ministers that I have known, usually come to the office around 9 and are gone by 4. They also usually take Friday off. So….please do some serious thinking and re-arrange your schedule. The church will survive. I think George and I will hog tie you and not let you go any where. We love your passion.
Just remember like David being chosen by God to be king you have been chosen by God to be a spiritual leader but use that talent wisely so you don’t burn out
You and me both, Pastor-many can’t connect to this way of life. Mick