ICommunication grew up hearing a phrase that echoes to this day, It’s not what you say but how you say it. I could not agree more!

So much of our communication is nonverbal. Our words are only part of our message and the tone of voice and the look on our faces can easily tell another story. This is a difference that I’m trying to instill in my children lately. I want them to know the difference between words and nonverbal forms of communication.

We don’t have the option of communicating in a bubble. Even though we’re moving more to a society where personal communication is limited to 165 characters in a text message or 140 in a tweet, we need to teach our children how to communicate with their words, voices, and body language.

I’m no expert on communication but I know how not to do it! And that mostly because of the countless times I’ve completely messed it up. I used to do everything I could to avoid face to face communication because I really didn’t like confrontation. But that’s just not a good practice.

Communication is probably the number one reason I see for relationships to breakdown. When we don’t communicate clearly, people make assumptions and we leave room for others to guess what we’re thinking. So here are four things to consider when communicating:

  1. Words do matter, so choose them wisely. You can’t rewind the words you use, no matter how badly you’d like to do so. Take a moment and think before you speak to make sure you’re saying what you really want to say.
  2. Let me see your face! When you talk to someone do it to their face. If you have something important to share or you want to challenge someone’s thinking on a topic, do it to their face. Don’t write them a note, email or text! Your face and the tone of your voice will say much more than the words themselves communicate.
  3. Don’t think what I’m thinking before I say it. Please don’t make a judgment of someone’s words that they haven’t even spoken yet. When we listen to someone, and I mean really listen to them, we won’t form our thoughts before they’re done speaking. Give them a chance to explain their point before we blurt out our opinion.

We communicate every day, often without even thinking about it. But if we are more intentional about the things we say and do, we will make sure that the message we portray is the message we actually want others to hear. Communication is too important not to think about it.