Now before we get too far into this I have to admit something. I suck at showing affection! I’m not one of those lovey, gushy kinds of people. I don’t do flowers or chocolates. I rarely even remember to buy cards. Compliments flow from my mouth like water from a dried up well. I pretty much fail at this whole showing love thing. But just because I don’t show it well doesn’t mean I don’t love.

February is one of those months that is best known as love month. After all, with Valentine’s Day smack in the middle it’s no wonder why we view this month as one filled with hearts and candy. But is this really love?

Remember at the outset I admitted – I suck at showing love. And this could cause pretty big trouble in married life if my wife and I didn’t understand each other well. There’s one more thing about me that you should know. I’m pretty stingy with the word love when it refers to people. I mean, I won’t tell you I love you if I wasn’t willing to die for you. That’s just how I am. There are very few people in this world that fall into that category, and I do hope you know who you are.

For me love isn’t about flowers and chocolate. It’s not about cards and candies. Love is giving of oneself for someone else. Love is me being willing to move mountains for you. One of our biggest challenges in life is not understanding this whole love thing correctly. We have so many weird assumptions of love. We tend to think that all love is romantic or physical. But what if love had less to do with gifts and more to do with the way two people see each other. What if we redefined love to make it less transactional and more sacrificial. Let me explain.

Transactional love pretty much sucks. If you’ve been caught in a relationship that was all about loving through an even exchange of any kind, then you know what I mean. When two people first fall in love, it is most likely a transactional kind of love. This whole transactional love idea has its foundation in the golden rule. When we do unto others as we want them to do to us, we’re saying I’m loving you the way I want to be loved in return. What we’re saying, sometimes subliminally, is if you don’t show me love the way I’m showing you love, then I don’t believe you really love me. But this isn’t real love! It’s attraction at best. True, attraction is a part of love but it’s not love. Transactional love is super conditional. This kind of love says that I’ll only love you if I first receive love from you. If my wife had this kind of love (and she doesn’t) I’d be in big trouble because transactional love often is dependent on the gushy expressions of flowers, candies and stuff. All the things at which I fail!

But sacrificial love is totally different. Sacrificial love looks beyond the candies and cards (or the lack thereof) and gives freely of self no matter what. Sacrificial love is the reason I don’t use the word love toward people very often. I don’t want too many people to think that I’m capable of loving them this way. To be totally honest, we can only love a handful of people this way. It’s just the way most of us are wired. So if you have someone who loves you like this, cherish that relationship because they are investing a lot in you and expecting nothing in return. This kind of love isn’t all touchy-feely. This kind of love means that I’m here for you whenever you need me without exception. It means that there isn’t a mountain I wouldn’t climb with you.

Sacrificial love has its foundation in the love that God has for us. This is how we are able to love this way. We love this way because he loved us this way first. The bible tells us about God’s love in so many ways. We see that God is love. And that no greater love exists than Jesus being willing to die for us. Sacrificial love can’t be bought or sold and it’s never lost.

One of my favorite reminders in life tells the story of God’s unconditional, sacrificial love. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you any more, and there’s nothing you can do to make God love you any less. Live today knowing that you are loved with a love greater than you can imagine.