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Category: Family (Page 2 of 5)

A Small Surprise

January 5, 2022 / / 1 Comment

Parents if you’re anything like me, you probably wonder Am I doing this right? I’ve wondered that for the last 18 years. I’ve wondered why in the world God would entrust the lives of 3 small, vulnerable little beings into my care! I just didn’t get it. I remember bringing the boys home from the hospital wondering NOW what!? I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Well, I’m here to tell you to stick with it moms and dads. Stay the course. You never know when life is going to come full circle and your children are going to shock you.

Now at the outset I’m going to tell you that my children have an amazing mother. She was there for each of them pretty much consistently from birth until present day. She worries for them. Nurtures them, yes even at nearly 19 she’s still in full on nurture mode at times. And to be completely honest my children are amazing! Despite my lackluster parenting skills they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. But sometimes even my good kids shock me!

Short Back Story

For the past two weeks we were together at home as a whole family again. The last time that happened was on Father’s Day of 2021. We celebrated Christmas and New Year’s and just enjoyed some relaxing time together. Totally not normal for me but it was wonderful! Then this weekend I had to take Lucas back to Fort Drum. We talked about life and how his Team Leader and some of his superior officers have told him that he’s very respectful and that he follows orders well.

He replied to them Well, my dad told me to keep my chin up and my nose clean. So that’s what I’m doing.

You see the one piece of advice I gave him before heading out to basic training was to not stand out too much and keep his nose clean and chin up. He was going to have hard days but keep the chin up. There’s always something good to see. And keep your nose clean meant to not get in trouble that would get you disciplined or singled out.

Well the drive was long and a tad rocky at times due to ice and snow storms on our way to upstate New York. And I didn’t get home until 4am after the nearly 16 hour round trip drive.

The Real Shocker

I backed in the garage, barely able to keep my eyes open. Dropped my bag and keys off in the kitchen. And was ready to just pass out in bed. When my eye caught something on my safe. As I was getting ready for bed I saw a small Moleskin notebook that I had given to Lucas before he took off for basic training. I told him he could use it for whatever he wanted. I knew he was making notes of what he learned and that it was kind of a journal of sorts for his time in training and that I’d get it for Christmas. But honestly I just assumed he’d forgotten.

But there it was. Right on top of my safe. He knew I would see it there because I see that safe every night before I go to bed. I thumbed through the pages quickly. It was full of daily accounts of what he did in the field and some things he felt I could use or would find interesting. Why he thought I needed to know how to effectively clear a room is beyond me but I got your six if you ever need help. LOL

I was too tired to read it all but as I flipped through the pages one page stood out at me. The pages weren’t dogeared or anything. It just kind of opened to this page. It was kind of the hinge point of the entire journal. I read that page in its entirety and stood quiet and dumbfounded.

You see the point of this is that sometimes our children surprise us. They do things we aren’t expecting. I never would have expected my son to write prayer journal and explain the ways he saw God working while at training. I never would have guessed that he’d already have volunteered to get involved in assisting with worship at the chapel on base. These are just little things that blew me away.

You see parents your children will do things that surprise you if you let them. I want to remind you to set healthy boundaries for your children. They need to be able to count on you, but you have to let them fly. And when you set healthy rhythms and boundaries for them, you’ll quickly see how easily they’ll surprise you if you just give them the chance.

Pains and Joys of the Holidays

December 24, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The past couple of years have been challenging in many ways. For me personally they’ve been marked by some significant losses. My grandparents both ended their multi year battle with Alzheimer’s disease within a year of each other. Some friends have moved on to new endeavors. Other friends have remained but grown distant at best. Reactions to how we operate in life have caused division within the extended family. I’ve had to bring hard news to some churches that are struggling and even to a couple that weren’t really struggling. I even had the honor and sadness of sending my son off to serve in the US Army. This year has been a pretty challenging year if that’s all I look at, but there’s more. There’s always more.

While each of these parts of life this year have been challenging in and of themselves, together they have been like a weight that was hard to carry at times. From sadness, to denial, to even a few brushes with some depressing thoughts this has been hard to navigate and at times felt impossible to get through.

I know first hand that celebrating during the holidays when loved ones aren’t there is hard. Believe me we haven’t celebrated Christmas the way we used to for years with my grandparents condition slipping with every passing day. But this year will be so different because neither will be there. Not even that silly dazed look my grandpa used to give when he didn’t know what was going on but still wanted to be part of the group.

But if all we see is what we’ve lost then we’re really losing more every day.

Take time this season to reflect on the pain. Embrace it. Pain is real. Loss is legit. But don’t stay there. You have to look beyond the loss to what you have right in front of you. Losing people you care about hurts, but sometimes it allows you to better care for the ones who are still with you.

Maybe the best way to cope with the pains of the holidays is to love through the hurt. Let the people you’re near know the pain you’re feeling. Let them bring a little smile to your face and happiness to your heart.

But if you’re a Jesus follower, I need to remind you that this season isn’t about family or friends. It’s not about the emotions we like to fill ourselves with during the holidays. Christmas is about the birth of Christ. When we keep our focus in the right place even the deepest hurt, those gaping emotional wounds, the losses, the fears, the feelings of betrayal and loneliness – all of it is real but manageable.

Friends I want nothing less than for you to have a very Merry Christmas. I want you to hold the ones you love, the ones who really care about you are still there. The ones who’ve been taken away by illness and death are where they need to be for this season. The joy of Christmas for you and me is found in the Prince of Peace who calms our fears. The Everlasting Father who embraces us with loving arms when others leave us to fend for ourselves. The Wonderful Counselor who brings reminders of joy and hope and love to our Christmas pains. The joy of Christmas is found in our Mighty God who has power over all things. He can and will be present in your pain and lead you to a place where real joy can be found.

Merry Christmas to one and all as you watch your sadness turn to joy in the morning.

When Truth Challenges

October 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

As a product of the generation known as GenX, I know the struggles with absolute truth versus relative truth. The idea that what’s right for you isn’t right for me. And in some cases that’s right. There are somethings in life that are just not for everyone and that are very relative. But there are other things that are historically, across time and space to be considered truth. Some things are established as truth for the proper ordering of civilization and prosperity. Some things are intended to be in place for a very distinct purpose.

If you’ve ever studied economics or sociology you know that low income, high crime areas have something in common. Dads generally are no longer in the household picture. You see what happens when dads fail to live in their role is that families start to crumble. And when families crumble, communities crumble. And when communities crumble, so also to entire civilizations. As a matter of fact, I recently read that in ever civilization that at one time was thriving and now is a shadow of itself, the downfall started by the devaluing of the family structure.

In the video below, I address the family structure. Not mom, dad, two kids and a dog kind of family but the way God intended them to function. And whether you’re a believer in the whole Jesus thing or not, if you just look at history books, sociology studies, crime statistics and economics you’ll see evidence that backs this up. A proper understanding and valuing of family is the foundation of a thriving civilization and when we lose sight of this fundamental truth, we begin the degradation of not just family values but an entire culture.

Are You A Good Friend?

August 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

So I’ve been doing a little thinking lately (can you smell brain cells burning?). I’ve been thinking about friendships and what it takes to be a good friend. I really didn’t think about writing anything about this because, well to be honest, I don’t consider myself a super friendly person. It’s not that friendship isn’t important to me but it seems in life friendships come and go based on preference and time. But perhaps it’s because we don’t really understand how friendship works at its core.

I believe that many friendships are internally focused. We kind of ask the whole what’s in it for me kind of question when it comes to friendships. But that’s really not what friendships are about. Friendships are not about me but about the other person. If we’re asking the me questions then we have the wrong focus. And I fear that we have an improper focus in a lot of areas.

So if friendships aren’t about me then what are they about? The other person!

We enter friendships with questions like why don’t they do things how I want? or I don’t like it when they tell me that truth, even though it’s truth, because it hurts my feelings.

I recently ran across an article titled 7 Tips for Being a Good Friend. It had some pretty golden points in it. I’ve linked the article here, but below are the 30,000 foot view of those points. By all means follow the link to check out the full article.

  • Face to Face is Best – we live in a tech savvy world and often prefer text and social media to actual contact but when it comes to friendships in person is always the best option.
  • Establish Rhythms – when our friendships are not intentional they’ll easily dissolve into something unhealthy and eventually just fade away.
  • Ask Deeper Questions – friendships sometimes deal in some pretty surface level stuff, but a lasting friendship will go deeper to what’s behind the obvious.
  • Be Affirming – there’s nothing better than to have someone who’s opinion you value give you some affirming feedback. Give and receive this affirmation well.
  • Get Away Together – so this might be a little more challenging in some circles but taking a friend-cation might be a fun thing to do to deepen and grow your existing friendships.
  • Be Early Stay Late – one challenge the last 18 months has brought us is a lack of connection at church. So when it comes to worship, show up 15 minutes early and don’t bolt when it’s over. Instead stick around and strike up conversations with people you care about.
  • Dig Deeper with Discipleship – So for those of us who are Jesus followers taking a friendship to the next level will happen only when we bring Jesus into the middle of that friendship.

While this list is likely not exhaustive, nor will it fit all friendship circles, there is certainly some friendship gold in here for all of us. I have some friendships that don’t do all of these things, but the biggest part of friendship is being present in the moment.

Finally, if you and your friend don’t see eye to eye on something, it doesn’t mean you have to disown them. You can be friends with people with whom you don’t agree. Have some robust conversations. Engage in dialogue. Listen well. Be there for them. Most of all be kind it goes a long way in a world that’s void of kindness.

Mental Health IS REAL Health

July 28, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I’m not sure if you’ve realized it or not but I think people are a tad more on edge these days. So maybe I’m stating the obvious here. But I’ve noticed in my own life that things that are minor irritations tend to irritate me more than they should, and things that shouldn’t be a problem at all are all of a sudden a problem. And I know it’s not just me. I see people nearly everyday who are struggling with the same thing.

The neighbor’s dog gets out the door without him catching it and it’s like the worst thing in the world. A child doesn’t listen like they should and mom gets all bent out of shape. You’re not feeling well and you think you’re dying. A friend tells you a hard truth and you just can’t handle it so you lash out in defensive anger.

There are a million things going on in our lives right now that are hard to handle. And what makes it worse is that we’re running in high gear nearly all the time now. Our work is now virtual which means we feel like we have to check our email after supper. We have access to our calendar and contacts at all hours of day and night including weekends and we think if we’re not on then we’re no enough.

And while we’re running at full speed, we’re also running on empty. We aren’t sleeping as good as we used to. We’re stressed about jobs, finances, health, children’s education, family matters and the list goes on. We just can’t seem to get ahead. And what’s worse is we don’t think we can get help. We live in a world that demonizes mental struggles as if they’re a sign of weakness or like we’ve done something wrong.

Look my family all wears glasses, well all of them but me. Does that mean they’re all weak people? If you can’t see clearly, you’re very likely to go to the eye doctor and get an exam and even get something to help you see better. If you can’t hear you’ll get a hearing assist device. If you can’t walk, a cane or walker or crutch is always an option.

So why is it that when we have a struggle with our emotional or mental health we just don’t think we can get help? I want you to hear very clearly that your mental health is your health. If you’re emotionally or mentally wiped out, exhausted, struggling there is absolutely no shame in getting the equivalent of a pair of glasses for your mental health.

You can be the strongest person in the world, with seemingly everything going for you and still be empty emotionally and struggling mentally. Friends we need to find people in whom we can confide. People who can help us carry our burdens of mind, body and spirit. Everyone needs at least one trusted person in whom they can confide. Someone they can share their struggles with and honestly be vulnerable.

It’s not a weakness to admit you’re having a hard time. It’s not a weakness to wear glass or take a treatment for diabetes. Take care of yourselves friends. Find someone you can trust and share life with them because your mental health is real health.

Please note: if you’re struggling with mental health related issues and need emergency care, call your emergency care provider immediately. There are also agencies devoted to assisting you manage and navigate the many mental health challenges that we’re all facing at one level or another these days.

Three Directions That Matter

May 12, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been spending a lot of time considering relationships lately. There are so many key relationships that we need to tend in our lives. We need to maintain healthy relationships in so many areas of life. From family to friends to co-works to neighbors balancing all of them and figuring out how to keep all these relationships going can be challenging. But what if we can categorize things into groupings that allow us to see our relationships from a different light.

I’ve been considering my relationships as focusing on three different areas or in three different directions. These directions are up, in and out.

Up

The relationship that fits in this category is the relationship we have with God. This is a super important relationship. We need to spend intentional time focusing on and growing in our relationship with God. It’s done through time in worship, Bible study and prayer to name just a few. This relationship is critical to say the very least. It’s important because it sets up how we view the other relationships in our lives. If this relationship is not in focus, then the other two categories will not be in focus either.

In

There’s a distinction in our world between people who are in and those who are out. This generally means that one group, the in group, believes what you believe and see life how you see life. While the out group is not seeing life how you see life and does not believe what and how you believe. We’ll use this category the same way. Those who fall in our in group are those who see, think, believe and even act like we do. They generally are people who are believers as well. They have an up relationship with God. They talk about that relationship and share very similar values that you share. Growing relationships in this category is critical.

This is like building your family. You are surrounding yourself with people who are of a similar mindset. It’s the whole strength in numbers or brotherhood in suffering mentality. When you’re surrounded by men and women who see life through a similar set of lenses as you see life, you’ll find comfort in rough times and power in good times.

Out

The final category of relationships are those who don’t see life the same way. And to be totally honest this set of relationships is extremely important just like the other two. Think of it as a triangle. You need all three sides and all three angles to make a proper triangle. Well to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle, you need all three types of relationships. The people who find their way into this category are those who don’t see life the same way you see life. But just because you don’t agree on the best color of carpet or the best sports team, doesn’t mean you can’t still engage in dialogue and have a healthy relationship. These are neighbors and coworkers, teammates and classmates.

We don’t share everything with these people but we do share some overlap in our interests and hobbies and extracurriculars. These people are everywhere and we need to invest some healthy time in these kinds of friendships and relationships.

The key for all of this is to balance the three. If we are too heavy on any one side of this triangle the whole thing gets wonky. We’ll spend some time over the next few weeks looking at lopsided relational triangles. But for now, here’s a little more explanation of the three sides and how we live them out.

A Lost Voice

May 7, 2021 / / 0 Comments
When We've Lost Our Voice | The Prodigal Thought

Lion’s are one my favorite animals, aside from Koala bears but that’s a post for a different time. They are one of only four different species of cat who can actually roar. And roar they do! A lion’s roar can be heard for up to five miles in the right conditions. It’s pretty spectacular to say the least. A lion will roar for 3 basic purposes. And each of those reasons can teach us something about our own lives and how we should use our own voice.

Direction

A lion will roar to indicate where the pride is and where they should be headed. A lion will sound its roar to alert everyone around where it is. It’s their way of saying stay away this is my territory. They don’t merely roar to alert any potential threats to their presence. It’s often used to tell the pride where to go for safe passage or lush grounds or where food can be found. The roar of a lion can be used as a mapping system of sorts.

I personally think that we as humans, and I’m going to speak directly to men because I am one but this likely applies to women as well, we have lost our roar. We have failed to roar for the safety and provision and direction of our families. We’ve stopped speaking up for our wives and children. We’ve let culture and politics and education systems remove our voice. We’ve grown passively quiet and in the process let our children, wives and families wander aimlessly without direction or protection.

Roaring doesn’t mean yelling. It means using your God-given voice to alert your family to danger, which means you have to be present. It means to use your voice to call out direction to those around you. Not as a dictator but as someone who’s looking out for those around you. When we start to use our voice again, we’ll speak life into our family and provide direction to those around us.

Power

They roar to demonstrate their power and ability. The roar of a lion is so powerful that it echoes through the jungle. You can hear it for miles in every direction. They do this to demonstrate that they are in charge. No pride of lions is led by a quiet lion. No lion will ever abdicate his position in the pride to someone else because he doesn’t like using his voice.

Again I focus on men but this is equal for all, we’ve let our voices grow eerily silent. Maybe it’s because we’re tired but I fear it’s because too many men, and women, don’t think their voice matters or have been belittled too many times to let their voices be heard. Men I know that it’s not easy some days. I know that we don’t know whether we should hold the door for the woman entering behind us at a store because we don’t know how they’re going to react. I know that it’s hard to compliment someone because we’re not sure how they’ll take it. But you have a voice. It’s time to use it.

Your voice isn’t just the vocal box in your body that allows you to speak words others can hear. Your voice is your actions and lifestyle. Using your voice isn’t about yelling to demonstrate dictatorial power. It’s about letting people know who you are what you stand for. Using your voice is about standing in the gaps in society to speak up for those whose voice isn’t being heard. You voice is about lifting others up not putting others down.

The church collectively has grown just as silent as the individuals in it. We need to roar. Jesus is the lion of the tribe of Judah. When he roared from the cross, the graves split open. What would happen if we would roar with His power and His truth? Could we split the death markers in our own culture?

Protection

The lion is the king of the jungle. A good king not only has power but it also is in charge of protecting those in his care. The Disney movie, Lion King, is a great image of what happens when a king goes off the rails and stops using his power for the benefit of the people. If you’re not familiar with the movie, a bad lion – Scar – sides with the less than desirable hyenas and they convert the lush pride land to the barren dead land in very short time. He doesn’t try to protect the rest of the animals, rather he looks out for himself.

I think we can learn a lot from the way Scar leads the lions and how he treats the rest of the jungle. He doesn’t take his position seriously. He uses the other lions for his personal benefit. He abandons the weaker. He expects the world to bow down to him even though he hasn’t earned it. He abandons his voice for a moment of self pleasure.

We run the risk of doing the very same thing. When we don’t flex our voice boxes and let our roar come out, we end up leaning into our selfish ambitions and personal pride moments. It’s time for men and women to stand up and speak. We need to speak for what we believe to be true, not putting someone down to make ourselves feel better but honestly, rightly, boldly, unapologetically speaking for what is right. We need to confidently and clearly speak to defend the things we love. We need to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. We need to speak for our future while accounting for our past and present. All in all we need to roar and make those roars heard far and wide. It’s time to protect our pride land or Scar will soon cripple what we value most.

Perhaps An Unpopular Opinion

May 5, 2021 / / 1 Comment

I want to start by saying this will likely be unpopular with some of you and I respect your opinion. However this is something I am starting to believe more and more firmly as I watch my own home, church, community, country and the world as a whole. To put it short, the biggest challenge facing the world right now is not political, medical or financial. It’s about family.

Everything in our world right now is messed up and upside down and it has nothing to do with who’s in the White House or how imbalanced the sides of the aisle are currently. It has nothing to do with unemployment or national debt. The problems that we are facing by and large come from the breakdown and devaluing of the family unit and men it’s our fault.

Now before you go getting all upset and crankified hear me out.

Men have neglected their responsibility, and it’s killing families which in turn kills communities which in turn kills cultures which in turn is messing up the whole world in which we live.

If we want to really right the ship we’re all sailing on we’ll focus on raising men who know how to be men. We’ll raise a man who stays with his wife even when he disagrees with her. We’ll teach a man to be there for his family, not just abandon them or throw a paycheck at them. We’ll teach a man to claim responsibility for failures and mistakes. We talk about abortion but why not focus on teach the boys in our culture to keep their pants on! We talk about getting handouts from the government but why not teach boys to get jobs and stick with them!

The problem isn’t about jobs or politics or even race. It’s that we as a society have let men get off the hook with being pansies. We’ve let them stay boys in a world that needs men. We’ve let them run off and abandon their wife and kids. All this does is teach the next generation that this is the way you can treat a woman. And the cycle continues and spirals.

If we want a movement in our world that will really impact an entire nation and that balances presumed racial hate and elevates women, then we need to start teaching men how to be men. When men reach the top of our potential, we’re better able to lift the ceiling so that our wife and children can go farther and higher than we were able to go.

We’ll never grow as a society on the shoulders of weak men. We’ll never conquer the hate in our world be belittling anyone. You don’t empower one people group by putting another group down.

Men we haven’t lived lives worth following. We haven’t been worthy of the respect we so badly want from those around us. We’ve been weak and at time pathetic. It’s time to man up and raise the bar.

This weekend I challenged a group of guys to grow as men. I challenged them to journey with me in a study of what a man is supposed to be. I challenged them to gather in groups of three to work together and challenged each other to grow as strong men who take responsibility for their actions. Men you aren’t going to do it alone. Find a band of brothers to sharpen you. Find the group who can hold you accountable. Push each other to be present for your family. Raise you sons to be strong men of faith willing to serve those around you. It’s time we as men take our God-given responsibility seriously and man up before there aren’t any men left to stand.

So do you really love me?

April 29, 2021 / / 0 Comments

There’s a thing going around these days when some people like to tell other people how to love properly. It’s a pretty touchy subject actually. It’s been around for quite some time but has gotten worse through the challenges we’ve faced in 2020 and now into 2021.

The thrust of this kind of thinking is basically saying that one set of actions has to be done to actually demonstrate love for someone else. When actually we’re saying that set of actions would make me feel more comfortable. Some in our world are trying to make everyone express their kindness in the same way. But that’s just not how it works.

There’s a book titled the 5 Love Languages and it’s a pretty good book. Granted its primary focus is on marriage relationships but there’s a crossover in application to all relationships. We have to be aware not only of how we receive love but also how someone else, the recipient of our love, receives it best.

There’s nothing more frustrating than going out of your way to show someone you love them only for them to totally miss it. I mean if you’re the gift giving type and the person you’re trying to love could care less about gifts, then your efforts will fail to communicate what you’re trying to say.

The problem with saying you have to do this or that particular thing to demonstrate love for another person is that you are only taking into account how you prefer to show love for someone else and NOT how they receive it. There are some people who are totally different than you. Some people don’t see the world the same way you do. When you aren’t willing to show them love in the way they best can receive it then you’re really not loving them. You’re trying to force them to be like you.

I get it. This isn’t easy. As a matter of fact it’s freaking hard sometimes. But if you love someone you really don’t care how hard it is. You’ll go out of your way to love them, not how you want to love them or how you’d like to be shown love, but how they best see love.

Do some investigative work. Find out how that other person in your life receives love and show them in their language not in your own. It will make a massive difference.

Thankful?

November 25, 2020 / / 0 Comments
This Year, I'm Thankful for You | Citrix Blogs

I’ll be honest, there was a point in this mess of 2020 that I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to find anything to be thankful for when Thanksgiving rolled around. I don’t have to remind you what all has happened this year. It’s been really close to awful at times. From illness to financial struggles, from relational issues to political divides this year seems to have brought everything all at once and thrown it at us!

But what happens when we flip the script on the year a bit? I mean think about it. I’m one of those people who believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything from not getting the closest parking spot to losing your job all happen for a reason. Having our normal routines totally thrown out of whack, while completely ridiculous and challenging, likely had a reason too. Our job as we approach Thanksgiving is to try to figure out what that reason might be.

I know that some of you are celebrating Thanksgiving away from family and it really doesn’t feel much like the holiday that you’re used to. But what can you do to keep that spirit of the season alive? Here are a few ideas that you can try to keep that thankful heart beating.

  • Send personal letters to loved ones instead of those preprinted cards.
  • Take more pictures of the times you do get to spend with friends and family.
  • Use social media to be social instead of bashing those who think different.
  • Use FaceTime to stay in touch with people you can’t see this year.
  • Launch a Zoom Thanksgiving feast and showcase your favorite Thanksgiving food.
  • Do a Drive-by visit to family you can’t see this year.
  • Be intentional about saying thank you for just about everything.
  • Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Make a significant impact in someone’s life that will change their world.

Thanksgiving is about attitude and heart not about life circumstances. When our heart and our attitude are in the right place, even the most challenging of 2020’s dealings won’t derail us too far.

From my family to yours have a wonderful, happy and blessed Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for each and every one of you.

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