living for eternity today

Category: Catalyst (Page 7 of 26)

A catalyst is one that sparks something. The catalyst speaks from experience and enables others to move forward more freely. These articles are written to act as a catalyst in your life.

The Sled

I want you to walk with me for a few minutes. This walk will take you back in time a few years in my personal life. I’m going to bring you along for some key moments that make me a bit vulnerable, so be kind. This walk is not for any other purpose than to give you a window into my heart. I could go further back in time, but I think a couple of years will be sufficient.

We’ll start in the early summer months just a couple years ago. I received a phone call that I knew was coming but didn’t really want to receive. My grandma, who had been suffering for years with the debilitating disease known as Alzheimer’s, was moving into her final moments. I jumped in my truck and made my way to their house. 

When I got there my family was already inside. They were smiling, crying, laughing, sobbing, reminiscing, and did I mention crying? These are normal reactions in a situation like this, so don’t read that as anything other than statement of fact. 

I came in the house and said my hellos, told my grandma I was there, then took my place. That phrase took my place should sound odd because it kind of is. I took my place off to the side, out of the way. My feet were shoulder width apart. My hands tucked behind my back clasping one another. It was my official stance, in my official place. No tears. No emotion. I was there. 

I see this moment and many others like it, like a piece of workout equipment at the gym. It’s like a sled that sits on the ground. There’s a picture of one above. It has handles standing up so you can push or pull it across the room. You add weight to make it more challenging. You can even attach straps to it and drag it like one of those strongest man competition kind of events where they pull a semi truck across a parking lot. 

As I stood in the corner of the room, my family was talking and crying and wondering when this was going to happen. I stood there with the harness on my shoulders, down in my stance, ready to pull the sled across the room. All emotion was shut down in that moment. Something I’ve grown far too good at doing.

I watched closely as her breathing slowed. I’ve learned that breathing rhythms change as one starts to transition from this life. I felt the eerie presence of what I’ve come to know as death settle in the room. I looked at my mom and nodded as if to say It’s time. I did what we call the commendation of the dying, basically our version of last rights (kind of). When I finished, I told my family they probably had a few minutes to do one last goodbye. Sure enough, the breathing stopped. Everyone knew it. No one wanted to admit it. 

The tears flowed. Words were lost. They really didn’t know what to do. The hospice nurse helped contact the funeral director to come gather the body. When he arrived, he didn’t have any help so he asked me to help move the body to the gurney. I’ve done this before but didn’t even think I’d do it in this situation. 

I lowered my stance. Grabbed the harness on my shoulders. Dug in my footing and pulled. This is what it felt like. My emotion was shifted to drive. Instead of tears falling down my face, my hands lifted her body from one bed to another. I know they didn’t think this but the looks on my family’s faces were just simple shock. How can you do that and it not tear you up? Are you an animal? Alien? Robot? As long as I’m in my drive stance, there isn’t much room for emotion. My sadness turns to drive. My joy turns to drive. It’s really all I know at times. 

Nearly a year later my grandpa died, then my other grandpa, then my wife’s grandma who was like a grandma to me as well. All of them gone within a couple year span of time. I didn’t cry at any of them. I conducted their funeral services with not so much as a tear. And no that’s not bragging. That’s the point of this post. I didn’t know how to cry. I just knew how to push, pull, drive. 

A year later a great family of close friends left to pursue new endeavors in a new area. We had grown pretty darn close through our time shared, but now they were gone. My feet dug into the ground. The sled kept moving. As long as my legs didn’t stop moving, the sled would continue. As long as my feet kept churning, the pressure, pain and struggle wouldn’t seem so bad. 

In all of that, my son left for service in the US Army. I didn’t know what it would look like or how it would end. I was wrecked inside. When I was in public my feet dug deeper into the ground. I pulled like I’ve never pulled before. But I didn’t realize that all of these things, and so many more I haven’t mentioned, were weights added to the sled. As long as I kept moving, I could pull it. 

My wife, unfortunately, bore a heavy load through all of this. She saw me fall apart when my son left. She saw me flat on the ground (literally) unable to hold myself together. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t keep food down. I couldn’t even workout. The weight had gotten too much. I couldn’t keep it together anymore and since home was my safe place I fell apart. She was worried. I was a mess. But when we left the house, I got in my stance, grabbed that harness, dug my feet in the ground and started pulling. I was moving slower this time but I thought as long as I move I’ll be ok.

Ok now take a breath all of you. This is not a post about my ability to push through. It’s not a post about how strong I am. It’s a post about my faults and my brokenness. It’s a post about weakness and a major flaw. I’ve told you all before that I can drive. It’s part of my personality. That theme song from a few weeks ago tells the story of my drive, but what is easily missed in that song is the reason for the drive. But what I didn’t spell out for you specifically is that drive isn’t fed by personal ambition. It’s often fed by an inability to properly process emotion in public. I couldn’t do it because I felt weak. I don’t like feeling like people can’t count on me and when I was feeling broken I felt like I was letting the world down. So I tightened the shoulder straps of that harness, lowered my center of gravity, used my hands to balance, and dug in using power and energy that I really didn’t even have. 

Why do I share this? Simple. Don’t be like me. The apostle Paul said to follow me as I follow Christ. I’m telling you don’t do life my way. It really isn’t good. Yeah I can push and pull and drive, but it doesn’t always end well. If you’ve been on the road around me in the midst of one of these emotionally charged moments, you’ve probably seen it. You might have even been hit by the sled I was pulling. It wasn’t intentional. Some days I’m way better than others. Some days are…well let’s not talk about those. 

Why do I share this? The power of the church is that you (and I) don’t have to live this way. The church is the body of Christ. It’s the collective strength of every part of who God called us to be. This is likely why the writer of Hebrews says not to give up meeting together. The more isolated we are, the harder life is. The more distance we allow to grow between us, the more challenging life is for everyone. Get together. Find people you can trust and ask if they’ll help grab the sled with you. Maybe they’ll even help you by lifting a weight off of the sled so it’s not so hard to pull. 

We all have to drive at times in life. But we don’t have to do it alone. When it’s time to pull your sled, remember there are people around you who want to help you. And if you happen to be one of those people around me, be patient as I try to figure out how to convert some of this drive back into a healthier alternative. 

Needy?

I learned a lesson when I was selling cars that I believe is transferrable to just about every other field. Never make a significant and permanent decision as a result of a huge need.

Ok so that’s a tad vague so let me put some skin on that skeleton. In the car sales world, the easiest person to sell a car to was the one who came in saying My car just died and if I don’t get something today, I won’t be able to make it to work tomorrow!

Yep that actually happened. More than once! You know what that does to the sales person? There is a huge flashing neon sign above that person indicating they are a for sure sale. And it meant they were no longer in a position to negotiate on price much at all because they needed to buy more than I needed to sell.

The transferrable principle I try to live by is to never make a decision, or hire someone, when you’re feeling desperate and needy. The more needy we are, the more likely we will choose someone for what they can do instead of for the character and skill set they bring to the table. And this can be very dangerous!

Imagine for a minute that you need to hire someone to fill a critical role in your organization. You just fired half of your sales team because they weren’t performing and now you need to bring on more sales reps to handle the traffic that you know will be coming. A critical role in your business was just vacated by someone who left for another company or was removed for unethical practices. This can even be the case with volunteer teams when we just look for warm bodies instead of people who epitomize the character and values of our organization.

When we make a massive decision, like bringing someone onto the team, in the midst of a tremendous sense of desperation, it almost always ends really…really badly!

A better approach that I’ve found works fairly well in both the nonprofit landscape and even in for profit entities with which I’ve worked is to fill the gap for an intentionally temporary season. This means you might hire a sales person for a 3 month probationary period. Bring in the interim CEO to manage your growing company. Appoint an interim to fill the position at your nonprofit or ministry team.

When we make these massive shifts out of a sense of desperation, we often are so clouded by the need that we can’t see the reality in front of us. If the rest of the team is strong, then even a critical loss can be managed for a short duration of time by the rest of your competent staff.

Take a breath. Slow down. Look for a potential short term solution to give yourself a little room to make a clear headed decision.

Change

There are two kinds of people in the world, and the title of this post revealed both sides. When you think of changes to something about which you’re passionate, you either get super excited or fight it with all your might. Which are you?

Admittedly, there are some gradients here. Some are like I’m in! Let’s change it all! Others are willing to change even though they know it will hurt. Still others who are not resistant to change will tiptoe into it knowing it needs to happen but not be super excited about it.

What I think everyone needs to understand is that change is essential and it is everywhere. Change doesn’t really care of you want to do it or not. Change doesn’t mind if you hate it or love it. Change is just change.

We change our clothes everyday, some of us more than once a day. The seasons change, unless you live in Ohio and it’s pretty much always gray and gloomy this time of year. Trees change from bare in the winter to buds in spring to leaves in summer. Grass changes from lush and green in the spring to dormant in the summer to back to dormant again in the winter months again.

Change is everywhere!

Watching changes happen from one season to another or changing your clothes are super easy. But what about when, after you get married, your new spouse changes the way the budget has always been worked? Or what happens when she makes chili in a different way than your mom used to make it? Or what about someone proposing a change in how your church does worship? (you know the whole hymnal vs band debate that seems to be never ending)

The point is some changes are easier to manage than others. While change doesn’t always have to be bad but it is always disruptive to comfort. And therein lies the problem. We love our comforts in life. We love to have our set routines. And when someone disrupts our routine, all hell breaks loose. We don’t want anyone to mess with the way it’s always been done!

Change can sometimes feel like that whole ice bucket challenge that was social media popular. Except it’s like someone doing that to you when you’re enjoying a nice steaming hot shower. It is awful! It shocks the system because it takes you out of your comfort zone.

Since this week’s word is change, consider how you handle change. Consider what types of changes are hardest for you to manage.

Intentionality

Accidents happen. I know that. Some accidents are pretty destructive. I remember getting a call one day that someone in my family was in an accident. I rushed to make sure everyone was ok. And sure enough all humans were fine, but the car…not so much. Accidents, in many cases, result in something getting broken, damaged, or disrupted.

But there are some things in life that are happy accidents. These are the kinds of things that happen accidentally and still end up leaving you better off than had they not happened. You leave late for work and end up just missing a crash at the end of your road. You drop something on the floor in your bedroom. And when you bend over to pick it up, you find the ring that you lost weeks ago.

Accidents come in all shapes and sizes. Some are good. Some not so good. And some downright terrible. But rarely does something get built by accident. Rarely do we make massive improvements without some form of a plan. Enter today’s word: intentionality.

Intentionality, by definition, means the fact or quality of being done on purpose or with intent.

That’s well and good but let’s simplify that a bit. Intentionality is doing something on purpose, in a manner that’s well thought out. Risks are calculated. Losses evaluated. Plan established. Steps mapped out. ON purpose. NOT on accident.

As we start a new year, many people are going to write some goals for 2024. Lose weight. Run longer distances. Save more money. Pay off debt. Eat healthier. Get an advanced degree. Graduate. Whatever the goal, or resolution, you’re not going to do this accidentally. You need some form of intentional plan to make it happen.

Let’s take lose weight as an example. You can’t just wake up one morning and say Today’s the day. I’m going to lose 25 pounds. Gain muscle mass. Lessen my waist size by 2 inches. Then expect the fat to magically melt away. You need some form of a plan and you have to be intentional about it!

You need to find a gym or get some workout gear. You need to dump the Doritos out and replace them with something that grows out of the ground, like celery. (By the way, just typing that sounds gross!) You need to get some workout clothes. Maybe talk to a friend who knows exercise or get a personal trainer or at least watch a YouTube video. You need to set an alarm to get up a little earlier. You should probably block off time on your calendar so nothing gets in the way. A menu plan should be created to make meal prepping a little easier. Packing up some healthy, grab and go kind of snacks will make this more of a reality as well.

You see it takes intentionality. You have to make a plan and set it in motion. Having a friend to hold you accountable is probably a really good idea. I know for myself, there are mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed to go workout. I mean I live 30 minutes from the gym. But I have a friend I meet there and I know if I don’t show up I leave him high and dry.

It’s not just with New Year’s resolutions though that we need to be intentional. It’s the same thing with our personal and professional development. Things don’t just happen accidentally. We need to be intentional.

As a pastor, I meet a lot of people who treat their faith like a happy accident waiting to happen. It’s like they think showing up for worship on a Sunday will get just enough Jesus on them to get them out of a bind. But that’s not how it works. You need to be intentional.

Story after story in the Bible shows us that our faith grows by being intentional. People have to take time to read what God says in the Bible before they can hear what he tells them in answers to prayers.

The same is true in leadership. We can’t lead accidentally. We need to be intentional. We need to make plans and do our best to stick to them, or communicate changes as they need to be made so people can keep following.

Intentionality is a massively powerful tool that everyone needs in their toolbox. You can’t oops I did it again your way through life. And yes that reference is for all of you pop music fans from the early 2000s.

The long and short here is take time to be intentional. Slow down. Map out the plan. Set some benchmarks. Bring in someone to hold you accountable. It may cost you some extra time, effort, or money now, but in the long run it will benefit you more than you can realize.

Theme Song

Before we dig into this one, I know some are not going to like some of what’s in here. And that’s ok. Not trying to please everyone. Actually I’m not the people pleasing type, but that’s probably a post for a different time.

Ok so I’ve heard people talk about having a word or theme for their year or even a theme song for their life. Most of these are either one of those relationally sappy songs about how their life is defined by love and all the things. Or they have one of those Don’t Worry Be Happy kind of songs where everything is going to be just fine no matter what life throws at you. The kind of song that has your backside in the sand drinking mimosas on the beach. That’s not my gig either for two reasons. I don’t really like the beach and not 100% sure I even care for mimosas!

Still others might be the drink your life away kind of person and have a theme song like Whiskey Glasses. Now I have nothing against a good glass of whiskey. I’ve been known to have a good pour of bourbon as many close to me know. But to have a theme song about grabbing a drink of something strong to help lessen the pain isn’t my style either.

Admittedly, I’m not normally a theme song for my life kind of guy, but if I were I think I have the song. At least the song that seems to hit right now. And this is where some of you are not going to be super excited, but hang with me.

A couple of months ago, my daughter played a song for me off her Apple Music Playlist. It’s something she heard from a friend at school. And the title of the song is likely why someone shared it with her, and why she shared it with me. The song is titled Soldier, and it’s by the artist Tom MacDonald. The idea of a song titled soldier was appealing to her since her older brother is currently deployed halfway around the world in the US Army.

I had never heard of this artist before so I listened…closely. The song was a bit driving in parts and a bit dark in others. But something about the song resonated with me. No I’ve never been a soldier. I don’t run around with two guns loaded. I don’t see myself as the one knocking down doors taking out my opponent. But the chorus of the song kind of hooked me.

I won’t give up, I won’t turn around, Tell them if I ain’t enough, Let ’em shoot me down. And my whole life I ran from the fight, ’cause my whole life I lost every time, but I won’t give up, I ain’t backin’ down.

Ok before someone goes all he needs a therapist on me, give me a minute to explain why this hits so hard. If you know me, you know that I don’t normally give up the ghost very easily. But what you don’t know is that didn’t used to be how I was. Ask anyone who knew me growing up and you’ll find out I was backward, awkward, and super shy. I wouldn’t stand up for myself, much less anyone else. I would shy away from conflict. I was the flight kid in the fight or flight example.

But one day something in me snapped. I don’t know exactly what happened or even when specifically it occurred, but I realized that I wasn’t going to lose every time anymore. And I doubled down on myself. I worked harder. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched people better than me. I asked questions. I shadowed people who had skills I wanted. I started working out. I didn’t take no for an answer.

Now – that’s really who I am. It’s the drive that moves me some days. It’s what gets me out of bed at 4am to hit the gym. It’s what led me to be able to bench press 350lbs when I only weighed 155. It’s what has me getting more done before noon than many people get done in a whole day. This is most definitely not a patting myself on the back moment either. I know that this drive has its downside. Sure I can get stuff done. I can accomplish a task. Sure I don’t give up when things get rough and can shoulder a pretty decent workload. But it comes at a cost.

That whole won’t back down, won’t turn around, won’t give up mentality has a consequence and it’s in the middle of the chorus. let ’em shoot me down. Yep some people don’t like that drive. Some people feel threatened when I bulldoze through a room to get a job done. This drive has cost me. It’s cost me sleep for sure. But it’s also cost some close friendships.

There’s no easy way to really say this, so I won’t beat around the bush. When there’s a job to get done, I have a tendency to get the job done. I don’t wait for everyone to get onboard. I have run over people (not literally mind you) in an emotional sense. I’ve walked right past people who wanted to talk to me, but I was too laser focused on the job to even realize it. I didn’t ignore them knowingly. I just flew past them on my way to get accomplish a task.

Let ’em shoot me down. It sure doesn’t sound very “nice” does it? But to be certain, when you know who you are and are fairly confident in the person you’ve been called to be, someone is going to try to shoot you down. Most of the time though, the shot comes from behind your back.

I won’t give up. I ain’t backin’ down. That’s pretty much how I roll these days. If the reason is compelling enough and the payoff is right, I’ll run through a wall. Another way to see this is in light of those personality profiles. I’ll hit that one more after the first of the year. If you haven’t already guessed, I’m a D on the Disc Inventory. I’m an 8 on the enneagram. And I bet you’ll never guess what I am on the Myer’s Briggs Inventory.

To bring this to a close, you don’t have to choose a theme song for the year. But if you did, what would yours be? And why?

Unexpected News

Have you ever received one of those calls in the middle of the night? You’re sound asleep and the phone rings and startles you to a half awake state? You know in your heart that nothing good happens at 2 o’clock in the morning! And yet there you are, half awake and listening to the voice on the other end of the line.

Sometimes that news is nothing. A wrong number. Someone living on a different continent forgot what time it was in your neck of the woods (yep that one actually happened not too long ago.)

But then there are those times when the phone rings and it’s not what you want to hear. How do you react when crisis hits home? What do you do when you get unexpected news?

I’ll be honest I’m the fix it guy. I like to come up with answers or create plans for how to move forward. I have a tendency to try to cut off problems before they become huge obstacles. But that doesn’t always work.

Some things in life are outside of our control. There are some things we just can’t do on our own. I don’t like those things. I don’t like to sit back and feel like I’m doing nothing.

I’m going to be honest with you here and even a tad vulnerable. If someone looked at my life, they’d likely think I’ve got it pretty easy. And for the most part they are right. I have a great family. Loving wife. Children who are phenomenal examples of people of God. A wonderful home. A terrific place of employment. A church family that would rival any other church throughout history. Like many people around I have a lot going for me.

But the me that everyone sees is the me that I want them to see. I know that sounds a little evil sounding but we all do it. We put a smile on our face when we have bad news. We will often bury the hurts and pains of the losses we’ve faced so we can get the job done. This is the way I get through life’s challenges. For right or for wrong, this is my standard operating procedure.

When people I thought were friends turned to selfish motives and abandoned their position in life, I bit my tongue, smiled and walked on. When I lost three grandparents in 18 months, very few people know what I was feeling. When I was in the midst of challenges and minor conflicts with people close to me, I didn’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it.

But the way I do things doesn’t work for everyone. As a matter of fact, that way doesn’t work for most people. None of these moments that I described above are a crisis in and of themselves. Each of them add a little pressure. Each of them brings a little more weight. Each of them mount on the previous and have the potential to really get heavy. How do you deal with the pressures and crises in life?

Now before someone goes all “see a counselor” on me, let me tell you that I have people around me to talk to. I don’t bottle things up forever. I need to internally process these kinds of things. I hit the gym. I might even go for a run (and I don’t like to run just fyi). I take my dog out for a walk. Mow my lawn. Work in my garden. Walk around my property. These are ways I deal with the crap life throws at me. Eventually, I’ll loop someone in. Eventually, when the emotional storm settles a little, I’ll open up and share what’s on my heart.

The point of this post is that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to clench your fist and want to yell at God. It’s ok to curl up in a ball and ask why me. It’s ok to be broken for a moment. But it’s not ok to feel broken, carry the burdens of life around you and do it all alone. Eventually, you need to lean on someone. Eventually you need to talk to someone. If you don’t…you’ll hurt people close to you. You’ll isolate yourself from people who care about you. You might even end up losing friends when you try to carry the weight of the world by yourself, because you’ll end up taking it out on the people who are trying to care for you.

How do you react when crisis strikes? Break but don’t stay broken. Cry but don’t sit in tears alone. Worry but don’t let that worry overwhelm you. Surround yourself with people who can help you.

Sticky Word

There are some words that I call sticky. They’re the kinds of words that you hear and don’t really know how to categorize. You have them. We all do actually. And you might even have an idea what they mean but really don’t have a clear and concise way to explain them.

One of those sticky words that is super prevalent in the church world right now is the term discipleship. Ok so it’s not new by any stretch and it’s actually been one of those sticky words for quite some time. That probably has to do something with the final command of Jesus being for the people of God to focus on making disciples.

Throughout history we’ve done our best to draw pictures, make up definitions, write books, craft bible studies, and have cleverly worded mission statements that are all focused on discipleship. We want so badly to do this but just don’t know what it even really means…much less have a concise way to communicate it to anyone.

I really don’t think it’s quite as hard as we make it out to be. And even more I don’t think making disciples is something that happens in a book, bible study, worship service, or some kind of bible memorization tool. These are all really good things! And I completely advocate all of them as part of the overall life of a person who follows Jesus, but I don’t think it’s quite the whole picture Jesus intends.

Discipleship isn’t some assembly line process where we run a group of 60 people through a program and they all come out looking the same. That’s just not how it works. Put 60 people into a worship service or bible study group and you don’t get 60 exact replicas come out the other side on fire for Jesus.

I really believe that it all starts with a definition. You have to define the term. I’ve defined discipleship the same way for years. Discipleship is the process of being transformed into the image of Christ for the sake of others. Is this your definition? Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. But you need somewhere to start. So either use this one or come up with your own based on your study of the Jesus’ words.

After you have a definition you’ll have some picture of where you’re headed. And for me this definition gives some clarity to what discipleship does and does not look like. It’s not an event in time which is why we call it a process. It’s replicable to an extent which is also part of that process language. There is a change that is expected as you progress through this process, hence transformed. The output of the process is Jesus. If you’re simply trying to make members of a church or denominational clones, then you’re not really doing discipleship. Finally it’s about relationships, for the sake of others kind of talk. It’s about a journey not a jolt in time.

Unlike the assembly line imagery, discipleship is more of a life-to-life adventure. It’s about inviting someone into your life and letting them walk with you through the mundane. It’s not about adding another block to your already too full calendar either. Discipleship is about adding someone else to your calendar. Discipleship is not about tasks or to dos. It’s about people and relationships.

Look. I really hope discipleship stays one of those sticky words, not because we don’t know what it means either. I hope it stays sticky because we’ve finally arrived at some form of clarity on just how important it is to live around people for the sake of a greater mission.

Scrapes, Scars, & Stories

If you look really closely, you’ll see thousands of scars all over. Some are nearly microscopic, while others are much larger. Each one of these scars tells a story. None of them are life threatening by themselves. But when you put them all together, their impact adds up significantly.

There’s a method of torture called death by a thousand cuts. The idea is that no single cut will do a lot of damage. The cuts each sting and some downright hurt. Each one brings with it a little bit of blood and some pain. But none of them are intended to kill you. This is the torture part. Over time the pain intensifies as the cuts mount up. One on top of the other until the loss is too much. The body gives up. Death by a thousand cuts.

Ok this is turning kind of dark, I understand that. Keep going and hopefully you get where I’m headed. These scars aren’t physical. They’re not cuts on my arms and such. They are more significant than that and way easier to hide. They’re cuts on the heart, soul, and mind. They’re emotional cuts, relational cuts, and even some spiritual cuts. Each one of these cuts is a part of who I am. And if you’re honest with yourself, they’re part of who you are as well.

I took time recently to look through these scars. Some of them are far more prominent than others. Take for instance the one that seems to be getting my attention a lot more lately. This one kind of surfaced over the past few months and I’m not really sure the trigger. Although I do have some guesses.

This scar is one that started to form about 25 years ago when my grandma died suddenly, and then honestly was opened back up again just a couple years back when my remaining grandparents died within 18 months of each other. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not a super emotional kind of guy. I don’t wear my feelings for the world to see. Although sometimes they do sneak out, much to my dislike.

As I looked at this scar, I saw all the things that made it so prominent. The scar took me back to sneaking cookies from my grandma’s cookie jar and enjoying swimming days in their pool. It reminded me of delicious authentic German dishes cooked to perfection. I couldn’t help but see the road passing by on my weekly trips through the summer with my grandpa in his 18 wheeler.

Soon another scar came into sight. This one was a reminder of a good friend. We were so alike and so different at the same time. We don’t talk anymore. Something pretty significant divided us. It was a cut as you can imagine. I remember the times he’d call on his road trips. Or the random texts that were probably less than appropriate but we understood each other. I remember the fire pit talks and beverages shared. But the scar came when he made a choice to walk away to pursue something that was detrimental to his family. It hurt. It left a mark to say the least. It’s a scar that tells a story.

Another scar that’s still pretty fresh came in a totally different way. A very good friend who I was very close to for several years moved away. She and her family made some life changes. I’m super happy for them, but the move was hard on me. And while we still chat from time to time, there’s a scar there. There is a mark left, a tiny cut that, honestly, is still healing. It’s a cut that reminds me they’re no longer here. A tiny cut with a big story.

Every scar tells a story.

I could go on but the point here isn’t about going through each scar. The point is that every scar tells a story. The point is that every relationship and every conversation will leave a mark. We just have to know how to handle the cuts when they come.

A friend recently told me that it’s obvious that I have really thick skin. While that’s probably true now, it wasn’t always that way! I’ve been called some pretty less than stellar things in my life. I’ve been promised things by friends only to have them make choices that benefited them and completely dismissed the friendship we shared. I’ve been let down by people I looked up to. I’ve been cut more times than I can count.

There was a time when these cuts would nearly stop me in my tracks. I’d focus on the pain and the hurt. Like a little kid who scraped their knee thinking it was the end of the world, I’d look at the tiny relational cuts and freak out. I would be like Chicken Little, thinking the sky was falling. But now these cuts heal pretty quickly. That doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. It doesn’t mean they don’t have an impact or leave a lasting mark. It just means that I’ve learned some techniques to let them heal a little quicker.

I share this so that you understand while I’m not super emotional – I am still human. I share this so you understand the cuts you see in your life, no matter how deep, no matter how painful in the moment…they don’t have to be your world. They’ll scar over – eventually. They’ll close up and they’ll heal. You won’t forget the relationship or the conversations. That’s the point of the scar. It’s there to remind you. It’s there to show you that you survived.

I’m surrounded by people for whom I care deeply. Some are family and others are close friends. But honestly some are people I only know nominally. Each one has the ability to leave a mark on my life the same way you have people who can make a mark on yours.

I don’t want you to suffer a death by a thousand scars. During holiday seasons it’s a common thing to remember the people and relationships who aren’t here anymore. It’s a very normal thing to feel darkness and hurt this time of year. Take time to read your scars. Let them tell you their story. Give thanks for the relationship that existed while it did. Ask what you need to learn from that scar. Then look at the rest of the people and relationships in your life that God added to help make that cut into a scar.

Scars are not bad things because every scar tells a story.

Just Too Much To Carry

I almost dropped everything.

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are the ones who carry two bags of groceries in from the car, and then there’s me. I tend to load up the arms and carry as much in as I possibly can. Less trips and all. Plus it’s kind of a challenge sometimes.

But it’s not just with groceries. I do this pretty much every time I get out of the car to go into the office or when I get home. I load up with my backpack, gym bag, Yeti, water jug, and often a coat or something additional on the cold days. This doesn’t even account for finding a way to carry my lunch. And yeah you guessed it…I carry all of it at once.

Carrying these things isn’t really a huge issue. The problem arises when I try to open the door. If we had those cool automatically opening doors, this would be a breeze! But alas, I have to dig into my pocket to get my keys. Then turn the lock and open the door. All of this while my hands are loaded and everything is perfectly balance. My wife often jokes that I need a drink carrier to hold all of the beverages I carry around since there’s normally a protein shake and some pre workout somewhere in the mix as well.

When I get to the door I have two options. I can do the weird balancing act or I could put a few things down. Generally I do the funky balancing act, look like a fool and almost drop everything on the way in the door.

I think the church has done the same thing with people and how we teach salvation. For those that don’t know, salvation is that teaching in the Bible that our wrongs are covered and we’re set up for an eternal future with God in heaven. You see we load up all the extra stuff for people to carry before they truly understand salvation.

The Bible teaches that there’s only one way to heaven. His name is Jesus. Salvation comes through no one and nothing other than Jesus. That’s a very clear message we read on just about every page of the Bible. Yet I’m seeing so many churches talking about so many other things as if they are prerequisites for understanding Jesus.

It’s like we’re piling all the extra bags onto people’s backs making it hard to carry any of it. The Bible teaches that we shouldn’t make it hard for people to believe, but that’s exactly what we’re doing. We load up worship styles, version of the Bible, doctrines and teachings of our particular denomination, how we dress, how we talk, where we go and don’t go, should we make the sign of the cross or not. Man there’s a ton of baggage that we’ve attached to the whole Jesus is the only way to heaven truth.

I’m not saying that any of those conversations are bad. As a matter of fact many of those things are good in their own right. But we can’t treat them as if they are Jesus. We need to stop loading people up with all of this extra baggage before they even know Jesus.

I’m part of a church tradition that values its heritage and its position on many topics, what we call doctrines. And I’m seeing more and more pastors in my church body making people know all of these supporting truths with minimal focus on Jesus. Sure they teach that Jesus died and rose but there’s so much more to Jesus than that one piece of his life.

If you’re a follower of Jesus, perhaps it’s time to realize who Jesus really is. He was a person with some amazing characteristics. He was a man who really walked on the earth, who dealt with some pretty nasty stuff. There’s a lot we can learn from Jesus without heaping up all the extra baggage that we have come up with over time to differentiate us from the rest of the world.

When we load people up with all of these extra doctrines and focus on our churchy jargon it’s often at the expense of Jesus. It’s at the expense of people really learning to live like Jesus. Jesus teaches that his teaching is easy and his burden is light. He doesn’t load us up with all these theological terms and churchy ideas. The Bible gives us Jesus. That’s the one thing we need for heaven. If more followers of Jesus would worry as much about following Jesus as they do about their doctrines and confessional stance on everything, we just might realize that the world doesn’t have a problem with Jesus. They have a problem with how hard we make it to follow him.

Consider thinking through what bags you make people carry on their way into church. Rethink the loads you’re putting on the men and women who really want to know Jesus. If we’re not careful, they’re going to drop everything…including Jesus.

Don’t Strive For Success

In a culture that is bent on getting ahead and being the best and coming out on top, this is not a very popular idea. But if you hang with me for a bit hopefully you’ll come around and see things a little differently.

Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

At face value success isn’t really a bad thing. Actually there’s nothing really wrong with success in and of itself. Being successful simply means that we’ve done something the way it was expected of us.

But there’s a problem when success is our aim. When all we care about is success at all costs things go off the rails quickly. And just like a train that goes off its rails, when we go off the rails people get hurt. Innocent and unexpecting people get hurt.

When we strive for success it will quickly overcome us. Success isn’t the problem. We are the problem. When we let success become the driving force behind what we do, it quickly takes over. If you’re in it for yourself then success might take you a decent distance. But it will always have a ceiling. Success can only take you as far as your achievements allow.

I’d like to encourage a little different approach than mere success. Instead of success strive to be a person of value. The difference between striving for success and striving to be a person of value is that a person of success will never surpass their talent, but a person of value builds on the success and value of the rest of the team or organization.

Being a person of value means that you’re not just in it for yourself. Being a person of value means that even when you don’t succeed you still don’t fail because you maintained value for the team or organization.

Striving to be a person of value is something lacking in so many aspects of the world today. Instead of getting ahead at all costs, perhaps we could stop and find how we can add value to the group granting us an even better chance at long term success.

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