So I’ve been doing a little thinking lately (can you smell brain cells burning?). I’ve been thinking about friendships and what it takes to be a good friend. I really didn’t think about writing anything about this because, well to be honest, I don’t consider myself a super friendly person. It’s not that friendship isn’t important to me but it seems in life friendships come and go based on preference and time. But perhaps it’s because we don’t really understand how friendship works at its core.

I believe that many friendships are internally focused. We kind of ask the whole what’s in it for me kind of question when it comes to friendships. But that’s really not what friendships are about. Friendships are not about me but about the other person. If we’re asking the me questions then we have the wrong focus. And I fear that we have an improper focus in a lot of areas.

So if friendships aren’t about me then what are they about? The other person!

We enter friendships with questions like why don’t they do things how I want? or I don’t like it when they tell me that truth, even though it’s truth, because it hurts my feelings.

I recently ran across an article titled 7 Tips for Being a Good Friend. It had some pretty golden points in it. I’ve linked the article here, but below are the 30,000 foot view of those points. By all means follow the link to check out the full article.

  • Face to Face is Best – we live in a tech savvy world and often prefer text and social media to actual contact but when it comes to friendships in person is always the best option.
  • Establish Rhythms – when our friendships are not intentional they’ll easily dissolve into something unhealthy and eventually just fade away.
  • Ask Deeper Questions – friendships sometimes deal in some pretty surface level stuff, but a lasting friendship will go deeper to what’s behind the obvious.
  • Be Affirming – there’s nothing better than to have someone who’s opinion you value give you some affirming feedback. Give and receive this affirmation well.
  • Get Away Together – so this might be a little more challenging in some circles but taking a friend-cation might be a fun thing to do to deepen and grow your existing friendships.
  • Be Early Stay Late – one challenge the last 18 months has brought us is a lack of connection at church. So when it comes to worship, show up 15 minutes early and don’t bolt when it’s over. Instead stick around and strike up conversations with people you care about.
  • Dig Deeper with Discipleship – So for those of us who are Jesus followers taking a friendship to the next level will happen only when we bring Jesus into the middle of that friendship.

While this list is likely not exhaustive, nor will it fit all friendship circles, there is certainly some friendship gold in here for all of us. I have some friendships that don’t do all of these things, but the biggest part of friendship is being present in the moment.

Finally, if you and your friend don’t see eye to eye on something, it doesn’t mean you have to disown them. You can be friends with people with whom you don’t agree. Have some robust conversations. Engage in dialogue. Listen well. Be there for them. Most of all be kind it goes a long way in a world that’s void of kindness.